-THE PRESENT-
The sound of farting footsteps drew Nami out of her reminiscing. Dr. Indigo came into view shortly after, and despite their feelings for the man (read: burning hate), the two prisoners found themselves more than a little intrigued by the massive wooden birdcage he was carrying over his head.
"Captain Shiki!" the clown proclaimed. "We've had another evolutionary breakthrough! A new species! Take a look at this fella!"
Indigo set the cage down, and Nami and Perona shifted to look at its captive. The creature in the cage resembled a duck, but it had a red comb on its head reminiscent of a rooster or turkey and long tail feathers more appropriate for a peacock. What struck Nami the most were its eyes; putting the pieces together on the local fauna was pretty straightforward, but unlike what she'd expected, this fowl didn't seem aggressive at all. Hell, it didn't even have the tension most non-aggressive animals had. It just looked… utterly innocent, somehow.
"HUH?! A guitar?" Shiki gaped at the fowl.
"ARE YOU BLIND, IT'S A BIRD!" Indigo barked, slapping his captain.
The clown, the lion, and the gorilla then struck a pose, and the girls were about to turn away when the cage opened and the duck within squawked and spread its wings. In the space of a second, it flew up, draped itself on top of Shiki—
"QUAAAA!" ZZZT!
And then dropped a barrage of lightning on the trio with a perfectly content quack.
"HOROHOROHORO!" Perona and an entourage of her Negative Hollows cackled as the trio's skeletons flickered in and out of view.
"HA!" Nami barked, doubling over. "Oh man, the only thing I regret about this is that I didn't get the chance to do it myself sooner!"
The merriment was short-lived, however, because as soon as Shiki got his bearings back, he grabbed the obliviously happy duck by its jowls.
"Stupid guitar!" he roared, tossing the bird at Scarlet, who then backhanded it with a snarl. It slammed into a nearby tree, snapping it in half, but surprisingly, the duck appeared to be more scared than actually harmed. Still, that didn't keep Nami from being concerned.
"Hey, lay off!" Nami snapped, rushing over to the duck, huddling protectively. Shiki either didn't hear her or didn't care, more concerned with glaring daggers at his scientist.
"So, that was the evolution?" he bit out waspishly as he brushed some charred ashes off his shoulders.
"Correct," Indigo weakly confirmed. Reaching up with shaking arms, he snapped his fingers under his nose a few times and inhaled the resulting emerald sparks. Almost immediately, he perked up, the shaking gone. "He's evolved to discharge bursts of electricity! And that was actually him being friendly, you should see what he's like when exposed to stress!"
Nami and Perona exchanged befuddled looks, then returned to the duck as it staggered to its feet and cowered timidly behind them. "Evolved?" Nami asked cautiously. "What do you mean?"
"Eh? What's that?" The Straw Hats' navigator had to fight the urge to hurl as Shiki shot a taunting leer her way. "You want to know? Weeeell… you'll find out as soon as you join my crew, so I guess I might as well tell you now."
Shiki nodded to the aggressively natured and coloured gorilla flanking him. "Throughout the history of this island, the native animals have evolved in a strange, rapid manner, untouched by the outside world. This development is all thanks to a plant called IQ. Over the years, the plant has found its way into Merveille's ecosystem, and the chemicals present in it manipulate animals' physical growth, not only to adapt to their surroundings but also to aggressively overcome them. Once we realized its effect…" Shiki's grin took on a particularly vicious undertone. "I had every last IQ plant on the entire island harvested for my own usage."
"And after 20 years of experimentation, I've made the breakthrough of the century!" Indigo proclaimed giddily, leaping in front of his captain, producing and proffering a test tube full of green pills and a small container of green liquid. "The synthesized distillation of the IQ plant's potent powers. A drug that is pure evolution in chemical form: SIQ!" The mad doctor tossed the vials up, juggling them hand to hand with a confident smirk. "With a single injection, we can turn any animal into a perfect fighting machine, their astounding strength only matched by their boundless aggression. And the more we give them, the more violent they get! You've never seen such savage animals!"
"Huh…" Perona tilted her head thoughtfully before shrugging indifferently. "That makes sense to me."
"No, it doesn't! That's horrifying!" Nami snapped at her companion before shooting a scowl at Indigo. "And also familiar. You're the same Indigo who gave the Amigo Pirates that poison they injected themselves with, aren't you!?"
Indigo blinked in surprise, still juggling, and then his smile became particularly sadistic. "Ah, yes, now I remember! Yours was the crew that laid low that pack of lab-rats! I must thank you for the data; it was quite the boon!"
"Keep your damn thanks!" the navigator spat. "What the hell did you do, give them the same poison you're giving the animals?!"
"Psh, hardly," Indigo scoffed. "While SIQ works well on animals, the effects are depressingly reduced on humans. Barely any aggression whatsoever because of a long-induced immunity to adrenaline, pah! Hence, I used those hapless fools to test out my latest innovation!" The clown flicked his wrist, adding a third vial, filled with reddish-orange liquid, to his juggling. "BIQ! Booster IQ for the human soul! Still some bugs to work out, but still better than anything that shaggy rug of a quack you call a doctor could whip up!"
Nami let out a sharp 'tsk' and glared at the doctor right in his eyes. "You only wish you were half as skilled as Chopper, you damned hack."
Indigo's jolly mood promptly evaporated into a blistering glare. His fists wrapped around the vials he held, the glass creaking under the strain. Slowly, though, he let himself relax, his glare relaxing into a bloodthirsty smile. "Well, we'll be finding out soon enough, won't we?"
A chill swept over Nami and Perona, both stiffening. "What are you talking about?" the navigator quietly but furiously demanded.
"Well—!"
"You'll understand our ultimate goal soon enough," Shiki cut in, roughly shoving Indigo out of the way. "As long as you join my crew, that is."
"Are you deaf?!" Nami snapped back, her hand twitching towards her Clima-Tact. "I already told you, I'll never—!"
"You will!"
Shiki's sudden roar shut Nami's protests down cold. He had a glint in his eye that gave the impression he knew something that she didn't. And more importantly, that pushing him any further would be supremely detrimental to her continued health.
"Not only will you join my crew," the leonine pirate said, chin also jutted out. "You'll grovel for your chance to do it. You'll get down on your hands and knees and beg. And once we've got that sad scene out of the way, I'll tell you everything you ever wanted to hear. Just make sure to remember: I'm always willing to grant a favour for one of my own crew. Ji… JIHAHAHA!"
Behind Shiki, Scarlet began beating his chest. "OO-OOK!"
"Er… are you pounding your chest to impress the girl?" Indigo questioned.
Scarlet nodded with an affirmative grunt.
"THEY'RE HAVING A SERIOUS CONVERSATION, YOU DIRTY APE!"
"EH?!" Shiki said, turning back to Scarlet. "I just thought you were my grandma for a second there."
"DOES EVERYONE IN YOUR STINKING FAMILY LOOK LIKE A GORILLA, OR WHAT?!" Indigo demanded, chopping his boss on the head.
Shiki rounded on his resident doctor, a snarl on his lips. "You damn mad scien—!"
