Year 12 of Yongle, September. Beijing.
On the day of the expedition, the Eastern Palace was bustling before dawn.
I was woken by the sound of hooves. Opening my eyes, the world outside was still a hazy blue-gray. Huang Tuan rolled over beside my neck, grumbling in dissatisfaction. I lay there for a moment, but eventually got up.
Ruolan had already brought in water, her eyes slightly red. "Miss, His Highness departs at the mao hour (5-7 AM). Eunuch Li said those going to see him off can wait outside the Meridian Gate."
I hummed in acknowledgment, taking the towel to wipe my face. Last night, I had packed everything that needed packing: the Great General's jar was wrapped in cloth and placed in the safest corner of the side room; ten days' worth of food for Huang Tuan was prepared, with instructions for Ruolan to feed him on time; the kumquat pot was thoroughly watered and placed on the windowsill where it could catch the sun. I had also written a letter, pressed under the jar, detailing the Great General's daily diet and precautions. Ruolan couldn't read, so I recited it once for her to memorize.
"Miss, regarding His Highness..." Ruolan hesitated.
"I know." I secured the letter, stood up, and said, "I'll go see him off."
She pulled a small bundle from behind her back and shoved it into my hands. "Miss, take this. It contains some common medicines and a packet of wound powder. Just in case on the road—"
"He's not going alone; there are military doctors—"
"Having it is better than not," Ruolan said, her tone unusually firm.
I didn't refuse again. Tucking the medicine box under my arm, I headed out. Reaching the door, I turned back, pulled the bronze key from my sleeve pocket, clenched it in my hand for a moment, then put it back. I hadn't returned the key. Before he left, when he came to see the Great General, I had asked if I should return it. He said, "You keep it." So I kept it.
The Great General chirped from its jar, the sound clear and bright. I squatted down and said to the jar, "After he leaves, you're under my charge. No throwing tantrums."
The Great General chirped again, as if agreeing.
I smiled slightly, stood up, and walked out.
Outside the Meridian Gate, it was chaotic, like a pot of boiling porridge.
Standing outside the crowd, I was stunned by the scene. Dozens of carriages formed a long line, stretching from the Meridian Gate to somewhere unseen in the distance. Soldiers carried flags and bows, shuttling back and forth. The neighing of horses, the rumbling of wheels over stone slabs, the shouting of officers, and the sharp voices of eunuchs transmitting orders all mixed together, making my ears ring.
I stood on tiptoes, searching for a long time, before finally spotting Zhu Zhanji in the middle of the formation. He had changed into light armor, covered by a black cloak, riding a jujube-red horse, talking to Eunuch Li. Li Quan held a bundle in his arms, looking reluctant to part.
I squeezed through the crowd, managing to reach his side with difficulty.
"Zhu Zhanji!" I called out.
He turned, saw me, and the corner of his mouth tilted up slightly. "You came?"
"Mm." I handed him the medicine box. "This is for you. Ruolan prepared it—wound powder and such."
He took it, weighed it in his hand, then looked at me. "And you? You came empty-handed?"
"I—" I paused, then pulled something else from my bosom. "And I'm returning this to you too."
It was the Great General's jar, wrapped in cloth, tied securely.
"You take it," I said. "You raise it yourself. I'm not responsible for after-sales service."
He took the jar, saying nothing, just looking at me. There was something in his gaze I couldn't decipher.
"You're only seeing me off this far?" he asked.
"Mm. Just this far." I nodded. "Be careful on the road. Feed the Great General twice a day, the water must be warm, don't put the jar in a draft—"
"I know."
"And don't stuff it inside your robe. You'll bounce around on the horse—"
"I know."
"You—"
"Song Yu'an." He interrupted me, his voice light. "Are you here to see me off, or to chant scriptures?"
I closed my mouth and glared at him. He laughed.
Just then, someone shouted from behind: "Your Highness! Time to depart!"
He acknowledged, adjusted his cloak, and gave me one last look. "Go back."
He turned his horse and moved toward the front of the formation. I stood there, watching his back merge into the crowd, gradually fading into the distance. I stood for a while, then turned to leave.
