I decided to wear a black shirt just like Yoo Joonghyuk did and I wore his black coat too. My pants were pink leggings. I also wore black and white shoes as well. I wore white socks as well.
"Don't drink the tea" my mom said, little did she know that I actually already drank Jasmine Milk tea at Saju Dessert. It had mini boba in it and it cost me around $6 in total. Caffeine calmed my ADHD brain down if I was being honest. Ah right, I need to activate The Demon King of Liberation.
The Demon King of Liberation states that Rosa Slyv and Willow Oliver will die in the Ruined World Scenarios for leaving him to die from his own mind. He was at his lowest and they were at a high point. The entire world should be at their lowest and adapt to a great new change.
I went to the watering waves event. It was fun. It was somewhat overwhelming with the amount of people in here though. I wanted to embrace the overwhelming and meet more people. I decided to go on a walk. My phone didn't allow me to write, so I ended up writing on physical paper. I also had to use the microphone to text.
Trying to talk to Chris Page was a bit frustrating, it made me appreciate my writing talents more. Maybe it was a communication issue where I needed more patience with people.
I was chronically suicidal for 10 months? That's a long time for me to suffer from…..I hated the way I looked in group photos truth be told. I stand out due to my orange hair but I found myself to be ugly.
My tarot card advisor was right, something good did happen on the third week of June.
Binarry suggested to be the dominant one and kick his balls from time to time, it was out of context for me to look at it in the discord channel but I found it to be a peak sentence.
Out of context, Jaeger said " my daddys got a my daddys got a gun my daddys gotta gun u better run."
[ Outer God Binarry is looking at me ]
Jessica once said "I remember a woman confessing on reddit that she was giving estrogen to her neighbour's child because he voted for Trump."
Outer God Binarry once said
"Damn , either I'm gonna be a crazy bitch
Or I'm gonna be the bitch who gets killed by a gay couple
I think those are the only two options."
There were 5 skull emoji reactions on her discord message for some reason.
I told her that this exact dialogue would be written on my webnovel and she said "Holy meow".
I decided to go on a walk to the park before I get picked up by my grandma to go to the beach with my dad's family. My biological parents are divorced for context and I live with my mother's family.
I decided to not wear socks for my tennis shoes since I wasn't going to wear socks when going to the beach anyways.
I am in debates on whether my heart may belong to Lizmarie or Psychosis Boy (Chris Page).
A fly was annoying me so I smacked it away. I tried walking closer to a goose to pet it but it seems to walk away from me anytime I try to get close to it.
I watched my younger brother who seems to have level 2 autism throw a tantrum when he couldn't play with strings on a bag. He was more disabled than I was, after all I was just a guy with level 1 autism. I was less disabled than he was. My younger brother Ivan Xhao would get upset and scream easily. Truth be told, it was annoying to deal with but he's still my younger brother.
I felt sad watching him act like this, were kids always like this? Isn't autism a communication disability? Why on earth was I given the responsibility of taking care of my siblings….I'm still my own person and don't want to be a parent. I even yelled at Ivan to stop doing the things he did but he didn't listen.
I have an Ivan in my system too as someone who is plural, his name was Ivan Zuozhe. I played Peek a boo with my younger sister, Chloe Xhao. I could hear my dad talking with my grandma. I could hear Chloe playing with her mother. It was a bit overwhelming but I was able to tolerate it.
I forgot to say that I knew where Dante Arellano lived and we both blocked each other. I blocked her first because I didn't want to be insulted by her anymore. She kept labelling me as selfish, obsessive, and a stalker. You know Dante, the laws are controversial, I have seen an innocent young man get accused of being a rapist. Imagine how cruel his life is to be accused of something you didn't even do.
Chloe Xhao's hair was naturally brown. I heard uncle Tim ask Chloe's mother that. I had orange dyed hair with the black roots showing. So I suppose the novel of this book is actually true where I have orange hair that reminds you of fire. A navy coat that was the same as Joonghyuk's. The fictional me would also wear black shirt, black pants, with a black belt, I had a black sword too, and a black blindfold.
I watched ants crawl up to a snail and surround it. Was the snail dead and the ants were trying to eat it?
I rode the elevator down with my family and it was shaky while going down. However, the elevator was thankfully able to do its job and get us to our destination. I met a mother and two kids who were going to the beach with us today. My sister ended up playing with their little girl.
