Lily was glued to the TV the next morning while James went to tell his parents about Harry's sorting. She promised her own parents that she'd tell them about it as well, since they didn't use their TV much, but she got distracted very first thing by a meeting between Severus and Harry.
Harry had a little panic attack that morning when his dorm mates were all changing in front of each other and one of the boys (Blaise, maybe?) was in the bathroom.
Her poor baby just stood by his bed, his face paling quickly, and his internal thoughts going wild with fear until he finally decided to just go to breakfast in the same clothes he had on.
It was so sad that Lily would be crying if she could.
But then Severus saw Harry in his dirty clothes at breakfast and had him trailing down to his office.
Lily sent a furtive look around the empty room before clicking over to the Severus channel. She had to know what was going on in his mind.
Innately evil, indeed. Albus has lost the plot.
Did Albus think her son was evil?
What the hell?
"Explain."
"'M sorry, sir."
"I do not wish for apologies at this time, Potter. I happen to know that you own perfectly clean and acceptable clothing. I would like to know the reasoning you had which prevented you from utilizing them this morning."
"Tell him, baby," Lily urged Harry softly. "Tell him what happened."
"Sir, there's six of 'em. I ain't takin' my clothes off with them there. Draco said we could make a schedule for washin' but they were all starin' at me and I didn't wanna take my clothes off where they could see."
"C'mon, Sev," Lily said. "Figure it out. Help him."
He must have, because his internal thoughts went pitying and soft.
Lily's heart must be broken if she could see this.
Lily watched as Severus spoke gently to her son, helping him freshen up for classes, and she smiled at both of them.
Her heart was broken, just as broken as her poor baby boy was, but maybe, just maybe, they were both healing now.
***
Harry's first week of classes had James and Lily laughing, booing, screaming, and laughing again in equal measures.
First off, Harry was bloody hilarious.
James thought he could strut? No. His son took strutting to a whole new level.
But then kids would start talking shit about Harry in front of Harry, and James would boo them and throw crisps at their stupid little faces.
And Minnie… dear, dear Minnie.
James had no idea why she'd decided to start picking on Harry in his very first transfiguration class, but she had Lily red faced and furious.
"HE DIDN'T CHEAT!" Lily screamed at the television. "PISS OFF YOU BLOODY OLD CAT!"
James was disappointed in Minnie.
He'd hoped that her and Harry would become as close as he had been with her.
If he'd lived and Harry had the life he deserved, James imagined that Harry would have grown up calling her Grandma Minnie and now Minnie was calling his son 'Potter' and taking points for no good reason.
And damn if James didn't want to strangle the stupid little Irish brat that crowded Harry in the potions cupboard, a place James saw Harry was terrified to enter in the first place, and call him a freak.
"I hope Draco kills him," he muttered darkly as Draco shot a glare at the Gryffindor boy while Harry was pale and trembling.
Why couldn't people see that Harry was awesome and leave him the hell alone?!
"At least he's got his friends now," Lily said while the Slytherin boys ate breakfast together one morning at the end of Harry's first week. "They'll help him, I'm sure of it."
"He doesn't even know they're friends," James sighed, gesturing to Harry's internal thoughts as he wondered what Ron's intentions were by defending him from his classmates and being nice to him.
"He will," Lily smiled.
Wrooooooong.
Harry's new friend, Blaise Zabini, sent Harry a very formal offer of alliance from his mother (who made James glad his thoughts weren't visible because he'd seen Juliana Zabini once and she was gorgeous), and what did their son do?
Started a damn gang.
"Awesome," James grinned as Draco, Ron, and Blaise all immediately joined Harry's gang. "They're like the new marauders!"
Lily scoffed. "They're way better than you prats."
Yeah, they were.
***
Knock, knock.
"It's probably Reg," James mumbled softly.
"Tell him not tonight," Lily said. She looked up at James and shook her head. "I don't want to watch this with an audience."
James nodded in understanding and went to tell Regulus just that while Lily turned her attention back to the tv as Harry was knocking on Severus' office door.
Severus was giving her baby a physical tonight, and Lily knew what was going to come up.
She didn't need an audience to see her reactions.
Severus was explaining to Harry what he could expect to happen during his physical when James came back and sat beside her, grabbing her hand and squeezing it harshly.
The two of them shared a look of misery at the wild fear on Harry's little face.
James cleared his throat and glanced at the remote. "Should we switch to the Snape channel?" he suggested quietly. "See if he see's it?"
Lily nodded and switched it quickly while Severus was leading Harry to a private area to change in.
They waited solemnly as Severus paced outside the private room before they could see him lose his patience and knock on the door.
"Potter? May I enter?"
"Yes, sir."
Perhaps this won't be terrible.
…or perhaps it will be horrible.
"Potter." Severus looked so sad it broke Lily's heart as much as the scars on her baby's body did. "I am not going to hurt you."
"'Kay."
"He's so scared," James whispered in a thick voice. "Lils, he's terrified."
He was.
Lily slid off the sofa and settled on the floor with James following beside her quickly. She reached up and tried to brush Harry's cheek.
She only felt the cool glass of the tv and she hated it.
"Here we go," James said.
"Egritudo."
While Harry's report of major illnesses, injuries, and current conditions grew and grew, Severus' thoughts turned violent.
The child could burn every Muggle he encountered in his life to ashes and I would assist him in the scattering.
"I hope they do," Lily said in a hard voice. "I hope Harry and Sev kill everyone."
James didn't say anything, but he nodded in agreement.
Anemic. Potter has anemia. That's it?!
"Don't question it, just treat it," Lily said softly. "Ask him about the other injuries, Sev. Make him talk."
"Harry won't," James said wisely. "He'll clam up and then he won't trust Snape at all anymore. He's got to build up his trust first."
James was right, but Lily was afraid that Severus would fuck it all up before Harry trusted him and Severus could truly help him.
Lily listened closely when Severus sat Harry down and told him he had anemia.
"'M I gonna die?"
Lily wished Harry didn't look so hopeful.
"Does nemia cause nightmares?"
"No. Are you unable to sleep due to nightmares?"