"OOK!" SLAM!
Any further action was aborted by Scarlet bringing down a far stronger chop on his captain's head that the pirate's head went through the floor.
"CAPTAIN!" Indigo yelped in horror before rounding on the overly juiced ape. "Damn it, Scarlet, I've told you not to do that! Unlike me, you actually have upper body strength, you could seriously—!"
"OOK!" Scarlet barked again, raising his fist in preparation to slug the doctor.
Said doctor hastily became far more pleasant in demeanour, reaching into his pocket and offering a yellow… 'fruit' to the ape. "Banana?"
That offer didn't please Scarlet much, give the way snarled and drew his hackles back.
"Plus four more if you eat it in my lab!" Indigo hastily tacked on.
"OO-OO A-AH!" the gorilla hooted joyfully, snatching the chemical-loaded banana from the doctor's hand and loping out of the greenhouse.
About a second after the ape left, Shiki let out a pained groan and pushed his way to his knees. "Damn stupid monkey… grargh." Shiki rubbed his temple, drawing a wince before shooting a glare at Indigo. "You can still control him, right?"
"I'll up the dosage of mood stabilizers in his next batch of SIQ-nanas, don't worry," Indigo assured his captain.
If anything, that darkened Shiki's mood further.
"Mood stabilizers that I can dispel at a whim!" the doctor hastily amended.
Shiki nodded with a dismissive snort. "Better."
"You bastards are despicable," Nami spat.
Surprisingly, instead of immediately responding, Indigo and Shiki shared a significant look. "Shall we, Captain?" the doctor grinned.
"Absolutely, Doctor," Shiki grinned back, locking arms and posing with the mad scientist.
"Pi~ra~te!"
Rumbling thunder drowned out Nami's snarl as she snapped out her Clima-Tact, though she stopped just short of actually attacking.
Indigo leaped a full meter back from the incensed navigator. "Okay, might have pushed that one a bit far!" the doctor admitted with a whimper.
Shiki barely reacted at all, simply turning away. "I'll give you some more time to think about it. For the time being, I have business to attend to regarding my master plan. I'll be back once I've got everything in motion. And then… You will join my crew."
With that ominous proclamation, Shiki headed for the exit. Indigo composed himself and made to follow, but then slapped his forehead and stopped dead in his tracks. "Gah! Almost forgot!" He turned around and jabbed a finger at the duck that was cowering behind their thundering prisoner. "You, with me! I need to find out the source of your bioelectricity so that I can put it in something less disappointing!"
"Quaaa!" the duck-peacock wailed fearfully, hiding further behind Nami.
Nami's mood darkened further, and she threw her arm out to shield the literal thunderbird. "Back. Off." Perona promptly backed her up by hovering over the clouds, a trio of Mini Hollows orbiting above her hand.
Indigo scoffed at the girls and reached into his jacket. "Okay, you two. Back away from the bird, before I—!"
"Leave it."
Indigo started at the order before boggling at the man who'd given it. "B-But Captain, the bird, the research—!"
"Leave. It," Shiki bit out, accompanied by a dark glare that got Indigo breaking out in cold sweat. "If it'll tide her over for a second longer, you can put it off for a few more hours."
"Bite me, bastard," Nami shot back at him.
"You do realize you're just pissing her off more and more with your every word, right?" Perona called at the Golden Lion's back as he finally walked out, his doctor trailing behind.
"It'll make her inevitable grovelling all the sweeter. Enjoy the pool, Miss Navigator!" Shiki called back without so much as a glance back, his final words punctuated by the room's doors slamming back shut.
"Ass," Perona groused
Nami let out a weary sigh, letting her Eisen Tempo recede into her Clima-Tact, which she resheathed in her holster. "Ass that's holding this whole archipelago in the air through will alone, and who can kill us with a flick of his wrist."
The ghost-girl deflated at the reminder of how difficult their situation was. "Point…" Straightening up, she swung around so that she was fully facing Nami, concern written all over her face. "Are you alright, by the way? He got you good earlier."
The navigator winced and rubbed her neck at the reminder. "I'll live. Believe it or not, I've gone through worse. I'll be fine…" Nami said, before glancing out the window with a frown. "It's the others I'm worried about."
"Even knowing how strong they are?"
Nami nodded solemnly. "That should tell you just how worried I am."
Perona nodded sadly in agreement before shrugging. "Yeah, well, we can worry about them later. Right now, let's concentrate on getting you out, alright?"
This was met with a thankful smile, and then Nami looked towards the duck she'd defended, who was watching them with a curious, gentle gaze. "I don't suppose you know any good ways out of here?" she asked in a joking tone.
The duck blinked and tilted its head in confusion. "Qua?"
An expression of horror slowly crossed the navigator's face. "… God help me, I'm a grown woman who talks to animals and expects them to talk back."
"Horohorohorohoro…" Perona chortled. "Don't feel too bad, I got used to all of my animal zombies talking back."
Nami slowly turned a flat glare on the Hollow-girl. "Perona, how in the hell is that meant to make me feel better?" And with that, she stomped off, muttering mutinously under her breath.
"Wha—? Hey, come back!" Perona protested, hastily floating after Nami. "It was a joke, a jo—!"
"Sh!"
Silence fell at the glance Nami sent over her shoulder, a finger at her lips. Perona surreptitiously glanced in the same direction to see a snail mounted on the wall, one that had been tracking their every move.
"I can worry about my friends as much as I want because I've found a way out," Nami hissed under her breath. "We are getting out of here now."
Perona made sure that her face was turned away from the snail before grinning in relief and joy. "You want me to take a couple of extra minutes to leave a little surprise behind for them?"
Nami's expression would have sent the devil himself running for the hills. "Do you even have to ask?"
-o-
"Usopp, a fair warning," Conis said in ill-concealed irritation as she tried to rub away the lingering stinging in her jaw. "I've been made aware of some rather interesting punishments since I started studying with Robin, so I'd advise against pulling that off again."
"I'll spare the time to worry about that threat when we're back on the Sunny, back on the sea, and back on our way to the East Blue," Usopp responded, his tone cold enough that Conis's anger faded in favour of surprise. "Meanwhile, I'm more afraid of the monsters who actually want to kill me, so don't get any ideas about drawing them to us just because you want to find the others."
Mikey, who had made exactly no progress at freeing himself, paused to angrily flail his flippers. Sanji, unfortunately, was busy working through bindings that Usopp had made twice as strong as the others', and so was unavailable to translate.
Frowning in thought, Usopp said, "I caught the word 'idea' in there, so I assume you were asking if I had any better ones?" The Dugong nodded, and Usopp huffed before turning back to the cliff they were walking towards, everyone else following.
"With a good couple of hours of peace and quiet, I was able to get my head together. So, besides remembering that our homes are in danger and that we've lost a week getting there, I realized that all of these islands are floating, but their altitudes are constant. We can assume that the rest of the crew has been as busy getting chased everywhere as we have over the last week, including having to jump off of a few islands. And most of them can't use Moonwalk to get back up again."
