A/N: The current writing style I'm using is built to create a contrast between character voices, their thoughts, and the narrator. A cognitive dissonance, to be precise.
My own take on the partial, unreliable narrator, to make stories more interesting. If it's too jarring to read, please tell me and I'll change it.
On a side note, GIMME ALL YOUR POWER STONES OR I'LL HAUNT EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR WET DREAMS!!
YOU THOUGHT IT WOULD BE YOUR CRUSH?! NO! IT IS I, DIO!
◂ 𑁍 • 𑁍 • 𑁍 ▸
It's a beautiful day outside in the village hidden in the leaves. Birds are singing, flowers are blooming, kids are playing.
On a day like this, a diligent shinobi, Hokage-to-be, should be training.
"Stupid Kakashi Sensei!! Stupid Sasuke!!"
Yet here he was. One Naruto Uzumaki, on his way to a delicious ramen lunch at Ichiraku, grumbling and kicking a rock with all the might his already-battered foot could muster.
He immediately winced when the sharp edge caught the soft tissue of his toenail and howled.
"Ow!" Crouching to rub the tender digit, he began recalling the reason for his dark mood. Generally the brightest boy around, today was an exception.
…
"Hmm... sorry again, Naruto. I have an important mission to attend to. You and Sasuke can train on your own, right? You're both mature shinobi now."
"But you promised you'd teach me a cool jutsu!! How is that fair?! You stinkin' liar!"
"Hn. This important mission wouldn't happen to be the new Make Out Series release, would it?"
Sasuke actually quipped, truly upset himself, for once.
Kakashi gave them his signature eye-smile. The one that made Naruto want to bite his face off and break his jaw with a big, mean brick.
"I'm more surprised that you, of all people, Sasuke, know about the heavenly literature that is the Make Out Series. Has my dear emo student been enlightened in the time we've spent together? Perhaps you'd like a copy as well?"
Sasuke gagged like he'd eaten something foul.
But it was more suspicious that he refused to reply.
"Anyways." Kakashi cleared his throat with a moment of faux seriousness. "You are all adults. Fully-fledged shinobi. You should know how to handle your own training by now." He glanced sideways. "Sasuke, spar with Naruto until 12:30. And Sakura?"
The mentioned girl let out a startled yelp. She was the only one still covered in the filthy stench of the sewage they'd cleaned, exhausted to the bone, but she nodded regardless.
"120 laps around Training Ground 3. No cheating~ Pakun will be watching."
"H-huh?! 120 laps?! W-wait, Kakashi Sensei!!"
Their traitorous, but admittedly totally awesome, sensei was already gone. Leaving only his perverted giggling and a flutter of leaves behind.
Naruto caught Sakura's eye for just a second. She was dead on her feet, reeking of the sewage.
He gave her a quick thumbs up for encouragement. She gave him a look that could peel paint from the sheer intensity of the anger behind her eyes.
…
Exhaling a long, heavy sigh through his nose, Naruto got up once the throb finally subsided. He looked up at the sky, watching birds wheel freely overhead.
A strange gleam settled in his eyes as he said aloud, "Can't let it bother me too much. I'll grow stronger. I'll become Hokage no matter what anyone says or does. Believe It."
Putting on the best smile he could manage and lifting his spirits as much as possible, he strolled forward with a singular mission: to devour as much ramen as humanly possible.
After all, Kakashi had said it himself —
"Lunch's on me today. Tell the shop owners to put it on my tab. You know what? How about dinner too? First time we'd all be dining together; great for team bonding."
And as any sane person would, Naruto had readily agreed. Who turns down free food?
Especially free food from the neglect of a teacher!
Old man Teuchi was going to be a richer man today.
…
"The usual?" Teuchi asked with a gentle and inviting smile.
"No. Triple extra pork and gold leaf. Make it 10 bowls. No — 20!"
"Oho~ Looks like today's mission went well, eh kiddo?"
"Hehehe. Kakashi Sensei's paying."
An evil glint appeared in Teuchi's eyes, and with a wide, rather unhinged smile, he said, "Then the 'special ones'?"
Naruto's smile was just as wide and unhinged as the ramen chef's. "Super Special Ones."
Both broke into laughter. The message was clear: Kakashi was footing Naruto's entire month's ramen bill.
