Friday December 19
Emboldened by Susan's belief that Tonks was 'great', Tonks rapped her knuckles lightly on the door to Severus' private quarters before letting herself inside.
"Evening," she smiled when she saw him sitting in front of the fireplace, a stack of books on the table beside him, and a quill in his mouth. It shouldn't have been a striking image, but it was. Severus had a look of intense concentration on his face that reminded Tonks that as much as he was a brilliant potions master, a deadly foe to face in a duel, and a dedicated guardian to his son- Sev was also a swot.
And Tonks always had a bit of a soft spot for swots.
"Evening," Severus said, a hint of curiosity in his tone. "Have I mixed up our days again?"
Tonks laughed lightly and sat on his sofa. She kicked her shoes off and made herself comfortable with her feet tucked beneath her. "No, it's Friday. I just ran in to Harry and Susan and thought I'd pop in and see what you were up to."
"Aah." Severus moved his book from his lap to the stack beside him and stood up, stretching his back as he did. "They are quite high on Felix Felicis at the moment. What chaos were they creating when you found them?"
"Harry said world domination, so probably that," Tonks laughed.
"Probably," Severus agreed with a fond chuckle. "Would you like a drink as we await the inevitable death and destruction?"
"Sure," Tonks agreed easily, her eyes following Severus as he moved to his always well-stocked liquor cabinet. She hadn't been trying to be creepy, but the man moved so gracefully. It was a wonder she had ever been able to graduate with a NEWT in his class. Thank Merlin she had been a late bloomer in the hormones department. She certainly wouldn't be able to now.
At least a bit of her amusement must have been visible on her face because when Severus handed her a glass of some amber liquid, he raised a brow at her.
"Something funny?" he asked, taking his seat again and sipping his drink.
"I was thinking about the likelihood of me passing potions again," Tonks said with a small grin. "I think I'd fail."
Severus scoffed and elegantly crossed his legs. "You are an adequate brewer, I doubt if you would fail entirely."
"No, I would," Tonks disagreed after taking a fortifying drink of the liquor. "You'd distract me. I'd be told to brew a nerve regeneration potion and I'd just watch you grade essays."
Severus—
Holy hell.
Harry was right.
Severus' cheeks turned a faint shade of pink at her relatively innocent remark.
"You are incorrigible," Severus said after clearing his throat. "How is the DMLE under the new Head?"
Terrible, actually. Thicknesse was an arsehole and Tonks hated him. But she wasn't going to let Severus distract her when she'd finally gotten a small little bit of proof that maybe her feelings weren't entirely unreciprocated.
"Don't discourage me then," Tonks said with a coy smile as she slid to the end of the sofa closer to Severus' chair. "You know I fancy you, and I think you might fancy me as well."
Severus sat his glass down on his stack of books and turned a blank face to Tonks.
Tonks knew that blank face. He wore it a lot when he wanted to hide his emotions and thoughts.
She kind of wanted to rip it off and see what was underneath.
"Nymphadora, you have misplaced your affections," Severus said slowly. "And perhaps you have misunderstood our friendship, as peculiar as it may be at times."
"Severus," Tonks mimicked his slow drawl, "You can't tell me that I have misplaced my own affections."
"Be realistic," Severus said, just a bit snappily. "I am thirteen years your senior, Nymphadora."
Tonks held back her grin, but really maybe Harry's advice had some merit. She could just wait for Severus to give her all his arguments and then clear this whole thing up tonight.
"I've always liked older men," Tonks said with a shrug. "What's thirteen years when we could live for another hundred?"
Severus looked taken aback for just a second, if she had blinked she would have missed it, but then he narrowed his dark eyes and Tonks knew they were getting somewhere. Severus held her eyes as he very slowly unbuttoned and rolled up his left sleeve—
Tonks had a bit of a mad thought that her single argument worked and now they were really getting somewhere.
—and Severus held up his forearm, brandishing the snake and skull marking that Tonks knew all death eaters in Voldemort's inner circle wore.
Severus inhaled just a little and spoke softly. "I was a marked death eater who partook in heinous crimes against muggles, Nymphadora. I am not a good man. You should aspire to find someone who is to share your life with."
Tonks reached a hand out, hovering over his arm. She looked at him and he studied her face for a moment before jerking his chin in a nod.
Tonks traced the dark black pattern tattooed on his arm while she considered that. She knew the papers said that Sev had been a spy, and she knew what her coworkers said; Severus had once been the right-hand man of Voldemort and switched sides at the end of the first war to save his own skin. In the end, either scenario had the same result: a twenty year old kid had been arrested and sent to Azkaban without a trial.
