I stare at the corpse of the woman I barely knew. The guilt keeps creeping in, but for all the wrong reasons.
I feel more guilty about not caring that she died than I do about not doing anything to stop it.
Does that make me a bad person?
"What the fuck, Stephan?! Look what you made me do, you useless fuck! We had three girls, and now there's only one left!"
The woman screams at her partner, pointing at me.
"Stop blaming me for everything! Nobody told you to smash her head in! You could've just broken her legs or something!"
"Oh, then why didn't you do it yourself, smartass?!"
Nara snaps back.
"What the hell do you think I was doing, you imbecile?!"
The giant man roars at her. She yells something back, but I stop hearing the words. My head is pounding too hard. It feels like someone is beating drums inside my skull. A rush of dizziness hits me, then this strange, floaty feeling, my body suddenly feels weightless. Like I'm floating up into the sky, as if I've become something divine.
Before I know it, I'm on my feet, walking toward them.
I don't even know why. I don't know what I'm trying to do. I just keep going.
They stop arguing and turn toward me. I ignore them and keep walking. I walk up to the bigger one and punch him.
The next thing I know, I'm flying through the air.
I hit the ground hard. When I look down, there's blood everywhere, and part of my bone is poking through my skin.
But I don't feel any pain.
Must be my imagination.
I get back up and keep walking.
By then the argument has turned into a real fight. The woman is flying around the giant man, swinging her bat at him over and over. For a second it looks like she's actually winning. Then he catches her and rips one of her wings off.
My ears are ringing so hard I can't hear a word.
He throws her to the ground.
I walk up behind him and punch him again.
He turns, looks at me, and slaps me across the face.
My whole body snaps backward. Then the ringing cuts out all at once. Everything goes weirdly quiet. Not silent exactly, just muffled, like I'm underwater. Through it, I hear the woman shouting.
"Stephan! Are you trying to kill the last one too?! Look at it! The thing's bleeding from its ears and nose!"
Who's bleeding from the ears and nose? I think, right before I collapse.
My body feels insanely heavy, like it's made of concrete. I can't move my arms. Can't move my legs. I just lie there staring at the ground. Slowly, little by little, feeling starts coming back. Heat rushes through my body, as if someone lit a fire in my chest. Feels similar as to when I think of Yashiro.
I look up at the sky and smile.
"I guess I'm not dying just yet."
"Nara! Whose car did you fucking mark?! You said it was some nobody dumbass driving through the desert at night!"
The giant man grabs me and yanks me off the ground. His voice is suddenly crystal clear, like somebody cranked the volume all the way up. I look at him, and that same urge hits me again.
I want to hit him.
So I do.
I wrench myself out of his grip and punch him as hard as I can. This time he actually stumbles.
Wow.
Maybe the first two punches did something after all.
I don't stop. I lunge at him again and drive my fist into his caterpillar-like torso.
My hand goes all the way in.
Damn.
If I'd known he was this soft, I would've joined Thea back then. The two of us could've taken this guy apart.
I stand there for a second with my hand still lodged inside him, staring like an idiot, when he swings wildly and hits me.
Again, I'm airborne.
This time I slam into the car, bounce off it, and roll across the ground.
Not good. My whole body's probably wrecked.
I look down.
Nothing.
No broken bones sticking out. No torn flesh. Instead I'm covered in this weird black stuff that looks like armor plating.
What the hell?
I get to my feet and look up. The giant man is coming toward me again. Every instinct in me is screaming to attack him.
Why?
I can't beat him. Every time I get close, he sends me flying.
And still my body steps forward before my mind can stop it.
Is my brain so fucked that even my body stopped listening to it?
I take another step, and the distance between us just disappears.
I'm there.
Almost instantly.
Wow. That's even faster than back at school. Back then, I could at least see everything blur around me. Now I'm moving too fast for my eyes to keep up.
I punch him again.
My fist tears straight through his caterpillar-like lower body and opens another hole in him. Blood splashes across my face, warm and wet.
And I smile.
I don't even mean to. It just happens.
Then I see a massive fist coming down at me from above.
It hits me so hard I bounce off the ground and shoot right back up until I'm face to face with him again.
