12:12 PM. Lunch Break.
The midday bell had just rung, signaling the start of the highly anticipated lunch hour. The massive halls of Beacon Academy were currently flooding with students eager to escape their academic confines.
While my classmates were either happily shuffling off to the crowded cafeteria for a hot meal, or taking a much-needed break to socialize outside the stifling classrooms in the sunny courtyard, I found myself occupying a vastly different reality.
I was currently dealing with a problem. A huge, deeply frustrating problem, some might say.
That problem being entirely and hopelessly locked inside an empty, vacant classroom situated on the third floor of the eastern academic wing.
Currently, my back was pressed flush against the cold plaster wall beneath the blackboard. My ass was planted firmly on the dusty floor tiles.
And, to complete this picturesque scenario of my daily suffering, a certain red-headed champion was actively straddling my hips.
Pyrrha Nikos had one of her long, athletic arms wrapped securely around my right arm, pinning it to the wall. Both of her knees were dug into the floor on either side of my thighs, completely trapping my lower body. Her face was hovering merely inches from mine, and she was giggling softly, the sound incredibly melodic and entirely menacing.
I just looked at her. I didn't struggle. I didn't yell. I just stared at her with a look of profound, unfiltered annoyance radiating from every pore of my being.
Less than three minutes ago, I was just minding my own business. I was on my way down the hall toward the cafeteria, fully intending to purchase a cheap sandwich and eat it in silence. When I happened to pass by the closed door of this vacant classroom, I felt a sudden, incredibly sharp tug at my waist.
The metal buckle on my school belt practically flew sideways, dragging my entire body along with it like I had been hooked by an invisible tractor beam. Before I could even brace myself, I was physically yanked through the open doorway. The wooden door immediately slammed shut behind me with a loud, metallic CLANG.
The absolute second my back hit the wall and I slid down to the floor, Pyrrha had seemingly materialized from thin air and jumped to straddle me, expertly pinning me in place.
"Fufufu..." Pyrrha practically purred, her green eyes sparkling with absolute delight in the dim light of the empty classroom. "We're all alone now, Jonah~❤"
The number one most troublesome woman in this entire academy has attacked, I thought to myself, resisting the urge to groan out loud.
Tsk... right during lunch, too. What an absolute pain in the ass she was. I was actually hungry today.
"What the hell are you planning, Pyrrha?" I asked, my voice completely flat, devoid of any panic. I looked up at her with a heavy dose of caution. "Doing this so suddenly. It's aggressive, even for you."
I shifted my hips slightly, wincing as her weight pressed down. "Or rather, please stop sitting directly on my lap. You're heavy! I'm starting to lose feelings in my legs."
She didn't take offense. She just laughed off my completely reasonable request, her red hair swaying slightly.
"Aha~" Pyrrha chimed, leaning her face a fraction closer. "Don't you know, Jonah? A girl's weight is equal to her Love measured in Kilograms, you know~? It just proves how much I care about you."
She paused, her giggling dying down instantly. The playful, bubbly mask cracked just a fraction, revealing the intense, burning obsession underneath.
"Also... and far more importantly~❤," Pyrrha whispered, her breath ghosting over my lips. "You kissed Jeanne this morning. Didn't you?"
The blood instantly drained from my face.
I immediately leaned the back of my head as far away from her face as the plaster wall would physically allow, pressing my skull hard into the paint. My eyes widened in genuine, unfiltered shock.
"Y.. You...!" I stammered, my carefully constructed apathy cracking for the second time that day. "Why do you know that?! How the hell do you know that?! Are you a mind-reading esper or something?!"
There were no windows in my dorm room that looked directly into the bedroom. The curtains were drawn. It happened less than ten seconds after I woke up. How in the name of the brothers could she possibly know about that?
Pyrrha giggled in sheer delight at my visceral reaction. She absolutely loved seeing me rattled.
"Wow~" Pyrrha cooed, reaching her free hand up to gently stroke my cheek with her thumb. "You're turning completely pale, Jonah~ It's so cute when you're terrified."
I just let out a long, shuddering sigh. I closed my eyes for a second, rubbing my temples with my free hand. I knew that actively trying to lie to this particular psycho—no matter how good I was at deceiving Jeanne—was futile. Pyrrha saw through everything I did. She analyzed my micro-expressions better than an Atlas interrogator.
"Ahh... yeah. Yeah, fine. We kissed," I admitted, my voice exhausted. I immediately clarified, "Or well. I was kissed. I was asleep. She jumped me. So?"
Pyrrha's hand stopped stroking my cheek. She actually leaned back a few inches, releasing the death grip she had on my arm and giving me back some much-needed personal space. She sat up straighter on my lap, looking down at me with a surprisingly composed, analytical expression.
"Fufu. You know, Jonah," Pyrrha started, her voice adopting a smooth, conversational tone, contrasting her physical position straddling my waist. "I want you to understand something. I'm not a template, generic psychotic stalker that you can just find anywhere else~"
"I literally do not know what that category is even supposed to mean!" I rebuked loudly, throwing a hand up in frustration.
