Saturday, February 28
"D'you wanna go fly?"
"Mate," Ron sighed, apparently sick of Harry's constant pestering and sat down the book he was reading, their new defense textbook Sirius assigned.
Harry actually thought it was decent of Sirius to provide books for the students. He told Harry he was worried some kids couldn't afford to buy a new book and some kids might not have an owl to order one even if they did. It was the sort of thinking that Harry tried to mimic, show people that he could be considerate too.
"It's freezing out," Ron said.
"So?" Harry shrugged and wiggled his fingers in the air. "I can make it warm, can't I?"
"He is studying, like you should be," Hermione said, barely looking over the top of her transfiguration text to scold him. "OWLS are just around the corner Harry."
Harry rolled his eyes and slumped down in his seat. He looked around their table and saw that everyone was studying like mad. Even Luna had a bit of ink on her cheek as she patiently made corrections to Neville's potion notes.
"Sue?" he asked hopefully. He gave Susan his brightest most charming smile, only to be immediately shot down.
"Why don't you see if Theo wants to go do something with you? Since he is your new best friend." Susan's nostrils flared as she gave him a cool look.
"Are you really still mad?" Harry whispered, flicking his hand for a quick muffliato for their group. "It was an emergency."
Hermione hummed skeptically, but Susan kept her teal eyes narrowed while she stared Harry down.
They'd already argued about this at least four times.
If Susan wanted to be involved in more murders then she should have been sorted in to Slytherin, it was as simple as that. Theo was a choice of convenience, and look where that got him.
Harry glanced subtly at Theo and saw that even though the shadows beneath his eyes were still prominent, the tightness in the lines of his face had disappeared somewhat.
Harry had felt... bad? Remorseful? He felt something he didn't like when Theo had a breakdown over poisoning Umbridge. He kind of thought that their little talk in the boys loo had been enough to sort out Theo's ridiculous guilt, but then the nightmares started and Harry had to deal with that too.
Harry sure as hell wasn't going to lay in Theo's bed and stroke his hair like Susan and Luna did for him, but he did put up a silencing charm so Theo didn't wake the others and sat on the trunk at the foot of his bed, quietly reading out loud from his book on blood sacrifices until Theo fell back asleep. Harry had brief memories of his aunt doing that for his cousin when he had nightmares, and since Theo didn't seem to want to learn Occlumency right now to stop them, or take Dreamless Sleep, then it was Harry's next best choice. Aside from the first night, when Theo looked terrified as Harry offered him a chocolate from his trunk and started reading, it seemed to work well enough. Harry didn't get much sleep on those nights, but they seemed to be lessening a bit too.
It was actually exhausting having so many friends. Harry probably should have just stuck with one or two when he first got here.
"Pick anyone you want and we can kill them if you'll just stop studying," Harry told Susan with another bright smile. Sure Snape would be pissed, but Harry was bored. If it would get at least one of their friends' noses out of a book then it was worth it.
"I'm busy right now and there aren't a lot of options at Hogwarts," Susan said primly, picking her history book back up.
"Dray, wanna go feed the thestrals with me?" Harry asked. Unlike some people, Hermione, Harry had actually liked the giant winged horses that Hagrid brought to class. And he especially liked that only a few of them could see them; it made the thestrals better somehow, special.
"I can't," Draco said, his grey eyes actually looking slightly apologetic. "I really do need to study, Flitwick said the charms OWL is one of the hardest ones."
"Blaise?" Harry said, giving Blaise as genuine of a smile as he could muster in the face of so much utter boredom. "We could go fight in the Secret Room?"
Blaise silently held his left arm up, showing Harry the scar right above his elbow from the fight they'd had during the last club meeting.
"How is that my fault?" Harry demanded.
"You said it was a muggle fight then you stabbed him," Theo said drily, his eyes never moving from his parchment.
"Muggles use knives," Susan said, apparently her loyalty beating out her annoyance with Harry. "It's called constant vigilance Blaise darling."
"It's called a sneak attack and I'm not giving you another opportunity until I've figured out how to flick those knives like you do," Blaise said. "Go sow chaos somewhere else."
"Fine." Harry slammed his hands on the table, not in any real anger, mostly just to be a prat and rattle their supplies. He got to his feet and gave them all his best disappointed look, "Then I'm going to find Fred. At least he's not boring."
The 'unlike you lot' was silent, but heavily implied.
"Why don't you go bother Snape?" Draco suggested. "Fred's probably studying for his NEWTS."
"Doubtful," Ron scoffed under his breath.