As Naruto waited for his order, he let his mind wander idly. "Where's Big Sis, old man?"
With a peppy hum, Teuchi slid the first bowl of extra-deluxe gold-flake pork ramen across the counter. "On a date~"
"Really?! She found a guy?!"
"Not just any guy! He's a big merchant from the Fire Capital. Heard he trades ore from the Land of Lightning!"
*Wow. Congrats to her. And to you too.*
Wiping his hands on his apron, Teuchi's tone shifted into something playfully proud. "Obviously. My daughter deserves the best. Who do you think I am?"
"She sure does."
A pleasant silence settled over the stall. The only sounds were Naruto's enthusiastic slurping and the occasional hum of deep appreciation, punctuating the quiet of the afternoon.
"Something bothering you, Naruto? You know you can talk to me."
'Is it that obvious?' Naruto looked up, shaking his head with a bashful smile. "Nothing, old man. Just the usual shinobi drama."
Teuchi looked him straight in the eye. Strange, given that his own eyes remained perpetually closed. "I've known you since you were four. And what are you now, fourteen—"
Naruto interjected. "—Fifteen, actually. Next month I'll turn Fifteen."
"—Fifteen." Teuchi set down his cloth. "You think I don't know when you're feeling down? Tell me. Better yet, I'll give you a full day free meal coupon."
Naruto's eyes widened. Not for the free ramen, but for the genuine desire behind the offer. The simple, uncomplicated wish to hear his troubles.
Warmth bloomed in his chest. For the first time today, a real smile graced the blonde Uzumaki's features.
"It just seems like no one wants to give me the time of day," he admitted, his voice quieter than usual, the vulnerability plain. "Like no one cares. I train on my own, but I don't even know what I'm supposed to be doing." He paused. "That bastard has his clan's books to guide him. I have nothing. Even Kakashi Sensei seems to favour him."
"Hmm." Teuchi hummed thoughtfully. "I won't claim to know how shinobi operate, but one thing I do know is that when you have a complaint, you take it to someone who can actually do something about it. You take it to the Hokage."
'And only you can, Little Prince.'
The blonde swallowed and muttered slowly, "...Old man Hokage?"
The Hokage. Someone he greatly respected and loved. The person who gave him missions and occasionally fed him ramen on Sunday and listened to him ramble.
Normal things.
"Weren't you two close? I still remember you and he used to come in almost every Sunday. Chatting away about all the nonsense only a kid like you could come up with."
Realisation dawned on him like a sun breaking through clouds. Naruto gulped down the last of his golden broth, slammed the bowl on the counter, and shot to his feet. "Hey! you're right! I can just tell the old man about it! Thanks, old man Teuchi!! Why didn't I think of that?!"
"Thinking was never your speciality."
The blonde groaned, making angry blonde noises. "Not you too, old man!"
Teuchi just laughed, stepping aside as the blonde whirlwind was already halfway out. "Come back soon, kid. I'll have the rest of your order ready."
But he was already far too fast and far too gone to hear him.
…
(Hokage Tower)
Hiruzen Sarutobi, the so-called 'God of Shinobi' was engaged in heated battle.
The battle that every person who has ever held an administrative position fights daily and constantly, without end or reprieve.
Meaningless, endless paperwork.
Even shadow clones proved ineffective against this particular form of poison.
'It's self-torture. Are you a masochist?' they'd say before dispelling.
For as long as he could remember, his days as Kage had revolved around paperwork, meetings, babysitting students like Jiraiya and Tsunade, a brief retirement, more paperwork from his clan's holdings and properties, his reinstatement, more paperwork, babysitting more children like Naruto, and later Konohamaru.
It always came back to paperwork.
Absolute monotony.
That was what his days had become.
Setting aside his pen with more force than strictly necessary, he allowed himself a private exclamation of victory. 'Finally, This shitstain of a stack has ended. Now I can relax, have a good drag, and read Jiraiya's new work in peace.'
No one truly appreciated how much he relied on his most idiotic student. The man single-handedly managed all of the Leaf's spy network, dealing with hidden threats, training new agents, and still somehow found time to write such masterpieces.
Hiruzen had his ANBU quietly procure advance copies, given that his dear student rarely found time to send him the illustrated edition personally.