She completely ignored my outburst, continuing her deranged lecture.
"My pure love for you is incredibly massive. It's big enough to overflow the oceans, you know~" Pyrrha smiled gently, placing a hand over her own heart. "That's exactly why I won't do something useless and petty like screaming, 'Please don't look at anyone else but me!' or crying, or demanding you isolate yourself."
She waved her hand dismissively. "Those are just boring, copy-paste lines used by insecure amateurs."
As I quickly deduced that physically trying to fight her off and run away was utterly useless against her combat skills and her Polarity semblance, I just decided to stop struggling. I leaned my back against the wall. I brought my free hand up and rested my cheek against my palm, adopting a pose of total, bored resignation to see exactly where this unhinged monologue was going.
"...Is that so..." I drawled, staring at her blankly.
Pyrrha leaned closer once again, her green eyes glowing with absolute, terrifying conviction.
"I am an incredibly tolerant woman, Jonah," Pyrrha declared proudly. "You could honestly have a girlfriend. Or a wife. Or a harem! And I genuinely won't mind in the absolute slightest!"
She giggled again, her eyes crinkling into crescents. "Because that just simply means I get the wonderful opportunity to outshine them whenever they inevitably make a mistake! I will always be the best option. I will always be the most perfect, most supportive shadow in your life."
"Heh.." I raised a single, skeptical eyebrow at her insanely twisted logic.
Then, her proud expression crumbled. She finally puffed out her cheeks into a massive, exaggerated pout.
"But..." Pyrrha whined, looking genuinely aggrieved. "I am incredibly envious about this specific instance. Jeanne actually got to wake you up with a smooch! She was kissing her big brother while he was trapped in bed! I'm so, so envious of her privilege!"
Before I could even process the absolute depravity of her envy, Pyrrha lunged.
She literally grabbed me by the cheeks with both of her hands, her grip iron-clad. She forcefully pulled my face forward, pulling me right into her own space. She was already puckering her lips in a kissing motion, aiming directly for my mouth.
"But it's okay!" Pyrrha practically hummed against my face. "I'll just do it too, right here and right now! I'll kiss you and make us even!"
"Whoaaaa... No! It's not okay!" I yelled, my panic returning instantly.
"You sick, crazy woman!" I insulted her, bringing both of my hands up. I slammed my palms flat against her shoulders and tried real hard to push her face away from mine.
But damn, she was impossibly strong. She was the four-time regional champion for a reason. My arms strained, muscles burning, but she barely moved an inch. Her lips were mere millimeters away, her breath hot on my skin.
Just then, a flash of silver cut through the dim light of the classroom.
A sharp, perfectly polished katana blade slipped smoothly through the air, coming to a dead stop exactly one inch away from Pyrrha's exposed throat.
"Let go of my King, you filthy peasant!"
A cold, authoritative voice rang out from the shadows near the back of the room. Blake Belladonna had arrived.
"'Tolerant', you dare falsely claim yourself to be?" Blake sneered, stepping out from behind a stack of unused desks. She held her katana with absolute, lethal precision, the edge hovering dangerously close to Pyrrha's carotid artery. "You are nothing but a shameless whore attempting to sully his grace."
Blake glared at Pyrrha with eyes full of absolute, uncompromising fury.
But Pyrrha wasn't intimidated in the slightest. She didn't even flinch as the razor-sharp steel rested against her skin. She stopped trying to kiss me, but she didn't release her grip on my cheeks. She merely turned her head slightly to look at Blake, a calm, pleasant smile remaining on her lips.
"Hmm~?" Pyrrha hummed thoughtfully. "Blake... hello. I'm fairly certain I didn't actually call for you to intervene this time~" Pyrrha's smile sharpened slightly. "So... why exactly are you here in this locked room~?"
"I absolutely do not have to answer to you, whore," Blake spat back, pressing the blade a fraction closer until it was barely touching the red-head's aura. "Now hurry up and remove yourself from his lap!"
"Yeah, that's right! Blake's totally right!" I nodded my head as eagerly as I could while Pyrrha still had my cheeks squished together.
Tsk.
Pyrrha clicked her tongue loudly, clearly annoyed by the interruption. She finally let go of my face and sat up slightly on my lap, looking around the room.
"Seriously though," Pyrrha asked, sounding genuinely curious rather than threatened. "How did you even manage to get in here so quickly? I used my Polarity semblance to magnetically snap shut all the door locks and the window latches the second he entered, you know?"
Blake didn't offer a single word of explanation. She just adjusted her grip on the hilt of her sword, putting the edge of her blade closer to Pyrrha's neck.
Pyrrha looked around the dim classroom without an ounce of fear. She scanned the walls and the ceiling. Finally, her eyes landed on the back wall. The metal grate covering the ventilation duct near the ceiling, situated directly above some tall stacks of spare chairs, had been removed and placed quietly on the floor.
"Wow..." Pyrrha blinked, genuine impressed awe in her voice. "You're pretty amazing at infiltration, Blake. You're almost like a real, actual ninja~"
"I am a Knight," Blake corrected her instantly, her tone cold and offended by the comparison. "Now. Hurry up and move."