"Obviously," James scoffed quietly. "He looks exhausted."
"He was up late last night, tossing and turning," Lily told him without looking away from her son. "It was a bad night."
They listened as Severus bargained with Harry. He told him he'd give him Dreamless Sleep if Harry would take Occlumency lessons with him and would tell him about his nightmares.
"No," Harry said with a mean glare.
"No? Very well, you are dismissed."
"You bastard!" James yelled. "Help him!"
"He's bluffing," said Lily. "Watch."
"Fine! You're a bit of a bastard, ya know that?"
"Two points from Slytherin for language, Potter."
"McGonagalls taken loads more than that, sir, and I didn't even call her a bastard, did I?"
"Ugh, don't let him distract you!" Lily said. "C'mon, Sev, focus!"
But it was too late and he couldn't hear her.
Severus got off track as he warned Harry very seriously to keep his head down, try to avoid making powerful enemies.
"Does he mean Minnie?" James asked slowly. "I thought she'd come around."
Lily squinted at Severus. "Albus, I think," she said. "I think Albus is scared of Harry."
"He should be," James said coolly. "And if he doesn't give my son my cloak soon then I'm going to start dropping coins in the wishing well for Snape to kill him."
Lily snorted at James superstition. Ever since he and the twins discovered the wishing well in the middle of town, they'd decided it was so they could make wishes for the people on Earth.
Lily dropped a coin in every week and wished that Harry would be happy and find someone to show him love.
"I figured it wouldn't be any different here, why would it? I just got different kind of people not likin' me, don't I?"
"Just so, Mr Potter. You do however have seemed to gain something that you did not have prior to this- allies."
And… and maybe it worked.
***
"You guys want some company today?" Fabian asked on Halloween.
James shrugged and opened the door wide for the twins. "Might as well," he said. "We can get pissed anyway and watch Harry enjoy the feast."
And it might cheer Lily up, a little. The twins were good at that and she was miserable, as she always was on Halloween. James bore it with as much grace as he could, but he missed his son as much as she did.
"Hell yes." Gideon gave James a more gentle ruffling of his hair than he usually did. "Has he been sad today?"
"Eh." James led the twins to the sitting room and conjured up a matching set of chairs for them to take while he settled in beside Lily. "He's been a little quiet, but that's normal for him."
Harry was not the loudmouth that James had been, but damn if he didn't get every ounce of his outward arrogance and then some.
Like just then, when Harry went to sit with Ron in their Charms class and smirked as he made Draco partner with Hermione.
"What's got Jamie Junior all smirky?" Fabian asked as he snapped his fingers and conjured pumpkin shaped tarts for them all.
"Draco thinks Hermione shouldn't be in their gang because she's a muggleborn," Lily scoffed. "So Harry's forcing Draco to partner with her in their shared classes so he can see how smart she is."
"What's a gang?" Gideon asked curiously.
Lily was explaining to Gideon what a gang was, something James didn't understand much of either, while Harry earned fifteen points from Flitwick for making his textbook float without words or a wand.
James would have given him fifty points for it.
"I don't need help from a prissy little mudblood like you, Granger."
"Oh no he didn't!" Fabian yelled. He threw a tart at Draco's face as Harry's thoughts went curious at what that was meant to mean.
"Harry better kick his ass," James glared at Draco. "Little prick."
"He's eleven," Lily sighed sadly. "He doesn't even know what he's saying. He's just repeating some garbage he heard at home, I'm sure."
"Smart enough though," Fabian said when their class dismissed and Hermione took off with teary eyes and Draco fled from Harry with terrified eyes. "Odds on Harry being pissed or Harry agreeing with him?"
"Harry would never!" James yelled, turning for a moment to glare at Fabian. "He's not some pureblooded bigoted arse! He's a good boy!"
"Hey." Fabian held his hands up harmlessly. "I'm just saying. He's hanging out with a bunch of purebloods, Malfoy and Nott's boys? They could rub off on him, that's all I'm saying."
"Shut up!" Lily yelled. "Ron's telling him what it means!!"
"It's a really foul word for muggleborns. It means 'dirty blood', 'cause some purebloods think they're better than anyone with muggle blood."
And Harry lost the plot entirely.
"He said she's got dirty blood?!"
"Fuck you, Fabian," James laughed. "Harry's going to beat Draco's pompous little arse!"
"He's hiding from Potter now," Theo smirked as he told the other boys where Draco went.
Harry's smirk was much scarier. "Nowhere he can hide really, is there? 'M gonna see him when we get back to our room."
"RIP Draco," Gideon laughed.
James was so proud of his son that he only felt a faint twinge of regret that nobody bothered to even offer Harry condolences about the anniversary of their deaths. It was like… like nobody even acknowledged it.
Bastards.
"What the fuck?" Fabian breathed after Harry's weird professor, Quirrell, burst in the room and announced a troll was on the loose. "How does a mountain troll get in the castle?"
The four of them watched as the Slytherins panicked about being sent to the dungeons where the troll was supposedly at.
"Draco's in the dungeons!" Theo said.
Fine by me. I hope he gets smashed by the troll.
"He's so mean," Lily laughed brightly. "I love it."
Fuck. Hermione didn't know about the troll.
James' pride soared as Harry broke off from the crowd of students to go find Hermione, with little Ron stubbornly right by his side.
"James' son for sure," Gideon whispered. "Little blockhead won't even consider getting a professor."
James flipped Gideon off while he watched his son race to the girls loo to find his friend.
Harry didn't trust adults- the thought didn't even occur to him to find one.
"Run!" Lily shrieked when Harry and Ron ran in a corridor and found the giant troll dragging a club as it lumbered toward a doorway. "Run, baby! Run!"
"Wrong way!!" James yelled (okay, maybe he shrieked too) as the troll entered a room and Harry and Ron followed behind it with horrified expressions.
"They're going to save the girl! He thinks Hermione is in there!" Fabian said.
"Oh, God, I can't watch," Lily groaned.
James crossed his fingers and prayed that Harry wasn't about to join them ten years exactly since they'd moved to the afterlife.