As they stepped up to the edge of the cliff, he gestured around them. "So, they're probably all heading in the same direction: down. Meaning all we have to do is head for the bottom island and find a safe place to wait for the others; maybe they're even already there. Once we've done that, Sanji, if you want to fly back up and see if you can track down the ones who aren't, be my guest."
Sanji stared at Usopp in silence before tilting his hat down over his eyes with an aggravated but defeated growl.
"Glad to hear it," Usopp sighed in relief. "Now, Conis? Help me scout out a place down there where we can set up camp." So saying, the sniper pulled down his goggles and peered over the edge at the island below them. Conis joined him a second later, her goggles pulled up as well. Scant seconds later, they spoke together.
"Whoa, there's a village down there!"/"What? That looks like a village!"
After several more seconds, the two removed their goggles and turned back toward their companions. "I'm not positive, but I think that the people there might be natives," Conis informed them. "From the way their village is set up, it looks like the local beasts are being kept at bay by a thick barrier of trees. If we want to establish a base anywhere, I think that's our best bet."
"Which makes things easier, and some of the rest of the crew may already be there waiting for us," Usopp added, reaching over his back and fiddling with the pack he was carrying.
With one final pull…
"Mmm-mmph—GAH! Finally!"
Sanji got the tape off his mouth and glanced surreptitiously around for any sign of visual snails nearby. "Damn it, Usopp… if it weren't for that reminder about the East Blue, I'd kick you off this cliff. But for now… Conis, dear, would you like me to carry you down?" he asked, swooning as he often did.
Conis… actually considered the situation and the alternatives. And upon doing so…
"…Alright. And, sorry about this, I normally wouldn't do this to you, but given the circumstances…" The gunner glanced over her shoulder at her onlooking fox. "Su, if he tries anything, make him look like his wanted poster."
"Tseeheeheeheeheehee!" the cloud-fox sniggered as the angel gingerly placed herself in Sanji's arms, bridal-style. Sanji's attention then turned towards Mikey, who had positioned himself at the edge of the cliff and was currently posing in such a way that implied he planned to make the dive an impressive thing.
For a few seconds, Sanji and Usopp watched him stand there, unmoving. And then, at the end of those few seconds, Sanji made his displeasure at being kept waiting clear by booting the Dugong off the cliff.
To Mikey's credit, he recovered his graceful form after a mere split second of falling. Sanji eyed the falling amphibian for a few more seconds before jumping off himself, and Usopp spared the time to double-check the device on his back before following suit.
The sniper only let himself fall for a few seconds before he yanked his ripcord, and with a bellow of "USOPP SKYGLIDER!", his chute unfurled and yanked him above his free-falling crewmates.
[Aaaand here comes our final contestant in the high dive, the greatest of the Teenage Dugong Warrior Squad, Mikey!] Mikey barked as he accelerated towards the lake down below. [Even after a disastrous start, the diver has managed to recover, and is about to perform an utterly perfect straight dive with perfect posture, discipline and—OH OCEANUS ALMIGHTY MY SNOUT IS ON FIRE!]
Sanji, Conis, and Su all blinked in confusion when Mikey's dive pose suddenly collapsed into a flailing mess, the dugong wailing in misery behind the flippers, clawing at his nose. Said flailing persisted until the dugong unceremoniously face-planted into the lake.
"Well… guess the village really is protected," Sanji decided.
"Ye—wait…" Conis's eyes widened in shocked realization, snapping to her friend. "What about Su!?"
The fox scoffed and snapped her tail indifferently. "Su su—KAI!" Su's nonchalance shattered into an agonized howl, and she practically flung herself from Conis's shoulder, writhing and squirming against an intangible torment.
"SU!" Conis exclaimed. Without thinking, she practically flung herself after her friend, grabbing the fox tight in her arms to try and keep her as still as possible so that she didn't hurt herself.
It took a full second for Conis to realize that in moving to save Su, she'd inadvertently thrown herself clean out of Sanji's arms. And because of how hard she'd pushed herself, she was well below him, too far for him to catch up and catch her in time.
That poor decision was followed up with the supreme mistake of gazing downwards. On the one hand, Conis knew that, while it was definitely going to hurt like hell, the impact with the lake below wouldn't kill her; on the other hand, some reptilian part of her hindbrain took one look at the drop and triggered every panic reflex her body had.
And on any other day, all those panic reflexes would have done was tempt her to scream or threaten to send her into unconsciousness. Neither actually happened, because over the past week, all of the SIQ-infected flesh and foliage she'd consumed had grown a brand-spanking-new reflex in her body.
A reflex that killed Conis' shriek in her throat when she was suddenly jerked to a halt by something yanking her up by her shoulder blades and stopping her momentum dead.
Conis started to look around in confusion, but the first turn of her head provided the answer. Though that still left her with the glaring question of how the hell her wings—her cute but physically useless vestigial wings—had grown to five times their original size and were now letting her glide gracefully instead of drop like a less aerodynamic stone. Naturally, her mind stalled for a solid thirty seconds as it tried to even contextualize what the optic nerve was sending it. 'I—how—what the—!?'
THROB!
The far more angelic angel paled as she suddenly became aware of something else. Namely, the fact that her entire back felt like it was on fire. And in response to that pain, her suddenly useful wings lost that usefulness, and her plunge downward abruptly resumed.
Sanji saw the whole thing, all three seconds of it. When Conis resumed falling above him, he shook off his shock enough to kick against the air and let her fall back into his arms.
And that was the end of the excitement; Sanji exercised his Sky Walk to slow his descent and land reasonably gently on the pier below. Su barely lasted that long before resuming her squirming, paws clamped tightly over her nose. Usopp was still a ways up, descending at a controlled pace with his parachute. Mikey was floating belly-up in the pool, at least ensuring that he would not drown. Though from the moans he was producing, he probably didn't think that was a good thing.
For now, though, Sanji was concerned with far more pressing matters. "Conis!" he lamented, cradling the angel protectively. "Are you alright, my dear, sweet, beloved—!"
"Sanji, please don't take this the wrong way, but for the love of Gan Fall, please shut the hell up," Conis hissed in a strained tone, her entire body twitching in distress. "I think I just pulled a million muscles all at once, and it is taking every fibre of my being not to scream bloody murder."
"Ah… right, sorry," Sanji winced sympathetically. He then glanced down at her wings. "Speaking of which, not that your wings aren't lovelier than those of a dove or—!" CLICK! The compliment died in his throat at the feel of a gun barrel pressing into his gut. "Right, focusing. What the heck is going on?!"
"I… think I can help you with that."
Sanji and Conis turned to see a somewhat older woman walking up to them. She wore a simple dress and had feathers on her arms from the wrists almost to the shoulder. Then, after a moment, Sanji let himself sag. "Please tell me you're a friend because we have been through hell like you wouldn't believe."
The woman smiled comfortingly. "Hordes upon hordes of monsters and beasts, each more titanic than the last?"
Realizing his mistake, Sanji winced. "Right… don't suppose you could help us understand the situation we're in?"
