JAY-JAY(POV)
I got into the taxi, pulling the door shut behind me.
My chest still felt tight.
If everything gets cleared… everyone in the family will finally be safe.
That thought alone kept me from breaking down.
If everything becomes clear… then maybe everyone in the family will finally be safe.
Outside the window, life kept moving as if nothing had changed.
A couple walked by with their child, the little one laughing as he tugged at his father's hand.
The way the man smiled—so naturally, so warmly—made something twist in my chest.
If our baby is born…
Would Kiefer be like that?
Would he laugh like that while holding them, teasing me while I complain, acting like everything in the world is simple?
I lowered my gaze slowly to my wrist.
His name was there.
And the ring on my finger felt heavier than usual.
I traced it lightly.
"…Kiefer," I whispered under my breath.
I blame my mother… for not fighting for my father.
And now look at me.
Why am I doing the same thing—leaving behind a family I finally have?
It doesn't feel like me at all.
I don't want to become her.
I don't want to lose Kiefer.
Not now… not when we finally built something after four long years.
I used to only think about my pain.
But what about his?
Kiefer only had me.
I was the only thing he ever held onto when everything else fell apart.
I can't leave him like this.
Didn't I promise him I'd never leave—even if I got lost?
Didn't I marry him because I chose him?
Then why am I the one pushing him into hell now?
No.
He must not see that note.
I need to go back.
Before he starts searching.
Before he starts calling my name like he always does when he's scared.
My breathing turned uneven.
The taxi slowed… then stopped.
This is it.
I didn't wait another second.
I pushed the door open and ran.
No looking back.
Because if I looked back even once… I might not have the strength to leave again.
They say it takes courage to let go of the people you love when you're trying to protect them.
So then why…
Why do my feet always run back to him?
Why does my heart still choose him even when I know my presence could destroy him?
Even when I know staying beside him could cost us everything.
Maybe love was never meant to be logical.
Because if loving him is dangerous…
Then leaving him feels impossible.
I know I could die.
I know fate keeps trying to tear us apart again and again.
But if fate truly wants to separate us—
Then let me spend every remaining moment loving him with everything I have first.
Let me protect him.
Let me stay beside him.
Let me become his peace at least once before the world takes us apart again.
Because I would rather die loving him completely…
Than live another lifetime pretending I can survive without him.
The wind hit my face as I ran toward the house, my heart pounding louder than my steps.
Please… just don't let me be too late.
I reached the door and paused.
My hand hovered over the doorknob.
Before I opened it…
I hesitated.
And then I heard it.
Broken sobs.
From the room.
My steps slowed without permission.
Something in my chest tightened painfully as I moved closer.
And then I saw him.
Kiefer was on his knees, shoulders shaking violently, holding a paper in his hands like it weighed more than his entire body.
Like it was destroying him piece by piece.
Then he broke.
He covered his face with both hands, trying—failing—to hold himself together.
And for the first time since I met him…
Kiefer cried like a man who had just lost his entire world.
My breath stopped.
Why is he crying like that…?
Why does it look like everything in him has collapsed?
Why… why is it hurting this much just to watch him?
My throat burned.
My eyes stung.
This wasn't just sadness.
This was devastation.
And suddenly it hit me like a wave I couldn't escape.
So this is how he lived for four years… without me.
This is what I did to him before.
And now again…
I'm pushing him back into that same hell.
My fingers trembled at my sides.
I didn't even realize I had stepped forward.
"…" My voice didn't come out at first.
Kiefer didn't look up.
He just kept shaking, holding onto that paper like it was the only thing keeping him from falling apart completely.
And something inside me cracked.
I took one more step closer.
Because now I understand—
It wasn't just him losing me.
It was me choosing to become the reason he breaks.
"Kiefer…" My voice finally broke.
His name barely left my lips.
And the moment he spoke, the world around me went completely still.
"Jay…" he whispered.
His eyes lifted slowly, like he was afraid to believe what he was seeing.
"Are you real…?" His voice cracked. "Or am I hallucinating again?"
That shattered me more than anything else.
My chest tightened painfully.
"Kiefer… it's me," I said softly, stepping closer.
But he flinched.
Like my presence itself hurt him.
"Why are you back now, Jay…" he said hoarsely. "Just leave me…"
My breath caught.
"What…?"
"Is that what you decided?" he continued, his voice breaking more with every word. "Why is it so easy for you to let go of me every time?"
"Kiefer, no—"
"Why is it always me waiting?" he cut in sharply, tears spilling down his face. "Always me hoping you'll stay… always me holding on until you finally decide to speak!"
His hands trembled violently.
"Is my love not enough for you?"
That broke me.
"Kiefer, don't talk like that," I said quickly, reaching for his arms.
But he moved back instantly.
Like my touch was something he couldn't survive.
And that hurt more than anything.
I slowly lowered myself down, sitting in front of him so he couldn't avoid me.
"Kiefer, please listen to me—"
"Can't you even think of me?!" he suddenly raised his voice, breaking completely. "Why is it always your family? Why am I never your choice even once?!"
