Hermione counted.
And recounted.
And recounted a third time.
There was no way.
No way possible.
They had been so careful.
For days, Hermione convinced herself it was stress.
And why wouldn't she be stressed?
There was a war going on, people were dying, muggleborns were going in to hiding more and more every day it seemed. She had classes to attend, essays to write, nonverbal magic to practice.
And then Madame Pomfrey sat her down in the Hospital Wing before she'd been discharged with a sympathetic look and a warm hug that Hermione hadn't deserved.
And Hermione's stress increased.
Tuesday, February 17
Hermione shied away from Theo, her uncertainties making her miserable to be alone but insecure with her relationship. She loved Theo, she loved Theo more than she had ever loved anyone in her life. Theo was exactly the type of man she always dreamed about having a happily ever after with.
He was smart, studious, serious, but still fun, and he treated Hermione like an equal. He didn't look down on her for her bookish ways, or how she never could pull off hairstyles like other girls had, or how she didn't have time to worry about makeup and clothing trends. Theo didn't care about her blood status or her Hogwarts house.
Theo just loved Hermione.
The real Hermione that most people didn't bother getting to know.
Theo loved her so much, they had already planned an entire future out together:
Graduate Hogwarts.
Apply to University together.
Obtain their doctorates in their respective fields of interest.
Return to the wixen world to obtain masteries in their magical fields.
Establish themselves in their careers.
Then, later, much later, they would start a family together.
And now?
Now their bright future was murky and unknown and it terrified her worse than anything she'd ever encountered before.
Would Theo still love her if their entire future was now compromised?
Would he love her for her, and not for the ease of which they could travel together on a journey filled with love, academics, and adventures?
Hermione was curled up against the wall of the girls loo in the Ravenclaw Tower, crying softly, feeling terribly sorry for herself, when the door slowly opened.
"Go away," she sniffled. "It's occupied!"
"I thought you might need a friend."
Hermione looked up from her knees and saw Luna's kind and compassionate eyes staring sadly at her from the doorway.
"May I come in?"
Hermione would have said no, but she knew Luna had a knack for comforting people and she very desperately needed comforting right now.
"Yes, please," Hermione said weakly.
No sooner than she said it, then Luna was dancing across the floor and curled up right next to Hermione. She wrapped her thin arms around her and Hermione felt herself go to pieces in her arms.
"Shh," Luna hummed softly. "I know, I know. It's going to be so hard, but you aren't alone, no matter what."
Hermione cried all the harder for her words. She'd once been so rude to this girl, so mocking of her beliefs and the way she knew things that she had no reason to know. Even if Hermione didn't critique her aloud, she still had a bad habit of mentally scoffing when Luna mentioned creatures that couldn't exist, like nargles and wrackspurts. And now? For Luna to be comforting Hermione on the floor of the loo?
"I'm a t-terrible person," Hermione sobbed in to Luna's chest. "I'm so sorry!"
"You aren't terrible," Luna said softly. She moved one of her hands from Hermione's back to her hair and stroked it softly, just the way Hermione's mom used to do.
Before she knew she was a witch.
Before she corrected her teeth with magic.
Before she fell in love with Theo.
Back when she was still her mother's little girl and they could talk about anything to each other.
But now holidays and school breaks were better at Theo's, with her friends that felt much more like family than the strangers she calls her parents.
It hadn't been their fault, it was probably hers. She didn't bring them in to her world because she knew it would scare them and overwhelm them. She knew they would never understand and so it had been easier to begin cutting them out. Little snips here and there, severing their once tight-knit relationship.
She was glad for it, now.
Ron's dad died on Dumbledore's orders.
Draco's dad had been imprisoned on Harry's orders.
Luna's dad had been killed for her connection to Harry.
Susan's aunt died in a battle against a group of death eaters.
Hermione had planned on ensuring her parents were entirely removed from her life this summer, and all those little snips from before made it that much easier.
But she would give anything for one of her mom's hugs right now.
Even if she would be so terribly disappointed in her.
"You're so smart," Luna was murmuring gently. "Hermione, you're so smart. No matter what, you're going to find a way to handle this. Because that's who you are."
"What do I do?" Hermione whispered, not even questioning Luna's ability to already know what happened.
"You tell Theo," Luna said simply. "And then the two of you have to make a decision."
Hermione flinched in Luna's arms.
'A decision'.
It sounded so real.
"He's going to be mad," Hermione said. She sat up and wiped her face with the sleeve of her robes. "He won't want to talk about it."
Luna gave Hermione a soft smile, "You know better."
She did.
She was being silly.
Hormonal.
Even if Theo was furious and terrified, he knew that it had taken two of them to get in this mess. He wouldn't blame her. And he would talk about it, he would talk about it until they were both blue in the face and had a concrete plan. Because that's who Theo was:
Dependable, sturdy, and supportive.
"I could be wrong," Hermione said desperately. "I could be."
"You could be," Luna said gently, "but I don't think you are."
No.
Hermione didn't think so either.
It was less than a week after that conversation with Luna that Hermione had been attacked and Madam Pomfrey confirmed it.
And Hermione planned on telling Theo as soon as they got a night alone...
But then Harry had been arrested. And Hermione couldn't stress Theo out more as he paced his dorm, ranting about the idiocy of their government, punching walls to vent his anger, and whispering to Hermione at night about how scared for his brother he was.
So she waited.
And then Harry was freed. Then they all were on edge as they met with him at his house and saw how broken he was. They held meetings, discussing how best to help him, and Theo was miserable. He missed Harry. He was terrified for Harry. He wanted his brother back.
So she still waited.
And then Harry finally returned to Hogwarts and Theo was overjoyed.
And Hermione knew she had to tell him now. She couldn't keep it from him anymore. She worked up her courage all day while Theo was torn between giving Harry bright smiles and Hermione curious looks at her odd behavior. She knew she looked terrible; pale and horrible bags beneath her eyes, and it was reflecting in her work as well. It was a week of grades so low she cried in the middle of runes when she was handed back her first ever P.
