July 3rd
Luna was humming absently at her dining room table, letting the bright sunshine filtering in through her kitchen windows warm her bare arms as she worked on a letter to Draco.
Dear Draco,
Living with Harry sounds very crazy. I like Harry very much, but I imagine you could eventually feel a little mad after being exposed to his wrackspurts so often. I'm sorry he blew up your house, although I'm not sorry if it means there's innocent house-elves in a much safer home now. I've always wanted a house-elf to be friends with, I heard they're excellent at adding cheering charms to their meals. Do you feel happier when you eat something the elves make?
... do you know how to cook?
Probably not.
My summer is quite normal. Daddy has been occupied with the Quibbler, like he usually is, but he said that perhaps later this month we can go on a trip together. I don't know why, but I don't believe him. He does lie quite often as you know.
I hope to see you soon, I miss you.
All my love,
Luna
Luna was smiling to herself as she tied her letter with a bright green ribbon. She knew that Draco was feeling a bit swept away with the craziness that Harry put out in the world so easily, but Luna liked it.
It was rare, finding someone who embraced insanity like Harry did.
Luna put her letter on the windowsill for her owl to pick up when she got back from hunting and went out to the printing room to check on her dad.
She walked on her tiptoes as she left their cheery yellow kitchen, as she knew that walking on her tiptoes was the best way to keep wrackspurts from invading her own brain.
And she had plenty of wrackspurts when summer first began.
Susan had been so close to death, so close to leaving Luna like her mom did, and Luna couldn't handle it. She broke down and let all the wrackspurts invade her mind until it was so filled with buzzing that she couldn't focus on anything else.
She was glad they were starting to go away, but she had a bad feeling they would come back soon.
So if dancing on her tiptoes made her lips curve up in a smile and delayed the invasion she felt coming on, then all the better.
"Daddy, would you like some tea?" Luna asked cheerfully when she danced in to the printing room. "Maybe some toast?"
"No thank you sweetheart." Her dad was sitting on his favorite blue cushion on the floor next for the large and noisy printing machine. His blonde hair was pulled back away from his face and he was scribbling quickly on a piece of parchment floating in front of him. "Did you know that muggles have seen proof of a twenty foot tall hairprinth?" he asked Luna excitedly. "They have photos of its footprints and everything!"
Luna smiled patiently at the glazed look in his grey eyes, the same glazed look he's had since the day her mom died and left him heartbroken, confused, and alone with a young daughter. Some days it was better, some days he looked and sounded like the dad she used to have, and other days, like today, he looked like he barely recognized her.
She blamed the wrackspurts. They got in her dad's head and led him astray, they told him that it was easier to play make-believe instead of facing reality of a life left without his one true love.
Luna used to join him, in his land of make-believe, but then she made friends, real and true friends, who showed her that reality wasn't too terrible by their sides.
Mister Lupin called it 'codependent' which sounded just fine to her. Humans were just like all other creatures, they needed others to survive.
"Of course," she told her dad softly. "They call him 'Big Foot'."
"Amazing!" Her dad laughed and gave Luna a happy smile. "We should go find him!"
He won't take you, the nargles whispered. Even if he could, he doesn't mean it.
"That sounds wonderful," Luna said. "Can we go before I go back to school?"
"Don't be silly," her dad laughed again, "you're too young for school."
Luna's heart sank, but she kept up her gentle smile. "You're right," she agreed. "I'll just go out back and explore for a while, okay? I'll see you at lunch?"
"Yes, yes, go," her dad said, his attention already back on his publication piece. "Be careful my LueBell."
Tell him you love him. You'll regret it if you don't.
Luna scrunched her nose at the nargles, but did as they said. She walked carefully over to her dad and wrapped her thin arms around his shoulders tightly. "I love you," she said.
"And you," he murmured distractedly. "Go play LueBell, I'll see you later."
Luna felt her stomach clenching and the fine blonde hairs on her arms standing straight up at that, but she ignored it.
She had bad feelings about things all the time, it didn't have to mean anything if she didn't let it.
Luna carefully checked over their garden, lovingly tending to the flowers and herbs that she worked so hard on in the summers, and were inevitably dead when she came home each June. Neville had taught her a few spells to protect the garden from the elements and from stray creatures while she was gone, but she was pretty sure it was her dad who came out and tore up her flowers.
It wasn't really his fault. He didn't know any better, the flowers just made him sad sometimes. He would see her flowers and remember how her mom always wore them in her hair or tied together like necklaces, he couldn't see the flowers as their own beauty anymore. Luna still could though.