He grabs me.
Then he squeezes.
I feel bones crack all through my body. I look down and see both my legs twisted into a mangled mess.
Well.
Fuck me.
I don't see a way out of this. Guess this is it.
Memories of my life start flashing through my mind. The good parts and the bad parts.
Mostly the bad parts.
I smile anyway, even though it hurts.
"What a fucking joke."
Would I do anything differently if I got another chance?
Would I fight back?
I fought back against this giant asshole and got destroyed, but honestly? It doesn't feel bad. If anything, it feels kind of good. If I'd just stood there and let them do whatever they wanted to me, I'd probably feel like shit right now. Same as always. Same as at school.
I used to tell myself that fighting back would've only made things worse.
Maybe it would've.
Maybe it did now.
But still.
Wouldn't it have been worth it?
Hitting back felt good.
Really good.
I wish I could've punched every girl who bullied me in the face at least once.
No.
That's not true.
I can't picture myself punching Yashiro.
I look up and smile. Blood is leaking out of my eyes now, squeezed out by the pressure crushing my bones and organs.
Maybe in different circumstances, we could've been friends.
I picture waking up in Miracle City, in one of those fancy apartments. Nice walls. Nice room. Toys everywhere. A bunch of stuff I don't need, but would've loved to have anyway.
My mom and dad are in the kitchen with breakfast ready. I don't know what it is, but it looks fancy. Some kind of omelette. I eat, grab my backpack, and head for school. Right before I leave, Mom and Dad wave and tell me to have a good day.
Outside, Yashiro is waiting for me, leaning against the wall. She smiles.
"What took you so long, silly? I've been waiting here for over ten minutes."
Before I can say anything, she grabs my arm.
"Let's go or we'll be late, slowpoke!"
And she drags me along.
A tear rolls down my cheek.
What if?
If I'm dying, then I won't have to go back to my real life anymore. Maybe I can just stay here. I won't have to wake up to that cruel reality again. I close my eyes and smile. I forget about revenge. Forget about violence. I just want something warm. Something kind.
I imagine me and Yashiro having a sleepover. Our sleeping bags are laid out in front of a fireplace.
Yeah.
It's warm.
Really warm.
So warm I can actually feel it.
Warm and runny.
Wet.
Wet?
I start coughing hard and blood pours out of my mouth. The sound of my ribs cracking jolts me back to reality.
"Ahhhhhhhhh!"
I scream up at the sky.
I don't even know why. Pain. Anger. Desperation. Maybe some stupid part of me still thinks someone out there might save save.
Then the pain really hits.
It wipes everything out. The dream, the warmth, the hope, even the will to keep going.
All I want is for it to stop.
"Kill me," I whisper.
"What the hell do you think I'm trying to do over here?"
The man glares down at me.
"You think you're a tough cookie, huh?"
He smiles.
"There is nothing in this world my hands can't crack. If you want the suffering to end, stop resisting and accept your fate."
Accept my fate?
That's what I've done my whole life.
Accept it.
Keep my head down.
Bow.
Take it.
Throw myself in the trash.
No more.
Not this time.
At least this once, at the very end, I'm fighting back.
I pull my head back as far as I can and snap forward, biting down on his finger as hard as possible.
He doesn't even flinch.
He just stares at me with that same murderous look.
What the hell was I thinking?
This is pointless.
I let go. There's a bloody bite mark left behind. My mouth is full of blood. My lips taste like metal.
I guess this is it.
"Stephaaaaaaan!"
A scream comes from above.
Something drops out of the sky.
Stephan's head and part of his upper body explode all over the place. Blood and gore splatter across my face.
The chicken woman lands on top of his corpse and starts beating it with her bent, half-destroyed baseball bat, screaming like she's lost her mind.
"Stephaaaan! I'm sick of you, you useless fuck!"
"Always destroying the merchandise!"
"Always getting me into trouble!"
"Die, you useless piece of shit!"
"Die!
Die!
Die!
Die!
Die!!!!!"
She keeps smashing the corpse until it finally slumps to the ground.
I should be glad I survived.
Instead I'm terrified.
Now it's just me and the crazy woman in the desert.
Just the two of us.
All alone.