"Get her and go!" Harry shouted at Ron, pointing to where tiny little Hermione was shrunk against the wall, petrified with fear. "Oi! Get out of here you wanker!" Harry screamed at the troll.
James let out a startled laugh when the troll ignored Harry and Harry looked personally offended.
"Bastard," Harry muttered after the troll took a swing at Ron and Hermione. "Let's see how you like it."
"That's how you do it!" Gideon cheered when Harry blew up the club.
James would have cheered too but he was busy cringing at the cuts Harry got from the sudden wood splinters ricocheting around the room.
"Don't do it, don't do it." Lily bit her thumb as Harry narrowed his eyes thoughtfully at the troll and snatched his knife from his pocket. "Oh no."
Oh hell yes.
Harry grabbed his knife and ran at the troll. He took a leap and landed on its back before driving his knife to the handle in its eye.
"GO POTTER GO!" Fabian yelled. "Yeaaaaah! Atta boy!"
"Holy shit!" James' smile was so wide it hurt. The troll landed on the ground with a thud, probably dead from how deep Harry's knife went. "My son killed a mountain troll!"
"With a knife!" Lily laughed.
"And here comeeeeees Minnie!" James grinned. "Maybe now she'll see Harry's awesome."
Spoiler alert: she did not.
Snape did see that Harry was starting to panic though, and he (oddly enough) sweet talked Harry through it; really taking his time and being patient and thoughtful.
It was… it was more than James expected from him.
And Minnie taking twenty points from Ron and Harry for 'failure to get a professor' was so disappointing that James wanted to cry.
"Man, McG does not like Harry, does she?" Fabian said quietly as Snape led the boys back to the common room.
"Apparently fucking not," James said flatly, trying to make his disappointment in his old mentor. "I thought- I thought she would."
James thought maybe Minnie would step in and be a good role model for Harry. A confidant, a mentor, a maternal presence for his baby.
He was so damn disappointed.
And… and begrudgingly impressed when Snape gave Harry and Ron thirty points for 'saving a damsel in distress'.
Maybe Snape grew up.
Maybe Snape could… could be something like a mentor for Harry.
"Oooooh," Lily leaned forward eagerly when Draco came running up to Harry in their common room. "He was worried- but Harry's still pissed."
Yeah Harry was.
Harry had the bigger kid pinned to the wall and his knife at his throat in an instant.
"Why'd you say that to Mione, huh? Called her dirty blooded, didn't ya?"
James barked out a laugh as Harry knocked Draco's neck with his knife, just enough to draw a few drops of blood.
"Looks like you got the same blood she does, doesn't it? D'ya wanna see more to prove it?"
"You tell him, son," James said, captivated by his feral little boy. "It's all just magic."
"Harry, I'm s-sorry. P-please, I d-didnt mean it."
"Yeah? Good, then tomorrow you can tell her that, in front of the whole hall, can't ya?"
"Final warning, Draco, then you're out, and ya won't like that much, will ya?"
"Well, fuck," Gideon chuckled. "I'm scared, I dunno how Draco isn't pissing himself."
"Think he'll apologize?" Fabian asked curiously.
James and Lily smirked at the twins.
"He'll either apologize or drop out," James said confidently. "Because if not- Harry's going to kill him."
The next afternoon, after a long night of misery wrapped up in Lily's arms, James swaggered in to the local pub and pulled out a chair across from the twins.
"Guess what?" James smirked.
"What?" they asked simultaneously.
James took Gideon's pint and took a long draw from it. "Draco apologized to Hermione in front of the entire Great Hall this morning."
"Did he really?" Fabian laughed.
"Yup." James grinned proudly. "And then Susan, Neville, and Hermione all sat with the boys at the Slytherin table for breakfast."
"Wicked," Gideon laughed. "Your son's a rebel, Jamie."
Hell yeah he was.
***
Lily watched her son with a single minded obsession. She didn't want to miss a single moment of Harry's life.
She'd seen all the horrors that he'd survive up to that point- she was ready to witness something good for her baby.
Her parents joined her, wondrous at the beauty of Hogwarts and happy to finally see their grandson thriving in a secure environment.
Lily's mother, Rose, smiled so softly to see little Severus all grown up and teaching Harry how to block his mind so he could sleep better.
Susan's mother, Elaine, a shy and quiet young woman, sat with Lily the day before Harry's Christmas break started while their kids sat in the library working on homework and chatting happily.
"Susan's beautiful," Elaine said sadly as she watched her daughter. And Susan was. She looked much like her mother; the same red hair, Susan's perhaps a couple shades darker and wore in a different style, but where Susan radiated confidence and vitality, Elaine was quiet and withdrawn.
"I'm glad they're friends," Lily told her truthfully.
The two of them sighed sadly as the other kids talked about their plans and Harry said he was staying at the castle.
"Won't your family miss you?"
"My family's dead, ain't they? 'Spect they can't miss me much."
"I miss you so much," Lily whispered. Elaine rubbed Lily's arm sympathetically as Lily watched her baby find out that Albus was the one who sent him to the Dursley's.
"Oh, Harry's going to kill him," Lily said with a hint of a smile. "He's so mad."
Elaine gave her a bewildered look, confused why Lily would be pleased about Harry's anger, but Lily didn't have to explain it to her.
Albus should have checked on her fucking son.
Elaine also was surprised when Harry inducted Susan into his gang, but Lily laughed and assured her that it was just a thing Harry called his group of friends.
"Harry's weird, but I think Susan cares for him," Elaine said when she left that day.
Even if Elaine didn't see Harry's charms, her daughter obviously did. And Lily adored that little red headed girl.
James' parents joined them on the afternoon that Harry had a dueling lesson with his defense professor.
"You know, I think my grandfather Henry married a witch with Veela and Fae blood," Fleamont said thoughtfully as they watched Harry duel with deadly grace. "What was her name… Adelina, I think. She died during my fathers birth, but I saw photos. She was definitely part something."
Lily and Marlene were watching the 'Severus Channel' during one of Harry's occlumency lessons while Dorcas and James were out bothering Regulus.