Then everything went chaotic.
I had only walked a few steps when a eunuch in charge rushed over, grabbing my sleeve. "Aiya, why are you still here! Imperial Physician Zhang has urged three times already! The medicine cart is about to depart!"
"I'm not—" I tried to explain, but he wouldn't listen.
"Hurry, get on the cart, get on! This whole cart is filled with medicines for the front lines. Can you afford the blame if we're delayed?"
"I'm not from the Imperial Physician's Office—"
He looked me up and down. I was wearing a green outfit, with Ruolan's medicine box tucked under my arm; I probably did look like a medical officer.
"Then which office are you from?"
"I'm not—"
"Enough, enough, get on the cart first! We'll settle accounts with you at the relay station!" Without further ado, he pushed me toward a carriage.
I stumbled forward, pushed by him. Surrounded by people, I couldn't stop even if I wanted to. Someone shoved a bundle into my arms, someone threw a box by my feet. Before I could react, a hand yanked me onto the cart.
"Sit tight! Let's go!"
"Wait—I'm not—"
The carriage jolted violently and started moving forward.
I lay inside the cart, clutching that unknown bundle, with several boxes piled by my feet, my mind blank. I lifted the curtain to look outside—the Meridian Gate was retreating, the crowd was retreating, the Eastern Palace was retreating. I opened my mouth to shout "Stop," but seeing the serious soldiers and the orderly formation around me, I felt that shouting now would probably get me labeled a madman.
The carriage went faster and faster. Sitting inside, holding the bundle, I thought: What is this? I just came to see someone off.
After about half an hour, the formation reached the Ten-Mile Pavilion in the suburbs. The carriages slowed, and someone outside shouted, "Rest for fifteen minutes!"
Just as I planned to slip away, the curtain was suddenly lifted.
Zhu Zhanji's face appeared at the carriage door.
He must have been tired from riding; his cloak was undone and draped over his arm, his light armor dusted with dirt, fine beads of sweat on his forehead. Seeing me, he showed no surprise; instead, he looked as if he had expected it.
"I knew it," he said, leaning against the door frame, his tone flat. "Li Quan said one box of angelica was missing, and one extra person appeared."
I glared at him. "You saw it all along, didn't you?"
"Saw what?"
"Saw me being pushed onto the cart—you saw it all!"
He didn't deny it. He vaulted in and sat opposite me. The space inside the carriage was small; his knees almost touched mine.
"If you saw it, why didn't you stop them?" I asked.
He didn't answer immediately. He draped his cloak aside and looked at me, something indefinable in his gaze.
"One can stop people, but not hearts," he said.
"What kind of logic is that?"
"I mean—" He looked up at me, his voice light, "If I had stopped them, and you stood outside the Meridian Gate watching the convoy fade away, that feeling... would be far more bitter than being tossed around in here now, wouldn't it?"
I froze.
Yes. If I had stood there, watching his back turn into a small black dot and finally disappear, I would have stayed there until my legs went numb, until nightfall. That kind of farewell would be too bitter.
But now, I was sitting opposite him, smelling the faint scent of iron rust from his armor, watching his wind-tousled hair. Though messy, though chaotic, this final leg of the journey was real.
"Fine... you have a point." I turned my head away, not wanting him to see my slightly red eyes.
He chuckled softly, reached over, and handed me a waterskin.
"Drink some water."
I took it and drank a sip. Cool, but very sweet.
"'Though one sends a friend a thousand li, they must eventually part,'" he quoted, his tone as flat as reciting a poem. "But sending them an extra ten li is still good."
"When did you become so good with words?"
"Learned from you."
I glared at him but couldn't help laughing.
"Zhu Zhanji."
"Mm?"
"Where's your cricket?"
"With the guard. Want to see it?"
"No. Just asking." I paused. "Don't forget to feed it."
"I know."
"Water must be warm."
"I know."
"Don't put the jar in a draft."
"Song Yu'an."
"Mm?"
"You just said you're not responsible for after-sales service."
