Three days after the night everything went sideways, Alya decided she was fine.
Not performing fine. Actually fine.
The thing Seth had said was a mistake. He'd owned it. She'd called it out clearly and he'd actually heard her, which was more than most people managed. She wasn't going to hold it over him longer than it deserved.
She opened the app.
Alya: okay I started a new show and I have thoughts
Seth: good morning to you too
Alya: it's afternoon
Seth: I just woke up
Alya: Seth it's two pm
Seth: the figuring it out era has flexible hours. what show
She smiled before she could stop herself.
Alya: it's called Phantom Gate. it's older, you've probably seen it
Seth: heard of it. haven't watched
Alya: okay so the premise sounds completely generic at first. portal fantasy, chosen one, the whole setup. but the writing does something in episode three that reframes everything before it and I haven't recovered
Seth: what does it do?
Alya: I don't want to spoil it
Seth: then why are you bringing it up?
Alya: because I needed to tell someone and you're the only person I talk to about this stuff
She sent it without thinking.
Then looked at it on the screen.
That was completely true. She talked to other people. She had friends, a cousin, a life outside this app. But for this specific thing, the pulling apart of stories and arguing about whether the writing held up and staying up too late because the conversation was more interesting than sleep, there was only him.
She hadn't fully registered that until just now.
Seth: okay that's actually really nice to hear
Alya: don't make it weird
Seth: I'm not making it weird. I'm just saying. I feel the same
Alya: about Phantom Gate?
Seth: about the other part
A beat.
Alya: watch episode three and then we can talk properly
Seth: you want me to watch it right now?
Alya: I want you to watch it whenever. I'm just saying the conversation will be better once you have
Seth: so you're already planning our next conversation?
Alya: I'm planning a better argument. that's different
Seth: sure it is. give me forty minutes
He sent a screenshot forty minutes later. The episode three timestamp sat in the corner of the screen.
Below it, just three question marks.
Alya: I KNOW
Seth: that changes everything. the whole first arc
Alya: everything. rewatch the scene in episode one where she looks at the gate and doesn't go through
Seth: …that's not hesitation
Alya: she's been there before
Seth: she already knows what it costs her and she goes through anyway
Alya: which makes her the most tragic character in the show before we even know her name properly
Seth: okay this show is doing serious things
Alya: told you
Seth: you told me
They talked about it for two hours.
She forgot to eat lunch. She didn't notice until her mother knocked and said dinner was ready and she looked up and the whole afternoon had disappeared.
She went to get her plate, came back, and found three new messages waiting.
Seth: okay I watched episode four
Seth: I'm not okay
Seth: why did you do this to me?
Alya: you're welcome
Seth: this is NOT a thank you situation
Alya: it absolutely is. you just don't know it yet
Seth: episode five is loading
Alya: go. we'll talk after
Seth: you're not watching with me?
Alya: I've already seen it
Seth: watch it again
Alya: I have food
Seth: eat and watch
She looked at her plate. Then at the screen.
Alya: …fine
So she ate her dinner and they watched the same episode in separate cities and texted reactions in real time. Which was not a normal thing to do with someone she'd known for just over a month.
She didn't examine it. She just kept watching.
By the time episode five ended it was past nine.
Seth: the mentor character. I called it in episode two
Alya: everyone calls it in episode two. the show wants you to call it
Seth: so I was supposed to be wrong
Alya: you were supposed to think you were right. there's a difference
Seth: okay the show is actively manipulating me and I respect it
Alya: that's the only correct response
Seth: you knew all of this was coming and watched me react in real time
Alya: yes
Seth: that's genuinely cruel
Alya: I prefer the word entertaining
Seth: 😭 you're the worst
Alya: and yet...
She sent it and immediately knew what she'd done.
His line. From weeks ago. The one that had made her put the phone down for four seconds because she hadn't known what to do with it.
She waited to see if he caught it.
Seth: …did you just?
Alya: I don't know what you're talking about
Seth: you absolutely do
Alya: watch episode six
Seth: Alya
Alya: the show is waiting
Seth: we're coming back to this
Alya: sure
Seth: I mean it
Alya: episode six. go
He went.
She put the phone face up on the bed and lay back and looked at the ceiling.
She thought about what she'd said earlier without planning to. You're the only person I talk to about this stuff.
Completely true. Said it like it was nothing. Like it wasn't the kind of thing that told you everything about where you actually were with someone.
Her phone buzzed.
Seth: episode six just ended and I have feelings and questions and I need you to be available
She picked it up immediately.
Alya: I'm here
Seth: okay. first question
Seth: the gate. if it costs her something every time she goes through. why does she keep going?
Alya: because the thing on the other side matters more than what it costs
Seth: but she never even says what the thing is
Alya: you don't have to say it for it to be worth paying for
A pause. Longer than his usual.
Seth: that's going in the notes app
Alya: it's just a line about the show
Seth: it really isn't though
Alya: Seth
Seth: I'm just saying. it applies to more than the show
She looked at the ceiling again.
She knew exactly what he meant. She also knew that if she followed that thread right now at nine thirty at night after two hours of feeling completely normal together for the first time since the other night, she would end up somewhere she hadn't prepared for.
Alya: episode seven tomorrow?
Seth: dodging
Alya: resting
Seth: 😂 okay. episode seven tomorrow
Alya: goodnight Seth
Seth: goodnight
Seth: hey
She waited.
Seth: the 'and yet' thing
Alya: what about it?
Seth: you didn't say it by accident, right?
She stared at the screen.
He was right. She hadn't. She'd reached for it the way you reach for something that belongs to you, without thinking, and sent it before she finished deciding.
She could deny it. She had the words ready.
Alya: goodnight
Seth: 😌 goodnight Alya
She put the phone face down.
Then face up.
The show was still open on her other app. She scrolled back to the episode three timestamp, the moment where everything changed and rewatched the gate scene.
The girl stands at the gate.
She knows what it costs.
She goes through anyway.
Alya closed the app.
She lay in the dark and thought about the line she'd said without planning to and the notes app entry it had apparently just become and the fact that he'd known she didn't say it by accident even before she'd fully admitted it to herself.
She thought about it applies to more than the show.
She thought about the thing on the other side of the gate and whether knowing what it cost was supposed to make you stop or just mean you'd already decided.
Her phone lit up one more time.
Seth: I'm on episode seven
Seth: I can't sleep either apparently
She looked at the message for a long moment.
Then she opened her own app, found episode seven, and pressed play.
She didn't tell him she was watching.
She didn't have to.