Theo had been mystified about both her grade and her tears, but he hugged her after class and wiped the tears off her cheeks softly.
"Don't cry, love," he said, so terribly sweetly. "You're so stressed out lately."
"Can we talk?" Hermione blurted out. She looked around and saw an empty classroom and she quickly pulled Theo to it before she could talk herself out of having the discussion they had to have once more.
Theo's eyes were anxious as she warded the room to hell and back—
God forbid someone walk in on this.
—before she took a deep breath and sat down right in the center of the floor.
"I'm pregnant."
Theo blinked at her before his face went cold, a sheen of ice covering his typically expressive and warm brown eyes.
"That isn't funny," he snapped.
No.
It wasn't.
"I'm not joking," Hermione said, just as snappishly. "Madam Pomfrey confirmed it. I- I just couldn't find a good time to tell you," she added softly.
Theo's face twisted in to a scowl. "We take the potions," he said. "Did you take yours every month?"
"Yes, did you?" Hermione demanded, despite knowing he did.
"Obviously," Theo drawled, quite annoyingly. "I would never forget something so bloody important, Hermione."
"I didn't either!" Hermione protested. She jumped to her feet, filled with an indignant anger. How dare Theo act like this was only her fault? "I told you we should have used condoms!"
"We don't need them if WE'RE TAKING THE GOD DAMNED POTION!" Theo yelled. The ice in his eyes melted just long enough for Hermione to see not anger, despite his shouts, but fear. A fear so strong she knew that Theo was absolutely terrified.
And she was too.
So why were they fighting?
"Maybe Snape messed the potion up," Hermione said softly. "Or maybe... maybe... I don't know!"
She did know.
She knew it.
Theo knew it.
They were playing denial.
And they both knew that too.
They weren't careful enough, caught up in their love and their pleasure, and they were going to pay for it.
"Well I'm going to fucking go find out," Theo snarled. He turned on his heel and stormed to the door. He had no sooner slammed the door behind him than he reopened it. "Are you coming?"
Hermione hesitated. She didn't really fancy storming in Professor Snape's office and accusing him of messing up a potion, a baseless accusation really, but... but he could give them some answers and information.
"Yes," Hermione said firmly.
When they entered Professor Snape's office a few minutes later, it was hand-in-hand with similar looks of annoyance on their faces.
"Is there something I can help you with?" Professor Snape asked, only sounding mildly curious as they barged in his office then stood there silently staring at him.
Which was terribly rude of them, honestly.
"There is," Theo snapped. He dropped Hermione's hand and stormed fearlessly right up to the Professor. "Did you fuck up that potion you send every month?"
Professor Snape raised a brow at Theo, his face betraying a hint of impatience at Theo's insolent tone. "Which potion would you be referring to? I do send you two a month."
"Our potion," Hermione said, stepping up beside Theo. "Did you mess it up a couple of months ago?"
Professor Snape looked momentarily angry, then he blinked and suddenly looked as if they knocked him entirely off-kilter.
"Why would you ask me that?" he asked softly. His dark eyes looked between Hermione and Theo for a moment before quickly flicking towards Hermione's stomach and back up to her eyes. "Miss Granger, why are you asking me that?"
It seemed like he was already aware of why she would ask that, so she said nothing.
"Son of a bitch, Theodore!" Professor Snape's eyes were blazing with fury as he stared hard at Theo now. "You idiot boy, you cannot be serious?! We had a talk, Theodore! I told you that you cannot count solely on the potion to prevent pregnancy or disease!"
"What?" Theo yelped and stepped backwards. "You said it was effective!"
"NINETY SEVEN PERCENT EFFECTIVE!" Professor Snape roared, causing Theo to step backwards again. "Have you used no other form of protection or prevention?!"
Theo's face was losing color so quickly that Hermione began to worry he would faint.
"No, sir," she admitted tearfully, "we haven't."
"Idiots!" Professor Snape yelled. "I thought you were intelligent, Theodore! Even Harry wouldn't do something so inconceivably stupid!"
Theo went even more pale and Hermione frowned at the rather unfair comparison of the two. Harry was engaged to a wizard, he didn't have to worry about contraceptives. And if he did, Hermione thought Harry would have already filled the castle with crazy green-eyed babies.
Was this what it was like having siblings? Being compared against each other? Perhaps Hermione was lucky to have been an only child.
Professor Snape finally took note of Theo's wan face and made an obvious effort to calm himself. He summoned a potions vial, a pain reliever Hermione was certain, and swallowed it quickly.
"Miss Granger, I presume your cycle is late, hence this delightful conversation?" Professor Snape asked tartly, though much more calmly than he had spoken before.
"Yes, sir," Hermione agreed quickly. It would be more embarrassing, talking about her 'cycle' to her Professor, but he was also Harry's parent, Theo's guardian, and the same person she's shared a home with all last summer. "Well... well it was late, and then... then Madame Pomfrey confirmed it."
Professor Snape looked as shocked at Hermione's story as she was. "How far along?"
"Eight weeks- no? Nine? It was four weeks when I was in the hospital, sir."
"And you didn't fucking tell me?" Theo howled. "I thought we were a team!"
"Yeah that would have gone over swell," Hermione said scathingly. "'Hey Theo, I know your brother's in Azkaban, but surprise! I'm pregnant!'"
Theo's face turned a dark shade of red, but Snape stepped up before he could yell something else.
"What's done is done," he said calmly. "Yelling about it won't help now."
A bit hypocritical, considering he just yelled at them about it, but Hermione certainly wouldn't push the issue when they came in and disrespected him right off the bat. She swiped angrily at her cheek, dislodging a traitorous tear that escaped her.
"Miss Granger."
Hermione looked up at Professor Snape and saw his eyes soften just a little.