Pyrrha finally let out a dramatic sigh of defeat. She relented. She smoothly stood up from straddling me, brushing off her skirt as if she hadn't just been held at sword point.
I immediately scrambled backward across the floor until I was free of her legs. I could finally let out a massive sigh of genuine, heartfelt relief.
"Are you unharmed, my Liege?" Blake immediately asked, her fierce glare softening into extreme concern.
She quickly sheathed her katana and knelt down beside me, her amber eyes rapidly checking me up and down for any signs of physical injuries or, presumably, aura contamination.
"Yeah. I'm fine. No problem," I assured her, dusting off the back of my pants as I stood up. I looked down at the Faunus girl kneeling loyally beside me.
"Blake. Good job," I told her honestly. "(This time only, anyway). You did incredibly well. You didn't fall victim to the manipulative, evil influence of this haunting ghost in the room."
I pointed an accusing finger directly at Pyrrha as I spoke.
Pyrrha instantly puffed up her cheeks again at my insulting words, her hands resting on her hips. "Hmph~ Who exactly are you calling a 'Haunting Ghost'?! I am your loving teammate!"
I ignored the red-head. I looked back down at Blake.
Blake had suddenly frozen solid on the floor right in front of me. She was still on one knee, but her entire body was rigidly stiff. Her amber eyes were blown incredibly wide, staring blankly at my chest.
I waited for a few agonizing seconds, expecting her to say something about her 'noble duty', but she was still frozen like a statue.
"...What?" I asked her, tilting my head. "Did you break?"
Blake violently flinched. She quickly answered, her voice slightly higher pitched than usual, while simultaneously turning her face sharply away from me so I couldn't see her expression.
"N-Nothing. It is nothing, my King."
Pyrrha watched the interaction with sharp, analytical eyes. She placed a finger on her chin, thinking rapidly.
Ah, Pyrrha deduced internally, a sly smile crossing her lips. Blake was overjoyed by receiving that rare, genuine praise directly from him. Her brain short-circuited from the positive reinforcement.
How incredibly cute~❤, Pyrrha thought to herself, filing that piece of psychological weakness away for future manipulation.
Pyrrha then clapped her hands together. She jumped slightly, landing in a perfect, cute pose with one foot popped behind her, leaning forward slightly toward us.
"Now do you finally understand, Jonah?" Pyrrha asked, her voice dropping into that dangerously sweet, breathy register again. "Girls... we can get very, very jealous when you aren't paying attention to us~❤"
I glared at her. I didn't hesitate for a microsecond.
"I'll beat you up," I quickly rebuked her, raising my fists in a terrible, sloppy imitation of a boxing stance.
Pyrrha just giggled.
"Pyrrha. I'm serious. There's exactly one thing I have to tell you right now," I said, my voice deadpan. "I'll actually beat you up."
"You said it twice?!" Pyrrha giggled even louder, wrapping her arms around herself. She playfully shivered in mock-terror at my entirely un-intimidating glare. "Oh, I'm so scared~!"
Tsk.
I clicked my tongue. This was entirely pointless. I couldn't beat her in a fight, and my threats were just entertaining her further.
Suddenly, I felt a hand flat against my back. Blake had stood up behind me. She was actively pushing me quickly forward, forcing me to walk rapidly toward the classroom exit, putting as much physical distance between us and the 'ghost' as possible.
"Let us head back to safety, Jonah-Sama," Blake ordered quickly, her voice returning to its normal, formal cadence. "It is definitely for the best that we simply abandon this wretched 'Haunting Ghost' to her madness."
Pyrrha, realizing she was being left behind, instantly complained.
"Hey! If you say that, Blake," Pyrrha yelled out after us as we reached the wooden door. "Then isn't that basically admitting that you're 'haunting' Jonah too?! You followed him in the vents!"
Blake abruptly stopped pushing me. She turned her head over her shoulder to glare back at the red-head. She literally hissed, her feline teeth bared. Her black cat ears raised straight up into the air, rigid with sheer, unadulterated anger at the accusation.
"Do not ever dare to group my noble actions in with your pathetic degeneracy!" Blake snapped viciously. "I, Blake, act solely for the sake of my sacred, noble mission! I am a protector!"
Pyrrha just rolled her eyes, biting back with a patronizing smirk. "Yeah, yeah, right. Thanks so much for sharing the intricate lore of your delusions with us! So helpful!"
"My dedication is absolute, you harlot!" Blake yelled back, fully engaging in the argument.
"Your dedication is creepy!" Pyrrha countered cheerfully.
"Ah~..." Pyrrha suddenly blinked, looking toward the open doorway where the hallway light streamed in.
Both girls abruptly stopped arguing and realized what had happened.
Jonah had vanished.
"Jonah-Sama?!" Blake yelled, spinning around in panic. "Jonah-Sama has escaped!!"
Both the stalking Yandere and the delusional Knight stood frozen in the vacant classroom.
Only then did they realize that Jonah had already walked out the open door and sprinted down the hallway the absolute second they started furiously bickering with each other, abandoning them both to their own insane drama.