'Ohohohoho. Can't wait for the colored edition~'
Sliding open his drawer, he yoinked a rather expensive tobacco. A gift from the Fire Daimyo himself, and lit his pipe.
The Make Out Series. The crystal ball with the Telescopic Technique given to him by Lord Tobirama. And this. The holy trinity of his leisure time.
It was, in all respects, a perfect day.
Until the hurricane attacked.
The door flew open with a loud bang. Naruto hurried inside, his eyes ablaze with the full weight of an untold number of grievances that Hiruzen, frankly, had very little interest in dealing with.
"Old Man!"
Giving the boy a tight smile and setting aside his premium tobacco, Hiruzen spoke evenly. "Yes, Naruto my boy? How have you been? We haven't seen each other since the Wave incident, have we?"
"I am NOT fine, old man!!"
Now Hiruzen was listening. There had always been multiple ANBU watching over Naruto, ensuring that petty village troubles didn't reach him on their watch. For the boy to be this worked up, something must have genuinely needled him.
"It's Kakashi Sensei!!"
'What did he do this time?' Hiruzen suppressed a sigh. 'Minato, curse you for dying in my place. And then leaving behind not one but two headaches for me to manage.'
His internal monologue went entirely unnoticed by the young Jinchūriki, who kept right on complaining. As a good elder, Hiruzen listened.
'How does he have this much energy? ...Right. Bullshit uzumaki genes.'
When Naruto finally finished the entire essay delivered entirely in breath, Hiruzen nodded slowly. "I understand, my boy. So let me make sure I have this right. Two weeks ago, Kakashi promised that if your team could last at least an hour in a serious spar with him, he would personally train each of you?"
Naruto nodded, chest heaving as he caught his breath.
'Naruto's grown stronger. To last a full hour sparring seriously with a Jōnin…' "And since then, he's been avoiding the topic every day and after promising to honour the original promise, he bailed again today for...?"
"Erm... that duck-bastard called it something. Make... Make Mouth...? Make Out? I dunno. Something about making-something-something book. The smut he reads."
'I can understand why Kakashi would choose that over dealing with these particular teenagers. What has the world come to? No libido, the lot of them? Whatever happened to the inventor of the Sexy Jutsu? How can he forget the very name that gave him inspiration?!'
Hiruzen quietly smothered the burning indignation at the insult to mankind's holiest literature.
Outwardly, the old war veteran simply nodded. "Leave it with me, my boy. I'll speak to Kakashi personally. He will be teaching you what he promised starting tomorrow."
'Now leave. I have important reading to do. Shoo shoo.'
"But what about after that, old man?! I know he will, but he'll just give some smart-ass excuse and vanish again! Can't you make him actually stay? Show up to our missions on time for once?"
'His vocabulary needs an update. Jiraiya will skin me alive if he finds out how... limited his godson remains.' Suppressing a shudder, Hiruzen replied calmly, "Will you bear with it for one more week? I'll arrange for an additional tutor. Someone to train you properly while this gets sorted." 'While I sort out Kakashi for making me work more than I should.'
'Someone who has long neglected his duty as a Godfather.' Hiruzen kept the smile off his face.
'Consider this your summons, you old toad.'
"A tutor chosen by you?!" Naruto's eyes lit up like signal flares as he nodded rapidly. "Yes! Yes! Yes! Thank you, old man! You're the best!"
"Now then, I have important matters to attend to." Hiruzen produced a small bundle of ryō and tossed it his way. "Go and have some fun."
With the widest grin physically possible on a human face, Naruto snapped a sharp salute. "As you command, Lord Hokage!"
Just as the hurricane departed, a small, barely perceptible smile touched the old monkey's lips, accompanied by a fond exhale.
Then he promptly signalled the ANBU to clear the room.
He had some very important goon—reading to attend to.
◂ 𑁍 • 𑁍 • 𑁍 ▸
Another A/N — How did you like it?
P.S. For those who celebrate — may you have a happy Hanuman Jayanti. May Lord Hanuman and Shree Ram guide our paths towards Dharma. Because this world seriously needs it. It's becoming a wider and deeper hellhole by the day.
P.S.2. Just saw the news. 😭 Even India is preparing for war. Like — we already have three nuclear states fighting two non-nuclear ones. We do not need two more jumping each other.🙏 If we survive this year, I'm doing a large community feast. I pray you all remain safe and happy.