In all this madness that's happening to me…
I needed someone.
A friend.
Someone I love.
Someone I trust… or at least, someone I used to trust.
That was Aladin.
I just needed to hear from him.
To see where he is.
How he's doing.
What he's up to.
I decided to add him again on Instagram.
I told myself:
"If he rejects me now… I'll block him and never try again."
As if he heard me.
He accepted.
I texted him.
He replied.
Nice.
Normal.
I was happy.
Too happy.
We talked.
Laughed.
It felt like before.
But it didn't last long.
Like there was a time limit.
How long we were allowed to talk.
After a few days…
he started replying less and less.
Then he said:
"Don't text me, I have things to do."
And I…
I felt pathetic.
Like I was begging him to stay.
Two days later…
he removed me from Instagram.
I couldn't hold it in.
I texted him:
"Why? What's the point of this?"
The reply came fast.
"My boyfriend told me to remove you."
In that moment…
something broke inside me.
I felt empty.
Pathetic.
Replaceable.
And then I asked myself…
He's a man.
How can he be with another man?
And then…
an even worse question:
How can I love him?
Why do I miss him so much?
Is this a sin?
Or is this normal?
Am I on the wrong path…
or am I just lost?
Honestly…
I wish all of this would just stop.
I'm not happy.
When I go to the park…
I watch people.
Women.
Families.
Kids.
And I realize…
I want that.
That kind of happiness.
Or maybe…
I just want what others have.
And maybe for the first time…
I wasn't jealous of him —
but of a life I may never have.
If you made it this far… maybe stay.
Add the story — it means more to me than you think.
Next chapter…
I make a decision that changes everything.