In our next tale, Scout Minion and others "enjoy" a "relaxing day off" off against their sworn nemeses: The Royal Knights of the Old Kingdom of Reinen (R.K.O.K.R)... or do they?
They have some pretty weird dreams in that lake cabin - uncomfortable visions with a reoccurring theme: make a deal, solve the problem.
But is any deal worth the price of your soul?
Let's see how they handle it.
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If only they had known that tonight would be almost as bad as last year's trip, they might have reconsidered— but they didn't.
A pair of mighty, light-absorbing claws slam the quaint Mexican-American styled blue, pink, and tan clay bowl onto the rustic wooden table. Filled to the brim with delicious pretzels, chips, and various other tasty carbohydrates, these delicacies soar up from the bowl, only to fall neatly back into place.
"Who's ready for some gross solstice partying?!" Super Maniac Ultra Echelon XXX Minion shouts. "I've been waiting all year for this shit!" With another slam of the bowl, he rouses the rest of the cabin-goers, breaking a contemplative but excited silence and finally beginning the events of this one, horrid evening.
"Dude, can you shut up for five seconds?" Scout Minion snips. "It's the worst thing ever that we got assigned with you for the getaway," she says, opening up her suitcase to compare different scarves: She's feeling like something a little "Springier" since they only have a few days to enjoy their freedom from their regular minion-type duties but, as usual, she opts for the classic.
"Oh, he's just having a good time," Fashion Minion snips back at Scout, his rustic springtime wear and ascot set looking particularly cozy. "I feel for you, though. We can't all be paragons of enjoying ourselves on the job, Scout."
"Huh?! Hell's that supposed to mean?" Scout says as Fashion Minion glances away, his sly smile plastered across his face as if he's always one or two steps ahead of everyone else, but particularly her.
"Oh, you know, some of us are just a little more… invested in our work."
"Tryin' to say I don't know how to have fun?" she asks
Fashion Minion, tall, graceful, and flamboyant as always, gives a gentle shrug. "Not necessarily. What I'm trying to say, young lady, is that—"
"Oh, that's exactly what he's trying to say," Maniac Minion snips. "But don't you worry, sweetheart. I got a whole night planned. We're gonna do drugs, we're going to get super wasted, we're going to play board games, we're going to summon demons, we're going to do the nasty!"
Scout flinches back in disgust as Fashion Minion hums wistfully.
"Even if we could, I wouldn't even consider it even as a dying wish," Scout snips back, her blades still at the ready at her hips, even on a holiday like this. "But if you want to cut this little vacation early, all you need to do is ask," she says as she places her hands at the sheaths.
"Everybody, please," a gentler, more motivated voice comes from the side of one of the nearby rooms. Everyone turns to see Cardio Minion finally finishing unpacking and emerging from her chosen room in the cabin.
"Oh great, here's Little Miss Sunshine here to tell us how we should live our life," Fashion Minion hisses.
"The hell do you want, Bunny?" Scout Minion asks.
"Don't interrupt me, bitch!" the three of them say in their own special, unique little minion ways.
Cardio Minion, taller than the first two and only slightly taller than Fashion Minion—gives an ineffectual smile. She's entirely used to this kind of treatment. As part of her athlete nature, little pains, even the emotional kind, don't seem to hurt as bad when she's dealt with it for so long
Her track jacket, this time a springing green and brown instead of her normal bright red, flexes in the dim light of the cabin as she lifts her arms behind her head. "I think all you guys should just relax. We only get to do this like once a year, and whoever it is I'm with, I am certain we'll find a way to have a great time."
Fashion Minion crosses his arms before turning away once again in about the haughtiest way you can imagine. "Well, you can count me out of all the outdoors stuff," he says. "I was only going because I thought Lumberjack Minion was coming."
Maniac Minion winces in confusion. "Why did'ya want him to come along?" before receiving a quick shove from Scout.
"Oh, that's right. I almost forgot that you're totally gay," he says with a sarcastic tone.
