It was once said by certain poet that one must depart from evil and do good, that one should seek peace and pursue it (the good). And yet, I could never quite find what was evil, nor could I find what was good.
Life is far more varied, strange, unpredictable, and queer than any one person can imagine. There are times where killing is permissible, just as there are times where it is forbidden.
The human mind tends to think in absolutes, whether we admit it or not. We, the subject, are good, while they, the object, are evil. It doesn't take a genius to realize such a fact, nor does it take a genius to realize the stupidity of such a fact.
That is why I preferred the third option — a world in which good and evil would mesh and misalign.
Knowing one's good is just as important as knowing one's evil.
I'd like to believe that I'm special, that I know my good and evil, but in reality, I'm nothing but an ordinary high school student. A person so utterly mediocre that I'd likely be forgotten after graduation.
Perhaps that's why I chose to open my eyes, knowing well the horrors awaiting me.
I wanted to see my ideal world.
———
Upon opening my eyes, I was met with an unfamiliar ceiling. A ceiling that didn't belong to me. Cumulus clouds covered the twilight sky, stretching far beyond the horizon.
"...The sun is setting?" I said with a confused tone, "but...it was only four o'clock when school ended."
I looked down at my hands. They were totally normal, fit with five fingers and a small scar on my palm that I got as a child. Without a doubt, these were my hands.
And then, a wave of nausea hit me.
"Ugh..."
It took all I had to stop myself from vomiting. The memories came back in droves. The pain, the sensation, and the lack-thereof — It was clear as day. I had died on March 23rd, 2026.
"Excuse me, why are you staring at your hands like that?"
The familiar voice caught my attention immediately. It was the voice of a woman. I turned my head to the left and met the gaze of a beautiful woman with dark skin and piercing eyes. This was the woman I sought, as well as the woman I failed to save.
"Bleugh!"
Seeing her here was the last straw. My stomach violently purged it's contents, which were already lacking. The fact that I hadn't ate anything in hours made the experience even more painful.
"Ah—I've never had a boy vomit in front of me. Am I really that ugly?"
"N-No...It's not that. I, uh...I just..."
Damn. I couldn't even bring myself meet her words with an appropriate response. It's like my head was all jumbled and misaligned.
"It's fine. You don't need to force yourself to answer all at once. In fact, I'd probably be better if you didn't."
"Huh...?"
"What I'm saying is, we need to run."
"Eh?"
Without a moment's notice, something erupted from beneath the rooftop. It shattered glass and tore through the layered BUR membrane with ease.
Both I and the girl were knocked off of the collapsed rooftop, plummeting six stories to our...death? Afterlife? The semantics weren't relevant. What mattered was that I was utterly terrified.
"UAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"
It was a bit embarrassing, but I couldn't hold in my terrified scream. This would now be my second time dying to a strange creature today. I have no idea how to handle dying so many times. I'd rather not deal with this at all!
Thankfully, this was not the end for me. The mysterious woman, through some strange means, grabbed me by the collar and aided in my landing. "Do not panic. That creature is after you, but I'm sure you can beat it."
Did...Did she say beat? She wants me to beat that thing? that creature? that horrifying thing? No way! I've never even practiced martial arts!
"I don't know if I can do that..."
I was lying — I definitely couldn't do that!
As the dust settled, the appearance of the creature had come fully into view. Its body was soft, spherical, almost amphibious, with dozens of rows of arms and a bulbous protrusion one may call a "face."
It looked like something out of a 1980s SCI-FI novel, and it was coming towards us.
Despite my flaring instincts ordering me to flee, I couldn't bring myself to give the creature ground. Perhaps it was due to that woman's influence.
Did I want to impress her? Not really. Did I want to protect her? I suppose, but certainly not by fighting head on. This wasn't a matter of courting a fine lady's hand, but accepting the guidance of a savior.
For that reason alone...I couldn't help but obey her words.
The gargantuan amphibian crawled towards me with its hundreds of arms, its gooey exterior sticking to the pavement. In terms of speed, it was fast, but not any faster than a mid-level car. Given our distance apart, I have around fifteen more seconds before I die.
Sweat dripped down my brow. My eyes darted about, looking for a possible solution. Think! Think! What can I do to take that thing down?
"Tell me, Crow. "If life could be considered '1' and death '0', then what would the world look like between those two integers? What is the color of infinity?"
"Don't call me Crow! And now's not really the time for this!"
Twelve seconds remained.
"Why are you so sure that you are weaker than that Aberration? What gave you that impression?"
"It's common sense, damn it! There's no way an ordinary human can kill a goliath!"
"And who exactly gave you that idea?"
"Dunno! Ask God!"
"God..."
Seven seconds remaining.
"As long as you refuse to step outside the realm of normality, you will never be able to overcome the wall. You will never cross 'infinity.' "
"Can't you talk like a normal person?!"
Three seconds remaining.
"Ugh..." She sighed. "What I'm saying is..."
One second remaining.
"Stop taking the easy way out."
The amphibian aberration swung its limb at me wildly, like a beast with no other thought than violence and consumption. I managed to block just moments before the attack reached me. Even a single hit was enough to send my human body through buildings over numerous city blocks.
"Khuh!"
Was it OK? Definitely not. Both of my arms were swollen and purple from the impact. I doubt I can use them effectively at all at this point. However, I can say without a shadow of a doubt, that I survived.
My vision was blurry, yet I could still see.
My feet were trembling, yet I could still stand.
"I see...maybe that's what that woman meant."
Stop taking the easy way out
The words that once seemed nonsensical had bore fruit. My very life was proof of it.
I was being lazy, convincing myself that, because I was ordinary, there was nothing I could do, and thus, I could run away. It was the epitome of sloth.
Why are you so sure that you are weaker than that Aberration? What gave you that impression?
I had lived my life as a human understanding the law of normality.
One could not take a wrecking ball to the face.
One could not out-speed a racing car.
One could not manifest claws and attack their prey.
Human beings were fundamentally limited; that was their station in nature, and to disregard it would be the greatest heresy. In other words, it was the greatest sin.
And yet...I lived through the impossible. A human being could not survive being thrown through numerous buildings. That much was a fact that no one could deny.
Thus, there was only one possible solution, a single conclusion that could be drawn.
I am no longer human.
"████████!"
The creature let out an incomprehensible screech as it made it's way towards me. Once again, I was face to face with an alien force.
And yet, I did not feel the same fear I had once. My vision no longer blurred. My legs no longer trembled. I wasn't fully convinced of victory, of course, but deep down, there must have been a part of me that earnestly believed I was stronger than that devil.
If life could be considered '1' and death '0', then what would the world look like between those two integers?
The boundary that I thought was fixed was something I had already begun crossing
The world between two integers.
The world between good and evil.
The world between possibility and impossibility.
In other words...
If I want to defeat this beast, then I must cross the 'infinity' between life and death, possibility and impossibility!
I rushed forward with an open palm, ready to meet my opponent head-on.
The amphibious creature lashed out with a downward strike, slamming it's 'head' into the ground.
And then, suddenly, my arm had changed. It sprouted white feathers with claws at the end of my fingers, just like a crow.
With this newfound power, I met the creature with my own attack, a clawing strike meant to kill the beast in one hit.
I don't know why, but this fighting style felt the most natural to me, as though it were a return to form.
The exchange was over in a moment's notice. My arm ripped through the creature's flesh, it's soft, translucent innards evaporating into the twilight sky.
I had crossed 'infinity.'