"Severus seems to care about him," Marlene said as they watched Severus dive in to Harry's memories.
They cringed to see the flashes of Harry's stressful memories that Severus was viewing.
Lily especially wanted to burn something when the first time someone saw her son and thought they could put their disgusting little hands on him in exchange for a cheap meal and a dirty motel room.
Marlene flicked her fingers and had a dummy hanging in the room with indecipherable features. "Burn it," she said airily. "It'll be therapeutic."
Lily did. She caught the dummy on fire with a lighter she conjured while Severus calmed her son down from a panic attack.
"Let's take a break- I can tell you about the first time your mother took me to a concert."
"You went to concerts with my mum?"
"Boy, he knows how to play him, doesn't he?" Marlene murmured while Harry sat on the edge of his seat, eager to hear stories about Lily from Severus.
"He's not playing him, he's helping him," Lily said stoutly. She grinned while Severus described a Led Zepplin concert they went to to Harry, but she lost her smile quickly as Harry asked why they didn't go again after their fifth year.
"Because Severus turned into a dirty death eater," Marlene muttered.
Lily opened her mouth, instinct driving her to defend him, but deflated and nodded a little. "He's trying to make up for it now," she said quietly.
"We were on different sides of the war."
"Why?"
"Think he'll tell him?" Marlene asked as Severus bargained with Harry- answer for an answer.
"Dunno," Lily said. "Shut up so we can find out."
"The last memory I saw- where did he take you from that alleyway?"
"Tell him baby," Lily said quietly. "Come on, you can trust him."
Harry's face turned red, and Severus' internal thoughts showed that he was waiting patiently for Harry to decide whether to trust him with this one piece of information or not.
"Motel."
"He did it." Lily let out a breath and relaxed beside Marlene. "He told someone. Finally."
And Severus didn't let Harry sit there, needlessly ashamed, instead he opened up as well.
"I was a half-blood, brilliant but poor. I placed in Slytherin and was surrounded by handsome, rich, successful peers with important families. I was frequently a target for bullying and craved the acceptance of my peers. Thus, when one housemate told me of a brilliant man who was revolutionizing the Wixen world and was seeking a potions prodigy- I jumped at the chance to prove myself. It remains the single greatest mistake of my life."
"Damn," Marlene swore quietly while Lily smiled to see the two of them finally opening up a little. "Now I feel bad for Snape. What is the world coming to?"
"I've done bad things too, I dunno if my parents would even like me."
"Oh, baby boy," Marlene's eyes went soft with sympathy for poor Harry as he sat there, staring in his lap so pathetically sadly. "Of course they like you."
"Harry, you have been fighting for survival for your entire life. You are a child who has never been given a moments rest. The decisions you made while surviving impossible odds do not define you. For what it is worth, I believe that your mother- the woman who refused to back down to the Dark Lord- would be immensely proud of the fact you are a survivor. Your parents loved you a great deal. They would like you just as much."
"You tell him, Sev," Lily sniffled, hearbroken to hear her son fret over if she would like him or not.
She loved him.
Her love for Harry eclipsed every feeling she had ever had in her entire life.
***
James was on Harry-Watch at Regulus' house the last day of classes before break. Technically, Regulus was on Draco's channel, but since Draco was always with Harry- it was two birds with one hex.
"Draco's great at potions," Regulus was gushing while the boys hung out in their common room. "And he's obsessed with creatures!"
"Course he's great at potions," James scoffed good-naturedly. "He's partners with Harry, isn't he?"
"It's just so sad that some people just don't have families to go back home to."
James stiffened and turned to the television in time to see Draco witness a nasty little girl sling insults at Harry.
Harry's going to kill her.
"That's Pansy," Regulus told James, pointing at the little bratty girl. "She doesn't like Harry. Her and Draco used to be friends, but they aren't anymore."
"I don't know if I want to see my son beat up a girl…" James said uncertainly as Harry obviously perked up from the slumped position he had been in.
"Too late," Regulus smirked after Pansy called Harry a 'dirty tramp'.
"What'd ya call me? 'Dirty tramp'? Huh?"
James was conflicted about Harry fighting a girl right up until the girl in question called his son a 'loser little orphan'.
"Merlin." Regulus shook his head as Harry threw a girl to the wall that tried defending Pansy. "James Junior has a temper, doesn't he?"
"He gets it from his mum," James grinned.
"Gets that mouth from you though," Regulus muttered as Harry began running his mouth to Pansy right before forcing her to bow in front of him.
Draco howled when an older kid sent a cutting curse at Harry. "Attacked him from behind? Guess we know why you aren't in Gryffindor, coward!"
"He's growing on me, a bit," James admitted.
Harry summoned Pansy's wand and waved it in her face, taunting her over it.
Draco's internal thoughts were heavily complimentary towards Harry, highly impressed with his cruelty towards the girl.
James wasn't thrilled that his son was cruel, not like Draco was, but he was proud that Harry wasn't taking any shit from those entitled little snots.
"And there's Severus to ruin the fun," Regulus sighed. "Blasted man."
James ignored Snape while Draco focused on Harry. Harry leaned in Pansy's face with a mean smile and snapped her wand right in half.
"Who's not special now?" he whispered.
"Switch to Snape's channel!" James cried when Harry and Snape left the common room together. "He better not yell at Harry! That brat started it!"
Regulus switched to Snape's channel just in time for them to hear Snape call Harry a 'common street rat'.
"DON'T CALL ME THAT! You told her didn't ya? About what you saw? Bet ya laughed huh? Poor ol' Potter, sleepin' on sidewalks with no way to get any food 'cept lettin' men use his body. Or didn't ya tell 'em that part, huh? Why not Professor?"
Harry pushed Snape while James' chest tightened in agony for the hurt his son was experiencing.
"Were ya hopin' I'd be so bloody thankful for your help that I'd let you do it? Cause you were wrong, weren't you? WRONG!"
"Damn, he's falling apart," James said sadly.
Regulus didn't say anything, he just watched Harry and Snape's interaction with sharp and curious grey eyes so like Sirius'.
