I had to bite the inside of my cheek so hard I nearly drew real blood just to stop myself from laughing right out loud in front of the entire stadium.
The announcer's voice boomed through the magical amplification runes, echoing off the high stone vaults of the gymnasium with absolute, deadpan seriousness
"Moving forward with our exhibition! Up next, we have a clash of the upperclassmen! Representing the third-year elites, the master of viscous manipulation, Sticky Sperm! And his opponent, representing the graduating fourth-year class, Yellow Volcano!"
I quickly exited the shimmering mana dome, retrieving my black umbrella from the weapon rack and snapping it open to shield myself from the creeping sunspots. As I walked down the stone staging tunnel to head back toward the player area, I crossed paths with the incoming third-year student.
It was Sticky Sperm himself.
I took one look at him and completely lost my composure, letting out a loud, mocking laugh under the shade of my umbrella. His human skill was slime manipulation, the ability to generate and control highly viscous, adhesive slime from his palms. To make matters a thousand times worse, his specialized slime was thick, opaque, and entirely milky white. He was walking out there with his hands already dripping with white goo, completely oblivious to how utterly ridiculous his chosen battle name sounded.
Hearing my laughter, the third-year stopped dead in his tracks. His face flushed a bright, angry crimson, and the white slime bubbling around his knuckles began to hiss aggressively.
He glared down his nose at me, his eyes narrowing in pure venom.
"Whatcha laughing at, huh?! You think winning one lucky round against a sophomore makes you a king, you penniless slum kid? Just you wait. Once I'm done with this match, I'll clog that arrogant mouth of yours with my slime and beat you flat!"
I just tilted my black umbrella back, giving him a lazy, entirely unimpressed shrug with Zenni's signature troublemaker smirk.
"Hey, man, good luck out there. Just make sure you wash your hands when you're done. You're leaving a trail on the floor."
Leaving the furious third-year grumbling and cursing behind me, I strolled back out toward the edge of the arena stalls, eager to see how this absurd match would play out under the watchful, highly suspicious eyes of the Archivist.
I walked over to the designated participant benches just outside the shimmering perimeter of the mana dome. Sitting down, I propped my black umbrella over my shoulder, comfortably resting in its cool shadow as I prepared to watch the absurdity unfold.
Across the sandy ring from the white-slime-wielding third-year stood …Yellow Volcano... The graduating fourth-year was an entirely different beast compared to the previous fighters. He wasn't a standard fire mage, his human skill was magma creation. The dense, bubbling heat radiating off his body was far hotter and infinitely more destructive than a common flame spell. Even from behind the protective glass of the barrier, I could feel the temperature in the gymnasium steadily rising.
But despite his intimidating aura, Yellow Volcano couldn't maintain his serious composure for long. He took one look at his opponent's dripping, milky-white hands and burst into a booming, mocking laugh that echoed across the arena floor.
"Hahaha! What in the world is that pathetic name?! Are you trying to defeat me with magic, or are you just trying to gross the entire stadium to death?!" Yellow Volcano jeered, pointing a glowing, molten finger at him.
Sticky Sperm completely snapped. His face went from angry crimson to a furious purple, and the thick white slime bubbling over his forearms violently expanded, dripping heavy globs onto the dirt.
"Shut up! Shut your fucking mouth! My original idea submitted to the office was …Sticky Slime! But my half-deaf, senile old adviser completely misheard it on the form and registered me as Sperm! The registry is locked for the semester! I swear I'll kill you for laughing at me, you magma-brained freak!"
The revelation only made Yellow Volcano laugh harder, his shoulders shaking as small sparks of yellow plasma dripped from his mouth.
"Oh, that's even better! A tragic clerical error! Don't worry, Sperm, I'll make sure to incinerate you quickly so you don't have to live with the shame anymore!"
"I'll drown you in this viscous hell!" Sticky Sperm roared back, throwing himself into a combat stance.
Up in the stands, the entire student body was in stitches. Aisha, Amelia, and Cindy were hiding their blushing faces behind their hands, laughing uncontrollably at the absolute disaster of a conversation happening in the center of the ring. Even from the VIP balcony, I could see my sister Elicia pinching the bridge of her nose in deep, profound administrative regret, while the Archivist merely stared down with a deadpan, deeply judgmental expression.
TWEEEEET!
The sharp, deafening blast of Miss Karrie's whistle cut through the mockery. The banter instantly died, replaced by a sudden, violent surge of magical energy as both upperclassmen prepared to unleash hell.
The moment the whistle echoed through the stadium, Sticky Sperm didn't hesitate. Fueled by pure, unadulterated humiliation, he slammed both of his sticky hands flat onto the arena sand.
"Viscous Surge!" he roared.
Instantly, a dozen thick, jagged white spikes of hardened slime erupted from the ground directly beneath Yellow Volcano's boots, shooting upward like a forest of pale spears. But the fourth-year was lightning fast. A blinding flash of yellow light erupted from his core as he triggered his passive defense.
"Magma Burst!"
A shockwave of liquid rock exploded outward, the intense, blistering heat instantly vaporizing and melting the white slime spikes into harmless puddles of bubbling goo before they could pierce his uniform.
"Too slow!" Yellow Volcano cheered.
But the melting spikes were just a distraction. Piercing right through the steam and smoke, Sticky Sperm leaped forward, his face twisted in rage. As he airborne, the white slime covering his arms rapidly molded and condensed, hardening into a sharp, gleaming, milky-white slime sword. With a desperate, high-velocity swing, he struck directly at Yellow Volcano.
The fourth-year raised his heavy, magma-imbued fists to block the blade, but the sheer velocity of the strike caught him off guard.
