Chapter 373: Deadpool — "Hell's Kitchen: Room, Board, Full Benefits! Come Join Us!"
Out across that vast, desolate, uncanny wasteland, a weathered old van — its body scarred with scratches and rust — pushed forward like a stubborn wanderer, cutting through the edges of the Void, heading straight for Nova's heavily fortified stronghold.
The tires ground over the uneven, pitted terrain, the dull rumble of the engine standing in stark contrast to the tense silence inside the cab.
Inside, the air itself felt frozen solid — every set of eyes fixed on that seemingly endless road ahead, silence the only thing they all seemed to share.
That silence wasn't just tension about the coming fight — it carried the weight of every close call each of them had already lived through, hovering somewhere between life and death, more times than any of them could count.
In the middle of that suffocating quiet—
Hell's Deadpool finally couldn't take it anymore.
"Hey, guys, is this some kind of 'whoever stays quietest wins' contest? Come on, say something, this vibe is way too heavy — feels like we're on our way to the guillotine. This is a Deadpool chapter, not the Avengers, and none of you are that dead bastard the Director!"
(Note: "the Director" here strips a racial slur used to refer to Nick Fury — per established house policy.)
Deadpool broke the silence himself, unable to stand it any longer.
"So, once we've dealt with this Nova character, what's the actual plan? You're not seriously planning to just camp out here forever, right? The air's terrible, there's basically nobody around, and there's not even a bar with any decent-looking ladies. I genuinely don't know how you people have survived this long." Hell's Deadpool turned to the four long-term Void residents.
At the question, X-23 rolled her eyes and said nothing.
"Just staying alive out here counts as a win. We've never really had time to think past that." Gambit said, idly shuffling his cards.
In this place, they hadn't just had to dodge Nova's hunting parties — they'd also had to survive constant close calls with Alioth itself, the massive devouring storm. Making it this far already counted as a minor miracle. They'd started out with a lot more friends who shared their cause. Now there were only four of them left.
"Look, come hang with us. If you don't have anywhere in particular to go, why not Hell's Kitchen? Great benefits, and we take care of our own." Hell's Deadpool finally revealed what he'd been angling toward the whole time.
He might play the fool most of the time, but Deadpool understood Ethan's habits well enough — Ethan never said it outright, but he clearly loved recruiting talented people into Hell's Kitchen whenever he got the chance.
And these four mutants? Prime recruitment material, obviously.
Elektra — once, in fact, a former resident of Hell's Kitchen herself — gave the flattest, coldest reaction of the four.
"Hell's Kitchen? That old cesspool of crime? Even if it's changed since I left, I can't imagine trusting it as a real home. I remember the chaos and instability there too well to forget it."
Hell's Kitchen had been an absolute mess back in her day — she'd rather stay in the relative quiet of the Void, honestly.
The rest nodded along in agreement — whether through reputation alone or firsthand history with the place, none of them had especially fond memories of Hell's Kitchen.
Gambit added, breezy and joking, "Yeah, and honestly, if we're lucky enough to survive this, why not just join the Avengers or the X-Men outright? That's the dream stage every hero out there's been chasing forever."
"Ha, tell me about it — I tried joining the Avengers once and got flat-out rejected. That fat guy shot me down. I cursed him to stay single forever, and if he somehow does find someone, they're gonna leave him the second they can," the mainstream Deadpool chimed in.
At the mention of the Avengers, Hell's Deadpool let out a dismissive snort, puffing his chest out with pride. "Let me tell you something — our universe's Hell's Kitchen is nothing like whatever you're picturing. You people don't know the first thing about it. Sure, it used to be Kingpin's turf, but my buddy Ethan? He's Kingpin's own godson!"
"Kingpin handed the whole territory over to Ethan ages ago, retired from the criminal life entirely, and now he's a city councilman for the Big Apple, basically on track to be mayor any day now. Not too shabby, huh?"
Hearing Kingpin was on track to become mayor of the Big Apple only hardened Elektra's resolve never to go anywhere near Deadpool's Hell's Kitchen. If Hell's Kitchen used to be chaotic just under Kingpin's regular control, imagine what the whole city would look like with the man as mayor. She genuinely wasn't sure if she'd lost her mind or if that entire universe had.
Hell's Deadpool kept going. "And don't even get me started on that garbage Avengers of yours — we wiped them off the map already. Whole army of those clowns tried to invade Hell's Kitchen, and me and Ethan cleaned house. Just the two of us. Absolutely wrecked them."
"WAIT. You guys actually wiped out the Avengers?! Does that mean Tony, Steve, Natasha — all of them — are dead?! I'm gonna avenge them!" The mainstream Deadpool couldn't have wanted a partnership with them more if he tried.
(Natasha happens to be one of my exes! MY EX! Author, how DARE you!)
The mainstream Deadpool had, for a moment, genuinely believed Natasha and the rest were actually dead.
"There's no way. Hell's Kitchen's got that kind of firepower? Any random Hulk could probably level the whole place solo," Gambit said, skeptical.
"Eh, Captain Marvel, all of them — Ethan already took care of every one of them personally. The Avengers disbanded. The Hulk's actually on our side now, teaching alongside Beast at the Hell's Kitchen school."
"And that's not even the half of it — basically every mutant you're thinking of, the X-Men, the Brotherhood, all of them, joined Hell's Kitchen because of Ethan. Daredevil, Tony Stark, all in. We're literally the biggest superhero organization on the planet at this point, no contest."
"So — you in? Full benefits package, half-off rent, and we'll even set you up on dates."
At Deadpool's impassioned pitch, everyone in the van went dead silent.
The mainstream Deadpool felt a real pang of envy — this other-universe Deadpool clearly had it made. If his own universe weren't hanging in the balance right now, he might genuinely have considered joining Hell's Kitchen himself.
"Don't believe me? Ask Logan!" Watching the four mutants' skeptical faces, Hell's Deadpool pointed straight at Logan, riding shotgun.
"Yeah, more or less matches what he said. Mutants back in our world are genuinely better off than in most universes I've seen. Life's actually good for us in Hell's Kitchen — so far, anyway." Logan, for once, didn't push back.
Under Ethan's management, at least, Hell's Kitchen had proven remarkably inclusive — and fiercely protective of its own people.
Gambit and the others trusted Logan a lot more than they trusted Deadpool's word. They knew, at least, that Logan wasn't the type to lie.
Hearing Logan's confirmation, genuine curiosity about Hell's Kitchen — and about Ethan himself — started stirring in all four of them.
Right then, Blade, at the wheel, suddenly gunned the engine, the roaring rumble shattering the cab's tense silence entirely. "All right, everybody, get ready. We're about to go in hot!"
They'd nearly reached their destination — Nova's stronghold, a bizarre structure built from the massive bones of some enormous ant-creature, looming out of the barren landscape, impossible to miss.
The base itself was proof enough of both Nova's power and her madness — and a grim preview of exactly how brutal the coming fight was about to be.
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