Harry pushed Snape again, yelling at him while Snape yelled back.
"Potter, do not touch me again."
"WHY? Why not? Don't matter anymore, does it? Hit me back! HIT ME BACK!"
"Don't you fucking dare," James growled as Snape's eyes flashed dangerously and Harry took a chance to land a few blows in the chest.
"Don't be daft, Severus would never hit a child," Regulus snapped. "Severus cares about Harry."
James ground his teeth together as Snape grabbed Harry by the wrists and lifted him in the air. Yeah, he was probably just trying to get Harry to quit hitting him, but James would prefer if nobody ever grabbed his son again.
"I don't care. Do whatcha want to me. 'M done."
It was weird. Feeling bad for Snape. But James did feel bad for Snape when he abruptly dropped Harry to the ground and frowned at him.
He should have had Regulus put on the Harry channel, he didn't want to see Snape's feelings be hurt by Harry's distrust.
"Do you truly believe that I would lay a single hand on you, on any student, in violence?"
"Maybe it's not violence ya want. Maybe you just want to be 'nice' so I'll let ya do whatever ya want to me. After all, who would care? I don't got no parents, no real friends, no guardian. Who would believe me if I told?"
"That's…" Regulus looked a little green. "That's sick, James."
James didn't have words to agree with his friend. It was sick. It was sick that nobody protected Harry from predators on the streets. It was sick the way that Harry thought every adult male was going to hurt him in some way.
And it was absolutely fucking sick that Snape was doing more for Harry than any of James' friends ever had.
Where was Minnie? Where was Remus? Where was Kingsley or Blue?
Where the hell where they?!
James was seething as Snape calmed Harry down and set him to writing down the details of his conflict with Pansy.
"Can you go to the Remus Channel?" James asked Regulus once he was certain that Snape was being nice to Harry. "I just want to see what the fuck he's doing."
Regulus raised a brow at James' request, but obliged him anyway.
It didn't help any, seeing Remus.
Remus wasn't doing so hot, obviously. He was all scratched up and curled up in a miserable ball, clearly recovering from a recent full moon, beneath a threadbare blanket on a stained mattress.
God damn Peter to hell.
James really wished someone would kill the fucking rat.
***
Lily and James held each other tightly the night that Harry found the Mirror of Erised on Christmas Eve.
Their bodies were wracked with dry sobs as their son broke down in front of the mirror.
"He loves us," Lily whispered, choking on her own voice. "He loves us so much."
James nodded in agreement while he watched his son watch their images in the mirror.
It was James and Lily, cheering for Harry while he became the Minister of Magic. Harry didn't have any scars in his deepest desire- he stood tall with broad shoulders and a wide smile while his parents cheered beside Snape and Harry's friends. In Harry's desire- he was free, he was powerful, and he was loved.
James cried as hard as Harry did, knowing that his son could never fully have that image come to life.
***
"Jaaaaaaaaaaames! You're going to love this!!" Lily yelled with a grin on Boxing Day.
"What?" James grumbled as he joined her. "Did 'Sev' give Harry another book full of little notes you wrote?"
Lily rolled her eyes. She knew damn good and well that James was just jealous of how many details about her that Severus could share with Harry. He was lucky Severus didn't share more about James, because it wasn't like James did anything to deserve Severus to talk kindly about him.
Of course, it wasn't as if Severus didn't do as much damage to James as James did to him. It was just that it would be like little Draco picking on Harry-
Severus and Harry knew cruelty their whole lives. They didn't need it at school too.
But this would cheer James up.
"Look," Lily pointed at the tv while Harry hesitantly followed McGonagall in to her office, "Sev convinced McGonagall to tell Harry about you."
"What?" James took his glasses off and dramatically cleaned them on his shirt before replacing them. He smiled so widely that Lily imagined maybe it hurt a little. "Really?"
"Really," she laughed. "He was trying to get her to stop being such a twit to our son!"
Technically, Severus told Harry to play the pitiful orphan card to make McGonagall treat him more kindly. But if it got one less person treating her son badly, then Lily didn't care if they manipulated her or not.
"He's making it hard to hate him," James grumbled with his smile still in place. "And— ah! Here it comes!"
McGonagall slid Harry a tray of biscuits that their suspicious little boy ignored.
"Your father and I were quite close you know," McGonagall said lightly. "James was a good man."
"Yeah?" Harry picked his head up and peeked at McGonagall through his messy fringe with swollen eyes. "Ollivander said he was good at transfiguration, or his wand was, or somethin'."
"He was." McGonagall smiled fondly while she thought of James. "He was also terribly arrogant, a brilliant quidditch player, incredibly loyal, and a fierce believer in equal rights for all magical beings."
"And handsome," James winked at Lily. "She forgot handsome."
"No, she covered that under arrogant," Lily laughed.
"You've seen photos of him, of course?"
"No, ma'am."
"What?!"
Lily's heart swelled and she hugged James happily while McGonagall talked so sweetly about her husband to her son. And, when McGonagall began writing a letter to Remus, begging for photos of James and Lily, James summoned them both glasses of wine.
"Here's to you, Minnie," he said, raising his glass high. "Thanks for finally not being useless."
James was pissed as hell that night though when Harry returned to the mirror and Albus showed up. They both screamed every obscenity they could at him, a couple that Lily picked up from Harry himself.
"You are not fucking brill!" Lily screamed while Albus described the mirror's magic to Harry. "You watched him cry, you piece of shit!"
"Fuck you!" James slurred. "Boooo! Albus sucks!"
"Okay, maybe he doesn't suck quite so much," James amended himself the next morning when Harry woke up to his Invisibility Cloak on his nightstand with a little card telling him to 'use it well'.
"I still think he sucks big time," Lily said stubbornly.
***
And you know who else sucked?
Blaise Zabini.
Poor Harry had began growing listless, bored and depressed, when Blaise suggested he could go find out what was on the third floor corridor.
As if Harry needed help getting himself in a dangerous situation.
Elaine burst through Lily's door while Susan, Draco, and Ron were putting the Cerberus to sleep with a terribly off-key production of the Hogwart's song. Harry was smirking at them, firmly refusing to 'sing to no damn dog' and Lily was chewing her fingernails anxiously.