"Right."
"Then what are you doing now?"
I closed my mouth and turned my face to the window. Outside lay an autumn field; the crops had been harvested, leaving the land bare. In the distance, a few persimmon trees hung heavy with red fruits. Further away, a row of wild geese was flying south, forming a large character "Ren" (Person/Human).
I watched for a long while, then suddenly said, "Your convoy moves really slowly."
"Too much baggage; can't move fast."
"When will we reach the next relay station?"
"By evening."
"So long?"
"Mm." He paused. "If you're tired, sleep for a while."
I glanced at him. He leaned against the carriage wall, eyes closed, resting. The dust on his light armor shimmered faintly in the sunlight. I suddenly remembered last night when he came to the side room to see the Great General; he had stood at the door talking for a long time. I thought he was just worried about the cricket. Now thinking back, he was probably taking one last look at that room.
"Zhu Zhanji."
"Mm?"
"Did you intentionally not stop them?"
He opened his eyes and looked at me. He didn't answer, but he didn't deny it either.
"Do you think—" I searched for the right words, "that with me following, you feel a bit more at ease?"
He was silent for a long time. The wind blew in from outside, carrying the scent of withered grass and earth.
"No," he said.
"Then what?"
"It's just—" He paused, his voice lower than usual, "Actually, I regret not stopping you."
"Why?"
"Because by letting you send me off this far," he looked at me, his gaze serious, "I'm even more reluctant to leave."
The carriage fell silent for a moment. The wheels rumbled over the road. I sat there, still clutching that bronze key in my hand—I had tucked it into my sleeve pocket when I left and forgotten to take it out.
"Then I'll go back when we reach the relay station," I said, my voice smaller than I intended.
"Mm."
"You raise your cricket yourself."
"Okay."
"I've watered the kumquats. Ruolan knows how to water them."
"Okay."
"I've put all your things away in the side room. I have the key; I'll return it when you come back."
"No need to return it," he said. "You keep it."
I lowered my head, looking at the bronze key in my hand. The red string was tied neatly; it was the one he had tied.
"Zhu Zhanji."
"Mm?"
"You said earlier that when I'm around, things don't seem so difficult."
"Mm."
"But you're going to war; I can't follow you."
He looked at me, his gaze gentle. "You already are following."
"Just for half a day."
"Half a day is still following."
I didn't speak. I stuffed the key back into my sleeve, leaned against the carriage wall, and closed my eyes.
"Then I'll follow you for half a day," I said. "When we reach the station, I'll go back."
"Good."
"Your cricket—"
"Water warm, jar out of drafts, feed twice a day." He picked up the thread, his tone flat. "You've said it three times already."
"I'm afraid you won't remember."
"When I can't remember, I'll think of you."
I opened my eyes and glared at him. "Are you praising me or teasing me?"
"Stating a fact." He smiled and closed his eyes too.
The carriage swayed gently forward. The wind blew in, carrying the scent of withered grass and earth. The flock of geese in the distance had flown far away, leaving only a small black dot. Leaning against the carriage wall, listening to the sounds outside, I suddenly felt—this carriage seemed steadier than the Eastern Palace.
I didn't know if it was because the road was flat, or because of the person sitting beside me.
The formation reached the relay station by evening. It was time for me to get off.
Zhu Zhanji jumped down first, then turned around and reached out to help me. Stepping onto the carriage edge, I hesitated for a moment, then placed my hand in his. His hand was warm, his palm covered with thin calluses—formed from gripping swords.
Standing on the ground, I brushed the dust off my skirt and looked up at him.
"Then I'm leaving."
"Mm."
"Be careful on the road."
"Okay."
"The Great General—"
"I know."
I opened my mouth, wanting to say more, but felt I had already said everything. I turned and walked away. After a few steps, I suddenly heard him say from behind: "Song Yu'an."
I stopped, but didn't turn around.
"Wait for me to return."
I stood for a moment, then continued walking. Only after walking far away did I whisper softly: "Okay."
He didn't hear it. But I knew he understood.
(End of Chapter 12)