Mohamad paces the penthouse.
It should have settled by now. It hasn't. Her voice. Her face. The way she looked at him—
His jaw tightens.
He needs to see her. Not want. Need.
His fingers flex once. Then still. Control. Always control.
Tonight—he'll test her.
###
The U-shaped sofa is occupied, but the side opposite Mr. Silence is empty—the only spot where I can fit as Mr. Silence surrounds himself with five women. Jason sits with a Japanese man and two other hostesses in the back. Alisa sits to Mr. Silence's left while he maintains his typical composed demeanor. He ignores me as I observe their interactions, puzzled by the lack of apparent attraction between him and this Russian woman.
I look at the other women around him; all of them are tall, model-like, or possess curvaceous figures. Among them, I'm the most diminutive and the only Asian. I was so engrossed with him that I failed to realize I didn't fit the mold of the women he usually finds appealing. What attracts him to me, then? I guess it doesn't matter anymore.
A bittersweet smile paste on my lips as I come to terms with the end of what never started. Though disheartened by this reluctant acceptance, I find solace in unraveling the mystery that had consumed me, allowing myself to finally move on from this fixation.
I exhale, my body easing as I lift my gaze. His eyes, burning with intensity and a lingering trace of anger, meet mine. Why does his anger toward me persist?
Is it my outfit? Casting my gaze downwards, I study my modest, midi-length A-line dress with short sleeves, which conceals everything save for my lower arms and mid-calf. I thought he disapproved of my previous, more revealing attire, even though my intention was to allure him. So busy with my thoughts, I fail to see that only the three of us remain in the room. Believing he desires solitude with Alisa, I sling my purse over my shoulder, rise to my feet, and turn toward the door.
"I love you.... I'm in love with you."
I freeze at the sound of his confession from behind me.
Panic-stricken, I spin around just in time to witness the tender smile adorning his face as he looks at Alisa with affection. A jolt of pain, akin to a stabbing sensation, seizes my stomach. My eyes lock onto her flushed face as she straightens up, pride swelling within her. "Of course you are," she says matter-of-factly.
Rage flares within me at her audacious reaction. She'll break his heart. As I shift my concerned gaze to him, his unwavering stare is on me with an unnerving intensity. Why are you staring at me? Look at her, my love, can't you see that she doesn't love you?
I blink at the large room, feeling like the third wheel. I hurry towards the door.
Once outside, I glare at the door, wanting to set it ablaze. Whirling around, seething with anger, I lock eyes with Jason. Struggling to contain my fury, I stammer, "Oh... they're in there... they might... need a moment."
He gestures for me to follow him into the adjoining room, and I trail behind. As we settle into our seats, he places an envelope in front of me. "Ace, thank you for all your hard work. We won't need your services anymore."
My eyes fall on the cash envelope as I desperately fight to hold back the tears welling up, threatening to spill out. I know the ending is coming. I thought I was prepared for it. But it can't be helped.
"I understand," is all I can muster as I avert my gaze to avoid his eyes. He rises and leaves the room as my tears finally break free, streaming uncontrollably down my face.
I fix my glare on the shared wall between the two rooms, acutely aware that he is on the other side with her. Heartbreak consumes me, and there is nothing I can do about it. But the fury I feel toward her—recalling her smug demeanor when he confessed—dominates my emotions and is something I can take action on. Swallowing hard to keep the tears at bay, I pull out my phone and get to work, using my anger to fuel my determination.
All I need to do is breach the firewall of our shared Wi-Fi, and I'll have access to everything on her phone. Regrettably for her, I managed this feat previously. Her name's Alisa Orlov, and in less than twenty minutes, I have what I want.
Slipping the envelope into my purse and sauntering out, I had completely forgotten about Clara. "Ace," Jason calls to me from behind. "I forgot to tell you. He wants me to let you know that Clara Smith is fine."
I manage a smile and a nod before he goes back into Mr. Silence's room. Is this how you say your final goodbye? Sending your secretary to tell me that?
Why am I surprise? You sent him after that first night too. Your walls... might protect you my love, but if you're not careful, the wrong people gets in. I won't allow that.
###
"I'm getting better at letting go." After crying through the night, I'm staring at Roberto's ashes. "At least I'm better at accepting that nothing lasts forever. I wonder if it's because of you or living polyamory. Is accepting the impermanence of relationships a trauma-induced condition or a mature sign of someone who lives realistically? I thought we'd be forever." I suck in a breath, take a sip of water, and continue, "If we had left back then, Roberto... then all of this would be hundreds of years in the past. And... and... you wouldn't have died. Why didn't you leave with me? We could have left it all behind. Instead, you left me here and made me promise to stay."
I didn't think I had any more tears to cry, but they flood out. "I won't come to see you anymore... at least not for a while. Clara might be my last case. It's not the same anymore. I've changed. I have to let go so I can live on. It's either that or... or... I reconstruct that time machine."
I look down at my hands. "Do you know how tempting I was to reconstruct it? I stayed away from colleges and places that has technology for as long as I could. Even now... whenever I'm at Lizzy's lab or walking around CalTech... there's this insistent urge. I know there'll be nothing stopping me once I go down that route."
The glass in front of the urns at this cemetery is always clean. "Why did you leave me? Why was he more important than me? He already took so much from us, from you, why did you let him take you away from me too?"
Diego Ramirez. I'm going to find him. "When I do, I have no idea what I'm capable of... what I'll do to him. That's the darkness you talked about." I lean back against the wall in the chair.
"Where is he, Roberto? I've looked everywhere. It's like... he disappeared. Where is Diego Ramirez?"
I wait as if his ashes could reassemble back into his form and he'd answer me. "Don't you dare ask me to forget about him and move on. I barely know how to forgive myself, how do you expect me to forgive him and move on?" Sometimes, I can almost hear Roberto's voice replying to me.
"I'm mad at you. I've been mad at you for so long. And you're not even here for me to be mad at." Still waiting as I gaze longingly at the urn. "Even though you broke your promise to me... I love you too much to break my promise to you. You knew didn't you? I'm the villain who'd tear this world apart for love. Were you the hero? Would you sacrifice me for this world?" I breathe in deeply.
Sadness comes to me at the unnamed urn next to Roberto's. My first case, a missing orphaned eleven years old boy. Kidnapped, sex trafficked in various countries in Europe, and then his body washed up on the shore of the Atlantic Ocean two years later. It took some hacking for me to cut through the red tapes to obtain his unclaimed body.
I touch the glass and the image of him in the photo I still have comes alive. He was too beautiful and innocent for this cruel world. I'm sorry, Jonathan.
Before I turn away, I added. "I have to go say goodbye to an old friend... a proper farewell. Why are people bad at saying goodbye? You're the worst, of course. Goodbye, Roberto."
After tomorrow night... everything will change.