"They've lost their minds!" Elaine cried. "Susan's going to get hurt!!"
Lily just flapped her hand at her, shushing her. "Susan's brilliant, she'll be fine. If you're watching then you have to shut up."
Elaine did shut up, though she burrowed in to Lily's side like a frightened child while her own daughter squared her shoulders and jumped in a trapdoor with her friends after pushing Draco down the hole.
Lily suspected that Susan got her courage from Amelia.
Of course, Lily had no idea where any of their brains were since they landed directly in Devil's Snare and the boys became hopelessly tangled.
"Stop moving! It'll just make it worse. I think it's the Devil's Snare."
"She's smart," Elaine said softly with a small smile. "She's very dumb for going, but she knew what it was before the boys did."
Susan elevated herself even higher in Lily's eyes as she cast a lumos maxima and freed the boys from the plant.
"What do you think's down there?" Elaine asked Lily while Harry and Draco were chasing down a key on broomsticks in the next chamber they entered.
Lily grimaced. "No idea, maybe I should start checking on Albus' channel every now and again."
She really didn't want to, but if Albus was fucking with her kid, then maybe she'd have to.
"I hope the twins have on the Harry or Ron Channel," Lily laughed after Harry caught the key he wanted. "James is going to lose the plot if he missed such a good catch!"
Elaine hummed while her young eyes watched her daughter with the same desperate hunger Lily had when she watched Harry.
It had to be much harder on Elaine, who had been a couple years younger than Lily when she had Susan and consequently died a couple months later. At least Susan had Amelia though, who was fierce and protective and wonderful.
Harry got stuck with fucking Tuney.
"Harry's not very nice sometimes, is he?" Elaine frowned at the tv when the kids were playing chess and Harry was internally debating on if winning Dumbledore's prize was worth Ron getting taken off the board.
"Harry is who he is," Lily said stiffly. "He's a good boy, he just doesn't understand relationships."
Elaine gave her a tentative smile and scooted closer. "Good thing he's got a Hufflepuff with him then, right?"
Lily returned her smile, relaxing as she doubted if Elaine was purposefully insulting her baby. "Right."
The two of them cheered when the kids made it across the chessboard, then groaned when Ron opened the next door and they came face to face with another mountain troll.
"Uh, Harry, y-you're up,"
"Brill, step back, been wantin' to see what happens when I do this..."
BOOM!
"Did he conjure lightning?" Elaine gasped while Lily squinted through the dust and debris that the fallen troll caused to make sure Harry was alright.
"Apparently," Lily said slowly before laughing a little. "He's so wicked."
"Did- did you just... Merlin, did you just kill a troll with lightning?" Draco asked, as if he didn't just see Harry do it.
Harry smirked at his friend. "Well, I dunno if it's dead or not, but it's good I didn't try that out on Parkinson, ain't it?"
"If she keeps bothering you then lightning is going to be the least of her worries," Susan said darkly.
"She's quite protective of Harry, isn't she?" Elaine said thoughtfully. "Maybe we'll be in-laws one day, Lily."
Lily sniffed. "Harry is just a baby."
And also Susan could never be good enough for her son.
Even if Lily watched her solve Severus' riddle with the potions brilliantly then refuse to let Harry advance without her.
Her heart melted though when Harry declared Susan to be his best friend.
Lily linked her hand to Elaine's. "I think they'll be friends forever."
Elaine squeezed her fingers and watched as Harry stepped through the flames, quickly followed by Susan who refused to leave without him.
"That's what Hufflepuff's do," Elaine smiled softly. "We find someone we like and we're friends forever. Harry is Susan's person."
Lily bit her lip when Harry noticed the mirror in the center of the room and immediately became anxious and tense.
"Whatever he's hidin', it's here."
"Oh, my Angel." Elaine's chest heaved with agony when Susan stepped up to the mirror and began frowning sadly at whatever she saw there. "I miss her, Lily. It's so unfair. I just want to hold her."
"I know." Lily wrapped Elaine in her arms just as her son quietly comforted Susan with reminders of her aunt.
"It's not fair," Elaine repeated. "I only got five weeks with my daughter."
"It wouldn't be any easier if it had been longer," Lily told her quietly. "We could have had a decade and it would still be agony."
Elaine sniffled and laid her head on Lily's shoulder, their similarly red hair mixing together. The two bereaved mothers watched as Harry focused on the mirror and mentally decided to 'fuck with Dumbledore' and 'blow the damn thing up'.
"Ooh." Elaine hissed when a shard of glass cut Susan's cheek before Harry shielded his friends.
"Duck!" Harry jumped up, cutting his arms and torso from the flying glass, and snagged a red stone out of the air and held it aloft victoriously.
"D-Dumble-Dumbledore is an arse," Harry laughed while his friends watched him warily. "We-we almost got ate by a fuckin' dog, choked by a plant, Ron 'bout died on a chessboard, we coulda been squashed by the troll, or died if Susan picked the wrong potion... for a fuckin' rock!"
"Keep that rock, baby," Lily urged him, clueless what the little stone could be. "Fuck him."
Fuck him. I'm keeping it.
"Like mother like son?" Elaine said with a shy smile.
Hell yeah.
"Ugh, have you been watching Professor Quirrell much?" Lily asked when the kids were immediately caught by the man after exiting the forbidden corridor.
"I've seen him a few times," Elaine said. "He's… very odd."
Lily nodded emphatically, relieved when Severus came rushing to the group.
Quirrell was definitely odd.
Lily didn't like him or his overt interest in her son at all.
She did like that Severus took over the punishment for the kids, assigning them each a single detention and two point deduction a piece.
Severus was clearly playing favorites, but Lily loved to see it.
***
James was watching the television by himself one evening while Lily was with her parents for her father's death day anniversary.
It wasn't that James didn't want to pop by and show some respect to the man, it was just that Harry had detention and James would rather watch his son write lines than listen to Lily's father drone on and on about dying from the most boring muggle illness ever.