The local nodded and moved to help Sanji with his yet-to-be-incapacitated burden. "Right this way, I'll help you all get settled in. Though…" She winced and shot a fearful glance towards the village. "We will have to be a bit careful. Even behind the Daft Greens, nowhere is truly safe here."
Sanji narrowed his eyes suspiciously. "Because of a certain lion-headed bastard by the name of Shiki?" The woman's grimace was answer enough. "Oh yeah, we definitely have a lot to talk about."
And with that, the woman helped Sanji carry Conis into the village… leaving Mikey gurgling face-up in the lake. [Someone kill me…]
-o-
"Donny, don't you think that if Boss were here, he would have you Tidal Swimming alongside us for training instead of resting?" Robin posed, not even looking up from the journal she was writing in.
{Oh, shut up. We've all earned a little rest after a straight week of monsters,} the Dugong grumpily signed back.
"Mmm, yes, a good point," Robin conceded.
The two, along with Franky and Brook, were perched on the back of what Franky called a "Crawley-Davidson" and which everyone else called "a giant-ass crawdad with wheels and steering". This left Carue, with Vivi slumped on his back, running alongside the improvised vehicle, something the duck didn't mind despite being at the tail end of a week of non-stop running for his life.
"Hey, it looks like there's something up ahead!" Brook exclaimed, pointing in the direction of a small mountain. Upon closer inspection, a cluster of buildings at the mountain's summit and an Asian-style palace at its peak became apparent.
"Is that a town?" Franky asked in some surprise.
"Looks like it," Vivi said, perking up. "Maybe we can get some answers there. Carue—WAAAGH!"
The sudden scream was a result of Carue suddenly skidding to an uneven halt, coming within an inch of losing his balance, and a wailing quack leaking out between the feathers suddenly clamped over his beak. At the same time, Crawley-Davidson reared up, leaping backward by several meters and nearly bucking its passengers off in the process.
Well, nearly bucking most of them off, Donny fell off immediately, his flippers too busy grinding against his face. Brook fell off mostly, hanging on only by a leg, while Franky kept a firm hold on his handlebars and Robin sprouted a few extra arms to keep herself in place. Shortly after the crawdad stopped bucking, Carue made his way back to the group, Donny in tow.
"I think I bit my tongue… not that I have a tongue," Brook commented weakly.
"DAGH!" Franky grunted in annoyance, whacking the crawfish on the head. "Motorcycles don't jump backward, stupid!"
{Urgh, don't blame him,} Donny shakily signed, one flipper still grinding against his nostrils. {There's some kind of stench in the air around that place; it smells like what Devil Fruits taste like. It must be how they keep those monsters away! It's taking everything I have not to bolt as it is!}
"A rotten smell?" Vivi asked, taking a sniff as she dismounted from Carue. "Huh, I think I can smell something… and that does make a lot of sense. Something like that would be the only thing capable of keeping monsters like the ones we've been seeing from attacking."
Carue squawked in miserable agreement. Looking around and spying one of the many cacti that surrounded them, he dashed over, clawed an arm off, and stuck his beak into the juicy inside with a relieved quack.
[GIMME!] Donny barked, leapfrogging off the duck's head and grabbing a cactus branch of his own to plug his muzzle with. [Oh, thank Gooood. Ergh, but I can still smell it a bit…]
"Quaaaa…" Carue moaned in agreement.
"But we're in the middle of the desert," Franky protested. "Where could a smell—!?"
"Unless my nose deceives me, I think it's coming from those odd trees over there!" Brook said, pointing out a wall of off-colour shrubbery. "Though of course—!"
"Yeah, yeah, no nose, we get it, come on already," Franky grumbled, yanking the skeleton free of their twitchy mount's saddle and dragging him along by the leg. All the while, the cyborg grumbled mutinously under his breath. "Stupid trees, stupid smell, stupid instincts and inferior building materials, give me good old-fashioned metal and I could make something ten times better in a damn heartbeat…"
Vivi eyed her cactus-snorting mount and how he was still shaky on his webbed feet before hanging her head with a sigh. "Guess we're walking. Don't suppose anyone has any ideas on how to pass the time?"
"Recite the entirety of the review sheet I gave you the day before we met, Shiki," Robin immediately stated, still yet to look up from her journal.
Vivi paled at the suggestion and snapped a shaky grin at the rest of her friends. "Anyone else have any suggestions?"
The princess paled even further when the crew's archaeologist slammed her journal shut with a too-loud slam and a menacing gleam in her eye. "I don't recall saying that that was a suggestion, Your Highness."
"A-Ah, j-just a minute," Vivi said hastily. "The stones' indestructibility was determined four years after the founding of the World Government…"
"And she's off," Franky sighed. "You ever feel lucky to not have a woman jamming you up?"
"Honestly, I just feel lucky every time I talk to living people instead of the voices in my head," Brook replied in a perfectly pleasant tone of voice.
The cyborg shot a doubtful look over his shoulder. "We have really got to stick some books about psychology in front of Chopper sometime."
"For all the good that they'd do me! It's quite impossible to treat senility, after all, and I'm twenty years past the pale on that! Yohohoho!"
"See, it's things like that that really don't inspire confidence."
-o-
"How much longer until we get there?" Zoro grunted inquisitively, stubbornly not looking down at their 'guide'. A word he used only under extreme duress, mind you; it didn't matter what anyone else said, that tundra had been moving under their feet, damn it!
Said 'guide' scanned their surroundings before giving him a nod. "Don't worry, we're really, really close! Just a few more minutes down this river and we'll be at my home!" Xiao confidently stated, nodding alongside her as she cradled the precious flower in her hands.
Zoro grunted again but gave no further response to the girl sitting before him. Chopper sat behind him, looming over them both and keeping a tentative eye on the girl; he had given her treatment for cold and shock, but the feathers on her arms and the unusual biology they signified kept him anxious.
Looking over all of them from up on the mammoth's back was Merry, a rope wound around each of her arms and tied to the tusks of the pachyderm they were using as a mount, as the nearest and easiest thing to a bridle they could assemble on such short notice. And behind her, Leo was as close to kneeling as a legless creature could be, taking advantage of their current peace to meditate.
"Glad to hear it, because we've been out of that winter wasteland for hours, and I swear I've still got hoarfrost in crevices I didn't know I had until now!" Merry lamented, wincing as she rolled her neck. "I don't care if I almost drown from it, I need a hot bath stat!" And with that, she snapped her reigns and urged the mammoth to a faster pace.
Xiao looked up in panic at the sudden acceleration. "Ah, no, wait! You can't do that, we can't ride this thing anymore! We need to walk from here on out!"
Merry looked down in confusion at the feathered girl. "The heck are you talking about? Why wouldn't we ride this woolly lug all the way? I mean, there's nothing in our way! It's clean sailing all the—!"
"BAROOOOOOH!"
"—UWAH!?"
All of a sudden, their mount not only stopped dead in its tracks but actually bucked forward in a blind panic, launching its riders from its back. Free of its restraints, the mammoth turned tail and stampeded its way back towards its natural habitat as fast as its bulky mass allowed.