"This is not a sign of a personal failure," he said kindly. "You are still the same intelligent, irksome, know-it-all that you were yesterday. Do you understand?"
Hermione tried to smile bravely since Professor Snape had been making such a kind attempt to reassure her, but her lips quivered and her eyes filled with tears that threatened to spill. She just nodded instead and turned her head to swipe her eyes again.
"The same goes for you, Theodore. I apologize for yelling. It did- this did catch me rather off guard," Snape said a bit gruffly.
Theo grumbled under his breath, "Tell me about it."
"Did Madame Pomfrey discuss options with you or would you rather not hear them?" Snape asked as he politely ignored Hermione's dramatics.
"I want to hear them," Theo said quickly. He scooted over by Hermione and grabbed her hand, squeezing it reassuringly, giving her a bit of his calm through the single touch.
"We don't have to do this now, Miss Granger, " Professor Snape asked softly. "Though if you wish for many options, then you will need to decide soon."
"It's fine, we can hear them now," Theo said.
Hermione stared at the potions lining the wall as Professor Snape spoke. She hadn't been listening, truthfully, her eyes were trapped on the glass jar with the inanimate toad frozen inside of it. It wasn't until Professor Snape said 'terminate' that her head snapped up.
"Excuse me, what?" she asked.
"I said that there are potions if you wish to terminate," Professor Snape repeated patiently. He glanced down at her stomach and withheld a grimace, but Hermione could see it in his eyes regardless. "You will need to decide soon though," he said. "After a certain point in the pregnancy, it is no longer a viable option."
"We understand," Theo said. He grabbed Hermione's hand and squeezed it gently. "We need to talk, sir. May we come back tomorrow?"
"Certainly," Professor Snape said calmly. "My door is always open. Although, so is Madame Pomfrey's," he added quickly.
"What do we do?" Hermione whispered to Theo that night as she laid curled up in his arms.
"Get rid of it."
"What?" Hermione gasped and sat up, her eyes wide and shocked as she looked at Theo's expression of solemnity.
"Hermione, be serious," Theo said, his tone soft and his eyes hard. "We still have school to finish. We have nobody to watch it when we're in class. We're in a bloody war. I don't know a damn thing about being a father, and I doubt you know how to be a mother. Let's tell Snape we want that potion."
Everything Theo said made sense.
Every word.
But...
"I- I don't want to," Hermione said softly, loathing the fact that they were on different pages on what needed to be a very joint decision. "I could work this summer, get some money, hire a nanny for school next year? Maybe rent a place in Hogsmeade and see if we can get a pass to stay there during the school year?"
She didn't know if such a thing would even be possible, but it didn't sound like such a ridiculous request. And she knew that Theo had a large inheritance from his father, but she could contribute as well. She could cash out the college fund her parents had for her, use it to get by until they were able to graduate.
"And the war will end at some point," Hermione said, finding a stride in her argument now. "I could be a mother, and you'd be a great father." She reached her hand out to grab Theo's arm, but he jerked away from her and sat up as well now.
"You're brilliant, Hermione," Theo said. It didn't sound like a compliment in that tone though, it sounded like an insult. "So use your brain," he snapped. "I'm going to be on the front lines of any battles we have, I'll be right beside my brother when he faces down the Dark Lord one day, once and for all. What will you do if I die? Huh? All your dreams, all your goals, they'll all be gone! A single mother going to university and getting a mastery? I fucking doubt it."
Hermione felt tears threatening her again. She wanted to blame the hormones, but she knew it was more than that. This was the worst mistake she'd ever made, and it was the first time she'd really fought with Theo. And there was no way to compromise.
Theo was right. They were both soldiers in this war. Both of their lives were at risk. Theo wouldn't let Harry enter a battle without him, and Hermione wouldn't sit on the sidelines as her friends fought either. They could both die tomorrow. When the war ended, Hermione or Theo might not be there to see which side emerged victorious.
And where would that leave the baby?
It was idiocy that led Hermione to this situation, and logic still hadn't returned to her. Because her hand moved to her stomach and she kept it there, protecting the little proof of her and Theo's love inside of her.
"I won't get rid of it," she said firmly. "I'm keeping it. I will help Harry win the war. I will go to University. I will get my Mastery. And I will do it as a single mother if I have to. I'm keeping it."
Theo blinked and his absolute shock gave way to fear which switched quickly to a cold mask of anger. He swished his wand at his side and dropped the shields he'd placed on his bed.
"Get out," he said coldly. He threw the curtain open and crossed his arms hatefully. "Go away! Go!" he yelled.
The other boys poked their heads out of their bed hangings curiously at Theo's shout and got to be a witness to Hermione letting out a loud sob as she snatched her trainers and flew out of the dorm.
Down the stairs.
Through the Slytherin common room.
To the safety of the dungeons.
Hermione paused, gasping for breath as her tears threatened to choke her. After a moment of pointlessly trying to collect herself, she ran down the corridor and threw herself in the first empty classroom she could find.
Why was she being so stupid?
Why didn't she want to listen to Theo who had been making a perfectly reasonable argument?
Why wouldn't Theo even consider keeping it?
Hermione sat in an old desk, one she was much too tall to truly fit in, and folded her arms on the dusty wooden top so she could hide her face and her tears while she had a fit.
Why?
Why did this have to happen?
Why did this little tiny clump of cells have to come along and ruin Hermione's logic, ruin her relationship?
Why couldn't Hermione just agree with Theo and get the potion from Professor Snape?
Why couldn't this have happened to Susan, who Hermione knew for a fact had unprotected sex quite often?
She knew that was a selfish thought to have about one of her dearest friends, but she would feel guilty about it later when she finished feeling sorry for herself.
Hermione was so caught up in her anguish and heartache that she didn't hear it as the door quietly opened and someone walked up beside her. She didn't notice their presence until a hand touched her shoulder gently.
"Mione?"
Hermione jolted in her seat and scrubbed her face viciously as she glanced up to see Harry staring down at her, an inscrutable look on his thin face.
