When Su Jing opened her eyes the next morning, Shen Yuan's bloodshot gaze was the first thing she saw.
He was dust-caked and disheveled, his hair loose, worry etched deep into his brow. His face was dark as a storm cloud, and he hadn't blinked once.
"Brother Shen?" Su Jing's voice came out small, testing the waters.
"Your Highness flatters this worthless servant. I do not deserve such a title." He rose and dropped to his knees, head bowed, refusing to look at her.
She knew he was angry. Furious, in fact.
"Don't say that. You know I care for you—"
"You care for me?" Shen Yuan raised his head. His smile was a blade.
"You say you care for me, yet you send me away and throw yourself into mortal danger. You say you want to be with me forever, then petition the Emperor for a marriage alliance with Qi."
"Your Highness's affection is truly more than this servant can bear. It robs him of every moment's peace."
Each word fell from his lips like ground glass—and cut him just as deeply.
* * *
Heaven only knew what he had felt when he rode through the night and the first words he heard were the princess was mauled protecting the Emperor. He had sprinted to her chamber and found her unconscious on the bed, the gashes on her back raw and terrible.
He knelt there for hours, unmoving, trying and failing to understand how the girl who had been laughing that morning could look like this by nightfall.
How his sky had split open. How his heart had cratered. Only he would ever know.
When the marriage decree was announced, it all clicked into place.
This was nothing but another calculated gamble of hers. And he was merely the coin she had tossed without looking back.
"For the years I have spent at your side, I beg you—let me go."
His smile was the color of ash.
Her love was a mirage. He was the only fool who had believed it was real.
And so he had learned to hope, to despair, to break.
Before it could get any worse, it was time to walk away.
"Let you go?" Su Jing's laugh was hollow. "Over my dead body."
In one swift motion she pulled the butterfly hairpin from her hair and pressed its point against her own throat.
* * *
"Say that again, Shen Yuan. Tell me what you want to do."
The pin broke skin. A thin line of crimson welled up.
In that instant they both saw it—their love, stripped bare, was obsessive and savage on both sides.
But what could be done? Two broken creatures had fallen in love. Nothing short of death would pry them apart.
"Don't go. Don't leave me. Just listen to my explanation. Please?" Her voice shook.
"Put the hairpin down first, Your Highness. I won't go."
Shen Yuan lifted his face. Tears streamed down his cheeks, blurring her image.
Su Jing's heart buckled. She lowered the pin and let out a long, ragged breath.
* * *
"Come here." An order.
Shen Yuan remained on his knees, eyes fixed on her, unmoving.
"If you don't come to me right now, I'll take the hairpin to my face!" Su Jing's threat dripped venom.
He had no choice. He shuffled toward her, dragging every inch.
"Hold me."
He hesitated again. She raised one eyebrow.
At last, the arms of her bristling, furious lover folded around her.
"Why can't you believe that I truly care for you?"
Su Jing nestled into his chest and sighed.
"You're right—I knew the tiger would go berserk. I put myself in front of Father on purpose so he would grant me the marriage alliance with Qi." She toyed idly with the jade pendant at his waist.
His body went rigid. She rushed on before he could pull away.
"But the only unmarried prince in Qi is Jia Xiche, the Third Prince. And I swear to you—he prefers men. His face is almost feminine, and beautiful women hold no interest for him at all. If you don't believe me, send your shadow guards to investigate."
She had seen Jia Xiche once, in the previous life, when he came for a diplomatic reception.
Jade-smooth features, an almost womanly elegance, cut with an effortless air of freedom.
She had stolen a single glance at him, and Wu Qi had beaten her senseless for it. In his rage, he'd let slip the truth about Xiche's preferences.
"So the princess fancies that half-man creature," Wu Qi had sneered, digging his fingers into her jaw. "Doesn't it disgust you? The Prince of Qi is carrying on with his own shadow guard. The entire army knows."
* * *
But a partner like that was exactly what she needed.
Because they shared the same impossible burden: both had fallen in love with someone the world said they couldn't have. And both would sacrifice everything for the person they could never name aloud.
