The lecture had started.
Least that's what it looked like from the outside.
The professors voice moved steadily across the room. He was explaining something on the board. Chalk tapped softly. Lines formed. Graphs appeared. A few students leaned forward. Some wrote quickly. Others nodded along like they understood.
It was normal.
Completely normal.
Vaqzy sat there with his notebook open. His pen was in his hand.. The page was empty. He hadn't written a word. He wasn't even sure what the topic was anymore.
The voice in front of him felt away. Like it was coming from outside the room.
Maybe he was the one outside.
Sometimes a faint whisper would rise from behind him or from across the class. It wasn't loud. Not clear enough to understand.. It was there.
Constant.
Unavoidable.
He shifted slightly in his seat. His grip on the pen. Relaxed.
Focus.
Just focus.
He tried.
His eyes moved to the board. He followed the lines as they were drawn.. They blurred together after a few seconds. The shapes meant nothing. The numbers didn't connect.
His mind kept pulling him
Not to the moment.
Not to her words.
To the feeling.
That subtle change in the room.
The way conversations paused when he passed.
The way people looked for a second longer than usual.
Like he had become something overnight.
The bell rang.
The sound cut through everything. Chairs moved. Notebooks closed. Voices returned at once. The classroom filled with noise again. Louder than before.
Vaqzy stood up slowly. He slipped his notebook into his bag without looking at it. He kept his head lowered. Not enough to seem strange. Enough to avoid attention.
"Bro…" someone said from behind. Followed by a laugh.
He didn't turn.
Didn't slow down.
He walked out into the corridor. The noise hit him all at once.
Voices overlapped. Footsteps echoed. Someone shouted from the end. It was the same as every day.. Today it felt different. Sharper. Heavier. Harder to ignore.
For a moment he thought about going to the class.
He really did.
His steps slowed slightly. His mind caught up to the idea.
Then it stopped.
Not completely.
Just… enough.
He turned toward the staircase instead.
The decision didn't feel big.
It didn't feel like anything all.
Just a quiet shift.
Outside the air felt different.
Cooler.
Lighter.
He stood near the gate for a seconds. He adjusted the strap of his bag. He looked around like he might change his mind.
He didn't.
He walked past it.
The journey home passed without thought. Roads blurred into each other. People. Went. Sounds. Faded. He didn't pay attention to any of it.
When he reached his room everything looked the same as it had in the morning.
The bed.
The chair.
His bag now dropped carelessly near the corner.
Nothing had changed.
He sat down. Leaned back against the wall. He let out a breath he hadn't realized he was holding.
The silence returned.
It followed him.
He picked up his phone out of habit. He unlocked it. Stared at the screen for a second. Then locked it again without opening anything.
"What's the point?" he murmured.
No answer came.
Time moved slowly after that.
Not in a way.
Just enough to feel.
He tried opening his notebook. Flipping to a page. The words looked familiar.. Distant. Like something he used to understand.
He read a line once.
Then again.
It didn't stay.
He closed it.
Music didn't help either. A seconds into a song. It already felt wrong. He turned it off before it could finish.
Even lying down didn't feel right.
His thoughts didn't stop. They just softened. Spreading out of hitting all at once.
The question didn't expect an answer.
Evening came quietly.
His mother called him downstairs. Asking about college in the casual tone as always. He answered the way.
"Yeah."
"It was fine."
Short.
Simple.
Enough to end the conversation.
No one pushed further.
That made it easier.
Harder at the same time.
Back in his room the same thought returned again.
College.
The classroom.
The voices.
He imagined walking in the next day.
The same looks.
The same tone.
That slight pause before someone spoke.
His chest tightened slightly.
"No " he said softly.
Not tomorrow.
The words came out before he could think about them.
He didn't take them back.
He just let them stay.
He lay down again. Staring at the ceiling like the night
The same cracks.
The same stillness.
Something had changed.
Yesterday it had been about the moment.
Today it was about everything after it.
He closed his eyes slowly. Not trying to sleep. Just trying to stop seeing it all replay again.
Somewhere in that quiet without any clear decision something settled inside him.
He kept staring at the ceiling his eyes not really looking at anything. His thoughts started to come back to him.
The noise was not loud this time.
It was just really heavy.
A question came up again it was softer than before. It felt sharper.
Why did this happen to him.
He swallowed a bit and his throat felt dry.
Why does it always happen to him.
He turned his head to the side. He was staring at nothing.
People get rejected all the time it is something that happens.
it is not something that does not happen often.
Then why does it feel like this.
Why does everyone talk about it.
He let out a breath it was shaky.
Everyone gets rejected that is right.
Then why are they laughing at him.
Why does it feel like he is the one who is going through this.
His eyes started to burn a bit.
He blinked his eyes once then he blinked them again.
It did not stop this time.
A tear fell from his eye it went into the pillow before he could even do anything.
He did not wipe the tear he did not move.
He just lay there staring and let the silence be around him again.
The question about why this happens to him did not go away.
He did not get an answer, to the question.
It just stayed with him.
Slowly he did not even notice the feeling started to change.
The feeling of rejection it started to change it was still the rejection that he felt the rejection that he was going through.
Not loud.
Not dramatic.
Not heavier.
Just… quieter.
Colder.
Just… certain.
He wasn't going back.
Not yet.
End of Chapter 4
Author's Note
Sometimes the biggest fights are the ones nobody sees.
Not every meltdown is dramatic.
Some just turn into quiet… and space.
Now I want to ask you—
What do you think Vaqzy is really feeling now? Is it sadness… or something more?
Do you think staying away from college is a good idea for him or will it make things worse?
Have you ever felt like people were watching or judging you more than they actually were?
And most importantly—
If you were in his shoes… would you go back or stay away?
Your thoughts count here.
Because this story isn't, about him—
somewhere it might feel like it's about you too.