"What's going on?" Harry asked, folding himself up and sitting down on the dirty floor next to Hermione's desk.
"Nothing," Hermione said. She wiped her nose on her sleeve and cast a hasty scourgify to clean it. She wasn't going to bother Harry with her problems when he still looked so haunted and miserable. "I'm fine."
"Clearly," Harry drawled, sounding enough like Professor Snape to make Hermione smile a little. He slowly reached out and put his hand on Hermione's knee. "So what's r-really going on?"
Hermione bit her lip as she looked down in Harry's earnest green eyes. They hadn't said anything about telling anyone, and Theo might be upset if she told Harry, but...
But Theo was already upset with her, wasn't he?
"I'm pregnant," Hermione whispered, shame rearing up in her once more. "Nine weeks along, apparently."
Harry's careful mask of boredom he liked to wear in tense situations disappeared almost instantly.
"A baby?" he asked, his eyes wide and wondrous. "Holy shit! That's b-brill, Mione! A little— wait." Harry cut himself off and suddenly glared so hatefully at Hermione that she cringed from his look. "Is this why Theo's p-pissed?" he asked. "Is he not the fuckin dad?"
"Of course he is," Hermione snapped, quite offended by the question. "Theo is the father."
"Oh," Harry gave her a sheepish grin and ran one hand through his hair, causing the dark tangles to look that much messier. "This is b-brill though! Are you so excited? What are you going to name it? Oh m-my God!" Harry leapt to his feet in a motion so graceful that Hermione was momentarily jealous. Hermione would never have the easy grace that Harry had. "It's going to live with us, isn't it?" he asked eagerly.
Hermione's heart warmed at Harry's enthusiasm. Not only was this the first time Harry looked truly happy about something since leaving Azkaban, but he seemed so genuinely excited. Harry clearly didn't think Hermione was an idiot, even if she had no idea that Harry would be so fond of a baby.
Then her heart sank at Harry's last question.
"We probably wouldn't live with you," she admitted quietly, the tremble in her voice causing Harry's smile to slide right off his face. "Theo- Theo doesn't want to- to keep it," she told Harry, trying to sound factual instead of heartbroken. "So... so I'll probably try and get my own place."
"That's fucking stup-pid," Harry scoffed despite his stammer. "You can stay with me, the baby too."
"Why?" Hermione asked him. It made no sense for Harry to be so kind to her, Theo was his brother. Hermione didn't even think Harry liked her most of the time. If there were a side to be taken, Hermione assumed Harry would be on Theo's.
"What d'you mean 'why'?" Harry asked. "Isn't it- I mean..." Harry's cheeks turned the faintest shade of an adorable pink. "If Theo's my b-brother, I mean... I'm like an uncle, yeah? I know we aren't really related, but- but I mean... kind of?"
"No, you are," Hermione said quickly. "Of course you are. You're an uncle, Harry."
Hermione had shared a room with Harry often enough to have picked up on his bone deep fear of being alone. Harry had a terrible habit of warding his bed before he went to sleep, something he did automatically at this point she was sure, one he hadn't done often since Blaise chastised him when he returned to school and Snape thankfully got Harry his potions, but he forgot to ward his bed or take his potion on occasion.
On occasion, everyone who shared a room with Harry had to bear witness to his fitful sleep and the things he said in his sleep.
Nobody wanted and needed a family more than Harry Potter.
"You'll be a great uncle," Hermione told him, only lying just a little. Harry would probably be a great uncle, except he also might teach her child how to shoot a gun on its second birthday and give them weapons for every holiday. "Except... except Theo might be mad if you let us stay with you."
"Why?" Harry asked, sinking back to the floor. His eyes kept flicking towards Hermione's stomach, as if expecting there to already be a bulge.
Oh god.
She was going to get ridiculously fat.
Hermione's hand moved to her stomach, instinctively wanting to protect the little tiny fetus inside of her from hearing anything negative about it's father.
Which was ridiculous.
She knew that.
She kept her hand there anyway.
"Theo wants to terminate it," Hermione told Harry quietly. "He doesn't want it. He doesn't- he doesn't want to be a father."
"Theo wants to k-kill it?!" Harry yelped. "What the fuck?" His eyes went hazy all of a sudden, and Hermione knew what he was going to say next. "Am- am I dreaming? Theo d-doesn't want to kill a baby? Timmy tried to kill a b-baby."
"Hey, calm down, you're awake," Hermione said gently. "Theo doesnt want to murder a baby, not like Timmy. He just wants to terminate the pregnancy, before it grows to be a baby." She ran a hand through her own hair, pulling slightly as she tried to detangle the knots with her fingers and Harry blinked wide-eyed at her. Which was odd, because Hermione knew Harry spent quite a bit of time living on the streets, so she didn't think it would be a foreign concept to him, but Harry was rather naive about some things, so perhaps it was. She moved on hastily, changing the subject slightly. "We- well, there's a lot of things we can't do with a baby. We still have our NEWTS next year, and... and all sorts of other plans."
Harry propped his body up with his hands on the floor and rubbed the stone flooring absently as he looked up to the ceiling.
"I mean, Draco and Nev were practically raised by house-elves, weren't they?" Harry mused absently in the way that made Hermione unsure if he was talking to her or accidentally speaking aloud again. "And I raised my f-fuckin self. So I don't see why you couldn't find someone to watch the b-baby while you go to class and whatever."
When Hermione said it, it sounded so reasonable. For some reason, it sounded ridiculous coming from Harry.
Maybe Hermione was just used to Harry spewing mad plans, so she expected everything he said to be outrageous.
And, in her defense, most things Harry said recently were quite terrifyingly mad.
"I don't want my child raised by house-elves," she said hotly. "And I certainly don't want them to raise themselves."
That was just sad.
Hermione hated when Harry said little things like that as if they were facts of the world and not tragic tidbits of a terrible childhood.