SLASH!
The slime sword cut right through the outer layer of molten rock, leaving a clean, shallow laceration across Yellow Volcano's magma-infused forearm. But the victory was short-lived. The moment the blade made contact with the intense, volcanic heat of the senior's skin, the white slime sword melted in an instant, turning into a runny, dripping fluid that hissed loudly as it evaporated off the glowing knuckles.
Yellow Volcano stepped back, looking down at the small cut on his arm, and then at his opponent who was now holding nothing but a dripping, melted stub. A wide, sadistic grin split across his face, and he burst into a booming, mocking laugh that echoed through the entire gymnasium dome.
"Hahaha! Did you seriously just try to stab me with a sperm sword?! Look at you! Your little weapon couldn't even handle a little bit of heat before it went completely limp! Is that the absolute best the third-years can do?!" Yellow Volcano bellowed, holding his stomach as he pointed his uninjured hand at the trembling third-year.
Up in the bleachers, the second and third-year students were groaning in second-hand embarrassment, while the freshman boys in my section were absolutely losing it, howling with laughter.
Sitting safely beneath the shade of my black umbrella, I leaned back against the bench, a lazy smirk on my face.
"The guy's got decent tactical transitions, but fighting a magma-type with a heat-sensitive liquid affinity is a logistical nightmare. If he doesn't change his strategy fast, Yellow Volcano is going to turn this arena into a literal frying pan." I thought, analyzing Sticky Sperm's movement with my hidden hunter instincts.
Sticky Sperm's face twisted into an expression of pure, desperate rage. Refusing to back down, his white goo flared with mana once more as he molded a second slime sword, stepping forward aggressively. Yellow Volcano smirked, his fists glowing a brilliant, blinding yellow as he readied his core to cast a finishing magma spell.
But the fourth-year had gotten too arrogant. He was completely focused on the weapon in front of him, entirely missing the fact that a pool of transparent, sticky slime from the previous exchange had silently slithered across the sand, pooling right beneath his heavy leather boots.
"Got you, you magma-brained bastard! Viscous Bind!". Sticky Sperm roared, clenching his fist.
Instantly, the white slime at Yellow Volcano's feet shot upward like a nest of hungry pythons. It rapidly wrapped around his ankles, torso, and shoulders, hardening in a fraction of a second and completely immobilizing him.
"What the…?!"
Yellow Volcano grunted, his eyes widening as he found himself completely pinned. He instantly reacted, channeling a massive surge of volcanic mana to begin incinerating the thick slime from the inside out, but the thick, milky fluid was dense enough to buy a few crucial seconds.
Seizing his golden opportunity, Sticky Sperm leaped high into the air, raising his slime sword over his head, pouring every ounce of his remaining mana into a final, lethal downward strike.
But a graduating fourth-year elite wasn't that easy to put down.
Just as Sticky Sperm reached the apex of his jump, Yellow Volcano let out a guttural roar. The pure, explosive heat of his magma completely melted the bindings around his upper torso, tearing his hands free a split second ahead of schedule. With a vicious upward thrust, Yellow Volcano didn't just block, he spewed a torrent of pressurized, molten magma straight up into Sticky Sperm's descending face.
Panicking mid-air, Sticky Sperm abandoned his offensive stance and frantically generated a thick, spiked white slime shield to protect himself.
FZZZZZZT!
It was completely useless. The molten magma was far too hot. It didn't just melt the slime shield, it vaporized it instantly, tearing right through the defense and blasting directly onto Sticky Sperm's face and upper body.
A blood-curdling shriek of pure agony echoed through the vaulted gymnasium. The sheer intensity of the volcanic heat violently burned away the skin and tissue of his face, rendering a horrific glimpse of scorched flesh and raw bone in a matter of seconds. He crashed violently into the sand, his body convulsing as he collapsed, groaning in agonizing, breathless pain.
The celebratory atmosphere in the stadium vanished in a heartbeat. Aisha, Amelia, and Cindy gasped, covering their eyes in horror, while the rest of the student body fell into a stunned, dead silence.
"Stop! Yellow Volcano, that is enough! You win!" Miss Karrie yelled, her authoritative voice cutting through the panic.
She immediately lowered the mana dome and rushed onto the field. Her hands glowed with a brilliant, high-tier green light as she applied her advanced healing magic, frantically closing the raw wounds and regenerating the scorched tissue on the third-year's ruined face before the damage became permanent.
Yellow Volcano slowly lowered his glowing fists, looking down at the groaning, healed student with a cold, ruthless sneer. He spit a glob of molten saliva onto the sand right next to Sticky Sperm's head.
"Pathetic piece of trash, you shouldn't have stepped into the ring with a name like that if you couldn't even handle a little heat." he muttered loudly, his rude words echoing in the quiet gym.
The announcer's voice finally cracked through the awkward, heavy silence of the coliseum,
"A-After a brutal, decisive display of upperclassman power... the winner of the second bout is Yellow Volcano!"
Sitting back on the participant bench, I slowly adjusted the angle of my black umbrella, my eyes narrowing beneath the dark fabric. The display of raw violence didn't faze my hunter instincts in the slightest, I had seen far worse on the battlefield, but it gave me a perfect read on my potential next opponent. Yellow Volcano was strong, hot-headed, and completely ruthless. But as I glanced up at the VIP balcony and caught the dark, calculating gaze of the Archivist still scanning the arena, I knew the real danger wasn't the magma mage in the ring. The trap was still open, and the next round was going to be the true test of my cover.
Then Yellow volcano gazed at me and pointed his magma hands at me with a discerning look.
"My, my, your turn first year."