Chapter 367: Deadpool — "Wait, Am I Digging Your Grave???"
Deadpool's face went white. His eyes went wide with disbelief, as if searching Mr. Paradox's expression for some trace of a joke.
"Why can't I go back?" His voice trembled slightly, every word squeezed out through gritted teeth, thick with frustration and confusion.
Mr. Paradox spoke slowly, his tone unwavering. "Your world is about to die. That's simply an unchangeable fact."
"What's happening to my world? What about my friends?" Something close to hysteria crept into Deadpool's demands. He couldn't fathom that world — the one full of laughter and battles — just quietly winking out of existence, and he couldn't stand to imagine his friends left to face that ending alone.
"You have two options," Mr. Paradox continued, tone still cold, like a man discussing something that had nothing to do with him. "Either you abandon your timeline and become a permanent member of the TVA, or you return to your timeline and stand alongside your friends as the end arrives."
Hearing that answer, Deadpool — normally afraid of absolutely nothing — felt genuine fear for the first time.
"That's impossible... why is this happening? How could an entire universe just die out?" Deadpool muttered, unable to accept the brutal reality of it, shaking his head over and over, trying to force the whole idea out of his mind.
Mr. Paradox seemed to read exactly what was going through his head, and explained calmly. "Every timeline has its own purpose and value — but every one of them also has a critical anchor point: an Anchor Being. If that being falls, the timeline loses its balance and inevitably decays toward extinction. Think of it like a movie's protagonist — remove him from the story, and the whole narrative simply can't continue."
A flood of images tore through Deadpool's mind — his friends, his battles, his whole life — all of it about to vanish along with the universe itself. He snapped his head up, a hard, determined light in his eyes. "So who's my world's Anchor Being? What happened to him?"
A thought surfaced in his mind, one he didn't want to believe, didn't dare to. But Mr. Paradox shattered whatever hope remained instantly. "Your universe's Anchor Being is Logan. Wolverine. He's already left this world. Which means your timeline is heading toward its end."
Deadpool's body shuddered slightly, a cold dread shooting straight up from his feet to his chest. He forced down the panic rising in him and pressed, urgent. "So how long do we have before the whole universe collapses?"
At that question, Mr. Paradox's brow furrowed. "In the old days, the TVA would've just crudely, efficiently pruned the timeline outright. These days, though... I'd estimate you've got about a thousand years left."
That answer left Mr. Paradox visibly irritated — before Loki's ascension, the TVA could've handled a doomed timeline like this cleanly, simply, without ceremony.
But Loki had abolished that method entirely.
At the answer, Deadpool turned to leave, eager to get word to his friends.
"You're sure you want to go back and just wait to die with them?" Mr. Paradox said, something loaded underneath the words.
"What do you mean by that?"
"Normally, sure, your world's got a thousand-some years left before it collapses. But I don't have that kind of patience. Why should I waste my time and manpower babysitting a universe that's already doomed anyway? It's a waste of resources. So I've decided — I'm going to use the Timeline Shredder to accelerate the deletion process. Give it about three days." Mr. Paradox's expression twisted into something openly vicious. Why should he burn that much time on some garbage universe?
His face contorted further, as if he could already taste the moment he'd become the true master of the universe, every rule and constraint dissolving into nothing. "I'm done being some passive caretaker. I'm going to be the one actually in control. In three days, your world — your friends — all of it, gone."
Fury surged through Deadpool the instant he heard that. He wasn't about to let anyone — not even some high-and-mighty TVA official — casually decide the fate of everyone he cared about like it was nothing. He lunged forward and drove a fist straight into Mr. Paradox's face, then, catching him off guard, snatched the time-pad right out of his hands.
His plan formed instantly: find another parallel universe's Wolverine, bring them back as a replacement Anchor Being for his own world.
That would solve everything. His universe would be safe.
Meanwhile, in another part of Universe 10005, our own Hell's Kitchen's Deadpool and Wolverine had arrived.
"Hey, so apparently this universe's version of you already kicked it, and the X-Men are basically extinct here too. You mutants are really struggling in this world, huh. Man, Hell's Kitchen's way better than this. Damn, this world doesn't even have a Hell's Kitchen. Guess that's only a thing in our world," Deadpool griped.
Wolverine, for his part, had already picked up on the internet and word of mouth exactly how tragically — and heroically — this world's older Wolverine had gone out.
He genuinely respected Old Iron Man too, apparently — the guy who'd sacrificed himself to protect the weak. That mattered.
"Death, for us, is basically a mercy," Wolverine said flatly. For guys like them, dying was the best possible ending they could hope for.
Suddenly Wolverine had an idea. "Let's go check out my grave in this world."
He'd regretted never getting to actually meet the man, but he wanted to pay his respects regardless.
"Sure, sure — man, I really wanna go home already. Should've never agreed to this mission with you. Those girls back at the bar are definitely missing me by now." Deadpool had no objections at all to visiting a grave.
Before long, the two of them followed the trail to the gravesite — but the closer they got, the more they could hear voices.
"Weird. Why would anyone be out here, in the middle of nowhere?"
"Maybe it's a couple getting frisky. Wouldn't be the first time — plenty of people are into that kind of thing."
Soon enough, they spotted a grave marked with an X — and dirt was actively spraying out of it in bursts.
"Whoa, Jackman — your grave's taking a dump!"
"No wait — someone's digging up your grave. Looks like you've got a super-devoted fan."
"MOTHERF—— wait, why am I the one digging up your grave??"
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