"Drop out then," Harry shrugged. "One of you could d-drop out while the other one graduates, then swap the next year."
"Theo doesn't want it!" Hermione snapped, taking a bit of her frustration out on Harry, who flinched at her raised tone. "Quit making me repeat myself! Theo. Does. Not. Want. This. Baby! I have to do it alone if I keep it!"
Harry's eyes flashed darkly before he spoke. "First off, don't fuckin yell at me."
She hadn't meant to. Honestly. Harry had been a wreck since Azkaban and they all noticed how much worse his mental health had been recently. Susan had scolded them all rather viciously about treating Harry carefully. Not that Hermione had needed the lecture, she knew Harry needed some kindness to help him push off the shadows that lingered in his eyes. So, no. She didn't mean to yell at him.
"Secondly, I'll d-drop out and take care of it next year, if you want," Harry said coolly. "I'm not fussed about graduating honestly. Or- we can pay someone to watch it. Probably not Cissa, I don't think she knows what to do with b-babies honestly. I think we should ask Molly, Fred's m-mum. She seems like she's good with babies. Or Lupin, he's got that sort of 'patient and won't shake your baby' type of p-personality, yeah? But Tonks' mum also seemed to do a decent job with Tonks. It's not her fault Tonks became a fuckin cop anyway. Thirdly-" Harry raised his voice a little as Hermione made to interrupt him, "You're not alone, Mione. Even if Theo doesn't want the baby, I'm not going to let my f-fuckin nephew have a shit life."
It was probably a good thing that Harry was the most terrifying and insane person Hermione had ever met, and that she was desperately in love with Theo, or else she might have accidentally fallen in love with Harry in that moment.
It was also perhaps the most sane that Harry had sounded since getting out of Azkaban, which was mildly concerning since it was still a rather mad ramble.
"Thank you," Hermione said, quite choked up. "That- that means a lot. And," Hermione gave him a weepy smile, "it might be your niece."
Harry shrugged and looked up to the ceiling, obviously uncomfortable with Hermione's emotions. Hermione made an effort to breathe slowly and control herself and after a few minutes, it seemed to work.
"So you're keeping it then? For sure? You're not gonna d-dump it off and start doing d-drugs?" Harry asked, eyeing her slyly out of the corner of his eye.
"I'm keeping it," Hermione said with a bit of awe in her voice. It was the most illogical thing she had ever done. She was terrified.
She was hopelessly in love with it.
"And you're the one who is picking up nasty habits," she told him with a teasing grin. "Ugh, you really do have to quit smoking, Harry. It's so unhealthy. They'll kill you."
"I'm already dead," Harry laughed. "Abracadabra."
"You aren't dead," Hermione sighed. She reached over and pinched Harry's leg and quickly yanked her hand back as Harry started at the sudden small pain in his leg.
She didn't like pinching Harry, it felt a lot like poking a lion with a stick, but Sirius told them that it helped him convince Harry that he wasn't dead or dreaming and so far it had been effective. At some point, Hermione was certain that Harry would curse someone for pinching him, but that would be the most Harry-like reaction ever so she also hoped it would happen soon.
"Not dead or d-dreaming," Harry looked back towards her and gave her a crooked grin that she hadn't seen in months. "Can I n-name it?"
"No," Hermione laughed, "you absolutely cannot."
"Damn."
Hermione smiled at Harry, feeling terribly fond of him suddenly. "Do you want kids? With Fred one day?"
"Fuck no," Harry said with another mad laugh and a flash of pain in his eyes. "I've got no idea how to be a p-parent. I'd probably end up accidentally beating the hell out of it. I didn't exactly have great role m-models to mimic, did I?"
"No," Hermione admitted softly, pity she knew Harry would hate welling up inside of her. "I suppose you didn't."
Harry caught her eye, then averted his quickly and cleared his throat. "You can sleep with me, if you want," he offered. "Lue and Sue do it all the time. Or I can walk you to the Ravenclaw Tower, or we can go curse Theo, a bit. W-whatever you want."
"Not to curse Theo," Hermione said hastily, knowing that if Harry said it, he would do it. "I'll just- just give him some space for now... And I should sleep in my dorm. It looks bad for the Prefect to always be out of bed," she joked weakly.
Harry ignored her attempt at a joke and got to his feet. "I'll walk with you then."
It was a quiet walk back to her tower. And when they reached the Ravenclaw entrance, Hermione looked Harry square in the eyes.
"If I didn't think you would hate it, I would hug you," she told him. "I love you, Harry. You're a wonderful person."
Hermione didn't know if she imagined it, if it was a trick of the lights, or if it was real, but Harry's eyes looked glazed for an instant before he jerked his chin in a nod and gave her a quick and twitchy sort of hug.
"I'm not," he said quietly, "but I l-love you for saying it. You'll be a great mum. Is..." Harry rubbed his eyes, pinched his arm hard enough to leave a red mark, and then squinted suspiciously at Hermione. "Dreaming or real?" he whispered.
"Real," Hermione said, feeling her heart break a little. "This is real."
"Right." Harry sighed and gave Hermione a small pat on the shoulder. "Night Mione, love you."
Harry sloped away before Hermione had a chance to respond.
"Goodnight, Harry," she whispered to his back.
Hermione laid in her bed for a long time, sleep evading her as her mind kept whirling.
It kept whirling back to the same thing, over and over:
'I've got no idea how to be a parent... I didn't exactly have great role models to mimic, did I?'
And Harry didn't. Everyone knew, even if he didn't admit it aloud, that Harry had been horribly abused. Harry had a terrible childhood up until he moved in with Snape...
... and so did Theo.
Theo wouldn't admit it either, but Hermione knew why he moved in with Harry after their third year. She heard whispers about his boggart, she saw the scars, she knew his insecurities and his anxiety over touch. She knew that, as much as he hid it, Theo had a deeply rooted and innate fear of adult males.