"You were a kid," she said quietly as she looked up to see his face. Sev had his face tilted down to where her fingers were still on his arm, and damn if the look of pain in the back of his eyes didn't cement her own thoughts. "Kids do dumb shit, Sev. You joined the wrong side, who cares? You're on the right side now."
Severus slowly, probably in an effort to not hurt her feelings, pulled his arm free from her reach and got to his feet. "You are idealizing what many would consider to be a reprehensible decision," he said coolly, his eyes smoldering and obscure, his mouth forming a defensive sneer.
"Oh, I'm not," Tonks assured him, smiling up at him. "It was a pretty damn bad choice, but you're literally leading an army with Harry Potter now, can't imagine it gets much further from being a death eater than that."
Severus scoffed and began pacing in front of his fireplace. Tonks relaxed back against the sofa and prepared herself for what she was certain was going to be a list of every fault Severus thought he had.
And he had some.
He wasn't perfect.
He was real, and that was better than perfect.
"I am a petty man, Nymphadora," Severus sneered, apparently hoping to drive her away with it. As if Tonks would be frightened off by a little change in tone and expression. She was an auror for crying out loud. "I still dream about strangling the life from your cousin for his actions when he was a mentally ill teenaged boy."
"No problem," Tonks said airily, "I can hate Sirius too. We can hate him together, if you'd like. I'll go curse him right now, I know some good ones."
She probably wouldn't, but as petty as Severus thought he was, she doubted if he would actually want her to. He did pause his pacing for a moment to give her a disbelieving look. Tonks just smiled, waiting for his next argument. It took him a moment, but he did finally find one.
"You are not seeing me clearly," he said. "I am not some tragic man deserving of your 'love'," he did actual air quotes that made Tonks snort, "I am an unpleasant bastard."
"A bit," Tonks agreed easily. It was actually a little sad how negatively Severus saw himself, someone who made a few mistakes in life and suddenly didn't deserve 'love'. Well, that she could try and fix. She leaned forward and waited for him to turn towards her so she could look right in his eyes as she spoke. "You're also brilliant, brave, resilient, and handsome. Who cares if you're a bit of a bastard? I'm not all sunshine and rainbows, Sev."
Somehow, Tonks' argument just irritated Severus more and his frantic pacing increased as did the level of his voice.
"I was in love with Harry's mother," Severus spat.
As if Tonks would be jealous of a dead women or an unrequited crush of a teenager.
"Lily?" she asked. "Yeah, I've seen pictures, she was beautiful."
Key word in both of their statements: was. Lily Potter had been dead for fifteen years now.
"Who wouldn't fall in love with her?" Tonks grinned. "If that's your way of saying you prefer red-heads, well..." She shook out her suddenly bright cherry red hair and winked playfully at Severus.
Severus scoffed again. "I do not," he said as he shook his head at her. Which was exactly the right answer. She knew he liked her pink hair, he told her so himself. So she smirked smugly and turned it back to her preferred pink bob.
"I have a teenage son," he said, switching tracks quick. "Harry is the single most important person in my life."
As if saying that didn't make Tonks fall just a little more for this man who did so much for his kid. Severus thought he was a bastard? A bad man?
Pft.
"Turns out I was wrong before," Tonks said seriously, "I don't mind being a stepmum after all."
Severus wasn't looking at her, but she still saw the edge of his lips twitch.
Severus: zero. Tonks: at least three or four.
Severus took a deep breath and seemed to be steadying himself to say something appalling. Tonks prepared herself, waiting for whatever it was he thought would finally drive her away.
He turned to look at her, and Tonks was frozen in place by the look in his eyes. It was raw, it was open, and he was burning.
"If it comes down to Harry's death, I will follow him to the grave," Severus said, honesty dripping from every word he spoke. "I do not anticipate having a long lifespan."
"That..." Tonks recoiled in surprise. How had she not pieced that together? She knew Severus would kill for Harry, he would take his place and die for him if he could. She just didn't realize that he had planned on dying with him as well. "Well, that's pretty messed up, actually," Tonks said truthfully. "I'm pretty sure Harry would hate that."
Harry was a bit of a narcissist, or, at least, pretended to be one rather well. He was definitely selfish and self-serving, but Tonks doubted if the kid who just encouraged her to come irritate Severus would really want to see the man follow him to the grave.
