When Little sisi's family relocated to a new neighborhood, her parents enrolled her in a different school, hoping for a fresh beginning. Adjusting to her new surroundings was difficult for her. She found it hard to form connections with others, often feeling like an outsider among her peers. Over time, she managed to make a few friends, but the process was slow and filled with discomfort.
Even in the early years of primary school, Little sisi was exposed to things far beyond her age. Some of the children she encountered were already engaging in sexually inappropriate behaviors. There were girls her age who confidently exhibited behaviors linked to lesbianism, and boys who knew far too much about manipulating and violating personal boundaries. Sadly, Little sisi found herself befriending some of these children, not out of shared interest, but more out of curiosity and a desire to belong.
In Basic 4, she had her first experience with a French kiss, something she never expected, and something that left her feeling even more confused. The kiss wasnt shared with a boy, but with a fellow girl from her group of friends. Little sisi, still trying to make sense of her own identity and uncomfortable around boys due to past trauma, felt safer around girls. One day before classes began, she and this girl sat together by a classroom window, chatting quietly. Her innocent questions about what others were doing led to that first kiss. It was not enjoyable for her. In fact, she felt unsettled and left right afterward, uncertain of what she had just experienced.
As time passed, another girl in school started showing her extra attention. This girl behaved more like a boy, protective, assertive, and quick to defend Little Sisi whenever someone tried to pick on her. For the first time, Little sisi felt what seemed like genuine care and friendship. She admired the girl for standing up for her and soon grew emotionally attached, unaware that the girls interest was more than platonic.
One afternoon, the girl invited Little sisi to an empty classroom, saying she had something special to share. Innocently, Little sisi followed her inside. To her shock, the girl pulled down her underwear, kissed her, and pressured her into performing an oral act. Little sisi complied out of confusion and fear, but the encounter was interrupted when she noticed the girl's father passing by the window. The girl panicked, got dressed quickly, and ran off, leaving Little sisi behind, overwhelmed and shaken.
Disturbed by what had just happened, Little sisi rushed to the restroom and began frantically rinsing her mouth. She spat repeatedly, feeling disgusted and violated. Even when she got home, she continued brushing her mouth, hoping it would somehow undo the experience. The incident haunted her, adding another layer to the trauma she was already carrying silently.
Up until this point in her young life, she had endured multiple traumas, all while keeping everything bottled up. She had never felt safe enough to speak out, and no one in her environment seemed to notice the emotional turmoil she was in. Her distrust in men only deepened, to the point where she even felt uneasy around her father.
As she started to mature physically, Little sisi had no guidance about her body or what was appropriate. Though she had some underwear, she didnt fully understand when or how to use them. It wasnt unusual for her to walk around without a top on, completely unaware of how vulnerable this made her.
One day, as part of her regular chores, she stepped outside to throw out dirty water. She had no top on. A boy from a neighboring house spotted her and suddenly grabbed her, trying to fondle her chest. Terrified, she wrestled herself free and ran back into the house, crying in fear. She found a quiet corner where she sobbed uncontrollably, feeling humiliated and frightened. From that day forward, she promised herself never to go outside without being fully dressed. She also did everything she could to avoid that boy afterward, staying out of sight and never allowing herself to be alone where he might be.
Despite living in a neighborhood with other children, Little sisi wasnt allowed to play freely. Her interactions with neighborhood friends only happened when her parents were not around. She would sneak out with her little sister during those moments to enjoy brief episodes of playtime with other kids.
Academically, Little sisi was average. She wasnt top of her class, but she wasnt failing either. Unfortunately, the psychological stress she carried mainly from unresolved trauma and self-doubt had a profound impact on her academic performance. Even at her young age, she had developed a harmful belief that she wasnt good enough.
One memorable day stands out clearly in her mind. It was the end of the school term, and parents were called in to collect report cards. Her father came to school to retrieve hers. As soon as he saw her results, he became furious, yelling at her in public. He repeated, So many children are doing better than you! The words cut deep. Little sisi, filled with shame and pain, began to cry. She hadnt known what her standing was until that moment, and when she finally looked, she saw she had come in ninth place.
Her tears continued to flow, but before they left the school, a kind teacher pulled her aside. The teacher comforted her, gently explaining that ninth position was not a failure and that she could do better next time. She also told her father that criticism without encouragement was harmful. Despite the kind gesture, the damage had already been done.
Back home, Little sisi retreated to her corner and wept alone. She didnt ask for food. She already knew what would be said if she did, most likely something cold and dismissive. She simply waited for her mother to return, hoping for comfort that rarely came.
Both her parents remained preoccupied with making ends meet. They worked hard and were deeply engaged in external commitments but gave very little time or emotional energy to their home. They didnt function as a team, and they barely functioned as parents. The emotional needs of the children were left unmet, and Little sisi, like her siblings, was left to survive in silence.