It was why Professor Snape yelling had caused him to go pale and tap his leg.
It was why he never understood Hermione's relationship with her dad.
It was why Theo and Harry were a closer pair of brothers than even Fred and George were—
They were two sides of a same badly abused coin.
And Harry was obviously terrified that he would pass his own childhood on to his child.
So... so what if Theo was as well?
Hermione walked to breakfast alone the next morning, moving on autopilot as she navigated through the corridors, through the double doors to the Great Hall, to the...
She froze as her eyes met Theo's.
Theo, Draco, Ron, Trent, and Blaise were already seated together at the Slytherin table. Harry wasn't there yet, but he'd been taking hour long showers in the morning where he cried in isolation and let the water hide the noise and the tears (nobody told her, but Hermione wasn't stupid, she saw Harry's red and puffy miserable eyes when he got out of the shower).
Draco smiled at Hermione, but she just nodded and sat rather stiffly at the end of the Ravenclaw table. She was close enough that she could hear the boys break in to quick conversation over this change, but not so close that she could make out individual words. She looked around unhappily at the deserted little area she'd claimed and felt her spirit sink even lower.
Just you and me, she thought down to the tiny clump of cells growing inside of her.
This is what she gets for not making friends within her own house.
Hermione pulled out her potions textbook, more to give herself something to do rather than any true desire to study, and hid her face behind it as her housemates cast her curious glances and gossiped over her.
"Can we sit here or is it a pity party for one?"
Hermione looked over the edge of her book and saw Neville and Susan standing in front of her. "You can sit," Hermione told Susan with a grateful smile. "I thought- I assumed you'd want to sit with the boys."
Susan snorted and began pulling platters of food towards them with a 'keep talking and I'll punch you' look for the Ravenclaw's who kept glancing at them. "The boys are a clique and sometimes I need girl time," she told Hermione. "And Neville time, of course," she added with a wink for Neville.
"Of course," Neville rolled his eyes.
Hermione had been relieved as she sat with Susan and Neville and made normal conversation, the three of them acting as if the new seats were nothing unusual, until the doors opened once more and the sudden hush in the Great Hall meant Harry arrived.
"It's P-P-Prison Potter," Corner, an unpleasant prat of a Ravenclaw in their year, snickered quietly as Harry and Luna made their way to the Slytherin table. Hermione saw Harry's white knuckled grip on Luna's hand and once more felt pity for him swell up in her.
"Shut the fuck up," she snapped down the table to Corner. "Or you can explain what that's supposed to mean to Professor Snape in detention tonight."
Hermione's outburst quieted the other boys who had been laughing with Corner, and drew Harry's eyes towards them. He stopped midway between the two tables and glanced between them quickly.
It was selfish, she knew it, but Hermione desperately wished that Harry and Luna would sit with her.
She got half of her wish after Harry whispered something to Luna. Luna immediately danced over to where Hermione sat and sat next to Neville with a smile.
Harry turned on his heel and stalked right out of the Great Hall, amidst cruel and mocking laughter from the Gryffindor table.
"He's going to snap and kill them all soon," Neville said thoughtfully. "Morning, Lue."
"Morning," Luna said softly. "Harry won't kill them, but I do think that Seamus is going to end up having a terribly unpleasant accident soon. Oh, Hermione, Harry went outside to clear his head. Otherwise he would have sat here during breakfast, and with the boys at dinner."
"That's fine," Hermione said hastily.
"What about lunch?" Susan asked as she glared over at the Gryffindor table and cracked her knuckles threateningly.
If Seamus had a 'terribly unpleasant accident soon', Hermione would bet it would be Susan who did it, not Harry.
"He's not hungry," Luna shrugged, not seeing the error in her statement.
Harry couldn't skip breakfast and lunch- he was already too thin.
Luna slid a platter of food in front of Hermione though, reminding her with her knowing eyes that Hermione couldn't skip meals either anymore.
"Soo... we aren't talking about it?" Susan asked before they split up after the bell rang to signal the start of classes.
"About what?" Hermione yelped, a bit guiltily.
"Theo?" Susan asked.
"No, we aren't," Hermione said. "And I have potions, I'll see you later." She was part of the way down the corridor when she turned and gave Susan a friendly wave. "Thank you."
"I loveeeee youuuuu, Hermioneeeee," Susan sang loudly with her hands wrapped around her mouth.
Hermione blushed at Susan's dramatics and dashed towards the dungeons.
For potions.
Where she was partnered with Theo.
And they were working on Amortentia.
Hermione sat quietly at her table, slicing, chopping, and crushing ingredients in the order that Theo needed them to be added to their potion.
He wouldn't even look at her.
And the room was filled with his scent.
The fumes filling the room all smelled like old parchment, Theo's cedarwood cologne, and a slightly sweet scent that Hermione couldn't place but she adored.
"You have to crush the pearls in to a fine dust," Theo murmured when Hermione slid him minced pearls. "Here, like this."
He grabbed her crushing stone, brushing her fingers accidentally, and then stopped when it felt like tiny sparks flew between their fingers. Theo looked up at Hermione for the first time and Hermione could see in his eyes that he was just as unhappy as she was.
"Theo..."
"No," Theo snapped quietly. "I can't."
Hermione bit her lip and nodded.
They didn't speak again for the rest of the day, despite the fact that they shared all the same courses.
Even though she knew she shouldn't, Hermione skipped lunch to sit in the library alone.
And, in a moment that made Hermione's heavy heart lighten quite a bit, Harry relocated Hermione to the Slytherin table at dinner. Hermione, Susan, Neville, Luna, and Draco who wanted to sit by Luna, sat a few seats away from Theo, Ron, Blaise, and Trent, and Harry sat smack in the middle of the two groups.
"This is weird," Harry murmured quietly. He gave Theo a curious look on one side of him, then Hermione a curious look on the other side.
It was Trent who answered his unasked question. "Super fucking weird," he agreed cheerfully. "But not a dream."
