Back then…
I thought loving him was the easiest thing in the world.
Daniel was kind. Gentle. Acts of service … who wouldn't be proud of that?
The kind of person who made everything feel safe… like nothing could ever go wrong.
And me?
I was stupid enough to believe that feeling would last forever.
I didn't notice it at first.
Because the way he treated me, the way he talked to me, all of it slowly made my feelings for him grow deeper and deeper. To the point where I didn't care how many people looked at me sideways, calling me shameless for claiming that Daniel was my boyfriend.
What they didn't know?
We weren't just ordinary friends. We were a couple. And I was the one who told Daniel not to tell anyone about it. The reason? Simple. I didn't want his popularity to suffer just because he chose a farmer's daughter like me.
How foolish of me.
Because that decision was the beginning of everything.
They started bullying me.I still remember the first time. Cold, dirty water soaking through my shirt. The smell. The laughter echoing off the bathroom walls while I stood there, frozen, too shocked to even cry.
I didn't fight back.
I just… stood there.
Then... They
Pushing me in the bathroom.
Splashing dirty water on my clothes.
"Shameless girl…"
Their voices echoed and somehow, those words hurt more than the hands that shoved me. It wasn't just my heart that broke. My mental and physical state took the hit too.
And that wasn't enough. I was ostracized. Classmates. My own best friend. Everyone. They had all been brainwashed by Scarlet, Daniel's closest friend, the one behind every single rumor. Me? A farmer's daughter who had no power to stand against someone with a name and an empire as big as Arlington Global backing her.
Before they left, they made sure to give me a warning.
Don't tell Daniel.
And me, foolishly … I listened.
Pressured, scared, and stupid ,but I chose to stay silent.
_________________________________
That evening,
"What happened to your head?" Daniel said, his face filled with worry. He gently touched the spot covered by the plaster. I smiled, holding my own forehead.
"Nothing, I accidentally slipped in the bathroom yesterday," I said with a small laugh. Daniel let out a relieved breath.
"Huh! Thank goodness! I thought something happened," he said, sitting down beside me and handing me the ice cream he bought. Like always, we talked and laughed, happy. I looked at him, completely taken by his face, ...handsome, attractive…
And the only thought in my mind was simple.
He was my strength. The only reason I kept showing up every day with a smile.
But the next day, the bullying got worse.
I still didn't say anything to Daniel. Just smiles. Even when my body was in pain. Because I knew, Daniel would sacrifice everything for me. He would willingly take insults from his own friends if he found out. And I couldn't bear for that to happen to us. Not at all.
So I accepted it. All of it.
Because for me…
as long as Daniel was still by my side,
it was all worth it.
But lately…
the way Daniel looked at me felt different. Sometimes soft, but sometimes cold.
Like he was already somewhere else, even when he was right beside me.
Like he was already preparing to leave.
But… it turned out I was wrong about a lot of things.
The two months before that were the quietest kind of painful.
He still texted. Still smiled. Still bought me ice cream like nothing was wrong. But something had shifted and I felt it every single time he looked at me just a second too short.
Like he was already practising letting go.
I told myself I was imagining things.
I was good at lying to myself by then.
But ....
At 4 in the afternoon, in the school corridor ,I heard the words I feared the most.
"Sarena, I don't have feelings for you anymore," he said.
His eyes looked somewhere else.I noticed his hands though.They were shaking. Just slightly. Just enough for me to see. And somehow that made it worse.
That one sentence…
felt like everything we had, every memory, every promise, meant nothing.
I knew Daniel. I knew him well enough to understand how he thought, how he made decisions. He never made any big decision without talking to me first. But that day, he felt like a completely different person.
There was only one sentence going around in my mind,
"Is this real?"
I stared straight at him. The person I loved the most. The person I trusted the most. And the person I admired the most, the only one who mattered to me, to the point where I stayed silent even when my body was covered in bruises.
My heart ached… ached like a knife being stabbed into it over and over again. Tears poured out without me being able to stop them. No dramatic crying…. just tears that kept and kept flowing, quietly and tiredly. I knew that in this world nothing lasts forever. But I never thought it would end like this, or this soon.