"Snape still isn't talking to me, is he?" Harry scowled. Snape was lasting longer than Harry thought he would, but Harry knew he'd crack soon. Eleven days was nothing, and he'd have to talk to Harry during Easter Break.
"Still?" Neville's dark brows climbed high on his forehead. "Why don't you just apologize for killing Umbridge? You don't have to mean it to apologize."
"Blaise says sorry all the time and never means it," Susan added with a small grin.
"Why would I?" Blaise asked haughtily. "As Harry says, words mean nothing and actions prove everything."
Harry was pretty sure he didn't say that quite like that, but it was a decent summary of his thoughts anyway.
"Harry won't apologize when he isn't sorry, he doesn't lie to Snape," Luna said. "And if you add the pixie venom before you reduce the fire then you would make a toxic gas that would kill every person in the castle," she added to Neville, pointing at something on his parchment.
"Luna's right and you all suck," Harry said. He grabbed his jacket off the back of his chair and curled his lip up in an annoyed sneer at their books once more before leaving the library.
Nobody would be happier than Harry when OWLS were over. He didn't realize how seriously everyone took it until recently when it seemed as if every free moment was spent in the library, his friends studying and Harry bothering them with his presence.
He pulled out the Marauders Map and scanned it until he found the dot Fred Weasley in an empty classroom on the main floor with George Weasley and Lee Jordan.
Perfect. Then Fred wasn't studying and he wasn't trying to hide out in his dorm and mope by himself either. The first time Harry found him laying in his dorm by himself, his eyes red-rimmed and sad, he'd tried out the 'Theo method', but reading out loud didn't work for Fred, it didn't relax him at all. Harry tried out a few other methods to cheer him up, but then Fred finally told him he just wanted to have somewhere quiet to think. Now when Harry finds Fred's dot in his dorm alone, he just slips up there in his cloak and lays beside him in silence. Fred never says anything, but he holds Harry's hand when he shows up, so Harry assumed that it's a good method to keep using.
Being with Fred was easy right now, even with their 'counseling' they'd done twice since Christmas break. All Harry had to do was be quiet and supportive when Fred was upset, and find ways to make him laugh when he wasn't. They talked a lot about the future, counting it as their 'two-way conversation' Lupin told them to have, and made plans together. Plans like Fred coming to Hogsmeade once a month while Harry was still at Hogwarts, and like Harry agreeing to add a dresser to his bedroom for Fred.
It was easy. Simple.
And surely Fred would be up for something today. He cared about his NEWTS nearly as much as Harry cared about his OWLS.
"It's me," Harry said, poking his head in the classroom once he'd found it. He raised his brows at the stacks of purple boxes and slipped inside at George's quick gesture.
The three of them had filled the dusty classroom with their packaged products. All of the boxes and crates, except for a few yellow ones, were the brightest purple Harry had ever seen.
"Hey Potter," Lee smiled at him, his teeth bright against his dark skin. "Welcome to the current inventory room for their future shop."
"Yeah?" Harry finally spotted Fred's head pop up behind a stack of what looked like the yellow Skiving Snack Boxes.
Harry had tried to help them before, right after they came back and Fred started 'burying his grief in work', but he was lousy at it. He didn't have creative ideas like they did, the inventory sheets confused him, and their goofy marketing slogans sounded dumb when Harry said them.
He did happily spend a day helping them test some of their products on Finnigan, Macmillan, and Parkinson though. They avoided any Ravenclaw's, since Hermione looked rather McGonagall-ish when she heard them plotting during dinner.
To see all this though...
"It's really happening," Harry told Fred. "You've got the place all set up then?"
"Yup." Fred came over and surveyed what was basically his life's work beside Harry. "We're packing this up the last week and moving it over to the shop. I think we can open by July 5th."
"That's wicked," Harry said, genuinely impressed. "Hey, if you're done today d'you wanna go fly, or we could sneak off to Hogsmeade, or something?"
"Not so fast Snakey." George shook his finger at Harry threateningly. "We've got seventy packages of Whiz-Bang's that need boxed up today."
Harry's shoulders slumped dejectedly. "Today?" he asked Fred, figuring he'd be the easier one to convince to do literally anything else. "What about tomorrow?"
"Tomorrow the love potions will be done," Lee said, checking their list taped to the wall. "And we still need to see if Angie will ward this room or not."
"I'll ward it," Harry offered quickly.
"You took runes?"
"No," Harry scowled at Lee's question. Of course the wards would be runes. He didn't have a clue how they worked and refused to learn no matter how many times Theo offered to teach him.
"You can stick around if you want," Fred offered. "We're brewing felix felicis tonight."