"Argh, sonnuva—!" Zoro winced as he sat up, rubbing the back of his skull. The swordsman shot an accusatory glare at the crew's helmsgirl. "What the heck, Merry?! What happened to 'clean sailing', huh?!"
"Uwah, nonono, it wasn't her fault!" Xiao hastily reassured him, waving her free hand desperately. "It's my fault! I didn't think to tell you guys about the barrier sooner, I'm really sorry!"
The three-swords master looked at her with a confused grunt. "'Barrier'? What are you—?"
"Ughhhh…"
A miserable moan from Chopper drew Zoro and Merry's attention. The human-reindeer had a pained grimace on his face as he clamped his hands over his nose.
"She must be talking about the smell…" Chopper choked out, disgust clogging his every word. "It feels like someone shoved red-hot pokers up my nostrils. It hurts so much…"
"Uh-huh," Xiao nodded, bearing an apologetic expression. "They're called Daft Greens; they're trees that smell really bad, so they drive all the scary monsters away from the village. In fact, they stink so bad that they drive animals away before they even see them!" She paused after that statement, thoughtfully cocking her head. "…Oh, yeah, and they're poisonous, too."
"MENTION THAT FIRST!" the Straw Hats all roared at once.
"Ah, n-not right away, I mean!" the girl hastily explained. "Th-The thing is, they're—! I-I mean that they, w-well…" Xiao trailed off and bowed her head mournfully, holding the flower she was carrying to her chest. "It… It's complicated, alright?"
The anger the Straw Hats felt melted away at the sudden shift in her demeanour, and after some swift and silent communication, they elected to let the matter drop.
"Well!" Merry clapped her hands. "If we can smell those things, then that means that we're a stone's throw away! Come on, guys! Let's suck in our guts and hop to it, yeah?"
"Hmph." "Right!" "…"
Two of the three answers were as expected, but the third had Merry looking around in confusion. "Eh? Where the heck's Leo?"
"Uh…" Leaning around merrily, Xiao quickly spotted and pointed out the dugong. "Ah, there he is!" She let out a whistle. "And he's still holding that pose!"
"That is some pretty impressive meditation," Zoro said sincerely. He waited for a few seconds and then nodded. "Didn't react to me saying that, very impressive meditation."
"Unless you're willing to carry him to the village, you'll still need to snap him out of it," Merry huffed, leaning over the Dugong and poking him repeatedly in the cheek. "Because in case you've forgotten, he's your punching bag, so if you seriously expect me to be the one to haul his blubbery ass, you've got another thing—!"
Squish.
Merry froze as she realized she'd missed in her poking, and instead of putting her finger in the amphibian's jowl, she'd put it in his eye instead. "Ah… whoops?"
[GAH!]
Leo suddenly shot up with a pained shriek, clutching his face in agony. [MY EYE! AGH! MY NOOOOSE!] A second after that, his flippers move to his nose, before shoving his snarling face in Merry's bemused one. [YOU LITTLE BRAT, WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT FOR!? I WAS TRYING TO ESCAPE THIS DAMN STENCH, AND NOW I'M SUFFERING WORSE THAN EVER! I DEMAND COMPENSATION, YOU HEAR ME!? COM-PEN—!]
"We've found somewhere where we should be absolutely safe from those monsters for a while," Merry calmly said.
[—pleasure doing business with you, which way did you say this safe haven where I could sleep for a thousand years was?] Leo cleanly segued.
Merry chuckled in childlike amusement at the reversal before turning on her heel and heading right past Leo. More specifically, right back the way they came.
"…I was wondering how much of Zoro rubbed off on her," Chopper muttered.
Proving that she had very good hearing, Merry froze, spun on her heel, and stormed past them in the correct direction, her face red and expression daring anyone to comment. That didn't stop Leo and Chopper from snickering behind the appendages that were already clamped over their noses. She stopped before Zoro for a moment so that she could shoot a rabid snarl at him, and continued on without looking back.
The first mate blinked after her in confusion before looking back at the rest of the crew. "Someone wanna tell me what that was about?"
"I'll tell you later…" Chopper sighed with a wave of his hoof as he walked past, and then glanced aside. "Or maybe never…" he muttered under his breath. "Yeah, never's better."
Zoro just shrugged and followed after them, Leo bringing up the rear.
[You think some of the rest of the crew will be there?] The Dugong asked.
"Let's hope so," Chopper said fervently. "The sooner we're all back together, the better."
-One Hour Later-
"Not quite what I had in mind,] Leo and Chopper deadpanned as the usual two-thirds of the Monster Trio got into another spar. An unrestrained spar, mind you, thanks to the majority of the crew—minus Mikey and Usopp, who'd elected to stay behind and keep resting—having relocated to a hill a good distance away from the village to keep themselves away from Shiki's prying, invertebrate-borne eyes.
"Well, at least the last week is keeping them from pushing themselves too hard," Merry said, shaking her head. An explosion of utterly innocent earth drew a slight twitch from her gaze. "…to a point, anyway."
Chopper sighed, turning his attention back to the chemistry set he'd set up between his legs. "I'll worry about them later; for now, I need to work this out." Holding up a triple-sealed test tube, he scrutinized the verdant twig resting inside. "If Daft Green is the only defence against those animals, then it's best I make sure we don't get poisoned in the process. Though…" The human-reindeer's frown deepened as he put down the test tube and held up a beaker, this one containing a unique pink flower. "I'd really prefer it if I had a larger sample size of the cure…"
"Ah, Chopper?" Conis said, tentatively poking him in the shoulder. "Sorry for bothering you, but if you have the time, would you mind taking a look at, well…" She flapped her larger-than-normal wings for emphasis. "Me?"
"Are you currently in agonizing pain and/or dying?" the reindeer absently asked without looking up from his work.
Said work was promptly interrupted by a white paw clamping down on the vial of daft green and a snarling vulpine muzzle in his face. [Rethink that prognosis, doc,] Su hissed. [Before I shove this devil-stick clean into your brain.]
Chopper shivered at the cloud fox's tone before sagging with a defeated sigh. "I… I'm sorry, Conis, that just slipped out…" He began kneading the bridge of his nose, wincing. "This last week has been… hard."
"I know, I know, it's… well, not fine, but I understand," Conis soothed, rubbing the doctor's back. "It's not even that I'm worried they're dangerous or anything like that; they're just kind of in the way right now. I just really wish I knew how to make my wings smaller and compact like they were before—"
FWUMP!
As fast as they had grown, her wings shrank back to their original cosmetic form, and Conis staggered, almost losing her balance. Everyone blinked in confusion.
"…Psychosomatic trigger, got it," Conis said flatly.
"When this mess is over, we will need to look into that," Chopper groused, shaking his head. "But for now…" He held up the beaker and tube again, superimposing them. "I need to figure out how the IQ serves to neutralize the Daft Green's miasma. Seriously, it can't be that… hard… if…" Chopper's eyes widened in realization, his voice slowly trailing off into silence.
"Chopper?" Conis asked gently after a few moments.
"I am a Luffy-grade moron," the human-reindeer breathed.
