Chapter 83: Kushida Kikyo's Bewilderment
Kushida Kikyo could not have imagined the sudden action the other party took. Her brain felt like an overloaded processor, momentarily unable to parse the current situation.
Warmth? Comfort? Sharing the pressure?
These words, combined and uttered by Katsuragi Keima as he held her tightly, sounded as absurd as a fairy tale to her ears. It even caused her a physical sense of nausea and deepened her vigilance.
'Is there something wrong with this guy's head?'
Usually, Keima's mind was entirely on games; why was he suddenly saying such things to her now?
How disgusting.
After a brief daze, a strong sense of resistance and repulsion acted like ice water, dousing her momentary confusion. She pushed hard, breaking free from Keima's embrace and staggering back two steps before steadying herself. Her expression became incredibly cold.
"Understanding? Sharing?"
Kushida's voice grew sharp, no longer deliberately lowered. It sounded piercing in the empty corridor. The fragments of her sweet mask had long since vanished, leaving only naked mockery.
"Katsuragi Keima, what kind of heartwarming drama are you trying to act out here? Who do you think you are? A savior? A counselor? Or do you think that by posing like this, I'll be moved to tears and pour my heart out to you, letting you grab even more leverage? You didn't think I was the kind of girl you could just fool with a couple of sweet words, did you?"
A disdainful smile appeared on Kushida's face. "I'm not one of the girls from your boring games—"
"They are not boring games!"
Keima, who had been speaking in a gentle tone, suddenly put on an incredibly serious expression.
"Those games are not boring things! In my heart, every female character is a princess trapped in another world, not some 'worthless girl' as you see them!"
Keima's sudden, passionate rebuttal of Kushida's words actually caused her to freeze for a moment.
'This guy's focus... is on that?'
Kushida was a bit speechless.
"However, in my eyes, Kushida, you are different from the others. You are my one and only—"
Keima's words suddenly shifted back to Kushida herself.
"What exactly are you trying to say?" She crossed her arms over her chest as if to ward off the uncomfortable remnants of warmth. Kushida's gaze was as sharp as a blade, scanning the calm Keima from head to toe.
"Hypocrisy! Absolute hypocrisy! You clearly could have pretended not to see me and walked away just now, but you intentionally made noise so I'd find you, and now you're saying these high-sounding words? Heh, do you think that by seeing through someone's hidden side and acting like 'I understand you,' you can easily control them? This self-righteous understanding and sympathy of yours disgusts me more than a direct threat!"
Her aggression was fully revealed. Every word attempted to pierce Keima's sincere facade, categorizing him as just another person with ulterior motives.
However, in the face of Kushida's storm of cold mockery and sharp accusations, Keima's expression didn't fluctuate even slightly. In a game, the more emotional a character becomes, the better one can truly understand them. What he needed now was to listen and then enter her heart!
Keima just looked at her quietly. Once her hurried, agitated speech slowed down, he spoke again. His voice remained steady, but possessed a clear power that pierced through the noise: "I understand that you are under a lot of pressure."
He paused, his gaze behind his glasses seemingly piercing through her layers of defense to reach the core.
"And I can feel it. It's not just the pressure of getting along with those around you, Kikyo. Between you and Horikita, it's not as simple as her being 'hard to get along with' or 'looking down on people'."
Keima paused intentionally.
"I know you two seem to come from the same school. Earlier—in your shared past—something happened. That incident, or rather that experience, is like a thorn stuck in your heart. It makes you feel an irreconcilable rejection and... hostility toward anyone who might know that past, or who reflects the shadow of that past to some extent. That's why you care about Horikita so much."
Kushida's pupils contracted sharply. Her fingers, clutching her arms, gripped so hard her knuckles turned white.
'How could he...? No, it's impossible for him to know! Did that person, Horikita, tell him?! No, no, Horikita wouldn't just spread rumors... and judging by his words just now, it seems like he's only guessing? But why is he so accurate?!'
Seeing her reaction, Keima knew he had touched a key area. He maintained his calm and sincere tone, continuing:
"Of course, there is no need for you to tell me the specifics. That is your past, your scar. But I want you to know that the 'understanding' I speak of is not empty talk. I understand the weight of living with secrets and wearing a mask. I understand the terror of fearing your true self won't be accepted. And even more, I understand... when the shadows of the past turn into a nightmare, constantly eroding the present, that feeling of anger and pressure with nowhere to vent."
Keima looked incredibly serious. Though there were some game lines mixed in, saying them now yielded the best effect. He leaned forward slightly, his gaze focused and earnest:
"I am not joking or making excuses. But if you are truly under a lot of pressure, I am willing to listen to you speak."
Kushida's breathing became heavy. She bit her lower lip hard. The shock in her heart was far greater than the icy exterior she maintained, but she quickly calmed down and said with a cold laugh: "What kind of self-righteous things are you saying?"
Finally, after a suffocating silence, Kushida looked up. A smile suddenly blossomed on her face—extremely bright yet bone-chillingly cold. There was no warmth in that smile, only the madness of "breaking the pot" (having nothing left to lose) and a certain decisive threat.
"I said, I will listen and help share the pressure. That way, you should feel much better." Keima pushed up his glasses.
"Fine then, Katsuragi Keima." She switched back to her usual cute voice, but it made one's spine tingle. "Don't you want to know? Don't you think you understand so well? I can tell you. I'll tell you everything~ My past, I can tell you all of it, exactly as it was."