Harry wasn't sure what that was, but he didn't really fancy hanging out while they brewed either. Snape swore he was 'a restless menace in a potions lab'. "It's fine," he said. "I'll just... I'll find something to do."
"If you want you can hand out some of the candies," George said. "We haven't found a lot of volunteers for the nosebleed nougats yet."
"'Kay." Harry accepted the candies half-heartedly. Walking around tricking students in to giving themselves a nosebleed wasn't exactly the exciting task he wanted to do today. "I'll see you guys later."
"I'll block Monday off for us to hang out, alright?" Fred said quietly at the doorway. "Love you."
"'Kay, have fun," Harry said. "Don't blow up or I'm replacing you with someone who isn't busy."
"You're supposed to say love you too," Fred laughed.
Harry raised his brows and smirked. "Isn't that what I said?"
After that dead end, Harry wandered the castle under his cloak, occasionally glancing at his map, hoping one of his friends would give up on their studies and be free to do something with soon.
He paused in his aimless wandering when Remus Lupin's dot joined Sirius Black's in the DADA quarters. Harry turned around, heading back in that direction. Just because Snape wasn't talking to him, didn't mean he couldn't go bother Sirius and Lupin.
Harry knocked lightly on the painting that led to Sirius' quarters, annoyed that he couldn't just poke his head in like he did Snape's. He waited for Sirius to come let him in, tapping his foot as he did.
It took more than just a few minutes, but finally Sirius opened the portrait up.
"Hey! Harry!" His eyes were bright and he looked much more excited than was necessary for Harry to be there. "Just the person I wanted to see! Come in!"
Harry tentatively followed Sirius in to his quarters, keeping one hand casually in his pocket. Until he knew why Sirius looked so excited, he wasn't going to let his guard down. Nobody, aside from maybe Luna sometimes, was ever that excited just to see Harry.
"Hello, Harry." Lupin was standing in Sirius' sitting room, leaning against the fireplace with the same bright look of excitement in his eyes that Sirius had.
"Hello," Harry said slowly, lingering in the doorway uncertainly while Sirius went bounding up to Lupin's side across the room. "What are you two on about?"
"We're getting married!" Sirius cried abruptly, holding Lupin's hand up for Harry to inspect.
Harry spotted the glitter of gold on Lupin's hand and relaxed. That explained their excitement.
"Brill," he gave them both a small smile. He wasn't sure what the fuss was about since they already lived together and spent all their time together, but they seemed happy enough. "Congrats."
"Thank you," Lupin said genuinely. He had a smile that seemed to make the severity of the scars on his face lessen and the greys in his hair recede.
Sirius was just as obviously happy, he looked at the ring on Lupin's finger like it was obvious proof that Lupin loved him. Which, Harry kind of assumed, that was the point of being married. The person you wanted by your side forever was bound to you through the good or the bad. They couldn't easily change their minds and leave you. Plus, everyone would see a ring on their finger and know that they belonged to someone else.
Harry kind of liked the idea of it.
"And now I have something to ask you." Sirius grabbed a box of his fireplace mantle and brought it over to Harry. Harry raised his brow at him, accepting the box carefully.
"I don't want to marry you," he said flatly. "It's gross, isn't it?"
"Open the box smartass," Sirius laughed.
Harry shrugged and flipped the lip off the box. He furrowed his brows down at what was inside of it and plucked the contents out to hold them up.
"You got me firewhisky and a bow tie? Why?"
Lupin chuckled over by the fireplace and Sirius barked out a much louder laugh.
"It's a bribe and a gift," he said. "Harry, as my favorite godson—"
"Only godson," Harry corrected him, unwillingly smiling at his teasing tone.
"As my favorite godson, will you stand up with me this summer and be my best man?"
"I don't..." Harry glanced at Lupin, who was still just smiling at them, and felt his face heat up embarrassingly. "I don't know what that means," he admitted.
Sirius didn't look put out by his admission, he was still just as excited and obviously happy as before.
"It's a wedding thing," he explained. "It means when we get married, if you accept, you'll stand next to me as like... well as my favorite person, besides Rem, I guess."
"Do I have to do anything special?" Harry asked.
"Make sure Moony doesn't bail on me," Sirius winked. "Wear dress robes, that's about it. We're not doing anything huge, just quick, quiet, done."
"'Kay, I'll do it, thanks Sirius." Harry shrugged, pocketing the alcohol and bow tie quickly. "Who's your best man then?" he asked Lupin.
"I haven't decided who to ask yet," Lupin said with a small shrug of his own. "Perhaps Lobo or Bill."