After watering the garden and gently plucking away the leaves that had died, Luna got her faded purple shears from their hook on the side of the house and talked to the plants while she cut a few of them down.
"I'm very sorry Mister Flowers," she said while she gathered the flowers, "but you're going to a friend of mine. Draco's mom is very sad right now, she doesn't have her house or her husband and I think she must be feeling quite lost." Luna frowned sadly at the bouquet she gathered, "You understand, don't you? I've taken you from your home as well. But you can find a new home with Mrs Malfoy."
Luna took her little bouquet inside and wrapped the stems up with twine before laying them with Draco's letter and adding a little ps informing him that these were for his mother and she would know if he kept them for himself.
Draco was wonderful, sweet and smart and kind in the way that made creatures adore him, but he also liked to keep beautiful things for himself. Luna's cheeks felt very hot when she remembered how he told her that she was beautiful, special, perfect, and unique. 'Unique' didn't sound like an insult when Draco said it in his carefully cultured way, it sounded wonderful. And since Draco was wonderful, it made since that she also must be wonderful or else they would never be compatible.
Her task now finished, Luna slid on her favorite blue rain boots and headed out to the forest to see if she couldn't find the pixie that had been flitting around at night sending small twinkles of light in her bedroom window.
Luna loved the forest behind her house. She loved the tall trees that were always lush and peaceful when she came out to explore. She brushed her hands along the trunk of her favorite tree, the one with the knobbly branches that made it a dab to climb. She called out greetings to the birds chirping in the sky as she walked carefully through the forest to find a rose bush.
If there were pixies hanging around, then there must be a rose bush nearby.
After quite some time of wandering and searching though, Luna threw herself on the ground with a huff of indignation.
"I'll get some sugar cubes out for you, we'll see if you show yourself then," she called to the hypothetical pixie. "I just wanted to be friends with you."
When the pixie still didn't appear, Luna huffed again and cleared away the sticks on the ground behind her so she could lay back and appreciate the sunshine on her face.
She wished she could spend all her time in the forest. Hogwarts was magical, full of joy and optimism, but there was something so calming about the serenity of this forest. When the sun was in the perfect position, and the breeze was whispering softly, and Luna felt secure in knowing that the creatures that surrounded her were friendly, it was difficult not to close her eyes and drift away.
Luna drifted somewhere between asleep and awake and thought of her friends. She thought of Harry, so protective and strong. She pictured Susan, fierce and beautiful. Hermione and Theo, so alike in their wisdom and their caution. She pictured Neville who was so studious and so like her in his uncertainty in his place in the world. And Ron and Blaise, who found time for happiness and fun in almost every situation.
She also pictured Draco, with his sharp features and his soft heart. She knew when he asked her to allow him to court her, making her feel like a true fairytale princess, that they would have something truly amazing together.
Her lips were curled up in a soft smile as she dozed on the forest floor. She could have stayed there all day, just return home at dark and see if her dad had noticed her absence or not, if the nargles hadn't interrupted her daydreams.
Don't go home.
Why wouldn't I go home?
It's not safe.
Daddy's there. I have to go home.
You can't.
Is daddy hurt? I need to go help him.
Don't go home.
I hate you. I hate you. I HATE YOU.
Luna was humming especially loudly to block out the nargles from her place deep in the forest behind her house.
Don't go home.
Luna couldn't hold back the sob that was choking her, nor the tears that were streaming freely. She scrambled up from the ground up the tree closest to her— she needed to see her house.
All the air in her body left in a quick rush when she was swaying on a branch and saw her house, the tall rook in the sky, and the smoke. Too much smoke. Too thick and too heavy to be from the chimney.
Luna pushed off from the trunk of the tree, jumping from much too high in the air, but landing gracefully on her feet. She took off running, straight to the smoke twirling upwards in the sky.
Luna burst through her back door, her water bucket from the yard full of rainwater and prepared to put out the fire. "Daddy!" she yelled through the smoke filling their kitchen. "Where are you?"
"Daddy isn't here," someone sneered before Luna was abruptly struck with a spell and everything went dark.
When Luna was abruptly drug back in to reality, the first thing she noticed was that the smoke filling her house was gone.
The next thing she noticed was her dad petrified and stiff as a board laying on the floor with his eyes wide and terrified.
