The glass towers of UA High loomed like a final boss arena, shimmering under the morning sun.
Haruto adjusted the sleeves of his charcoal-gray tracksuit.
"Entry point reached," he murmured to the invisible audience. "Now, let's see if I can spot the main character in this sea of NPCs. Usually, they're the ones with the most impractical hair or the look of someone having a mid-life crisis at age fourteen."
He didn't have to look far. Just a few meters ahead, a green-haired boy in a plain middle school uniform was vibrating so hard he looked like he might actually phase through the pavement.
"Whoa—!"
The boy tripped over his own feet, gravity doing its classic "Protagonist Introduction" move.
Haruto moved before the kid could even realize he was falling, but he wasn't the only one. A girl with a bob cut and a friendly face reached out just as Haruto caught the boy by his backpack strap.
"Careful there, Broccoli-kun," Haruto said, as he stabilized the boy. "The pavement isn't a fan of face-plants. Terrible for the complexion."
"Oh, good save!" the girl chirped, her fingers held up, as she smiled at them.
"It would be a bad omen to fall right before the start, wouldn't it?"
The boy froze, his eyes wide as dinner plates, looking back and forth between Haruto and the girl.
He scrambled to find his footing, bowing so low he nearly hit the ground again.
"I-I'm so sorry! Thank you! I was just… I was thinking about the practical portion and the scoring system and—" He stopped, blinking up at Haruto. "I'm Izuku Midoriya! Thank you for saving me from... well, the floor."
Haruto leaned back, hands in his tracksuit pockets. "Nice to meet you, I'm Haruto Akagi."
"And I'm Ochaco Uraraka!" the girl added, her eyes crinkling. "Are you two nervous? My heart is practically trying to beat its way out of my chest!"
Haruto flashed a crooked smirk.
"See this?" Haruto whispered to the void over Izuku's shoulder. "The stuttering, the freckles. This is a Level 1 Hero if I've ever seen one. And then we have Pinky over here, providing the much-needed emotional support for the opening act. Meanwhile, I'm over here with a three-year head start and a criminal record I've successfully scrubbed."
Izuku blinked, looking at the empty air Haruto was talking to. "Um, Akagi-san? Are you… okay? You seem to be talking to a ghost."
"Hey! I'm right here!" Toru's teal tracksuit sleeves flapped as she bounced over. "I'm the only ghost around here! Honestly, Haruto, stop being weird. You're going to scare the poor guy"
Izuku let out a tiny, squeak as he realized a tracksuit was floating beside him. Ochaco tilted her head, looking fascinated. "Wow! An invisibility Quirk? That's so cool!"
"Save the analysis for the written exam, Broccoli-kun," Haruto interrupted, patting Izuku on the shoulder.
"And don't worry, Moon-Face, I'm sure you'll float right through the results. Take a breath. The robots are just scrap metal waiting to happen."
"You there! Stop loitering!" A sharp, robotic voice cut through the air. A tall boy with glasses and engines in his calves marched toward them. "This is a place of prestige! If you are here to play and give out ridiculous nicknames, you are mocking the UA legacy!"
Haruto didn't even blink. He looked the tall boy up and down, then turned back to the "camera" with a weary sigh.
"And here's the 'rule-obsessed rival' Honestly, he's more predictable than a tutorial pop-up. I bet he has his socks ironed."
"Relax, Turbo-Nerd," Haruto said. "We're just building team morale. It's a very high-tier strategy. You should try it."
"T-Turbo... Nerd?!" the boy sputtered.
"I am Tenya Iida! And calling someone by absurd labels is highly disrespectful!"
Haruto turned toward the massive doors of the auditorium, his gait smooth and predatory.
"The whole world is disrespectful, Four-Eyes. Get used to it. Present Mic is waiting to scream at us, and I've got a date with a bunch of three-pointers."
***********<>***********
The auditorium was a sea of nervous teenagers, but the stage belonged to a single man with hair that defied the laws of both physics and taste.
"WELCOME TO TODAY'S LIVE PERFORMANCE! EVERYBODY SAY HEEEY!"
Haruto leaned back in his theater seat, arms crossed behind his head, balancing his chair on its two back legs. To his left, Broccoli-kun was vibrating so fast he was practically humming.
To his right, Turbo-Nerd was sitting so rigidly he looked like a statue carved out of stress.
"And there he is," Haruto whispered to the empty air beside his ear. "The loud-mouthed exposition dump. Present Mic. Great Quirk, terrible at reading a room. Also, if he hits a high note, I'm pretty sure my construction crew is going to file for worker's comp."
"Akagi-san!" Iida hissed, his hand chopping the air at a perfect 90-degree angle. "Please! Your constant whispering is a distraction to those of us trying to memorize the layout of the urban sectors! And stop talking to the air!"
"Relax, Sonic," Haruto said, not even looking at him. "I'm just providing the DVD commentary. It's for the fans."
"Sonic?! My name is—"
"Quiet, Engine-Legs," Haruto interrupted, pointing toward the stage.
"The yellow hair is explaining the loot drops."
Present Mic was currently gesturing to a screen showing the various robot types: the One-Pointer, the Two-Pointer, and the Three-Pointer.
"Standard RPG progression," Haruto narrated to the void.
"Trash mobs, mid-tier threats, and the heavy hitters. And somewhere in the code, there's a Zero-Pointer—the classic 'hazard' that people think is a wall but is actually just a morality test for the protagonist. Boring."
Izuku, meanwhile, was frantically scribbling in a notebook. "The mock battle... it's a simulated urban area... but they haven't mentioned the fourth type of robot on the handout..."
"Don't sweat the small stuff, Greenie," Haruto said, leaning over. "Just hit things until they stop moving. It's the universal language of Shonen."
Suddenly, Iida stood up, his finger pointing straight at the stage. "I have a question! On the handout, there are four types of villains! Such an omission would be a matter of great shame for an institution like UA!" He then pointed directly at Izuku.
"And you! You've been muttering this whole time! If you aren't here to take this seriously, then leave!"
He then shifted his glare to Haruto. "And you, Akagi-san! Your informal nicknames and constant whispering are a stain on this institution!"
Haruto slowly let his chair thud back onto all four legs. He turned his head, his eyes turning cold and sharp - the "Merc" briefly overriding the "Meta-Fan."
"Listen, Turbo-Nerd," Haruto said, his voice dropping into a low, dangerous tone.
"I've spent three years fighting things that didn't have a 'Power Off' switch. I take this more seriously than your ironed socks ever could. Sit down before you trip over your own ego. You're blocking the screen."
Iida froze, his mouth hanging open. He sat back down slowly, his stiff movements suddenly feeling very small.
'And that's the Tension beat,' Haruto thought 'Now, let's get to the part where I turn these tin cans into a pile of scrap metal.'