[Well, yeah, but what does that have to do with—WAH!] Thrown off when Chopper suddenly shifted into his Walk Point and shot off like a cloven bullet, the fox blinked after him and then looked up at her human in confusion. [The heck was that about?]
Conis sighed as she picked her old friend up. "I wish I knew, Su, I wish I knew…"
-o-
"—and so, much like other languages, small marks can make all the difference in the symbol's pronunciation and meaning, as can the variations of the arches forming—"
"That will do for now," Robin interrupted as they reached the entrance to the fortress. The princess sagged slightly in relief, an honest smile on both of their faces; for all that Robin was scarily strict, both of them were happy about the learning.
That did nothing to ease the worries of their companions that Robin might try to rope them into it as well if they made the mistake of showing an iota of interest. Which, in all honesty, all three of them did possess. When Robin knocked at the door of the fortress, though, they all shoved that interest down as deep as they could.
Their wait was brief; the door opened about a foot, and a thuggish individual showed his face, took one look at them, and made to slam it in their faces. He didn't get far; Robin had arms blooming on his body, bending his fingers backward and covering his mouth before he could so much as twitch. Her move to open the door wider proved superfluous, as a second thug yanked it open, brandishing a large sword at her. The others readied themselves, Robin herself growing several arms over him and Vivi opening her mouth, but a sound of splattering liquid, not unlike blood being spilled, prompted both of them to wait.
As the noise reached them, they saw the thugs' expressions widen in shock and panic. Then, just as quickly, all emotion left their faces, and their bodies slumped where they stood, nearly falling over from the new slackness.
It was obvious to any experienced eye that someone had just taken them out from behind. But Robin and Vivi recognized much more than that, causing a smirk to crawl over the elder's face, and a grimace over the younger's.
"Well, now, this is a pleasant surprise," Robin said calmly. "I suppose I should have realized that we would be crossing paths again soon, but I did not expect it to be under these circumstances."
"Likewise," came an even voice from behind the thugs. "But it's good to see that you haven't lost your touch, Miss All Sunday."
The voice's owner stepped past the mindless thugs and came into view. Franky and Brook both blinked at the girl before them, dressed in a fancy, white, tomboyish outfit, but Donny put together the pieces immediately from the use of the codename and, much more glaringly, the palette and paintbrush she was carrying. Paying them no mind, the girl cocked an eyebrow at Vivi.
"You could stand to be faster on the draw, Miss Wednesday," she said blandly.
"Nice to see you too, Miss Goldenweek," Vivi bit out, doing her level best to obliterate the diminutive assassin with her glare. "Dare I ask what you're doing here?"
"Right this way," Goldenweek hummed serenely in response, waving the Straw Hats inside, though not before she took out her paintbrush again and scribbled symbols on the backs of the men's heads.
Robin cocked an eyebrow at the symbols as she passed. "Forgetful Fuchsia, if I'm not mistaken?"
"Amnestic Aubergine," the painter corrected. "I've been getting a lot of practice with it lately, and it never ceases to be a good thing. It would be inconvenient if anyone found out you're here."
"At least there's some benefit to working with you…" Vivi sighed in reluctant approval.
While Robin and Vivi walked in, Franky, Brook, and Donny all hung back and exchanged confused glances.
"You ever feel like a heaping heck of a lot of context just went right over your head?" Franky asked.
"Well, to be fair, I am half a century behind the times!" Brook noted. "But yes, I felt that as well."
[Honestly, I say we just go with what you said earlier: women,] Donny sighed, shrugging helplessly.
[Just shaddup and follow us, already,] Carue called back from further down the hall, prompting the trio to scramble after everyone else.
The building that they entered was a three-story hall filled with bars and sturdy wooden tables. Light came from the many elegant lanterns hanging from the ceilings, creating a homey, classic tavern-type atmosphere. This picture was only enhanced by the rambunctious groups of men—most of them looking like well-dressed thugs—drinking and laughing at the tables. Young women clad in pink outfits with feathers on their arms moved between tables, taking the men's orders or delivering food and drink.
Overall, it seemed like an ordinary banquet hall with an only slightly extraordinary clientele and staff. Though Robin's keen eyes noticed that Eternal Poses bearing the name 'Merveille' were on every table.
"What is this place…?" Vivi asked quietly, sticking to the shadows in an attempt to keep her distinctive hair from being noticed.
"Hell," Goldenweek answered. She then paused and glanced back at the frozen-in-shock Straw Hats. "That's what you call a gathering place of demons, yes?" She shrugged and started walking again. "Almost there."
The assassin led the group through the upper level of the hall until they finally reached a booth tucked away in a corner, mostly out of sight of the room's general population.
"Got them," Goldenweek announced as she slipped into the booth, idly grabbing a rice cracker off the table. "You were right, they were close enough to find this place. It was a good call. Very surprising."
"Well, what can I say?" a familiar voice sneered from the shadows, causing Vivi to stiffen in shock. "I'm all about being a contourarian kinda guy."
"Contrarian."
"That too!"
"Wait, you're—!?" the princess gasped.
"Well, well, well…" a cool and comported drawl interrupted her. "The Straw Hats have entered the building…"
"Which means that sanity can exit stage left! Kyahahaha!" a far more chipper and manic voice laughed.
"Hehahaha!" the familiar voice cackled, and its owner drew the cover from the lamp's table to reveal a spike-toothed smirk. "Ain't that the truth!?"
The newly uncovered light source revealed more than that, of course. It allowed the Straw Hats to take in their impromptu hosts in all their uncharacteristically well-dressed glory: the Barto Club pirates themselves, or at least their top brass.
Mr. 5's outfit was hardly any different from how Robin and Vivi remembered, the only difference being the absence of his codename plastered all over. Miss Valentine was wearing a wider-bottomed dress than they had last seen her in, patterned elegantly in yellow and black. The other young girl was wearing a black, ankle-length cheongsam with a golden dragon embroidered into it. And lastly, the gaunt man that none of them knew by sight was wearing a three-piece suit that clearly had not been tailored well.
The captain wore a yellow-and-orange pinstriped suit with ankle-length tails, a bolo tie with a silver clasp and an inset lapis stone, and a dark red shirt. He was the only one that all of them recognized, and that was only because they knew the sharp-toothed grin and green hair—vaguely resembling a rooster's comb—from his wanted poster. The only surprise they found, given what little they knew of him, was that he was staying remarkably calm for meeting his idols in person and was even displaying his usual bravado.
Bartolomeo nodded at the princess with a cocky smirk. "Glad to see you're still in one piece, Copperhead."
Vivi blinked in surprise, then pulled up a seat and collapsed into it with a weary sigh. "Glad to be in one piece, Rooster," she groaned. "This place has been doing its level best to rip us apart at every turn…"
"Huh?!" Franky glanced in confusion between the princess and the other pirate. "You saying you guys know each other or something?"
"Somewhat," Robin provided in her usual mysterious tone. "He's a friend of a friend of Cross's. I imagine I don't need to tell you to not mention this to anyone else, yes?"
"Uh… yeah, if you say so, I guess," Franky shrugged.
"Yohohoho, whatever you say! Though if I could receive some compensation for my discretion—URK!" Brook choked as a hand took hold of his jawbone. "On ffekn' ffot, Ah'nng 'ood!"