"I shall not confide in ruffians like you why I'm interested in spending time with a man of culture like him."
"Yeah, imagine you'd like to culturally enrich things with him quite a bit," Maniac Minion says with a snarky little smirk.
"Cut it out," Cardio Minion says with a chastising smile. "Now, I think we all know better than to dig up each other's pasts," she says, winning a curt, irritated glance from Fashion Minion. "Listen, the cabin has everything we need. We are going to have a great time. There's s'mores, there's board games, there's even this little… television thingy," she says, turning to an array of boxes facing the couch in the living room.
"That's called a DVD player," Scout Minion corrects.
"Rrright, DVD player," Cardio Minion corrects.
"Whatever. It's all boring," Maniac Minion says. "You think I wanna watch my movies in 2D? How old are DVDs anyways? Like a thousand years old or what?"
"Only about 400 years, actually," Scout Minion explains, winning a quick white glowing grin from Maniac Minion.
"I love how you just know that off the top of your head. It's so normal."
A white flush appears on Scout's face. "I-I mean, anyone would, idiot. Do you just not remember information?"
"I'm not absolutely obsessed and autistic with tiny little details about technology, Scout Minion. If you spent 1% of that time learning all those useless facts on chasing down and fighting the Knights, we probably would own the entire obliterating universe by now."
"You little cockroach," she says, stepping forward with her claws readied. Granted, Scout Minion is still pretty much on the small side, but she's bigger than Maniac Minion, who's certifiably a pipsqueak to 90% of the Minionry… and let's be honest here: even if she was even smaller… even if she was the size of a quarter, she could beat him faster than he could toss out a racial slur, which is pretty stupidly fast.
The irony here is that Maniac Minion loves the sense of control he gets from ruining the best-laid plans of mice and men. At least, that is until the likes of Scout Minion and some of the other well-to-dos mess it up for him time and again—but not this time.
His eyes slant with a mischievous aura.
"You know what? I guess you're right," he admits.
Scout doubles back, surprised by the look of humility on his face.
"I suppose there's nothing that can really be done about it," he says with a smile. "I am sorry."
Once the situation is disarmed, Scout Minion, still in shock, slowly pulls away, her eyes wide like full moons. "Did you just… apologize?"
"I sure did. You know, we should all cook up something nice and watch a good movie and have a time of it. After all, I'm getting off this week from the Mintuanamo Bay prisoner exchange program, and I should probably waste it on something fun rather than trying to mess up everyone's day."
"Which you usually wouldn't miss anything for," Scout Minion says.
"Yes," he says, waving dismissively. "But I don't know. I feel… different this time. Maybe I can actually make friends for once."
Scout Minion snorts at the thought. "That'll be the day."
"Friends?! Oh, goody!" Fashion Minion says, leaning down and swooping up Maniac Minion for a hug.
"Hey, get your hands off of me, you delirious fa- uh friend, you strange fellow. You wonderful, strange fellow." He takes a deep breath, and Fashion Minion, who was expecting a response like that, is only too pleased to receive an apology coming afterward.
"Quite accepted, my little friend."
The criminal takes a deep breath and forces out a smile. "Can I get some snacks now? Is that how this works?"
Fashion Minion smiles back and puts him down. "Well of course my little Machiavelli."
Cardio Minion, already with the snack bowl ready, offers it to the little maniac who immediately puts back a jaw-full of the assorted carbohydrates: it's salty, zesty, sweet, and altogether great.
"Let's make the best of it," Cardio Minion says with a grin as she releases the bowl to let Maniac Minion dunk his face into it. "I'll get started on the fire. Scout Minion, would you like to pick out the movie?"
"Sure thing." Scout Minion says just as the front door opens with the smoothness of the breeze.
A mystic wind blows through the cabin as a bevy of old fall leaves flush past the threshold of the door. Amidst all the earlier commotion, no one had noticed Druid Minion stepping her way up to the cabin.