Hermione twisted her hands as she paced in the corridor outside Professor Snape's office late that evening.
He said his door was always open, she argued with herself. For Theo, not you... just go to Madam Pomfrey.
But... he said you could come to him.
Hermione drew up her courage, knocked on the door, and stepped inside before she could change her mind.
"Professor Snape?"
Snape looked up from the journal he had been frantically scribbling in and closed it quickly. "Miss Granger," he said evenly. "Please, have a seat."
Hermione sat down and tried to relax despite the lump in her throat. "I've thought about it," she said to the desktop. "I want to keep it."
If Professor Snape had been surprised by that, he didn't show it.
"I presume from Theodore's absence that this was not a joint decision?"
Hermione kept her eyes on the desk and shook her head. "No, sir."
"Aah."
Hermione glanced up at Snape and saw a thoughtful look on his face. "It's not his fault," she said defensively. "He's scared. He's afraid we'll die in the war and leave the baby without parents. And- and I think he's scared to be a dad, he doesn't know how. Nobody ever taught him. Sir," she added hastily.
"Miss Granger," Snape gave her a sarcastic looking smile, "I am not immune to the terror of parenting when you come from a lackluster childhood. You do not have to defend Theodore, I understand that he must be terrified."
Hermione nodded firmly, then hesitated. "Did you have a lackluster childhood like Theo?" she asked curiously.
Hermione didn't truly expect Professor Snape to answer such a nosy question. But he steepled his fingertips to his lips while he gave her a considering look. "I did," he eventually said.
"But... how did you get past it, sir?" she asked quickly and a bit desperately. "You've been raising Harry for years now, so you obviously must have changed your mind, right?"
Professor Snape looked terribly amused by her question. "There is quite a difference between having a newborn infant and becoming a guardian to a teenager," he said. "Harry and Theodore both were entirely independent beings with their own habits, thoughts, ideals, and identities when I took over their care. And, as you have seen for yourself, I am still capable of reacting quite poorly to them."
"So... so you think Theo would be a bad dad?" she asked quietly.
"No." Professor Snape's face shifted from amusement to a more stern look. "I did not say that and you will never hear me say such a thing. I do not believe Theodore would make a poor father, though I can appreciate where his fear is coming from. Although, arguing and stressing out his pregnant girlfriend is an equally poor decision."
"He wanted to get rid of it," Hermione admitted guiltily. "We wouldn't be fighting if I did the smart thing."
"The logical thing does not mean the smart thing," Professor Snape said patiently. "You are not stupid for making your decision. I will not lie to you, I believe it will be an incredibly difficult journey. However, I do not doubt that by the end of the term you will have a twenty step plan on how to achieve your goals while becoming a dedicated parent."
Hermione smiled a little, touched that Professor Snape thought so highly of her. "Thank you, sir."
Snape nodded. "Also," he cleared his throat lightly and suddenly looked slightly uncomfortable, "Theodore's decision is his to make, and mine are mine to make. First things first, have you told your parents?"
Hermione frowned and shook her head. "I... I'm not going back to their home, sir," she admitted to someone for the first time ever. "I love them, but I won't put them in danger."
Snape looked curious now. "You are seventeen then?"
Hermione's chin stuck out. "I am."
"Very well," he said. "I can appreciate why you would feel that way in the current climate. Perhaps when the war has ended, you will be able to introduce them to their grandchild."
Hermione swallowed back tears and nodded.
She wouldn't.
When the war ended, if Hermione lived to see it end, her parents would never remember having a daughter if her plan for summer went well.
"I will speak with Harry, when he is perhaps in a place to discuss such a decision, but I am certain that he would approve of you staying with us, regardless of your relationship with Theodore."
"Thank you, sir," Hermione said, struggling to maintain her polite and proper tone as she felt so weighed down now. "I told Harry last night, actually. He's excited to be an uncle."
"Is he?" Snape's lips curled up to the half-smile he only wears when he discusses Harry, a terribly adorable habit that Hermione would rather die than admit. "Very well, then I presume Harry made it quite clear that you are not alone?"
"He did," Hermione said. She folded her hands on her lap and gave Snape a grateful smile. "Thank you, sir."
"Of course." Snape opened his desk drawer and pulled out a small scrap of parchment. He slid it across the desk to Hermione. "I assumed that we would be having this conversation today. I took the liberty of scheduling an appointment for you with Madam Pomfrey tomorrow at 4:30. She will take over medical care while you remain at Hogwarts."
Hermione held back a laugh at Professor Snape's obvious discomfort. "Thank you, sir," she said again, pocketing the little parchment. She got to her feet and realized that she felt lighter already. Just making the decision took such a weight off her chest. "For what it's worth, sir, I think that Harry and Theo are lucky to have you."
Severus inclined his head in acknowledgment and watched her walk towards the door with his thoughtful dark eyes. As soon as Granger left the room, Severus sighed heavily.
One terribly uncomfortable conversation down, one more to go, he thought as he got to his feet and went to track down Theodore.
***
Meals the next day were still painfully awkward as Hermione wouldn't tell anyone why her and Theo weren't speaking. Classes were just as painful as they had been the day before. And through it all, Hermione kept anxiously checking the time, waiting for four thirty when she needed to be in the Hospital Wing.
She wished she had time to look up what to expect before the appointment, but Wednesday's were her busiest days. Which turned out to be a blessing in disguise, as she became too distracted by her notes and projects in class to worry about Theo or the appointment or the baby or anything aside from school.
Possibly her last year of school.
"Hermione, can we talk?" Theo asked as soon as they were dismissed from arithmancy at the end of the day.
"I..." Hermione checked the time and nodded. "Yes, let's talk."
Theo looked around quickly before ducking in to a nearby classroom. He waited until Hermione followed him in to shut the door and put up a privacy charm.
"Snape said you have an appointment today?" Theo said, shuffling his feet to get some space from Hermione while he tapped his leg anxiously.