"Daddy." Luna crawled quickly from the spot by the sink where she'd been to her dad, but was stopped from reaching him by someone grabbing her ankle tightly and pulling her away.
"Aht, we want a word with you," the person said. Luna turned and looked over her shoulder and her face paled to see two people, men, probably, based on their physique, in heavy black robes and expressionless white masks.
Death eaters.
The one who grabbed her ankle suddenly twisted it to where Luna either had to flip on her back or risk having her ankle broken. And she already didn't have her wand or her knife, having a broken ankle would just leave her even more helpless.
She nearly hoped that Harry and Susan never found out about this, they'd be so disappointed in her lack of vigilance.
"I don't know anything and my dad hasn't done anything wrong," Luna whispered tearfully. "Please, please let him go."
"Not so tough without your friends around, are ya?" one of the men laughed.
It didn't really bother her since it was true. Luna wasn't so tough without her friends, but every creature on the planet was stronger in a pack.
The other man circled around Luna, sneering down at her until he stopped by her head, between her and her dad. "This is the one that the Malfoy boy is courting, isn't it?" he asked.
Luna kept her eyes on the man in front of her and wasn't able to move in time before the man behind her kicked the side of her head hard enough to cause her to cry out again and send black spots to obscure her vision.
"Not much of a looker, is she?" the one who kicked her laughed. "Pft, Lucius is probably crying in Azkaban to see how far his precious boy has fallen."
"Don't look like much of a brain either," the one in front of her said.
"Please, my d-dad, let him go," Luna pleaded quietly. They could laugh at her and torture her and kill her if they wanted, but her dad didn't do anything wrong.
The death eater behind her suddenly grabbed her hair and lifted her up in the air, causing one of her blue boots to fall to the ground while she cried out from the pain.
"We need you to give Potter a message," he sneered right in her face. "Listen closely girl, tell Potter to join our Lord or we are going to find each of you, all of his little followers, and kill you one by one while he watches. Can you tell him that?"
Luna didn't answer, her entire head was screaming from the pain where she could feel individual strands of her hair detaching from her head.
"CAN YOU TELL HIM?!" the man screamed, shaking Luna as he did.
"Yes," she wailed. "Yes, yes I can tell him."
"Good." The man dropped her to the ground and pulled his wand out. "When you tell him that, you tell him we aren't playing games with him. Our Lord wants him by his side soon, or we're going to kill you all." He stared right at Luna as he turned his wand on her dad, her innocent and kind-hearted dad who could never have hurt a soul in his life. "When you tell Potter that, tell him that his little followers are next."
It was cowardly, it was weak and despicable, but Luna knew what was coming and closed her eyes so she didn't have to see it.
I love you. I love you. I love you.
She chanted it over and over in her head, using the words to block out the curse the man yelled. She pictured her dad when he was in the forest with her, teaching her about the creatures who owned the earth they lived on. She pictured his innocent eyes, his happy smile, and his face full of love for her to block out the flash of green light that was almost too bright for her to ignore even with her eyes closed.
He's dead.
I hate you.
Luna started humming loudly when she felt the weight of the masked man's eyes on her.
"What's wrong with her?" the one behind her grunted, aiming a heavy kick to her back that sprawled her to the floor. "I thought the paper said she was Potter's friend, not some escaped lunatic."
The two men chortled and Luna blocked it out with an increase in the volume of her humming.
Their words couldn't hurt her. They were plastic and she was glue and that meant their words didn't mean anything.
According to what Hermione told her once when she was crying in the Ravenclaw Tower after Marietta made fun of her in front of all the other Ravenclaw's anyway. It didn't make much sense, but it was still a nice memory so Luna thought of it every time someone called her 'Loony'.
"D'we just leave her?" the man asked. "Potter'll come for her, won't he?"
"Suppose so," the other man agreed. "Go put the mark above the house, that'll bring him here. The Dark Lord said break the followers though. Show them we're better."
Luna very much did not want to be broken. She also did not want to hear the two men arguing even over her own off-key hums.
Then Luna learned that Hermione was actually very wrong because words could hurt her. Specifically, 'crucio' could hurt her more than almost anything.
***
Get up and move.
No.
Go to Harry.
No.
You have to.
No.
Don't you want to live?
... I don't know.
Luna did eventually move though. She opened her eyes and saw her dad laying on the ground, his face so slack that he could be sleeping. She crawled over to him and kissed his forehead gently.
"Goodnight, sleep tight," she whispered. She tucked his hair behind his ears, like he had done for her a million times and gently closed his eyelids. "I love you to the moon and back."