"Lobo? From your pack?" Harry asked, remembering jotting the name down a few times when he was making his notes for the last gang meeting.
"Yes, Ricardo," Lupin said. "We've become friends of a sort and I believe he would enjoy being asked."
Harry looked between Sirius and Lupin and thought it was kind of sad that the only people they had to ask to stand up with them were Sirius' teenaged godson and a guy Lupin just met last summer. Probably most of their friends died in the last war though, like Harry's dad.
Maybe it was a good thing he had so many friends. Even if their problems were exhausting to deal with on occasion, at least he'd never struggle to find someone to be his best man.
"What else are you guys doing then?" Harry asked, moving further in the room to set the empty box back on Sirius' table. "There is nothing to do today."
"Weeelllll..."
Harry studied Sirius' sudden frown and it took him a moment to understand what was going on.
"You guys have plans," he said dully. "Brill."
Lupin looked apologetic, but Sirius immediately made to cancel them.
"No, don't worry about it Pup," he said. He flopped down on the sofa and pat the cushion beside him. "We were just going to go tell Andromeda and get dinner, but we can cancel, or— oh, do you want to go with us?"
"No." Harry held back on scowling or rolling his eyes. If Sirius thought he was unhappy then he'd offer to stay and Harry didn't want to hold him back. "Maybe I'll go see if anyone's done studying and wants to drink," he said.
"Or maybe you could study," Lupin suggested with a small grin. "OWLS are coming up."
"And Professor Black just gave me a whole bottle of firewhisky," Harry said innocently. "So maybe I'm supposed to drink it."
Sirius laughed and then shook his head at Lupin's disapproving look.
"What?" he cried. "James gave me a bottle of booze when he asked me to be his best man!"
"And you were an adult, and James wasn't your teacher," Lupin said patiently. "Bit of a difference there Pads."
"Ah well," Sirius waved off Lupin's concerns and got up to ruffle Harry's hair in the way that he very begrudgingly tolerates with only the slightest tensing of his back muscles. "Harry doesn't need to study anyway, he's a genius Rem."
"Even geniuses need to study," Lupin said, sounding exactly like Hermione. "Surely there's at least one subject you're nervous about passing Harry?"
"Nope." Harry shoved both hands in his trouser pockets and smirked. "Practicals count for so much of the score that I'm hoping I'll get extra points for wandless magic and then my written won't matter too much. And I'm dropping divination and care of magical creatures anyway, aren't I?"
Sirius laughed again, his joyful mood unable to be tainted by Harry and Lupin's light disagreement. "Your mum got bonus points on her defense OWL for casting a corporeal patronus," he said. "I think Snape must have too now that I think about it."
"He did," Lupin said. "But the patronus is an advanced spell, well past NEWT level."
Harry's interest was caught at the reminder of the one spell he'd never gotten the hang of.
"Have fun at dinner or whatever," Harry said, eager to leave now there was something interesting to work on. "Ta Sirius, see ya Monday."
Harry jogged back out of Sirius' quarters, thinking about everything Snape told him about the patronus spell a couple of years ago.
It required a 'truly happy memory' and none of Harry's had counted was the gist of it as far as Harry remembered. But third year had been a bit of a shit year, so maybe that was why he hadn't been able to do it.
He felt a lot more in control of himself now than he had. And surely, surely, in fifteen years he'd found at least one 'truly happy memory'.
Though, by dinner time, Harry was fuming and absolutely not happy at all.
"I need ideas," he announced to his gang at dinner. "Tell me a time when I was happy."
Harry still, fucking still, couldn't get more than a large cloud of mist to come when he did his spell. He hated the patronus charm, he hated how the mist seemed to mock him as a failure.
"Why?" Ron asked curiously.
"Cause apparently my ideas aren't happy enough for the fuckin' patronus," Harry sneered.
"Can't imagine why," Blaise said, his voice heavily laced with sarcasm. "You're such an optimistic person."
Harry ignored Blaise and pulled his parchment and quill from his pocket. He passed it to Susan first.
"Just— will you guys just try and think of ideas and write them down? I've used every memory I've got, haven't I? I need it to be corporeal."
"Don't you already get a cloud?" Theo asked, having seen Harry try it a few times the summer after third year. "That's already very advanced."
"I want to beat Snape," Harry said. "Lupin said Snape did his during his OWLS and I want to too."
Nobody looked very convinced of Harry's argument so he tried to use an incentive instead.
"If yours works and I get an actual animal I'll give you a bottle of firewhisky," he said. He pat his pocket to give as much proof of its existence as he could. With Snape's watchful gaze, and McGonagall's eagle eyes, he wasn't going to risk pulling it out.
