I walked up to the mirror in silence, it's been a while I saw myself full. That mirror held me without judgment—just as perfect, silent witness.
I stood before the mirror for a while, eyes tracing every inch of myself as if confirming something essential had remained intact. No trembling hands, no uneven breath, no visible fracture beneath the surface, most importantly—no stain.....nothing like the first time three years back—I wasn't built for such all—anyways I am here, no regret.
"Thank God….." I murmured with a slow exhale under my breath while my fingers smoothened over the fabric of my dress, pressing down the visible creases. "No stain this time….."my words came in ring rang tone. The thought of blood soaking into something new, something I had chosen carefully, irritated me.
"My goodness....." a faint smile curved slowly. "Oh, my pretty thing...…" my voice softened, almost fond. "Only if I could make Theo here…." For a brief second, I imagined his gaze—not shocked, not disgusted for once—but appreciative. A small smile deepened.
Behind me something shifted. A faint sound.
I turned slowly.
Gease lay sprawled across the bed, his body sinking into the dark red sheet that swallowed everything too easily. His chest still moved—barely—each breath swallowed. Reluctant. As if his body has not yet accepted what had already happened to it.
I stared at him for a moment, head lifting ever so slightly, curiosity flickering where something else should have been.
"I don't like this." I stepped closer, each footfall soft, unhurried. "If you're going to die….." my voice lowered, almost gentle. As if I was offering advice rather than an ending. "...then die properly."
The knife felt natural in my hand, as if it understood me better than anything could. His eyes flickered, barely focusing, barely aware. There was confusion there, maybe fear—but it arrived too late to matter.
I drove the blade down. Once.
A dull, resisting impact. Then again. Again.
His body reacted weakly, a shallow gasp caught somewhere in his throat. "Still?" I whispered, watching closely, almost intrigued by how long the body insisted on pretending. A faint crease formed between my brows. "You're making this harder ...…." The blade shifted across his neck just enough to quiet what was remained.
And then— nothing.
No breath. No resistance.
I stepped back, letting the scene settle into itself. The bed absorbed everything, the dark fabric hiding what lighter colors betrayed. "Even if they notice...." I murmured glancing around the room, "….who here would care to ask." The obvious answer—no one.
I sat in silence beside the corpse for few moments, letting the time pass—allowing for the traces of movements to settle. Only then did I move again, opening the cupboard with a soft creak. Inside, there was nothing of real value—discarded items, forgotten belongings—until mu hands brushed against a large cloth bag.
Old. Torn. Durable.
I pulled it out, unfolding it slowly, examining its size with a thoughtful tilt of my head. "This works."
Fitting him inside required adjustment—his limbs resisting in ways that felt inconvenient rather than disturbing. I pressed, shifted, folded him carefully, methodically until he fit within space provided.
"See?" I muttered under my breath. "You're manageable now."
The window opened easily—I had already checked earlier. The back of the building stretched into emptiness, dim and unguarded, exactly as I had expected.
Perfect.
With a controlled push, I sent the bag over. It landed with a muted thud below, swallowed instantly by the silence. No voices. No footsteps. No interruption,
I washed my hands thoroughly, watching the water run clear, as if nothing had ever touched them. As if nothing had ever happened.
When I stepped out of the room, the world had already moved on.
The hallway was louder now—filled with smoke, laughter, bodies pressed too close, intentional worn openly. No one looked at me twice. No one ever does when they're too busy indulging themselves.
At the counter, the manager remained exactly as before—beard heavy, cap low, eyes hidden beneath shadow. Smoke curled lazily from his lips.
"It's done," I said calmly.
He didn't response in words. Just a faint movement of his hand—dismissal, acknowledgements, indifference all in one.
I smile curled faintly. "Charming place," I murmured as I turned away. "Really."
Outside, the night greeted me like nothing had changed. I circled back, retrieved the bag, dragging it across uneven ground. It was heavy, yes—but manageable. Everything become manageable eventually.
A taxi arrived after a short wait. The driver barely glanced at me, his tired eyes dulled by repetition and survival. I gave him the address—Annapela Corridor—and settled in.
The ride was quiet. Long enough for the world to blur into something meaningless.
By the time I reached, it was past three. The streets were empty, the silence thick and undisturbed. I looked around—always so gleeful to live in such backward area with no security.
My apartment building just stood there, old enough to have needed any protection. No guards as I preferred.
Dragging the bag into my underground room almost felt routine. The door locked behind me with a soft click, sealing everything in.
The bathroom was already prepared—white plastic covering almost every inch, every corner. Clean. Anticipated. Things I liked to prepare before head.
I slipped on those shame gloved from under the mattress, flexing my fingers once before beginning.
Time dissolved into motion.
Precise cuts. Careful separation. Controlled reduction.
The smell hit, sharp and invasive, forcing a alight wrinkle on my nose. "Disgusting….." the murmur came on its own, "no matter how many times..."
I continued. Piece by piece, everything was sorted—bones broken down further, flesh separated, contained in smaller coverings. Organized. Efficient. I was no less than a butcher—a human butcher. I was at sin, but stopping here wasn't even taking me to heaven either...
By the time I finished, the clock edge toward morning. Six.
I cleaned thoroughly, removing every trace, every mark, every mistake that could have existed.
