Why do I write?
It's a question I ask myself every day, as I sit on my bed, typing into my phone.
It's not that I don't know the answer.
It's that every time I try to say it, it hurts.
I write to release the stories in my head stories that follow me, that sit quietly in the corners of my mind, waiting, bothering me until I give them a voice.
Am I crazy?
Maybe.
I don't know.
But who am I to complain?
I was blessed, wasn't I?
My parents didn't pressure me to be a perfect student.
They weren't abusive.
They're supportive, in their own way.
The kind of parents people wish they had.
And yet—
I didn't want them as mine.
Idiotic, right?
I sound ungrateful.
Maybe I am.
Because I keep wishing for parents who only exist in the stories I write.
I create characters who long for their child—
because I am the one longing.
In my stories, the lost child is always a metaphor.
A quiet way of saying: what if I wasn't really theirs?
What if I belonged somewhere else?
I write about parents who would cross worlds for their child.
Who would sacrifice everything comfort, safety, even their lives just to give their child a future.
A mother like Sadie…
someone who would walk into a world that could destroy her, just to see a planet she named just to make sure her daughter could live on.
If that child lived…
wouldn't she want to tell her mother about her day?
Her small victories.
Her quiet failures.
Maybe that mother wouldn't be perfect.
But she would try.
She would always try.
And maybe that's what I've always wanted.
My parents were there.
They raised me.
They took care of what needed to be taken care of.
But I grew up learning things on my own.
Guiding myself.
Failing quietly.
Fixing things without anyone noticing.
They say your parents are your first friends.
Maybe that's why I don't know how to make any.
Because my first friend…
was stories.
Stories that isn't real..
I created characters who wanted to be mother's or father's.. because i know they'll be good parents..
While i myself wouldn't want to have a child of my own..
I wouldn't want her to experience the pain of living in world..
That people would judge you're every move..
I didn't want her to overthink , if people find her weird..
Because i don't know what to say to her if that happen...
I'll not have a child, if i can't give her a princess life style..
I wouldn't want her to cry to me saying she want to leave a school and I can't do anything because I'm to poor to move to another city.
Or maybe a day will come she didn't like other family members and It can't live away from them...
So, I would never have a child untill i can give her anything she ask or i could protect her from anyone she have problem with..