It would be a pain if Sirius got fired for giving it to him when Harry did quite a bit of work to get him hired in the first place.
Fred snatched the parchment from Susan, winking at Harry as he added something to the sheet before sliding it to Draco who had his hand out.
"I don't want your alcohol, but I am relieved you found something worthwhile to work on," Hermione said as she added her idea.
"What'd ya think I was going to do?" Harry asked, tilting his head curiously.
"Raise the dead, purchase a country and rename it Harry-land, start an army, nothing too insane," Hermione said with an absurd amount of seriousness.
"Well I don't have any bodies to turn in to inferi," Harry pointed out logically. "I don't need a whole country, yet, cause I'll have this one eventually, won't I? And I've already got an army, the defense club."
Only Fred, Susan, Blaise, and Luna looked nonplussed by that, everyone else had insulting looks of surprise on their faces.
"Terrifying," Neville quipped. "It's terrifying that Mione was kidding and you already have all those things figured out."
"Ta," Harry said, snatching the parchment away from Hermione once she finished writing on it. "Gotta be prepared, right?"
Nobody seemed impressed by that argument so Harry just shrugged.
Couldn't please everyone he supposed.
Harry decided that every time his friends were busy studying for their OWLS, or Fred was working on getting inventory ready for his shop, that he would work on his patronus.
Which wound up being a bloody lot that week.
He stayed in his dorm though, not wanting to broadcast his failure for anyone else to see. He just sat quietly on the edge of his bed and moved down the list of ideas his friends wrote for him to try.
He pulled the parchment out and read it over again;
Susan- riding the ferris wheel together
Fred- our first date (or our first duel before the snake)
Draco- pranking Umbridge
Ron- winning quidditch cup third year
Luna- getting your Hogwarts letter
Neville- coming back to Hogwarts 2nd year
Blaise- dueling
Theo- Snape naming you his heir
Hermione- winning the tournament
Some of those he'd already tried, but a few were new ideas. But he dutifully made his way down the list, trying out each one.
He was losing his patience though once he got to Luna's idea and it still didn't work. If Luna, Fred, and Susan were all wrong, then maybe Harry just didn't understand happiness like people thought he didn't understand empathy or regret or sadness or fear.
Harry knew what people thought of him. He was too cold, too unemotional, too prone to violence.
He didn't want to prove them right.
Harry inhaled slowly through his nose, pushing the air back out in an even force. He cleared his mind before looking down at the last recommendation.
Harry's mind brought up the events that played out just a few days after the third task in the Triwizard Tournament.
Fudge had announced his name, the winner, the victor, the best of the best. Snape had given him his proud look, silently telling Harry with his eyes that Harry had done well. His friends were all at their spot at the dinner table, screaming, cheering, with huge smiles on their faces.
Dumbledore looked cold, angry in Harry's choices, but that only served to make it an even happier memory.
"Expecto Patronum!"
Harry watched as the silver mist flew from his fingertips and finally, finally, formed a...
"What the fuck is that?" Harry laughed to himself. The odd animal was obviously a furry, four-legged, something. But damn if Harry had any idea what it was. It was kind of cute though; small as a book, only a couple feet long and barely taller than Harry's ankles. It's pointed face made him think of a rat, but the furry tail it had made him desperately hope it wasn't an actual rat.
"Can you send messages?" Harry asked it eagerly, tricking himself with its lifelike beady eyes. The weird little thing just yawned at him, showing a mouthful of sharp teeth.
"'Kay..." Harry frowned down at it and pulled on his magic while he tried to command it. "Go to Severus Snape, tell him: 'It's Harry, what animal is this?'"
It must have worked because the not-a-rat-but-not-a-dog blinked at him then scurried out of the room, passing invisibly through the wall.
Harry wondered if he could make a bunch of them, just send multiple messages at once and decided to test it out while he waited on Snape's reply.
He sent one to Sirius with a very smug message telling him he figured it out. Then he sent one to Luna, thinking she'd like the animal, with a much nicer 'Hi it's Harry' and one to Hermione telling her she was a genius and he had her prize if she wanted it.
Harry paced around the dorm after that, waiting on Snape's reply. It took nearly twenty minutes, but finally Snape's silver fox came running gracefully up to him.
"A Tasmanian devil, Harry. You have manifested your magic in to a Tasmanian devil. Congratulations, brat."
Snape sounded amused, like there was something funny about Harry's patronus. Probably the devil part, that was kind of funny considering how many people thought Harry was evil.
It hadn't even occurred to Harry that Snape might not have replied.