A single tear was worth a thousand smiles.A single tear was worth a life.
That day, I felt everything.The rumble of collapsing lives and the screams of birds.I hadn't forgotten. I would not forget.
With the fur coat I had traded for the jewel in my hand, I walked against the cold. The frozen Kali mountains were waiting for me. I moved forward alongside the blue-haired girl ahead of me - she had said she wanted to help, that she knew someone who lived there. I had been surprised, because the thought of someone living in those towering mountains seemed impossible.
She had mentioned there were stairs that would help us climb the mountain. A staircase that seemed endless. A staircase where, with every step, you could lose yourself in the merciless cold. According to legend, it was a magical staircase that brought you closer, step by step, to a truth you were trying to escape.
How wonderful, I thought. Lethia had chosen the right place.
"Actually, there's something I need to tell you." The blue-haired girl's voice cut through my thoughts. The sorrowful tone in it made me pause.
She slowed her steps and turned to me.
"That man wasn't guilty. I hurt him. Badly."
"It probably wasn't in your control," I replied, my voice colder than usual. How was I supposed to comfort her?
"I... I caused his family's death." She blurted it out all at once.
"It must not have been intentional," I said, raising my voice.
"Actually, it was." There wasn't the slightest emotion on her face.
That expression - she said it so naturally. As if it were nothing. Suddenly, memories struck me.
Bloodied bodies. A sword dripping with blood. That smell. The wind rising from the cliff.
The world spun around me. Acid rose from my stomach, burning my throat. I hadn't even realized I was screaming. I clutched my knees, trying to suppress the nausea for a while.
When I came back to myself, she was standing in front of me, watching. Expressionless. Cold. There wasn't a trace of regret on her face.
Regret - she didn't feel it. It would be forgotten. But I couldn't forget. I didn't want to become something cruel. I didn't want to become someone so monstrous, to lose myself to that endless darkness.
"There must be a reason," I said.
She lowered her head slightly and gave a small nod.
"Let's keep going. I don't want to affect you."
I said nothing. We had reached the stairs. They truly seemed to stretch on forever; the mist concealed what lay ahead, hiding the end. It would be a long and difficult journey. I sighed in quiet exhaustion.
"Luna," she said, turning her face halfway toward me.
"You must have something you regret too."
I didn't answer.
"It shows in your eyes. You have a story."
I lowered my head and smiled faintly. A knot had settled in my stomach.
I thought that feeling regret meant you were capable of feeling. What you should truly fear is not feeling at all.
"Not feeling is terrifying - but sometimes it feels like the only way out," I continued.
"But I would rather carry all the pain than feel nothing," I said. I would carry that burden. With honor.
She smiled.
As the cold burned our skin, we continued climbing those stairs.
Everything was just beginning.