***
When she thought about it later, Luna wasn't entirely sure how she made it to the safe house that Harry gave her the address to after he bought it.
She knew that she walked, a lot.
But she kind of doubted that she walked clear from her house to his.
In the back of her mind, the part that wasn't dazed and disoriented and pushing onward despite the pain in her legs and in her heart, she suspected some sort of accidental magic must have stretched out a helping hand.
She wished it had helped her when she needed it though.
Luna looked at her hand curiously like it was being seen through the end of a very dirty telescope. She lifted it curiously and knocked on the dark blue door in front of her.
Help is coming.
Don't talk to me.
Luna heard someone with a silky voice, a reassuring voice that she knew she could trust, on the other side of the door. "Who is it?"
"Luna Elizabeth Lovegood."
That wasn't a good name anymore.
Luna wasn't the moon, bright and mysterious.
She wasn't Elizabeth, that had been her mom. Pandora Elizabeth.
She wasn't Lovegood, that had been her dad. And he was gone now. She'd seen proof when the death eaters left and she was left laying on the floor, staring in to her dad's empty eyes.
Pandora Elizabeth and Xenophilius Lovegood were dancing on the moon now.
And their daughter was alone in a cruel world that didn't much care for her.
The voice on the other side of the door was hesitant, he must know that her name didn't fit anymore. "You told me once that you would inform Harry it was your decision so he would not blame me, what was that decision?"
Answer him.
"To be the thing Harry would miss the most in the second task of the Triwizard Tournament," Luna said in a slight daze. She wasn't certain of what she was saying, but she knew it was the right answer to the riddle when the door flung open and it was Professor Snape standing there.
Good.
Professor Snape was trustworthy.
***
"Luna, it is time to wake up now."
Luna slowly opened her eyes, not really wanting to be awake much. It had been a small act of kindness that her body finally collapsed after Professor Snape answered the door.
Awake was where it hurt.
Awake was where her dad was gone, off to the afterlife in the sky with her mom.
Awake was where she was an orphan.
There was someone tall, someone in a lot of black, standing in front of her. Luna grabbed their hand by her face as her mind went cloudy while the nargles decided it was their turn to speak.
The nargles didn't always trust Luna to share their messages. Sometimes they just took over and left storm clouds in her head to distract her while they spoke.
Luna used to like the nargles choosing her; they made her feel special, like her mom used to say she was. 'You have a gift Luna,' her mom would whisper at night while she brushed Luna's hair. 'Not everyone does. You were blessed. You're special.'
But then her mom died and the nargles didn't help her. And now her dad was gone and the nargles didn't tell her until it was too late.
Luna hated the nargles.
She didn't want a gift.
She wanted her dad back, even if she hadn't really had him in years.
"What??"
Luna blinked slowly, her eyelids were heavy and hard to control, but the clouds in her mind were washing away so it must be her turn to speak now.
"Hmm?" Luna looked up and saw that the tall man in black was Professor Snape, which made sense. Professor Snape was always there when someone needed him.
"Luna." Professor Snape squeezed her hand and knelt down beside her. His dark eyes were intense and focused on her. "What did you say?"
"No idea," Luna said. She looked around and saw that she must be in the bedroom Harry told her he painted purple just for her. She nearly smiled when she saw that she was laying in a bed of flowers. The floral sheets must be Mrs Malfoy's idea, Harry could never have thought of that sort of detail himself.
Professor Snape cleared his throat and lifted his wand slowly in the hand that wasn't still holding hers. "May I cast another diagnostic charm on you Miss Lovegood? I did cast one when you arrived, though I doubt if you remember it."
"Of course." Luna closed her eyes while she felt Professor Snape's cool magic wash over her. She kept them closed even when she heard a little parchment pop in to existence.
"You will have no lasting physical injuries," Professor Snape said with a little huff that made Luna smile. Professor Snape was such a pure soul, it was a wonder anyone was ever able to call him names. People could be so cruel to those that weren't easily understood. "You will need to begin a potions regimen to treat the nerves in your legs. I have healed your other abrasions and lacerations." He cleared his throat quietly before softly asking, "Are you able to tell me what happened?"
And that wiped the smile right off Luna's face.
"Um, no thank you," Luna said slowly. "It was very terrible."
If she didn't talk about it, then maybe it didn't really happen.
She could hum her way through this summer, and every summer after this. She could lie to everyone when they asked her 'how's your father?' She would just wave her hand and tell them that he's very busy with his work.