But, if Tonks only had one person, one purpose, in her life, would she feel the same way?
It was understandable, even if it was morbid.
And she would just have to change his mind. Show him that even if the unthinkable happened, even if Severus' entire world came to a screeching halt, it didn't have to stay that way. The world could turn again, even if it would be darker and more bleak.
If Harry died, Severus didn't have to.
"What do I have to do to convince you that I am not suitable for you?!" Severus yelled, yanking Tonks to the present and out of the future. "Go find someone else!"
"Nah." Tonks grinned and stretched out on the sofa. "I'm rather comfortable here. Please though, keep trying to drive me away. You're doing a bang up job of it, really."
Severus' jaw dropped for a moment, then he blinked and the surprise was hidden again. "Your friend, Charles Weasley, go date him."
"Ugh," Tonks shuddered in true revulsion. "Charlie? He's like my brother, Sev. Plus, I think he fancies Susan. He talks about her a bit, asking me little things about her. Now, I'll have to give him a terrifying talk eventually. You know 'if you hurt Susan then I'll kill you' or however guardians are meant to threaten the boyfriends of their charges. How'd you threaten Fred? Maybe I can just reuse that?"
Severus didn't laugh, or do that twitchy thing his lips did when he wanted to laugh, he actually looked truly surprised and didn't even bother trying to hide it this time.
"Your charge?" he asked, stepping closer to the sofa. "You took over guardianship of Susan?"
"Well, yeah," Tonks shrugged, a bit uncomfortable. "Susan needed someone and... and I thought maybe we'd get along good, and we practically lived together last summer, didn't we? Plus... plus I cut her arm off, Sev. No way to go back in time and give her an arm back, so... so instead maybe I can just be there for her now. Is that stupid?"
"No." Severus sighed and sat next to her on the sofa, a little bit of space between them that Tonks slowly inched across. "It is not stupid. It is admirable of you to do so."
Tonks mentally added 'admirable' of the list of small compliments he'd given her so far. There weren't many, but just the fact that he trusted her with his problems, let her comfort him during Barty's funeral, comforted her during Amelia; all those moments meant more than pretty words that anyone could say.
Severus glanced over and snorted at how Tonks was now right next to him. He shook his head at her, a sprig of his black hair coming loose from where he had it tucked behind his ear. "You are also quite irritating," he said drily.
"Yeah." Tonks slowly reached up and tucked the hair back in place, her finger lingering on the curve of his earlobe. "Yeah I am."
Severus reached up and gently grabbed her hand, holding it in place rather than moving it away as she thought he might. They stared in each other's eyes for a long moment.
"I might hate you," he whispered, the silk in his voice gone for a rasp that struck every nerve in Tonks' body.
"You don't," she said with a quiet confidence. "You don't hate me at all."
She could see it happening through his eyes, the true windows to the soul. She could see him trying to harden himself, push her away, but he failed. Because she saw the fissure where that cold mask cracked and there was a bit of wonder in his eyes now.
"No," he said. "I suppose I don't."
Tonks smiled slowly. Not a teasing smile, or a playful one that she used to try and make Sev smile. A true smile in repayment to his true words.
"Can I kiss you?" she asked. She moved her hand down the side of his throat and slipped it to the back of his neck. Severus' hand hovered in the air indecisively before he slowly, so painfully slowly, moved it to her face, lightly cupping her jaw.
She already knew it, she'd held his hand enough times to notice it, but Severus had rough hands. Hands hardened by chopping ingredients, brewing potions, and grading essays. Calloused hands that weren't afraid to get dirty. What she did not know, was that Severus' rough hands had the capability of being so soft, so gentle.
He didn't answer her question, but he applied a light pressure on her jaw, pulling her closer. They were nearly nose to nose now, Tonks could smell the hint of mint on his breath, and she could see that the onyx color of his eyes was actually a deep, dark brown color.
And then she forgot all about the color of his eyes because he pulled her closer still and put his lips on hers and her brain fizzled out. It started gentle, just a soft and sweet pressure of his lips on hers, but then she gasped a little in surprise, and he deepened it.
How was a mouth that was capable of spewing such clever and cold insults also be capable of kissing so sweetly, so scorchingly, and so perfectly?
Severus was a conundrum and there was nothing Nymphadora liked more than a good mystery to keep her up at night.