"I plan to enter Qi under the guise of a marriage alliance, then join forces with Xiche in secret. My grandfather, the King of the Southern Border, once saved Xiche's life—he owes our family a blood debt. And most importantly, I hold the Shadow Guard Token. With those three cards in hand, we can overturn the board entirely."
Su Jing looked up, straight into Shen Yuan's eyes.
"Shen Yuan—don't you want to clear your family's name? Your father served as Left Chancellor for decades—spotless, incorruptible—and was destroyed by treachery. The Emperor is a fool who let it happen. Will you really just accept that?"
"Your Highness means…"
"You saw it yourself when we left the palace. Behind the capital's glittering facade, the core is rotting through. How many beggars did we pass? How many families can't feed their children? Beyond the city walls, it's only worse. The old emperor cares for nothing but his pleasures while the kingdom starves. It's time for the heavens to change."
Shen Yuan looked at the fire in her eyes, and for the first time understood that behind her fragile exterior lived something vast—she carried the weight of the world in her chest, and the fate of every common soul.
She had never been a caged songbird, content with gilded bars.
She was a swan born with steel in her bones.
"But how did Your Highness secure the Shadow Guard Token? The old emperor trusts no one."
* * *
"I drank the sterilization elixir."
Su Jing cupped his face between her palms and spoke each word with deliberate weight.
"What?!"
"I said I drank the sterilization elixir. I can never bear children." A smile curved her lips. "Now I'm finally worthy of you, Brother Shen."
This is what my love looks like—obsessive and savage. Pity you're only discovering it now.
Too late.
You can't escape, Brother Shen.
You can only be mine.
* * *
"Why would you do something so foolish, Your Highness? I'm not worth it."
Shen Yuan's voice cracked. He pulled her tight against his chest as though he could absorb her into his very bones. Tears fell in fat, silent drops, soaking through her collar.
"You're crying…"
Su Jing had never once seen the unflappable Shen Yuan shed a tear. The sight caught her between heartache and wonder.
Such a proud man. The princes had beaten him half to death and he hadn't so much as flinched—yet a single sentence from her undid him.
"Stop crying." She cupped his face and kissed away each tear, one by one, then planted a loud kiss on his cheek.
His eyes were red and swollen, the tips of his ears glowing. Pitifully, impossibly endearing.
"You are worth it. You have no idea how important you are to me. Growing up, you were the only person who was ever kind to me. If I don't love you, who else is there?"
She patted his back in a slow, soothing rhythm, the way one comforts a child.
"Besides, I've always been terrified of childbirth. How many women die in labor? This way I'm spared all of it. And if you want children later, we can adopt one. Don't you think—"
His lips sealed over hers before the sentence was finished.
* * *
This was the first time Shen Yuan had kissed her of his own accord. The kiss was desperate and fierce—tongue, teeth, and heat, laying siege to her mouth until she could barely draw breath.
In the end, Su Jing had to punch his shoulder before he finally released her.
She gasped for air, cheeks puffed, glaring at him.
Does this man not need to breathe?!
Shen Yuan's composure returned in pieces. The realization of what he had just done crawled over him, and his head ducked in mortification.
Su Jing almost laughed. Oh, so now he's shy? After that?
"Why did you stop? You seemed thoroughly into it a moment ago. And don't think I didn't notice your hands wandering—you scoundrel!" Before she could finish, his palm clamped over her mouth again.
He was innocent, truly. Wrongfully accused.
Everything he'd just done had come from the most primal part of himself, acting on pure instinct.
He swore he was not the kind of man who lost control.
It was just—perhaps because he'd been castrated at fifteen? Or perhaps it hadn't been thorough?
The damned desire was still there.
Shen Yuan wanted to weep.
* * *
He was a respectable man. A man of restraint and decorum!!!
"Do it again. I actually liked it." Su Jing grabbed his hand and pressed it against herself.
Shen Yuan: !!!
"Your Highness, stop—your wounds!"
He snatched his hand back in a panic, but the softness of her still lingered on his fingertips, and his face went scarlet all over again.