Donny barked something out, waving a flipper in front of his muzzle.
"'I'm perfectly content being a pugilistic scholar, leave me out of your shadow-politicking.' That's what he said," the other girl provided politely. She then smiled and waved in greeting. "By the way, I'm Apis. Nice to meet you all!"
"Gin," the gaunt man provided, grimacing as he tugged at the collar of his suit. "Don't worry about not knowing me; you all joined way after I met your captain."
"While with others, their acquaintance with our crew was more…" Robin spun her hand thoughtfully. "Let's go with recent."
"Five. Valentine," Vivi stated frigidly.
"Oh, come on, don't be like that. It almost sounds like you hold a grudge," Five drawled grumpily.
"Yeah!" Valentine leaned forward and smirked impishly, resting her chin in the propped-up palm of her hand. "You shouldn't address your superiors so glibly, Miss Wednesday!"
Thunk!
Both assassins recoiled in shock when Vivi suddenly sank the tip of one of her Lion Cutters into the tabletop with a twitching grin. "First off, you will address me as Princess Nefertari Vivi," Vivi grit out. "Secondly, apart from the fact that I never truly considered myself to be a member of your organization, I'd like to remind both of you that I can and will cut you."
"And third…" The ex-assassins stiffened as they felt a sensation they were far too familiar with by half. "I believe that if we're going by our old positions, I would count as your superior, no?"
"Barty—!" Valentine whimpered plaintively around the hand that was lightly gripping her windpipe, eyes locked on the knife Robin was smoothly flipping around her hand.
"Don't look at me, you dipshits dug this hole, you can dig yourselves out," Bartolomeo grunted, visibly more interested in the finger he was using to dig through his ear. Pulling it out, he smirked at the rest of the Straw Hats who were unfamiliar with him, taking the chance to polish his nails on his jacket. "And as for me, I'm 'Black Bart' Bartolomeo. Worth ฿350 Million, one of the most infamous rookies on the sea—" He flashed a pointy grin at the Straw Hats. "And a personal friend of Monkey D. Luffy and Jeremiah—!"
THUNK! "OW!"
Barty abruptly cried out in pain as the fork Goldenweek sank into his leg without even looking at him. "WHAT THE HELL, BRAT, I WASN'T EVEN FLIPPING OUT!" he roared at his diminutive crewmate.
"No, you were just being an ass," Goldenweek hummed around her cracker.
"You little—!" Barto snarled, reaching for her throat.
"Rooster," Vivi emphasized with a slap of her hand on the table, getting the captain's attention back on her. "What the hell is this place, and what the hell are you doing here?!"
Barty shot one last side glare at his underling before donning a cocky smirk and raising his arms to gesture at the room of criminals and villains around them. "Ain't it obvious, Princess? Here's one of the many gathering spots the great pirate, 'Golden Lion' Shiki, has set up in his hideout of Merveille for the fifty other pirate crews he's recruited to join a grand alliance he's personally heading up. And as for me? Weeeell…" Barto leaned back, arms sprawled behind his chair, and proudly raised his chin. "You're speaking to the newly recruited commander of his 51st division, thank you very much."
Vivi's eyes widened in shock. "You infiltrated his ranks?"
"Not like I had much of a fucking choice!" Barty snarled, leaning forward on his elbow. "He's Shiki! The man fought Roger, for cripes' sake. When he says you're his new commander, you damn well act as his commander! And, well…" He winced and glanced aside, rubbing the back of his neck. "I thought it'd be a good way to try and find you guys and get some intel for the Masons, ya know?"
"Well, you're sitting in front of another Mason now, so what do you know?" Vivi pressed.
Bartolomeo's face darkened, and Gin spoke up.
"If Shiki didn't have a complete ban on bringing snails into this place, we'd have every alarm bell ringing," the old Demon of the East said grimly. "But even if he's loose-lipped about his plans to anyone here, he's got enough brains to take that precaution. Any snail that comes into Merveille, he locks it down tight. Total communications blackout. That's the only reason…" Gin slammed his fist on the table with a grim glare. "The only reason the East Blue isn't being evacuated as fast as possible."
The reactions to that particular tidbit were as expected: pallor, rage, and hatred.
"Shiki's behind the attacks on the East Blue—" Franky began, his lips twitching into a scowl.
Robin's eyes narrowed dangerously. "—and he's been using these monsters to pull it off—"
"—and now he's gathered all of these crews together to form a traditional army to make matters even worse," Brook finished, teeth audibly grinding.
"More than just that," Vivi snarled, 5 and Valentine and even Goldenweek edging away from the livid princess despite the fact she was gnawing on her thumb. "This kind of an army… his sights are set higher than just the East Blue, aren't they?"
"'First the East Blue, and then the world'," Apis repeated grimly into her juice. "That's what he said when he recruited us. And with his powers keeping his army out of anyone's reach until they start attacking, and those beasts acting as a vanguard to break any forces that oppose him, there's nothing anyone down there can do about it."
"But the Lion made two big mistakes," Bartolomeo cut in, his grin as savage as ever. "The first was not noticing that our crew was from the East Blue. All he saw was us attacking a Celestial Dragon and getting away with it. And the second mistake?"
He threw back his head and cackled. "HA HA HA HA HA HA! He was actually brain-dead stupid enough to not only declare war on the Straw Hat Pirates by stealing one of their own, but he also brought them to this place himself! Oh, sure, he's a monster in combat, no denying that, but my money's still on you guys."
"Naturally, he's going to regret challenging us. But before that, we need to find the rest of the crew," Brook said, most likely poking up a finger behind the shades of his 'hat'. "As you all have access to the video feeds of the archipelago, would you know of our compatriots' current locations?"
"Kinda yes, kinda no," Valentine sighed explosively as she sank down in her seat. "We've been given a front-row seat to the pummelings you've all been giving and taking, yes, but you're all moving way too fast for us to pin down. One day or even a minute, you're in one biome, the next you've shoved off to another. Trying to go based on the feeds would just mean we end up where your friends were and nothing more."
"But thankfully," Five picked up in his usual drawl. "We've managed to find a different solution we think will work just as well."
"And that's where I come in! YO!" Barto barked, hand raised. "CAN I GET SOME DAMN SERVICE OVER HERE?!"
A passing young woman with a red ponytail and the same feathered arms as the rest of the 'wait staff' looked over at the call and began making her way towards them. "Greetings, folks, my name's Ever, and I'll be your waitress. How may I help you this fine evening?" she asked with a smile.
Vivi cocked an eyebrow. "Impressive. It took me years to learn how to hide that kind of hate that well."
Ever responded with a more honest smile and a V-sign with her fingers. "Thanks, and don't worry, it's directed more at my 'employers' and the words, not you guys. Barty and his guys have literally been the nicest folks we've met around here in years. It's just a bit hard to turn it off sometimes. Seriously, how can I help?"
Standing, Brook leaned in close to the waitress. "Well, first," he said, looking her up and down. "Would you mind showing me your panties?"