I met a lesbian named Ophelia. We seemed to have things in common such as having AuDHD, BPD, self-preservation 2w1, and similar tritypes. She was a 269 and I was a 296. Both of us were also self-preservation/sexual folks too in terms of instinctual variants.
I recommended a stranger I met today on the Metrolink train about Omniscients' Readers Viewpoint. She ended up putting it on her reading list which made me happy.
I saw a 988 sucidie and crisis lifeline poster and thought about the time where I had to rely on it a lot. It was a terrible time and I hated relying on it. I was also terribly lonely as well back then after Lizmarie, Elaina, Jackie, Vicky, Slyius, and Annais abandoned me. Not to mention Dante wasn't even there for me. I only had 7 friends and couldn't talk to anyone else about my feelings. My friends found me to be exhausting.
So I ended up killing all of them in my fantasy. I forgot that Slyv Rose, Shannon Areceus, Willow Oliver, and many others abandoned me too. They would die in the 'Scenarios: Ruined World' eventually. Maybe they will die multiple times too. I hated them for leaving such a vulnerable human being to die on his own anyways. I was interested in witnessing their deaths and agony. I am the Demonic Judge of Rage after all.
I had to go to the lower level of the Metrolink train because the second floor was just too loud for me to handle. Thankfully it was quieter on the lowest level of the train. The train was taking longer than I had expected, it was quite the journey for my family and I to go to the beach.
Didn't Lizmarie see me as family or as a good friend only….? I wonder what she meant when she saw me as family. Were we more than friends but less than lovers or something? Just what was I to Lizmarie? I read some of what my tarot card advisor said and I was told that Lizmarie was shy and timid with her emotions, like she couldn't bring herself to say outright to me.
I asked my tarot card advisor "what am I to Lizmarie?"
Walking on the San Clemente Pier was terrifying to me as I had anxious thoughts if the pier would collapse or not.
I smoked once more again today, this time my father helped me light the cigarette. I could have smoked more if I knew how to use the lighter properly without burning my thumb. I was not destined to be a smoker yet I still did it anyway knowing it was bad for me. My throat felt like it was on fire whenever I inhaled it. I wanted to feel that calmness after all.
After a few hits of inhaling, I got used to the burning sensation that targeted my throat. Malburne smelled good but the American Spirit brand didn't have a smell. Either that or my sense of smell must have been reduced after I got covid. I kept on coughing after each inhale of the smoke. They say nicotine is addicting and yeah I can see why, it numbs your brain if you inhale it whole.
I wasn't a consistent smoker anyways. I could feel my brain numbing itself the more I smoked. The closer I finished the cigarette, the more intense I could feel the heat. I wonder if this was how it was like to bend fire. I was becoming like a typical anime man I suppose. I was becoming more like Aki too. I was becoming more like Andrew in the sense that I'm a smoker now. I mean I have an Andrew in my system that was created from the Andy and Leyley game. He was relatable to me.
My dad said that I was eating the smoke for a long time. I liked to take my time after all. I was starting to feel dizzy the closer I got to finishing my cigarette. I didn't care if it was harmful to me, I would eventually tolerate it like I would tolerate pain and drugs. I hated littering but I littered anyway. I liked how my dad's family didn't judge me for smoking. My mom would absolutely judge me for smoking yet my mom drank alcohol. Smoking calmed my ADHD symptoms down and I'm sure my mom's family would like me better when I had smoked anyways.
Well mother, if you are reading this, I smoke now but I don't smoke that much. Not that much compared to my dad anyways. I only smoke one cigarette once every few days. One of my friends wanted me to vape but I figured that would be more addictive than smoking. I understand Elaina Zyxelle better now. I wonder what she would think if I started smoking.
I can still feel my right thumb being burned because I couldn't control the lighter. I needed Vincent Crow's lighter. Vincent is a guy that I met in the psych ward Aurora hospital. I knew his real name but I didn't want to tell the audience what his real name was. I could actually sit down after I had smoked. I was feeling dissociative now that I smoked. It was like smoking made me dissociative and calmed my senses.
I could see the sight of my family eating at a wooden table outside. They were eating rice, clam chowder, and chicken. Phones and wallets were on the table while the bags and items needed for the beach were in the chairs. My sister, Chloe had a gold jade Chinese Buddhist necklace which typically represents health and good luck I think?
Man I couldn't even publish this on Webnovel right away. No wonder I started smoking jeez. I withnessed a crow having a french fry in its beak.