"…Why?" I finally answered, my voice cracking.
Daniel slowly raised his hand, toward my cheek. I froze, not moving, waiting. But before his hand could reach me, he pulled it back quickly.
Damn this hand.
Daniel said to himself.
"We're not on the same level, Sarena," he said, and somehow the look on his face hurt more than the words themselves.
"What?!" I looked at him sharply. "So this whole time…, everything you said, everything you promised ...was it all just a lie?"
He turned his face away.
His eyes were darting everywhere. Refusing to meet mine at all.
I scoffed.
"Daniel!! You should at least explain the truth!" I said firmly. "If there's something wrong with the way I love you….I can change. If there's something wrong with how I act….. I can change that too. I'm even willing to stay away if you're worried about your popularity. But at the very least, just talk to me."
I covered my face with both hands. My voice was full of disappointment. My whole body felt weak. My blue shirt was soaked from the tears that wouldn't stop.
"DANIELLL!! Answer me!"
Daniel roughly ran his fingers through his neatly combed hair.
"I don't have a choice, Sarena… this is my family's decision," he said, his voice harsh, but his eyes full of regret.
"That's it?" I said weakly.
"Because the moment I leave, everything gets decided for me. Who I see. Who I talk to. Who I…" he stopped himself. He sighed, the sentence just hanging there unfinished.
I laughed softly…. bitterly.
"You're truly something else, Daniel." I clapped slowly.
"Yaaa, that's right!! I really am," he replied with a scoff, his hands resting behind his head. I broke down crying.
"That's enough, Sarena." He covered his face for a moment, then slowly held both my shoulders.
"Let's end this now." He said, pressing his fingers to his forehead.
"THEN WHAT ABOUT ME!!!"
I shoved his hands away.
"Do you think this is easy?! After everything , everything I've done for you , are you really throwing me away just like that?!!"
"Sarena, no …
that's not what I meant.."
"Don't talk to me in that tone!!" I shouted, glaring at him.
Daniel froze.
"I hate that!!…..from now on ….i hate your voice!! Everything about you" I said, hunching over as if forcing out every bit of resentment inside me.
Daniel didn't say anything…
His breath got stuck. The hand that had wanted to reach for me… slowly fell to his side.
"…Do you think this is easy for me?" he said quietly.
His eyes were red. But he still held it in.
"I… still love you, Sarena."
My heart stopped for a moment.
"…but I can't choose you."
"I know apa yang berlaku selama ini. I know that if you stay at my side, kau akan lebih sakit, lebih tersiksa." He turned his body around, his back facing me. His shoulders trembled.
"Ini bukan pilihan saya. Everyday, I always thought that….."
He stopped. Cleared his throat.
"Finish what you were saying, Daniel," I said,
my voice no longer trembling. Just tired. Deep down, I was still hoping. Hoping he would take back his decision..
"It's enough. Let's break up," he said without turning around.
I went silent. Staring at his back.
I tried to step toward him…. but my phone rang, shattering everything.
RINGGGGG RINGGG
I let go of the thought and quickly grabbed my phone.
"Hello?" I answered, my voice almost normal.
"Rena, when kau balik?" My mother's voice. Worried, as always.
"Oh, I'm on my way home," I said with a small laugh, so she wouldn't worry.
"Okay, oh …. Please buy a kilo of fish for me at Pak Cik Zack's stall. I already told him earlier."
"Yeah yeah, I'll head there soon." I said, my voice cheerful.
The call ended.
I turned back to look at Daniel, who still had his back to me. My thoughts were spinning. My chest felt heavy. Then I drew in one long, deep breath.
"Alright. If you want to break up that badly… fine," I said, my voice cold. I turned toward the stairs.
"Then… let's not see each other again."
I walked. I covered my mouth, trying to hold it in, broken, uneven, and painfully suffocating.
"This is the best thing for both of us," I said without looking back.
Daniel just watched me go with the corner of his eye…
He scoffed.
The best thing, huh?
Daniel said to himself ….. and for the first time that night, he let his tears fall too.