"What do you mean, 'why'…?"
Yuliana was at a loss for words.
Kallion, his eyes clouded, looked down at her and breathed heavily.
"You wanted this too, didn't you?"
Her mind snapped awake instantly.
If he could say something like that, it meant he remembered their deal.
"You've been in your right mind this whole time?" she asked.
"Somewhat…" he admitted.
Then, as if another wave of pain hit him, he grabbed his face with one hand and breathed roughly.
Almost without meaning to, his trembling hand reached toward her.
When Yuliana flinched back, he pulled his hand away and murmured,
"So… you don't want to sleep with me anymore?"
He looked almost hurt, and she replied in confusion,
"I told you. We only sleep together on the agreed nights. That was our deal."
"That's… really that important?" He asked, sounding like it was hard to stay conscious.
"It is to me," she said firmly.
At her resolute answer, a bitter laugh escaped his lips.
"You've got it easy."
She frowned, not understanding.
He looked at her with clouded eyes.
"Getting to decide exactly when you want it."
Then, his face twisted like he was holding something back, and he let out a heavy sigh.
"Meanwhile, someone like me… could go crazy just thinking about you."
His hands, gripping the bedsheets, trembled badly.
His chest rose and fell sharply with tension and pain.
She couldn't understand what he was saying or why he was suffering so much.
"I think you should see the doctor first," she said carefully.
Kallion gave a dry, self-mocking laugh.
"You're probably the only wife who tries to kick her husband out of the honeymoon bedroom."
Yuliana stayed silent—she didn't deny it. She was uncomfortable with him like this, and he could tell.
Avoiding his gaze, she looked away, but he quietly murmured,
"You said it yourself—you don't love me anymore…"
"…?"
"Is that still true?"
She turned to him in surprise.
His sweat-soaked, pain-twisted face looked almost on the verge of tears.
She couldn't guess why he was asking this.
"Do you still not love me?"
It was clear he was pushing through pain and desire just to hear her answer. Her eyes wavered, but she quickly turned away and answered coldly,
"You and I aren't in a position to talk about love."
At her merciless reply, he asked softly,
"Why…?"
His gaze was desperate, almost pleading.
"Why can't we?"
She felt unsettled.
"Why…?"
She didn't even know where to start explaining.
Hadn't they clashed enough, hurt each other enough already?
What more explanation was needed?
Kallion seemed to understand her silence and smiled bitterly.
"Don't people often fall in love later? Even if they marry without it, if they live together long enough…"
What was he talking about?
Sure, that might happen in normal relationships.
But theirs was far from normal.
Her father had killed his mother.
Her child had died while he stood by and did nothing.
He despised her, and she hated him.
What could possibly grow in soil like that?
Love? That was just a pretty lie for people who had never seen hell.
Flowers don't grow on dead ground — and if they did, they would be something darker and more terrible than despair or resentment.
"I hate you, Kallion."
It was like a curse carved into her soul.
No matter how many times she lived again, that wound would never heal.
Her lifeless eyes met his.
He stiffened, seeing the emptiness in her gaze.
Biting his lip hard enough to draw blood, his face twisted.
"I still hate you, too, Yuliana."
Their eyes locked — not with love, not with affection, but with something far darker.
Something so heavy it stole your breath and made the world go black.
A black fire with no color left at all.
Yuliana felt nothing, but Kallion looked like he was suffocating under the weight of it.
"But damn it… more than that, I'm dying to know you."
His rough breathing closed the distance between them until their lips were almost touching.
She just stared at him without expression, but his gaze burned hotter.
He was curious.
The Yuliana in front of him was so different from the one in his mind.
He wanted to know if the version he remembered — loving, bright, devoted — was just an illusion, or if there was another side to her he hadn't yet seen.
He wanted to tear her walls down and see everything she was hiding.
He wanted to claim even her hair, her sweat — her very soul — as his.
Their lips were now separated by barely a sheet of paper.
Their uneven breaths brushed each other's skin.
Kallion's eyes sank deeper with desire, and just as he moved to claim her lips—
His shoulders suddenly froze.
Her vivid red eyes, burning like fire, showed no feeling.
The adoring, love-filled gaze from his visions wasn't there.
The warm, sweet voice, the radiant smile — gone.
Realizing this hit him like a blow, clearing his clouded mind.
With a self-mocking look, he stood up.
"…Sorry."
Then, almost like running away, he left the room.
The door shut. Left alone, Yuliana stared blankly at the ceiling.
Why… why did he just leave?
In the past, during "Shadow's Night," he'd had similar symptoms — but then, he hadn't hesitated to take her.
But now… it felt like he'd stopped because he knew she didn't want it.
Kallion, the cold and selfish man.
The man who didn't need love to share a bed.
She herself didn't want to be with him outside of their agreed nights, but his reaction still unsettled her.
I'm dying to know you.
His twisted face and that desperate whisper echoed in her mind.
It wouldn't leave her.
Covering her eyes with her arm, she thought — maybe it would have been easier if he'd just taken her like before.