She could make herself believe it.
"Luna, look at me."
Luna carefully peeked one eye open and saw that Professor Snape's face was soft and serious.
"You do not have to relieve it all right now," he said. "You certainly do not have to tell me anything, but I believe it is helpful to talk to someone. Draco and his mother, Narcissa, are waiting in the hall. Would you like me to send them in?"
"Where's Harry?" Luna asked. She thought she heard him yelling while she was unconscious, but that could have been a trick of her brain.
Professor Snape's lips twitched, like he didn't know if he was going to frown or smile. "Wrecking vengeance on your behalf, I'm certain," he said. "Charles Weasley and Nymphadora Tonks accompanied him to your home after you arrived here. They went to check on your father and- and I have not seen Harry since they returned."
Luna nodded slowly. "Daddy is very busy with work," she whispered. She kept her eyes on Professor's Snape's white earlobe that was peeking through his dark hair, she didn't want him to see her eyes while she tested her story out on him. "He isn't home."
"Luna..." Professor Snape ducked his head until she either had to meet his eyes or turn her own head. She very reluctantly met his eyes and felt tears prickling in the back of her own eyes to see his looking very sad for her. "Your father is gone, he was killed during the attack. Do you know that?"
"No," Luna denied it. "He's at work. He's very busy. He isn't home."
Professor Snape's eyes were still very sad as he grabbed her other hand and squeezed them both tightly, making her feel his coarse hands grounding her to a reality she didn't want to be in.
"He's at work," she whispered. "Isn't he, Professor?"
"No. He isn't."
Luna looked down at their hands as she felt the first of her tears spilling down her cheeks. "They had a message for Harry," she told Professor Snape while she tried to crush down his words that were chipping away the foundation of her comforting lie. "They told me to tell him that he had to join Timmy, except they called him 'our Lord'. They said..." Luna blinked away the tears clouding her eyes as her heart clenched and she knew she couldn't play pretend about it. She couldn't be her dad, forever lost in a fantasy that wouldn't give him time to recognize his only daughter as a young woman instead of the little girl she'd been the day her mom died. "They said to tell him to join Timmy or- or they would kill us, Harry's 'followers'. They said they aren't playing games and then they- they— they killed daddy."
Professor Snape let out another quiet huff when Luna bent forward so she could rest her head on his shoulder while she cried. He patted her back very awkwardly and spoke softly.
"You did excellent," he told her. "You made it here, where you are safe. You did precisely right Luna."
She didn't feel excellent or precisely right, but once she was done washing her make-believe lies away with her tears, she did feel a little less weighed down. Also, when she saw Professor Snape's patient face and calm eyes, she felt safe as well.
Harry wasn't good at making people feel safe. Harry would burn the world to ashes to make someone happy, but safety was something more calming, more quiet. And poor Harry didn't know how to be calm or quiet.
Professor Snape did though.
And so did Draco with his quiet eyes and his emotions that ran so deep.
"Thank you," Luna told Professor Snape with an earnest solemnity. "I think I'd like to see Draco, if that's okay sir."
"Certainly." Professor Snape squeezed her hands once more before letting them drop in her lap. He pulled a handkerchief from his pocket and gave to her. "I will be back in a few hours to check on you, it is early, but if you would like to sleep I will send a potion for you. Okay?"
"Yes sir," Luna said compliantly. "Thank you."
Professor Snape stood up and nodded sadly down at her. "I'll send Draco in."
Luna used Professor Snape's handkerchief to wipe her face while he walked over to the door. The instant he opened it, Draco pushed past him to come flying in the room.
"Luna!" Draco pulled up short by the edge of the bed, his mother slipping silently inside the room and closing the door behind her. "Are you- Luna are you alright?"
"I don't know," Luna said honestly. "Am I broken?"
Draco's nose scrunched up for a minute, but he looked her over carefully. "No," he said firmly. "You are not broken Luna. You are perfect."
"Oh, good." Luna nodded to herself. "They wanted to break me and I didn't want to be broken."
Draco sat on the bed next to her and wrapped a comforting arm around her shoulder. "Nobody could ever break you, Lue. You're alright now."
Luna looked in his handsome grey eyes, so strong and solemn, and she nodded before he threw his arms around her and held her together tightly.
Draco was wrong, she wasn't 'alright', not right now, but she wasn't broken and she was wide awake.
Awake was where she had her friends.
Awake was where she had her Draco.