The night air hits me like a slap. Cold. Sharp. Real. It rushes into my lungs too fast, like I forgot how to breathe inside that lounge. Like everything in there was too heavy, too warm, too much. Out here, it's different. Out here, I can think. …or at least, I'm supposed to.
I don't stop walking. I don't even think about where I'm going—I just move. One step after another, shoes hitting pavement in a rhythm that almost feels grounding. Almost.
Because my head? It's a mess.
"Stupid…" I mutter under my breath, dragging a hand through my hair, gripping it slightly like I can pull the thoughts out. "Why did I even go?" My voice sounds small. Lost. Embarrassed.
Because I know exactly why I went. I just don't want to admit it. Because you like him.
I stop walking. Just like that. The thought lands too clean. Too fast. Too accurate. My chest tightens, and I shake my head immediately, like I can physically reject it.
"No," I say out loud, my voice sharper this time, defensive. "I don't. I barely know him." That's true. Right? I mean—what do I actually know about Lucifer?
He's rich.He cooks.He took care of me.He looks at me like I matter.
…
I inhale sharply. "Yeah. That's the problem." Because it's not enough. It shouldn't be enough. And yet.
My mind drifts anyway.To the way he said my name.To the way his fingers brushed mine, not once, but twice. To the way he noticed everything. My nerves. My silence. The way I was falling apart in front of him. And still stayed. And still… looked at me like that.
I exhale slowly, but it comes out shaky. "…Shit..."
My phone buzzes. The sound cuts through everything. I freeze mid-step. I don't need to check. I already know. Still… my hand moves anyway, almost against my will, pulling the phone out of my pocket.
The screen lights up.
Lucifer:Where are you?
My heart stutters. Not fast like before. Different. Heavier. Another buzz.
Lucifer:Don't disappear on me like that.
Disappear. The word hits weird. Like I'm something that can just… vanish. Like I mattered enough to notice.
My grip on the phone tightens slightly. "I didn't disappear," I mutter, even though he can't hear me. "I left."
Because what else was I supposed to do? Stay there? Sit between him and his ex, because that's what Daniel clearly was, and pretend everything was fine? Pretend I wasn't completely out of my depth?
I open the chat. Stare at the messages. My thumbs hover over the keyboard.
Type.
Stop.
Delete.
Type again.
Arlo:I told you. I don't do this.
I hit send before I can overthink it. The reply comes instantly.
Three dots.
Gone.
Back again.
My heart starts racing, louder now, echoing in my ears like it's trying to drown everything else out.
Lucifer:Arlo. Let me explain.
I stare at the words. Let me explain. It's simple. So simple. Too simple. Because a part of me. A really stupid part of me. Wants to turn around. Wants to walk back into that lounge, sit down across from him, and just… listen. Wants to believe there's a reasonable explanation.
That Daniel was just… a coincidence. That Lucifer didn't hesitate because he had something to hide. That the silence didn't mean anything. But the other part of me? The louder part?
The one that's been burned before, even if not like this? It remembers the feeling. That moment. The way everything shifted.
The way I asked "What does that mean?" And got nothing. Not even a lie. Just silence. I swallow hard. "…No," I whisper. My voice is quieter now. Less angry. More… certain. Because I know myself. If I go back now. If I let him explain. I'll forgive him. And I don't even know what I'd be forgiving.
I lock my phone. The screen goes dark. But the feeling doesn't. It lingers in my chest, heavy and uncomfortable, like something unfinished. Something unresolved.
I shove my phone back into my pocket and start walking again. Faster this time. Like I can outrun it. Like I can leave it behind on the pavement, somewhere between the lounge and whatever this thing between us even is.
But it doesn't work. Because no matter how far I go. He's still there. In my head.In my chest.
In the way my steps hesitate for just a second…
…Every time I think about turning back.