Outside, the world had begun again.
The bones were discarded easily—hidden among waste no one cared to examine. The flesh required more thought.
There stood a cheap restaurant not far from my home. Cheap meats, early deliveries, careless workers.
Perfect one.
I walked casually, blending into routine, carrying what I needed to disappear. The mini truck had already arrived the entrance. As I always saw—two workers. One of them dozing off inside the truck. All the things moving in predictable patterns.
Timing mattered. Distraction mattered. And I understood both.
While he moved fast in a hush to put off his work, I moved a bit closer to the back of the truck. Looked around, there was no one paying attention. Just a granny far off to the left side warming herself against coal fire.
That worker just took one of the boxes inside, it was a perfect moment. I slipped the contents from my plastic bag—quietly, carefully—into the boxes among everything else. It looked wrong, perhaps—but not wrong enough to question.
I moved back away as if nothing happened. There was no one to notice.... Such good nature of humans to sleep for long hours in winter.
A quiet satisfaction settled deep within me as I walked through the fog in the cold morning. Rubbing my hands in excitement, then nonchalantly throwing away those plastic in the dustbin on the way.
This was again a great job now.
.....
Back home I was again sanitizing the bathroom. A small mirror hung on the wall enough to capture my eyes. "This could've easier...." I murmured under my breath, a faint smile touching my lips. ".....but where's the fun in that?" suddenly I witnessed my reflections smirking back at me.
And somewhere, buried beneath everything else, a thought lingered—quiet persistent, almost...…soft.
'Theo would've hated this.'
And that thought—more than anything—still made me continue my job despite the disgust I had in myself at times.
After that I headed to my room with my favorite music playing.
Sleep came easily. It always after something ended properly. My body sank into that old mattress without resistance, muscles loosening one by one as if they had been waiting for permission to stop pretending.
Again, I dreamed the same...those same dreams revolving around My love. I loved to sleep, not in real then perhaps in dreams I could be near him.
When I opened my eyes again, the room had shifted into afternoon. The held my body with lazy stillness, unmoving for a few seconds—staring at the old ceiling—the paint was peeling off...
Then the phone buzzed. Once. I reached it out of habit.
"Come collect. 5PM."
A faint smile touched my lips. "Money I murmured under my breath, sitting up slowly. My body still felt heavy, but not tired.
My stomach twisted faintly. Hunger. "Right…."
The packet of ramen sat where I had left it, untouched, ordinary—so painfully ordinary it almost felt ironic. I prepared it without thinking, watching the steam rise as if it were something meaningful. Then I ate, quietly, mechanically, scrolling through nothing in particular.
How strange…..i thought faintly. To reduce a body into pieces in one moment...and feed this one the next.
A soft exhale. "No connection," I whispered.
...…
The riverbank greeted me the same way it always did—indifferent, patient, endless. The water moved slowly, carrying everything without discrimination, without memory, it was one of few places that felt...honest.
He was already there.
Black hoodie, cap up enough to cover more than half of his face. Mask. Stillness.
Always the same.
I approached without hesitation. There's no point in trying to read him—I had tried before. Silence was his only language.
He extended the bag. Leather. Black.
I took it. no words exchanged. No acknowledgement needed.
He turned and left. Just like that.
I watched him disappear into the distance, his figure dissolving into the evening light like something that had never had been in the first place.
I didn't leave immediately. instead, sat there—near the edge, eyes drifting towards the water. It moved slowly, endlessly, carrying unseen things beneath its surface.
A quiet thought slipped in. uninvited. Unforced.
'If I ever die...…'
My gaze softened slightly.
'...…It should be in water.'
I had these thoughts more than once. The urge to die in water, the urge to drown.....I don't have enough words to explain. I want that water to swallow me whole—cold. Silent. Wrapping around me until everything fades.
A faint smile curled at my lips.
....
By the time I stood up again, the sky had begun to dim. Everything settled in quietly, stretching shadows longer, deeper.
I returned home. Hid the money bag under the table, the things needed to be done with it would be done tomorrow—I thought.
I looked back to my almirah. Selected clothes hund there—but all were useful ones. I picked one and changed.
Black oversized top. Gray baggy jeans. Hairs braided back tightly, neatly—nothing that would attract attention. Just another face. Another body in the crowd.
Invisible.
Exactly how I liked. Exactly how I could roam out there, out there in the public with no one bothering to give a second glance.
I decided to go out this night—I usually did. Who would bother to cook, I don't like it that much. But if Theo joins someday, I would probably give my best at cooking.....
With a faint smile I headed out.
,.....
Again I chose the same restaurant. The same one located at the side city.
The restaurant wasn't special. Not really. But it was enough bright enough to feel alive, crowded enough to disappear into. The kind of place where no one remembers you five minutes after you leave.
Perfect.
I said down, ordered something simple, vegetarian as always. The irony brushed past by mind again but I didn't dual onto it.
People love labels, I thought, scrolling through something meaningless on my phone, earphones slipping into place as if the defined anything that matters.
I took a bite, chewing slowly, absentmindedly, letting teh noise around me blur into the background.
Then-- I looked up.
Quiet a people around. Family with children, teenagers having night Hangouts. Quiet lively indeed.
The only I saw him.....
My love-- Theo.....