A vein popped to life on Ever's forehead, and she leaped elegantly into the air. "NO WAY, CREEP!" she snapped, slamming an axe kick down on Brook's head that slammed him to the ground and dislodged the basket he had been wearing.
"Ohhh… you kicked my face off," Brook moaned, raising his head.
"Yeah, and I'll damn well do it again if you try… something… like… that…"
Ever's eyes widened as she got a good look at Brook's face, a feeling that was reflected by the majority of the Barto Club.
"But then!" Brook continued with rising mirth. "It's not like I have a face to begin with! YOHOHOHO!" He then blinked—somehow—in confusion when he realized that a good fifteen-foot radius had gone dead silent. "Uh… is everything alright?"
The only response he got was Goldenweek's rice cracker falling from her slack jaws.
"Brook, have you looked in the mirror anytime within the last 50 years?" Franky deadpanned.
"Hm? A mirror? Why? Is there something wrong with my face?" Brook asked, picking up a glass and looking into his reflection. He stared for a second before recoiling in horror. "UWAH! OH DEAR GOD NO!"
{What, is something wrong?} Donny signed in concern.
"Oh, it's terrible, just terrible!" Brook pointed at his eye-holes. "I'm starting to go yellow around my orbital sockets! Now, how will I get all the hot young skeletons to love me?!"
WHAM!
Vivi, Franky, Carue, and Donny all face-planted out of their seats. Robin remained more composed, but her palm still met her face, though that didn't muffle the fond chuckle.
"What?" Gin managed, eyes wide.
"In," Mr. 5 continued, in much the same condition.
"The," Miss Valentine picked up.
"Actual," Apis squeaked.
"Everloving!" Ever choked out.
"SHIT?!" Goldenweek shrieked at full blast.
Bartolomeo snapped his fingers. "AHEM!" he coughed, all eyes turning back to him. "As funny as this is to watch, Ever, I need you to fill these guys in on the local safe places."
"Wha—? Captain, are you seriously not going to react to—?" Apis started to protest.
Rolling his eyes, Bartolomeo crossed his fingers, and the words "DEVIL FRUIT" traced themselves on the table in big block letters. "Anyway…" Giving Apis and his other two ability-using officers one last disdainful look, which made them blush and look every which way but at him, he turned to the waitress. "Ever, we didn't call you here just for more drinks. Tell these guys what you told us."
The feather-armed young woman blinked in surprise at the request, then coughed into her fist and hastily comported herself. "W-Well, as you most likely noticed on your way here, the only areas safe from Shiki's modified monsters are the ones protected by barriers of Daft Green trees. Besides here, I only know of two places where the Daft Greens are planted: Shiki's palace, which is where your friend Nami is—"
"Saving that for once we've got everyone back together," Vivi cut in.
"—and my home village. It's at the lowest point of the archipelago so that Shiki can literally reign over everyone. Your friends have been moving down and towards the main island this entire time, so they should find it sooner or later. We haven't seen them yet, mind…" Ever pointed out several projections on the wall, which displayed a perfectly normal village, save for the feathers on everyone's arms. "But then, the surveillance on our home isn't exactly subtle. I'm certain that if they are there, they're just staying out of sight of the snails."
Vivi frowned in both confusion and concern. "Wait, you mean to say that Shiki's maintaining surveillance on your village? Why?"
Ever shrugged helplessly. "Beats me. The only people Shiki's left back home are the children and the elderly. Some of us think he's showing us mercy by letting us keep an eye on our loved ones, but… well. You've met him."
"That I have…" the princess muttered in agreement, eyes darting back and forth in thought. She considered for a minute longer before shaking her head and standing up. "Well, I guess I'll go ahead and check out that village; with Carue, I can get there and back faster than the rest of you. I'll find out what I can while I'm there."
{I'll go with you,} Donny signed as he waddled to her side. {I've been without my siblings and master for a week, and for some Set-damned reason, I miss them. Sooo I'd rather see if any of them have found their way to the village than stay here, sitting on my tail and twiddling my flippers…} His expression then fell flat. {And so help me, if you ever tell any of them I said that I missed them, I will stab you.}
"Noted," Vivi chuckled.
"We'll stay here, then, gather more intel and try to put together a plan while we wait for you to get back," Franky said.
"You have fun out there, try not to get eaten on the way," Robin added, a winning smile on her face. "After all, you will be riding around out there on a tasty duck, so the chances of you being swallowed alive are quite substantial. But still, happy thoughts, right?"
Vivi smiled back innocently. "Robin, I'll keep thinking happy thoughts while you soak your head."
"Oh, come now, surely you don't mean—!" SPLASH! "—blurgh!?"
Blinking stupidly, Robin tracked her hand as it put down the now-empty glass that it had just splashed in her face.
[Aaaaand I'm out. Move it, blubber-butt,] Carue quacked, walking away with Vivi and Donny following close behind.
Robin stared after the princess, frowning slightly, before shaking her head with a bemused smile, gratefully accepting a small towel from Ever. "Mmm… so, new outfits?" she asked, clearly looking for a way to change the subject.
"Eh, it's a momentous occasion for the Golden Ass," Barto shrugged. "After nightfall, all the crews are going to join Shiki at his palace for an allegiance ceremony, and he wants everyone to look their best."
"I could do without it," Gin grumbled, uncomfortably shifting around in his ill-fitting outfit. "I just grabbed the first thing I saw in his tailor's quarters that looked right. Didn't bother to get it fitted…"
"We can get you some too if you want!" Ever offered eagerly. "The tailor is so overloaded with orders that he won't notice if I slipped a few extra orders in. Though…"She frowned in concern, tapping her chin thoughtfully. "We'd still need the measurements for the rest of your crewmates, so, I guess that's a—"
"Here you go."
Ever blinked in surprise at the disembodied hand currently offering her a folded-up piece of paper, but she took it in stride, unfolded it, and then nearly fell over in shock when she read what was written on it. "What the—!? These are measurements for your entire crew! How and why on earth do you have these on hand!?"
Robin's response was a very wide, very disturbing grin, accompanied by an equally disturbing chuckle. "Weeeeell—"
"On second thought, I don't wanna know!" the feather-armed woman frantically pleaded off. "I-I'll just go ahead and get this to the tailor, so that you all can look your best as you kick Shiki's ass! Good luck to you all!"
But before the waitress could properly skedaddle, however, a mook rushed up to the table with a panicked expression. "B-Boss Bart! We've got a major problem!" the pirate hissed out, his eyes darting this way and that as if to spot hidden watchers.
In response, Bart scoffed and started picking his nose again, sending his underling an unimpressed look. "Buddy, we're balls deep in enemy territory and under the heel of one of the worst pirates in living memory. How the hell could shit get any worse?"
Unnoticed by anyone else at the table, Robin brought her hand to her face, then several more.
"I, uh, well…" The underling glanced surreptitiously at Ever before leaning over the table to his captain and hissing something in Barto's ear as quietly as he could.
For his part, Barto nodded and grunted in understanding at the information. Then, all at once, he stiffened as though struck by lightning.
"SHIKI'S GOING TO DO WHAT!?