"I do," Hermione said with a hint of curiosity.
Did Theo want to talk because he thought she changed her mind?
She also felt her gratitude towards Professor Snape rise even higher. She didn't know he talked to Theo, but if it led to Theo wanting to talk to her again, then it was just another thing on the long list of reasons that Professor Snape was her favorite professor in the school.
Theo nodded and didn't say anything for a long time. Hermione just watched him silently, waiting for him to say what it was he wanted to say.
Eventually Theo took a deep breath and looked her square in the eyes. "May I come, please?"
"It's for prenatal potions and to check to see if the baby is healthy," Hermione said quietly, unsure if Snape told him what the checkup was for. "I'm still keeping it, Theo."
Theo looked down at the floor and nodded again. "I know, Snape told me that too. I just... I think... I'm glad you're keeping it. I just wish I could keep it too," he said in a whisper. "I wish I could, but... but I can't."
Hermione felt her heart break all over again. "Why?" she asked. "If you want it, and I want it, why can't we do it together?"
"Because I'll hurt him!" Theo yelled abruptly. "He's going to track dirt in our kitchen one day and I'll snap and curse him! Or I'll just hate him! I don't know how to be kind! My life wasn't like yours, Hermione, okay?" Theo looked up and then quickly averted his eyes away from Hermione's.
"I know," Hermione said. She took a hesitant step towards him, desperately wanting to hold him. "I understand."
"How could you?" Theo laughed bitterly and shook his head. "I... I never really told you much about my father. He- he... it was bad, alright? And... he just had all these horrible ideas, and he was mean, and cruel, and..." Theo gave Hermione a quick look before turning back to the wall, "and if I didn't move in with Harry when I did, I'd be dead. I know that. He would have went too far and I would be dead."
"Theo..." Hermione reached for his hand, but he pulled it away.
"I'm not making excuses," Theo said. "I shouldn't have yelled at you. I should have talked about it, but..." Theo barely glanced at her, but she could see it.
The fear.
It was filling his eyes.
"I don't know how to be a dad," he said. "I know how to be cruel, I know the best places to curse a kid so the scars aren't visible, I know how to make someone cry and wish they were dead, and that's it." He reached out and gently wiped a tear off Hermione's cheek with his thumb. "I don't want our baby to be at risk," his voice choked up and he cleared his throat. "I don't want to hurt it."
"You won't," Hermione said. She reached up and grabbed his hand that was still on her cheek and held it there with her hand. "Think about it, Theo. Your father hated muggleborns, do you? He would never hang out with half-bloods or 'blood traitors', but you do. You're already a better man than he was. You're loyal, and brilliant, and kind, and-" Hermione swallowed back a sob building in her chest, "-and you would make a wonderful father. But I can't make you do anything. I made my decision, and you're free to make yours. I'll never hold it against you."
"I'll hurt him," Theo whispered, stricken. "Love, I'll hurt him on accident. I'll get mad and I'll hurt him."
"Then I'd kill you," Hermione said, squeezing his hand gently. "I don't think you'll hurt them (honestly why did Theo and Harry think it would be a boy?), but if you did, you'd only do it once."
Theo didn't look startled at all by Hermione's threat promise, he looked relieved.
"Will you vow it?" he asked. "Vow that you'll never let me near our baby again if I hurt him on purpose."
"I won't make an Unbreakable Vow, but I bet Harry will," Hermione said with a hopeful smile. "He's very excited to be an uncle."
"You told Harry?" Theo groaned. He didn't sound mad though so Hermione just nodded. "Is that why I woke up yesterday and he was glaring at me? I just thought that maybe he thought I was a ghost."
"Don't be ridiculous," Hermione grinned, "He wouldn't think you're a ghost, he's the ghost."
They laughed quietly then abruptly both cut off nearly simultaneously as they realized it wasn't just a funny quirk Harry had, it was a genuine problem.
Hermione cleared her throat. "Besides, Harry is the godfather," she told him.
Theo grinned at first, thinking it was a joke, until Hermione didn't smile. "Harry?" he asked, his grin slipping away immediately. "Love, Harry is an actual psychopath suffering long-term mental damage from dementor exposure who believes he is a ghost being haunted by other ghosts. I'm not making him the godparent to our child."
Hermione jabbed her finger in Theo's chest and narrowed her eyes. "Harry is the godfather, if you don't like it, too bad."
"Harry will put our baby in a uniform and toss it in a battle against death eaters with a bloody handgun," Theo hissed.
Hermione's lips twitched just a little at the image before she shook her head. "Harry wouldn't," she said with much more confidence than she felt. "Harry would kill anyone who ever threatened our child. He's the baby's uncle, and he's the godfather. If you don't like it, perhaps you shouldn't have been such an arse."
"That's mad," Theo said. "Harry doesn't even like babies."
Hermione thought of Harry's excitement when she told him he'd be an uncle and did smile at that image. "He likes his niece or nephew," she said with actual confidence. "Are you still coming with me to go talk to Madam Pomfrey?"
Theo squeezed his eyes shut tightly for a moment before he opened them and nodded. "I am," he said, just as steady and sure as he used to be. "Madam Pomfrey first, library second."
"The library?" Hermione asked curiously.
Theo sighed and gave Hermione a look of fond exasperation. "It's a baby, love. I don't know a damn thing about them. We're going to need to do research. Tons of research."
Hermione's heart filled with joy.
Everything's going to be okay, she told the tiny thing growing inside of her.
Then Theo opened his mouth and said perhaps the stupidest thing Hermione ever heard.
"Er... should we- should we get married? Before it's born?"
"Absolutely not," she said. "There's a muggle saying about people who rush marriage because they accidentally got pregnant. 'Quick, let's make it worse'."
Theo laughed which made Hermione laugh.
And she thought perhaps this wasn't the most illogical thing she'd ever done before. After all, she did join a gang. What was teenage pregnancy after that?