"Stop it. Enough."
My sharp voice made Kallion fall silent for a moment. Only his rough breathing filled the air. Then, in a quieter tone than before, he asked:
"Were those nights in Dallot… a mistake to you?"
No. They weren't a mistake—they had been deliberate. It had been the best time to conceive Denian.
But in the end, I was the one who fell into my own trap.
I looked him straight in the eye and answered firmly:
"Yes."
His eyes trembled for an instant, shaken by my confirmation.
I pressed the nail in deeper.
"Think of it as me being briefly insane. And it won't ever happen again."
His face went blank for a moment, then he murmured quietly, as if dazed:
"Insane…"
A bitter smile crossed his lips.
"You're right. I was insane then too…"
He gave a dry, self-mocking laugh.
"This is probably the reality that suits us."
The closeness between us vanished in an instant. He turned away, back to his usual indifferent face.
"I'll be in the study. Sleep in the bed or the chair—whatever you want."
Without hesitation, he opened the door and left.
The strength drained from my legs, and I sank down on the spot.
***
That morning, Kallion was supposed to meet Darkin about work, then return to the main estate.
I went for a walk in the garden, not realizing I would end up near Darkin's office. Through the open window, voices carried clearly.
"Damn it, stop talking about children!"
At the word children, I froze and instinctively hid behind a tree, pressing myself close. The voices grew sharper.
"You need children if you want to secure your position among the vassals," Darkin said coldly.
Kallion scoffed.
"You want me to use a child to strengthen my position? Just like you did?"
His voice was bitter and tense.
"A child born between enemy families will only grow up resenting their parents."
"Kallion!" Darkin barked, but Kallion didn't back down.
"Do you want such close ties with the Heisters?!" he shouted, anger laced through his words.
"If I disappear, they will strike Valdormer without hesitation. Am I wrong?"
Darkin tried to stay composed.
"That's why we should secure ties through blood."
"Blood ties?" Kallion growled.
"As if they'd show mercy just because of that."
His voice grew low and dangerous.
"No—I cannot forgive them."
Darkin tried to admonish him.
"Let go of the past."
But Kallion's reply was sharp, twisted with pain.
"You may not care about Mother's death, but I do."
Silence.
Finally, Kallion spoke with iron in his voice:
"I will never continue the Heister bloodline with my own hands."
Outside the window, my shoulders stiffened.
He had no idea I was listening. He finished with one final, heavy word:
"Never."
Unconsciously, my hands pressed against my stomach, clutching tightly.
***
On the way back to the Valdormer estate, Kallion sat staring out the window, ignoring me completely.
I found myself staring at his profile.
"I will never continue the Heister bloodline with my own hands."
I already knew he didn't want children with me. In my past life, when I was pregnant with Denian, he had looked at me with contempt, sneering that another Heister bloodline had been added.
He didn't want children. That much was clear.
So why did hearing it again hurt so much?
It shouldn't matter. Whether he wanted a child or not—it had nothing to do with me now.
But still, my chest felt hollow.
Maybe I had let my guard down, foolishly thinking he might be different this time. Different from the man in my past life.
I let out a bitter laugh at my own thoughts and turned away from him.
This was always the picture I should have expected.
It's fine. Denian would be enough with me alone.
That was always my plan from the start.
Back then, in this same house, Denian had never once received true affection from his father—only to die in cold neglect.
Even at the grave, Kallion hadn't mourned. He had only stared with a cold, detached face, as though discarding an object.
I could never forget that expression.
My fists clenched as I stared out the window.
And suddenly, a thought hit me.
The man who never wanted a child with me.
The man who had been so cold, so indifferent, when our child died.
That chilling expression at the grave.
Could it be…?
Could he have had something to do with Denian's death?
I had always denied it. Told myself no. But he was the one with the clearest motive.
And Denian had been born with the Heisters' fire ability. For a man who wished for Heister's downfall, a child carrying their power could have seemed a threat.
My hands shook.
Calm down. Nothing is certain yet. I must not reveal anything.
I gripped my hands tightly together and prayed for the moment to pass quickly.
***
Later, Layla entered my room, curious at being called. I was already waiting at the table.
She bowed lightly and sat down across from me.
"You said you wished to speak with me, my lady?"
I clenched my hands together and went straight to the point.
"You once said you could tell me everything about Kallion."
Layla's eyes widened, surprised. But only for a moment. She quickly composed herself and sat straighter.
"Of course, my lady."
Looking directly at her, I asked firmly:
"What were Kallion's hidden instructions?"
It seemed she had expected this moment. Without flinching, she began, her tone calm.
"I'm not sure if I should say this, but…"
She wore an expression of regret as she continued:
"Kallion never wanted children with you."
"I already knew that," I said firmly.
Her eyebrows rose, but she shook her head.
"That isn't all. After your conjugal nights were arranged, he instructed me to procure contraceptive herbs."
My hands froze at her words.
Layla went on, watching me closely.
"He may have already been using them."
A chill ran down my spine.
Is that why I haven't conceived?
Was I unknowingly being given contraceptives?
No… not necessarily. The herbs weren't always perfect. Otherwise, Denian wouldn't have been born in my past life.
Forcing my trembling hands still, I asked:
"Is that all?"
Layla hesitated, sighing softly, as though reluctant.
"And in fact…"
I knew at once the next words would be worse.
Her face was filled with pity as she said:
"He also ordered me to have herbs prepared… ones that could end a pregnancy, if it ever happened."
In that instant, my heart dropped like a stone.