My throat burned.
"I am your husband!" he shouted. "Your family! Your my guardian! So why do I always come last?!"
His voice cracked into something raw.
"You say you love me… but you keep abandoning me and running away!"
I shook my head quickly.
"No… that's not true…"
But he didn't stop.
"Why am I not enough for you, Jay?!" he cried. "Tell me!"
The room felt like it was collapsing around us.
And for the first time…
I didn't have an answer that could fix the way I had already broken him.
"Sorry…" I whispered.
My hand moved on its own, reaching for his face.
This time, he didn't pull away.
My fingers trembled as I touched him, and I could feel his tears slipping onto my palm.
It shattered something inside me.
"I can't live without you, Jay…" he choked out. "I can't… we don't have peace in our lives… but you can have everything from me… anything… just don't abandon me…"
My throat tightened painfully.
"I was never abandoning you, Kiefer…" I said quickly. "Not now… not ever again."
His eyes flickered up at me, broken and disbelieving.
"You taught me how to love…" he said hoarsely. "But you never taught me how to survive it when you leave."
His voice cracked harder.
"It's killing me."
"Don't talk like that," I whispered, shaking my head. "It hurts me too…"
"That's exactly why I didn't say anything," he snapped, voice breaking again. "I knew you would still leave if you chose everyone else over me."
My breath caught.
"Then what about me, Jay?" he asked, softer now, but even more painful. "Don't you love me enough to think about me even once?"
Tears blurred my vision.
"You knew I was scared," he continued. "You knew I was selfish because I love you… because I'm dragging you into my mess… but I can't stop."
His hands trembled as he reached for me, then stopped halfway, like even touching me felt dangerous.
"I've already lost so much in my life…" he whispered. "Please… don't be another thing I lose."
That broke me completely.
"I'm here," I said immediately, pulling his hand back to my face. "I'm here, Kiefer. Look at me."
His fingers finally curled slightly against my cheek.
"I'm not going anywhere."
"Please stop crying," I whispered, my own voice shaking now. "I won't leave you again."
I leaned forward and pressed a soft kiss to his forehead.
"You can be selfish with me," I said quietly. "It's okay. I'll stay with you… until my last breath."
His arms suddenly wrapped around me tightly, pulling me into him like he was afraid I might disappear again.
He buried his face against my neck.
I could feel every tear he was trying to hold back… and failing.
So I held him even tighter.
And for the first time—
I could truly feel his pain.
They say when you love someone enough, even silence begins to sound painful.
Now I could hear that pain inside him.
The fear.
The loneliness.
The desperation he had been hiding behind those strong shoulders all this time.
I had only been away from him for one hour.
One hour.
And it broke him like this.
Then how did he survive four whole years without me?
My chest hurt so badly I could barely breathe.
"Sorry…" I whispered shakily against his hair. "Sorry for hurting you… sorry I couldn't see your pain…"
My fingers tightened in his shirt like I was afraid he would disappear next.
"Kiefer…" my voice broke completely. "Even if you tell me to leave you… I can't anymore."
His grip tightened instantly.
"I tried," I admitted. "I really tried to leave… but I couldn't breathe without you."
My voice dropped softer.
"I married you so I could make you the happiest man alive…"
I pulled back just enough to look at him.
His breath hitched the moment I moved, like even a little distance scared him.
"So don't die protecting me… please."
His eyes flickered at that.
"You know how scared I am…" I whispered. "Every time I see blood on your shirt… I feel like I'm losing you all over again…"
My voice trailed off as I held him closer.
"And I can't survive that twice."
Before he could say anything else, I cupped his face and kissed him.
It wasn't rushed.
It wasn't uncertain.
It was everything we hadn't been able to say for too long.
I could taste our tears—his and mine—mixing together as we both broke at the same time and somehow held on at the same time.
His hands trembled before slowly gripping my waist, pulling me closer like he was afraid I might vanish if he didn't.
Between the kiss, his voice broke against my lips.
"Don't leave me…"
That one line shattered whatever was left of my resistance.
I pulled back just enough to rest my forehead against his.
"I'm not leaving you," I whispered.
My fingers stayed on his face, grounding him.
"I'm right here… I'm not going anywhere."
His breathing was uneven, still shaking, still scared—but he didn't let go.
Neither did I.
And for the first time in a long time…
It didn't feel like goodbye.
It felt like holding on.
He gently guided me toward the bed without letting go for even a second.
Before I could react, he pulled me down with him and wrapped his arms around me tightly.
Then—like he was sealing every possible escape—he locked his legs around mine too.
Completely trapped in his hold.
He buried his face into my neck, holding on like I was the only thing keeping him grounded.
God…
Does this man really think I would run away now?
After everything?
"Kiefer…" I whispered softly.
"Hmm?" he answered, his voice muffled against my skin.
His warm breath brushed my neck, sending a small shiver through me.
My heart immediately betrayed me—beating faster, heavier, louder.
