Dusk filled the embroidered chamber, and the window screens swayed gently in the evening breeze, filtering the daylight into a soft and hazy warmth.
Su Liwan reclined on the soft couch. Her plain silk dress accentuated her delicate shoulders and slender waist. As the unparalleled beauty of Qingxi, she looked especially charming in her weariness, with a wisp of soft hair falling by her fair, jade-like cheek. Her eyes stared blankly out of the window, half-lidded and distracted, their gaze misty and rippling. One quiet glance was enough to stir one's heart.
Yet beneath this calm appearance, her heart was burning like fire, with no peace at all.
Day after day, she had not a single moment of real peace.
Ever since she had accidentally stumbled upon that scene, the images had taken root in her heart and grown wildly day and night. When she zoned out in the daytime, when she paused her embroidery, even when she spoke to others, her thoughts would drift away. It was always the same scenes playing over and over—the heavy panting of a man, the low moans of a woman, the burning heat of skin touching skin, the unbridled desire between tangled bodies. Every detail was painfully clear, replaying in her mind endlessly.
Raised under strict rules of etiquette for more than twenty years, she had never seen anything so direct and wild.
The harder she tried to forget, the more fiercely those thoughts burned, like a wildfire spreading. Her fair, delicate skin often flushed invitingly, from her cheeks to the tip of her ears and down to her neck, looking beautiful and soft. She was restless during the day and tossed and turned in heat at night, her breathing quickening. By now, she could barely hold on.
The books she once loved no longer held her attention; her embroidery was left untouched. She felt as if she had lost her soul, restless and distracted all day long, filled with heat and chaotic thoughts.
Yunxiu walked over with a bowl of warm soup. She saw at once that her lady was distracted.
"My lady, why are you daydreaming? The soup will get cold if you wait any longer."
Yunxiu spoke gently, but she understood everything in her heart.
Ever since they returned that day, her lady had grown more and more unusual. Her dignified composure was fading away, replaced by the fluster and charm of a young girl whose heart had been stirred. Watching Su Liwan become more and more trapped by desire, Yunxiu's hidden possessiveness grew hotter. She secretly hoped that her lady would completely lose her dignity, break free from etiquette, and then her heart would belong only to her, relying on no one else.
Su Liwan slowly came to her senses, her long lashes trembling like butterfly wings, her eyes misty, her flushed face even more beautiful.
She no longer hid anything from Yunxiu. Her voice was soft and hoarse with agitation: "I don't know what's wrong with me. I can't calm down no matter what. I feel so restless all over."
"You have something weighing on your heart, that's why," Yunxiu said softly as she sat beside her. "Tell me. It might make you feel better."
Su Liwan's cheeks burned. She looked away, her voice barely a whisper: "I… I keep thinking about what I saw that day, over and over again."
"I know," Yunxiu said, brushing a stray hair from her cheek, her finger lightly grazing her warm skin. "You don't have to feel ashamed or afraid. These are not dirty thoughts. They are only human."
"But it's… improper," Su Liwan bit her lip, her eyes turning red. "I shouldn't think about it. I should forget. But the harder I try, the clearer it becomes."
"The more you suppress it, the stronger it grows," Yunxiu whispered, her voice almost next to her ear. "You were bound by rules for too long. Now your heart has opened, so you feel troubled."
She added casually, "I saw you staring at the guard Zhou Hu by the back gate for a long time when you came back today."
Su Liwan trembled. Her secret had been exposed. Panic flashed in her watery eyes, the corners of her eyes lifting slightly, naturally charming.
As she felt restless, her thoughts suddenly drifted back to the day they returned home.
In the past, such gate guards had been nothing but silent shadows in the mansion. She would pass by every day without noticing them at all. But that day, flustered and distracted, she ran into Zhou Hu on duty.
He only said in a deep voice: "You look unwell, my lady. Please take care."
His voice was low and rough, with the firmness of a man trained in martial arts.
At that time, her mind was full of the scene from the deserted house. Flustered, she lowered her head and hurried past without another word.
But now, thinking back, she suddenly realized how tall he was, how broad his shoulders, how wild his aura. Standing close, the air around her seemed filled with his masculine presence.
A man she had never noticed before had become vivid and clear, all because her heart had been stirred.
At this thought, Su Liwan's chest burned again, and her face turned even redder.
"I… I just saw him by chance," she whispered, flustered at being found out.
Yunxiu chuckled softly, her breath brushing Su Liwan's ear, teasing gently: "By chance, and you watched for so long? You don't have to hide from me, or feel ashamed. That guard is strong and powerful. A man with such masculinity is naturally attractive. There's no harm in looking."
She comforted her with her words, but she had other plans in her heart.
She wanted her lady to be drawn to such a wild man, to feel restless and longing, to be driven by desire to break free from etiquette. She did not want a proper young lady. She wanted a Su Liwan who was lost in desire and could only hold tightly to her.
Su Liwan's ears turned bright red, the flush spreading to her jaw. She went weak like warm spring water, breathtakingly beautiful.
Instead of being angry, the pent-up heat inside her surged, and her longing for Zhou Hu became clearer and harder to control.
"But these thoughts haunt me every day. Am I improper? Am I dirty?" she asked blankly, the corners of her eyes red, her voice full of helplessness.
Raised to be dignified and modest, such desires shamed her, yet she could not control them.
"Improper?" Yunxiu shook her head gently and put her arm around her slender waist, her voice gentle yet tempting. "Young Master Qin already told you that women don't have to be trapped by rigid rules. Having feelings and longing is only human. There's nothing dirty about it. Don't blame yourself."
At the mention of Qin Ruhai, the confusion in Su Liwan's eyes faded a little, replaced by a faint certainty.
Her long lashes fell, her side face exquisitely soft, quiet yet tempting.
Yes, Young Master Qin was right.
She had lived like a caged bird, bound too tightly. What was wrong with simply having feelings?
"Young Master Qin… is indeed right," she murmured, as if convincing herself, sinking little by little.
Yunxiu watched as the shame in her faded away, leaving only wandering thoughts and unspoken heat. Her possessiveness was filled with satisfaction.
This was what she wanted—for her lady to cast aside her dignity, be pulled by desire, and throw away all restraints.
Then Su Liwan would only have her to rely on.
"You've held it in for days. You must be in so much pain," Yunxiu lowered her head, her lips almost brushing her forehead, her voice soft and tempting. "Lean on me. Let out your messy thoughts. Whatever you think, whatever you long for, I will stay with you."
Su Liwan could no longer hold on, leaning weakly into her arms, her mind completely collapsing after days of chaos.
Her pretty face was still flushed, her eyes hazy, exuding an unconscious charm.
In her mind was the shocking scene from that day; before her eyes was Zhou Hu's sturdy figure; by her ear was Yunxiu's gentle temptation.
Three waves of heat tangled together, raging wildly inside her, burning her almost out of control, nearly suffocating her.
She clutched tightly at Yunxiu's clothes, her voice trembling with days of suppressed heat, almost sobbing:
"Yunxiu, I'm so hot, so confused…
I've endured and held back all these days, but I… I don't think I can hold on any longer."