She took a step forward, almost pressing against Keima, looking up at him. Her eyes, however, locked onto him like a venomous snake, and her voice turned icy again in an instant:
"But listen closely—once you know my past, from now on, I will have one more goal in this school: that is to make you disappear from this school at any cost. Expulsion, ruin... I will use every means at my disposal~ Do you still want to continue your ridiculous 'understanding' and 'sharing'? Do you still want to be this 'confidant'?"
Kushida spoke mockingly. Regardless of whether Keima knew her past or not, the moment he appeared before her, the outcome was already decided. Kushida Kikyo would eliminate anyone who knew her true face.
However, Keima just quietly watched the darkness and resolve churning in her eyes for a few seconds. Then, he lightly pushed up his glasses. Under the dim streetlight, a glint of light flashed across his lenses.
"Even if you didn't say it, you already had the idea of getting me expelled, didn't you?"
"How smart. Should I praise you?"
"Firstly, I don't believe you have the ability to get me expelled, Kikyo."
"How arrogant, Katsuragi-kun. Although I have to admit you are indeed special, don't you think—"
"I don't think I'm special. I simply believe you cannot get me expelled, because I possess a powerful obsession."
"An obsession?"
"That is the obsession of making you happy, Kikyo."
Keima's gaze became profound. He took another step forward, nearly touching Kushida. This forced her to take a step back instead.
"If your past is the root of your pain, then I am willing to bear the risk of knowing it." His voice wasn't loud, but it was exceptionally clear and firm. "If knowing it is a necessary step to help you offload part of the burden—and even begin truly processing those traumas—then even if you view me as a target because of it, I accept."
He paused, his gaze not wavering in the slightest.
"Moreover, Kikyo, you actually know very well that using 'making someone get expelled' as a new survival goal is just transferring past pain and mistakes into hatred and aggression toward another person. This won't heal you; it will only make you drift further down the wrong path, sinking deeper. What you truly want to destroy might not be a specific person, but those inescapable memories of the past, and that... true self that you cannot accept."
"Shut up! What do you know!" Kushida interrupted him shrilly, her voice trembling—whether from anger or from having her heart seen through.
But Keima continued: "I only know that you are very tired, Kikyo. And I want you to be able to rest, at least in front of me."
"Fine! You want to know, right? Then I'll tell you!"
In the time that followed, in the silent and deserted corridor under the yellow, flickering streetlights, Kushida Kikyo spoke in a nearly self-harming, calm tone. She recounted the past she thought would be buried forever, now forced into the light.
She spoke of how she meticulously role-played in middle school to gain everyone's love; of the exhaustion of smiling at classmates she didn't actually like; of the twisted pleasure of venting her thoughts in an anonymous online world; and of the terror like the world collapsing and the despair of being abandoned by all when her account was discovered.
Finally, she spoke of how, amidst a chorus of accusations and like a desperate trapped beast, she detonated the secrets everyone had told her like bombs, dragging the entire class down into a bottomless pit of mutual suspicion, hatred, and school strikes...
After entering high school, Kushida had planned to start from zero and continue playing the role of the popular girl. Until she saw Horikita Suzune, who came from the same school.
During the narration, her voice occasionally sounded as calm as if she were telling someone else's story. But from beginning to end, her eyes remained fixed on Keima, as if to carve every reaction of his into her mind as fuel for her future "revenge."
Keima listened quietly throughout, without interrupting or evaluating. His expression didn't even change much. He was just focused, as if receiving a piece of vital data. Only when Kushida finished her last sentence—appearing as though she had exhausted all her strength, breathing slightly and glaring at him with eyes burning with complex flames—did he slowly speak.
"I have heard you." His voice was still steady. "Thank you for being willing to tell me, Kikyo. This requires great courage."
"Thanking me? What are you talking about?" Kushida was stunned. She had imagined countless reactions from Keima after hearing this, but not this one. This level of acceptance—so flat it was almost abnormal—made her accumulated aggression feel like it had hit thin air, with nowhere to land.
"..." She opened her mouth but found she didn't know what to say. The threatening words were clearly at the tip of her tongue, but they suddenly lost their weight. Because the other party seemed... not to fear her threats at all. He even calmly accepted the fact that he would be targeted by her.
Keima watched the fleeting bewilderment and helplessness in her eyes and continued: "I believe that none of this was your fault, Kikyo."
"..."
"Those people told you their secrets, but in truth, it was only to vent their own emotions. They never considered your feelings. It was precisely because you bore such pressure that you made that choice. In the end, they got what they deserved."
"What?" Kushida had expected this even less. Keima was actually speaking up for her? When nearly everyone had targeted her back then?
'This guy's logic is different from everyone else's.'
"The reason I came before you was so you wouldn't have to bear such heavy pressure anymore."
"Nonsense..."
"You used to vent online. Because of what happened in the past, you definitely won't choose to do that now. Instead, you've chosen to vent here. But the risk is too high. Even if it weren't me, you would have been discovered by someone else eventually." Keima said slowly. "So, I have a suggestion."
"Say it."
"Treat me as your 'alt account.' Just vent your usual pressure onto me." He took another step forward. This time there was no hug; he just reached out and gently patted Kushida's tense shoulder. The action was so natural, it was as if they truly were friends who could confide in each other.
Kushida looked at Keima in disbelief. From start to finish, facing her true side, he had shown no change in expression—except for when games were mentioned earlier.
'Are the things this person says sincere?'
At this moment, a sliver of hesitation appeared in Kushida's heart. Though insignificant, it was actually happening.
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