She turned a little, moving her left arm to Severus' shoulder and turning him as well, so his back was to the armrest, where she promptly pushed him backwards to it. Severus was compliant, moving in the direction she wanted him, accepting it as she ran her nails lightly across his scalp, never breaking his mouth from hers as they went from a sweet first kiss to something decidedly more sensual.
Tonks braced herself above Severus with one hand on the armrest beside his head and she moved the other one from the back of his head down his neck, dancing lightly across his jaw, and settling on his chest. Severus still had one hand on her face, but his other hand wasn't touching her, and that needed correcting.
"You can touch me," she whispered against his lips. "It's okay."
Severus made a small noise in the back of his throat. "Nymph—"
"No," she cut off whatever arguments he was about to make. "I want you to. I want you."
Severus swore quietly, and then he gave in completely.
And dear God, was there anything sexier than Severus finally losing his stoicism and giving in to desire? If there was, Tonks would never know, because this was what she had wanted for over a year now.
Severus grabbed her hip, gently at first, then more firmly. He slid his other hand to her shoulder and used his grip to flip their position on the sofa and Tonks stared up at him with a wide smile. She could feel his long, lean, body against hers. She could feel his chest pressing against hers, his breaths coming quickly as he gazed back down at her.
"Why are you smiling?" he murmured. He kept one of his hands on her hip, but moved his other to her hair, toying with the pink locks with a rapturous expression.
Tonks wondered how long he'd wanted to play with her hair that he looked so amazed by his ability to do so now.
"You've given in," she said simply, her voice a bit thick with the desire flooding her body.
"Well," Severus smirked a little now, "you are very insistent."
Tonks arched her back, tilting her chin up in an open invite for him to kiss her again. "I think such a show of persistence should be rewarded," she whispered with a wicked light in her eyes.
Severus' eyes moved from her hair to her face, and his small smirk grew. "Perhaps," he agreed quietly. His hand was slow, hesitant and adorably nervous, as he resumed driving every thought out of Tonks' mind with his kiss. As she twisted and turned beneath him, encouraging him to touch her more freely, he gained a little confidence. He ran his hand up her side, dipping in with the dip of her stomach, and slowing as he came up to the curve of her breasts.
Tonks was not hesitant. She happily explored his torso with her hands, struggling just a bit to push his robes off his shoulders so she could get better access. It wasn't until she slid her hand beneath his shirt, touching his hard abdomen, that Severus pulled away from her with a small gasp as air flooded back in his lungs.
"We can't," he said. "We—"
"Do you want me? Because I want you," Tonks said, her eyes flashing with equal parts desire and annoyance at the interruption.
He was so bloody stubborn.
Severus tapped her cheek with his thumb and shook his head, a smile curling his lips upward in the corners. "We cannot do anything on the sofa," he said slowly.
What?
Oh.
Oh.
Tonks nearly knocked Severus to the ground as she quickly pushed him off her in her eagerness to relocate.
"Do you mean I get to sleep in your bed now?" she laughed a bit breathlessly.
Severus pulled her close for a moment and whispered in her ear, "Or not sleep in my bed."
The shiver that whisper gave her went from head to toe.
One man should not have the power to be so sexy.
Severus let go of her, turning towards his bedroom door, and Tonks' feet chose the worst time to trip in her haste to follow him. She caught herself on his stack of books on the little table, accidentally sending them flying all around the room.
"Damnit," she swore. She knelt down, quickly trying to pluck up all the bits of parchment that scattered from between the pages. "Sorry," she muttered, cursing her clumsiness.
Severus chuckled quietly, kneeling to help her. They reached for a parchment at the same time, their fingers brushing in an innocently sweet way that caused Tonks' to blush when it was coupled with the palatable sexual tension between them. She averted her eyes from Severus' smoldering ones to glance at the parchment and let out a surprised laugh at the image it looked like Severus had drawn over and over on the page.
"Sev, why are you drawing the symbol for the Hallows?"
Severus froze, all previous tension between them dissipating quicker than Tonks could understand. "What did you call it?"
"What do you mean?" she asked, confused as to what just happened. She looked back down at the symbol he'd drawn. "It's- Isn't that what you meant to draw? The Tales of Beedle the Bard? The Tale of the Three Brothers? Surely you've read it?"
The small frown Severus made told Tonks that no, he hadn't read it before.
It also seemed as if they weren't moving to his bedroom any time soon. So Tonks sighed in a dramatically put upon way and got back to her feet.
"Come on, Sev," she said, holding her hand out to him. "Let's make a quick trip to the library and I'll read you a story."