I walked through the streets of Rome, in an attempt to head home, ignoring the occasional priest and supernaturally knowledgeable person praying or widening their eyes in shock and awe upon seeing me.
It was a bit odd since supernatural beings were numerous in canon, but angels remained mostly unseen from the eyes of most humans.
Even most members of the church hadn't seen an angel until me unless they were highly ranked or a participant in World War Two.
One of my past caretakers had been tasked with teaching me about regular history, but I had managed to convince him to tell me what he knew about supernatural history.
Apparently, some members of Grigori had interfered in WW2 on their own, which included the warmonger, Kokabiel.
And by interfering, I mean taking a side.
That side was, by all reasonable accounts, the worst possible side to take in that war.
And because of that, the other, more reasonable members, of Grigori came to stop him and take him back.
That large gathering of strong fallen angels drew the attention of the devils, who sent in a few strong warriors in case something happened.
And of course, with their two greatest enemies gathering, Heaven ordered numerous exorcists to go along with a Seraph to confront the devils and fallen.
In the end, Vasco Strada, who was among those strong exorcists, was forced to beat the shit out of Kokabiel. That was actually where he first got as famous as he did.
So, that time in the forties was the last time the common members of the Church had seen an angel.
I reached my current residence by the time my internal supernatural history class had concluded.
In front of that overly small house was a beautiful woman.
She had curly blonde hair and blue eyes that seemed to reflect the heavens. Her breasts were perfect and utterly unchanged from when I had seen them last.
That woman was truly Made in Heaven.
Gabriel, my future wife, had finally come to see me.
She turned to me with a smile. "Hello. I doubt you remember me but-"
'Operation Get Married at Age Five' is ready!
"Wow! Onee-san, you're so pretty! How did you get your hair like that?" I asked, my eyes wide and glittering.
Gabriel blushed, her kind heart allowing my Cuteness Attack to be extra effective. "T-thank you. Like I was saying, my name is Gabriel."
Don't underestimate my cuteness. There's absolutely no doubt that I'll turn out to be the greatest pretty boy in the world. And now? I can easily weaponize my cuteness, although that will soon fade.
I grabbed Gabriel's soft hand and pulled her over to a neighbor's car. "Do you want to play with me, Onee-san?"
She kindly nodded, to which I grabbed two small blocks of wood and opened my neighbor's car door.
I placed the blocks of wood against the car's pedals and turned it on. "Come get in, it'll be fun!"
Gabriel hesitantly got into the passenger side seat and buckled her seatbelt, even though as a Seraph, it was completely unnecessary.
Though it was a bit awkward driving since I was physically a five-year-old, I managed to drive well enough to get out of the more densely populated parts of Rome.
My plan required me to go somewhere outside of Rome, where priests wouldn't be important enough to know my true identity.
"Wow. When did you learn how to drive?" Gabriel asked me, her eyes a bit widened in surprise.
I quickly moved the wheel so that I wouldn't hit a crossing child as I responded, "I didn't, I'm five."
Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Gabriel tilting her head in confusion at how I was driving despite being not taught how to.
My current residence was already on the outskirts of Rome, so it didn't take too long for us to reach our destination.
While planning this amazing operation, I picked out multiple small towns that had a church that wasn't involved in the supernatural.
Since I've gotten constantly shuffled around between competent members of the Church, I had to take into account the fact that I didn't know when Gabriel would show up.
While I had never been to the church that was to be my destination, I knew that it would be sufficient for my grand plan.
I got out of the stolen car, with Gabriel doing the same.
"If you wanted to pray, couldn't we have gone to the Vatican? It's much closer."
I turned around to Gabriel and spoke with all the cuteness I could muster up, "Actually, I wanted to play in there. See, a lot of the other children like playing the 'Getting Married' game. But they never let me play."
"So, you want to play that with me?" she asked, to which I happily nodded. "Hmm. I don't know. It seems kind of…"
Before she could finish, I grabbed her hand and made the cutest sad puppy dog eyes I could. "Please! All the other kids won't let me play because they hate me! Do you hate me too?"
"Hnng!" Gabriel looked as if she was suffering. "Okay… let's play! What do you need me to do?"
Got her.
See, 'Operation Get Married at Age Five' was quite a simple plan.
I merely had to use emotional manipulation and my cuteness to convince her to 'play' and then lead that into us actually getting married.
To get married, as an angel, I obviously had to use a church.
And I couldn't use one of the ones involved in the supernatural, since they would be immune to the basic mental manipulation spells that I could use.
Obviously, no sane, non-mind-controlled priest would agree to preside over the wedding of a literal five-year-old.
"We can't play right without costumes, so use magic to get into a nice white wedding dress," I said with the tone of a child while I turned my boring clothes into an expensive-looking tuxedo.
Gabriel nodded in mock seriousness as if she was kindly playing along with a child's whims.
Using her magic, she turned her normal, albeit beautiful dress, into a white wedding dress, and at speeds far beyond mine.
We walked into the surprisingly pristine church and soon found the priest in charge.
With a bit of mind control magic, I had the priest prepare for our totally pretend wedding.
Since the wedding wouldn't have any guests, nor would there be any catering, the priest quickly finished up anything he needed to do and guided us to where he would preside over our wedding.
Gabriel and I stood at the altar, while that priest stood in the middle and read out whatever he needed to make this wedding follow the standard procedures.
Honestly, he was rambling far too much. What if Gabriel realized that this wasn't actually a pretend wedding, and backed out?
"Speed it up," I said, my words filled with magic.
The priest hurried through what he considered important and skipped the filler parts. "I now pronounce you husband and wife."
I did it.
The world had sent so much pain and suffering to me, but I persevered.
Now, at age five, I married a ten-thousand-year-old Seraph.
That was a false wedding, you say?
Well, the marriage certificate straight from the Italian government says you're wrong.
Yes, I had gotten it prepared beforehand.
Gabriel, who was still a little bewildered at how realistic the 'game' was, and I walked out of the church, with the piece of paper that made our marriage official in hand
I looked up at the sky and smirked.
Michael, I just took your 'sister', and soon I will take all of Heaven from you.
And Azazel, suck it loser.
Turning to Gabriel, I waved our official marriage certificate in front of her eyes. "Gabriel, now that we're married, do you want to move into my house?"
"T-that was a real wedding?!"
AN: I have 4 extra chaps on patreon out rn so if anyone interested:
patreon.com/VictoryTaker
Also do drop a reviews if you enjoy the fic, or to yell at me or whatever. Anyway toodles!