I let out a quiet breath, one hand moving to his hair.
"I'm not going anywhere," I said gently.
But he only held me tighter, like he was still afraid the world might take me away if he loosened even a little.
I kissed his hair gently and held him closer.
And in that moment, I stopped fighting it.
Not him.
Not the closeness.
Just stayed there—wrapped in him—feeling his heartbeat slowly match mine.
Life always takes something from us.
People we love, moments we can't get back, chances we didn't realize mattered until they were gone.
Sometimes we hurt people without meaning to.
Sometimes we lose them because we didn't hold on tightly enough when we had the chance.
And sometimes… we spend so long thinking love is something temporary that we forget what it feels like when someone chooses you completely.
In this brief life, you don't get many chances to decide who stays and who leaves your world.
And the truth is—
Regret doesn't come from losing people.
It comes from realizing you didn't try hard enough to keep them.
So never let go of someone who loves you like you are their entire world.
Because when you leave…
It's never just you who goes.
It takes their whole World with you.
I never thought I could be someone's world.
But now, holding him like this, feeling him breathe against me…
It feels like I've been his entire universe all along.
At some point, while brushing my fingers softly through his hair, sleep finally pulled me under.
And when I woke up—
I froze.
This wasn't our room.
Everything around me was unfamiliar.
A completely different place.
For a second, panic rose inside me.
But then—
I breathed in.
The entire room smelled like him.
Kiefer.
That scent alone calmed me faster than words ever could.
I quickly got out of bed and followed the faint sounds coming from outside the room.
And there he was.
Cooking.
Like this was the most normal thing in the world.
Relief hit me so hard I didn't even think before walking straight toward him and hugging him tightly from behind.
He immediately took my hand and kissed it softly.
"Did you wake up?" he asked gently.
I only hummed and followed him around the kitchen while he moved from place to place.
At this point, I had practically become a koala hanging onto him.
But he never once asked me to let go.
Not once.
Instead, every time he moved, he adjusted himself naturally so I could stay close.
When he finally finished cooking, he suddenly turned around and pulled me in front of him.
His arms slipped around my waist instantly.
"What are you doing?" he asked quietly, looking down at me.
"Nothing," I mumbled.
"Hm."
That one small sound made my heart flutter embarrassingly fast.
Then I finally looked around again.
"Kiefer… where are we?"
His expression softened slightly.
"A place where only I can see you," he said quietly. "A place where you'll be safe."
My chest tightened at the seriousness in his voice.
"Kiefer… what are you going to do now?" I asked softly.
He stared at me for a moment.
Then suddenly—
"First," he said calmly, "I'm going to kiss my wife."
Before I could react, he leaned down and kissed me gently.
"And then…" he murmured against my lips, "maybe breakfast."
I stared at him helplessly.
"Kiefer. You know what I'm asking."
His hands tightened slightly around my waist.
"Jay…" he said softly. "Trust me."
His forehead rested against mine.
"You told me I could be selfish with you, right?"
I swallowed slowly.
"So let me have you all to myself for now," he whispered. "Until we meet our baby… until I finish everything… I'm hiding you from the world."
A pause.
"And from your family."
I looked at him quietly for a few seconds.
Then I nodded.
"Okay."
He blinked slightly, surprised.
"You're not going to ask me why?"
A sad smile touched my lips.
"I already made you cry once," I whispered softly while brushing my fingers through his hair. "Didn't you ask me If I choose you at least once?"
His eyes stayed on me silently.
"So if you want to keep me all to yourself for now… you can."
My fingers slowly slid through his hair gently, calming him the same way he always calmed me.
"I never want to see you broken because of me again, Kiefer."
My voice softened even more.
"So I'll follow what you say. Don't think I'm doing this just because you asked me to."
I leaned closer and pressed a soft kiss against his lips.
"I'm doing this because I love you."
A shaky breath escaped me.
"I don't know how to prove how much I love you … but if staying beside you like this makes you feel it… then I won't ask anything."
His expression slowly cracked at my words.
"And I know," I whispered gently, "you would never hurt me."
My hand slowly rested over his.
"Just be careful…"
Then I guided his hand softly toward my stomach.
"Because it's not only me waiting for you anymore."
For a moment, Kiefer went completely still.
Like those words alone had stopped the entire world around him.
Then slowly…
He pulled me into his arms and kissed my forehead so gently it made my chest ache.
"I'll come back alive," he whispered. "Even if I have to tear apart heaven or hell for you."
His arms tightened around me protectively.
"So let's eat, wife."
A small laugh escaped me through all the emotions building inside my chest.
"As you wish, hubby," I whispered back before leaning up to kiss him softly again.
And somehow…
That simple moment felt painfully normal.
Like time had turned backward.
Like we were newly married again.
No fear.
No blood.
No enemies chasing us.
Just me and him.
Standing in a quiet kitchen, stealing kisses while breakfast waited on the table.
And honestly?
That normal moment felt more precious than anything else in the world.