(In James' defense, he had no idea what 'cancer' was, but it sounded boring and painful when Lily's father described it every year.)
Plus, something was on Harry's mind. He'd been thoughtful while he worked on his homework in detention. He kept looking up at Snape then shook his head and looked back down.
Finally, Harry caved.
"Sir, I was wonderin' if I could ask ya a question. And if ya gave me your real honest answer then I'd let ya ask me one, l-like we sometimes do?"
But then Harry asked the weirdest thing when Snape agreed.
"What if ya don't like chocolate or vanilla?"
"What…?" James let out a startled laugh when Harry explained a little. "Harry, buddy, you're eleven. You're not supposed to find boys or girls attractive yet. It'll come, son."
James quit laughing when Snape asked Harry his question, what the hardest part of living on his own was.
It didn't seem to bother Harry though. He just shrugged as he answered. "That's easy. Bein' alone all the time. Not much fun, is it? Not havin' anyone ya can trust, gotta work by yourself just to find a bite to eat or drink."
James would do anything, anything, to be with his son.
Harry shouldn't have been alone.
And James didn't understand why he fought so hard to protect a world that didn't give a damn about his son after James' death.
The world James fought for left Harry alone. They left him lonely, they left him hungry, they left him unloved and unprotected.
So, when Harry's 'chocolate or vanilla' question became clear during his conversation with Snape, apparently Harry was as unimpressed with Albus as he was Voldemort, James couldn't help but agree with him.
Albus did dump him off like trash at the Dursley's. He had Hagrid take him from Sirius and drop him off with the Dursley's and never checked on him.
So if Harry was a little dark, rather grey really, then Albus had no one to blame but himself.
"Fuck that place up, son."
***
"What did we miss?" Lily gasped when Severus pulled Harry aside one day to talk to him about his summer. "We missed something, James!"
James blinked in confusion when Severus told Harry that he got it set up so he could stay with Blaise, Draco, and Susan over the summer.
"Damn." James shook his head while Harry perked up with delight. "We're going to have to start watching the Snape Channel more often, aren't we?"
"Yeah." Lily grinned and hugged James around the waist. "But I think it's going to feature Harry quite a bit, if that's any consolation."
James kissed her head so sweetly. "Anything featuring Harry is worth suffering through," he said. "Even if it is Snivellus."
Lily smacked him, but James was grinning mischievously and they wound up getting a little distracted.
***
Regulus laughed like a maniac the night that Harry finally discovered that Draco's parents were on Voldemort's side in the war.
"Don't glare at me," he said to Lily with a smirky little grin. "It's not my fault that your son is oblivious."
Lily sent a pointed look at the tv as Harry was declaring himself a third side; firmly against Albus and Voldemort both.
"He might be a little oblivious, but he's going to be a revolutionary," Lily sniffed. "So piss off, Reg."
***
The girls, the twins, Regulus, and Elaine all came over the night that Albus 'subtly' ("He wouldn't know subtle if it bit his flabby arse," Regulus snarled, causing Elaine to sputter) manipulated Harry in to going back down in to the trapdoor.
Harry had breezed his way through his exams, giving James even more to brag about at the pub, but then he overheard a suspiciously loud conversation between Albus and Minnie and decided he'd 'take a chance to kill Voldemort'.
And, apparently, the 'brill red rock' Harry stole a couple months ago was actually the famous stone created by Nicholas Flamel and carried the Elixir to Everlasting Life.
James and Lily were, rightfully so, freaking out, and their friends came to support them.
"Oh." Elaine smiled slowly when Harry stunned Susan to keep her from following him through the trapdoor. "Harry's a sweetheart," said. "He's so protective of Susan."
"Yeah, but she's going to be pissed when she wakes up," Lily smirked.
"Oooh, someone's already down there!" Dorcas cried when Harry entered the wing to see a harp keeping the Cerberus asleep. "You guys don't- you don't think it's actually Voldemort, do you?"
James, Lily, and Elaine, all of whom were personally killed by Voldemort in addition to Dorcas, grimaced.
"I hope not," Lily said softly with a shiver of unease.
"If Harry gets a single scratch on him, my next wish goes to Albus dying miserable, in pain, and alone," James swore.
The general unease of the group grew as Harry seemed to get through the 'challenges' with hardly a struggle.
James did shoot Fabian a smirk when Harry so easily caught a key in the room Flitwick set up.
Gideon smirked at James though when Harry shrunk the broom and stole it after flying over the chessboard.
"A life of crime, that's what Harry's got going for him," Gideon winked.
"He's a good pickpocket too," James grinned. "He stole a watch off a chatty muggle woman one day when he was just eight- got right off her wrist, he did. He sold it to a call girl for ninety pounds."
"Oi, how'd he get it off her wrist?" Gideon asked curiously.
"He— OH SHIT!"
James forgot all about Harry's excellent thievery when Harry rolled in to the last room, the room that used to hold the Mirror of Erised, and came face to face with—
"Quirrell?!" Regulus said, shocked. "I'm typically so good at reading people!"
James gave him a look out of the corner of his eye.
Regulus joined the bloody death eaters so James didn't think he was actually all that good at reading people, but whatever. He couldn't argue because Harry was arguing with Quirrell now.
Or… or recruiting?
"How'd ya like to change sides?"
"I would never follow that fool Albus."
"Didn't say Dumbledore, did I? You're pretty smart, sly too if ya managed to trick him, right? We could be a team."
"I already serve a Master, I have no need for another."
"Moron," Regulus scoffed. "I would have switched sides then and there."
"Because you're a traitor at heart, darling," Marlene winked at Regulus.
"And proud of it." Regulus clinked glasses with the girls.
"SHUT THE FUCK UP!" Lily screamed as Quirrell began unwrapping his turban. "James! JAMES! It's him! He's got our son!!"
James felt like the air in his lungs froze as his son, his little baby boy, came face to face with Voldemort.
Harry blinked and looked entirely unimpressed though. "What the fuck?"
Fabian snorted. "So eloquent, young Harry is."
"Better to save your own life and join me..."
"Would we be partners?"
