The moment I realize something is changing…
but I don't understand what.
I am still loving him…
but now I start noticing—
he is really gone.
My world is moving without him.
And for the first time… I feel tired.
I stop sending messages.
Or I type… and don't send.
His birthday comes… and I hesitate.
His photos, his things, his memories—
everything I once collected,
I put into a box
and close it.
Not just the box,
but the entire chapter.
Back to reality—
hospital duties, studies, family, friends…
I make myself stay with them.
I keep myself busy.
Always.
One day, I feel like I am betraying
a version of me
who loved him without limits.
I ask myself,
"How can I smile…
when I once promised myself
he would be my only happiness?"
And yet…
I do.
Not because I moved on.
Not because I forgot him.
It just… happens.
In the middle of a normal day,
between responsibilities and routines,
I smile—
without thinking of him.
And that scares me
more than losing him ever did.
The day I smiled without him…
was the day everything quietly started changing.