"Is your kid bloody serious?" Marlene asked hotly. "He'd join Voldemort if they're partners?"
"He's fucking eleven, Marlene," James sneered without looking away from his son. "Cut him some damn slack."
"Lord Voldemort has no equal, boy."
"My name's Harry," Harry said as he shot a curse off at Voldemort's face.
"SEIZE HIM!"
"Lils." James was frozen as his son began fighting against the Quirrell-Voldemort abomination. "No… not today."
"Not today," Lily agreed tightly as she squeezed the feeling out of James' hand.
There had been so many times, way too many times, where James and Lily sat solemnly in front of the television and wondered if it would be the day their son joined them.
Not today.
"Fuck off," Harry gasped as it looked like his hands burnt and blistered Quirrell's skin where he touched him.
Can someone die from blisters? I hope I get to find out.
"He's got bollocks," Dorcas said quietly. "Come on, kid, you can do it. Don't let him take you too."
It was agony, absolute agony, watching Harry try to kill Quirrell-Voldemort with the last of his energy.
Lily screamed when the Harry Channel went black.
James closed his eyes and moaned in some of the worst pain he'd ever felt.
"We'll go wait for him," Fabian offered gently as he and his brother got to their feet.
Lily nodded while she held James tightly. "It'll be okay," Lily whispered tearfully. She stroked James' ever present curls off his forehead and kissed him softly. "Just think, we can hug our son soon."
"Or not."
James lifted his head from where he'd had it burrowed in Lily's chest to see Regulus nodding towards the television after having snagged the remote and flipping the channel.
Lily and James both turned their heads so quickly that they surely would have pulled a muscle if they were able to do such things anymore, and…
And Snape had Harry.
"SNAPE HAS HARRY!" James shouted. "Holy Merlin, Snape has him!"
"I'll get the twins," Dorcas laughed with relief as they saw Harry's chest rising and falling in Snape's arms as Snape quickly moved him out of the chamber, completely ignoring Quirrell's smoldering body.
"I bet you regret not being nicer to him now, don't you?" Regulus smirked as he inspected his nails casually.
Yes. Yes.
James did regret it.
A little.
"I helped him build character," James joked, relief filling him and lightening the heavy weight of dread in his stomach. "He wouldn't be the man he is today without my help."
Regulus scoffed derisively, as did Marlene, but James and Lily just watched Snape carry their son to the Hospital Wing.
It was crazy, Snape saving Harry, but… but it was also probably the best thing that had happened to Harry in years- having an adult finally look out for him in person instead of just uselessly in front of the television.
***
Lily and James were alone in their cottage on the day that Harry finally woke up and they were able to switch from the Severus Channel, that stayed in the Hospital Wing and focused on Harry for three days straight, back to their favorite channel.
Lily scoffed and flipped her hair when Albus tried sucking up to her baby with his compliments and his niceties.
Albus should have been nice to Harry ten years ago. Now Lily simply wished the old man would have a heart attack and die so she could find out exactly why he never bothered checking on her baby boy after Lily and James did so much for his Order.
Thank God Harry didn't seem inclined in the slightest to ever join the Order if it ever reconvened.
Useless bastards, the lot of them.
After Albus left Harry and Severus alone, Severus glowered at Harry- a look that was undercut by the bags of exhaustion beneath his worried eyes.
"You are an absolute moron, Potter. I cannot imagine what sort of arrogance was fueling your fantasy of facing, and killing, the Dark Lord alone."
"Quirrell's dead, ain't he? That's why Dumbledore wouldn't tell me where he is?"
"He is."
"Guess I wasn't so arrogant then, huh?"
James laughed his arse off at that. "He's cheeky," he said. "I dunno, Lils, I'm almost starting to feel sorry for Snape. He's going to have to deal with Harry for six more years."
Lily read the caption as Harry exclaimed his shock and joy that Severus was finally someone who truly understood him after Severus guessed at Harry's true intentions, and his true plot and theft of the stone, and shook her head.
"I think it'll be longer than six more years," she said softly with a smile. "Harry might be Susan's person, but Sev is Harry's."
James groaned, but he didn't look very upset really.
***
"And then he won the house cup!" James told his friends eagerly at the pub the next week. "And he had a party with all his friends! He's so popular!! Nobody has as many friends as Harry!!"
"He's so handsome too," Gideon mimicked James in a nasal tone that didn't match him at all.
"Harry's soooo smart," Fabian said in a simpering kind of way. "He's a genius, isn't he? My son, you know."
"Let Jamie brag," Regulus defended James. "It was a rough afternoon for our dear friend."
"Was it?" Dorcas asked curiously. "Harry's off to Italy, what's so bad about that?"
Regulus smirked at her. "Harry made Sev promise to write to him this summer."
"So?" asked Marlene. "Harry and Snape are friends, it's weird, but Snape's a bit soft for the kid, isn't he?"
Regulus moved his smirk from Dorcas to James, prompting James to sigh since Regulus apparently saw the same thing James did.
"And Remus finally did something useful, for the first time in years," James said flatly. "He sent McGonagall a book of photos, of Lily and I."
"And?" Fabian asked. "You're worried Harry's going to see how ugly you are and be ashamed of you?"
"No." James grimaced and threw down a shot that Regulus slid to him. "Harry gave Snape a photo of Lily, as a thank you, apparently."
"Was she naked?" Gideon grinned, earning a smack from Dorcas.
"She's in a wedding dress, blowing kisses," James said drily.
"And Sev framed it," Regulus smirked.
And Snape framed it.
"Damn," Gideon chuckled and clapped James' shoulder sympathetically. "Just when we were starting to like him, eh?"
It was rather conflicting-
On the one hand, Snape seemed to be watching out for James' son, which James appreciated.
On the other hand, Snape framed a photo of James' wife and stuck it on his nightstand, which James did not appreciate.
And James had a nasty feeling that his thoughts on Snape would only get more conflicting the older Harry got.
"Another round of shots, I think," Regulus said bracingly. "Let's focus on the good here, Jamie. Certainly Harry's second year can't be any more eventful than his first, hmm?"