It was the day we argued. The day I regret the most, the day I'd do anything just to turn back, the day I'll always I remember.
The day.
"How could u not tell me"
"I'm sorry" Aster gets on his knees "It's just that i didn't want to make you nervous, please forgive me"
"What else are you hiding from me"
"Please, Ran, I'll find another one, I promise"
"You could've told me, we have bills to pay. I could've found another job, but now it's too late. What do we do?"
"I don't know, okay?"
It was the day, we argued. My fiancee of one year and the love of my life of 5 years telling me that he has lost his job. We lost everything. I didn't know what to do. We have no money left, we don't know what to live by. I've been working as a barista, while he was working as a bartender. We didn't have enough money to live a comfortable life, but we were happy. He hid this secret from me for months, those months could've been spent on finding a new job and a cheaper house in order to somehow survive. I have no idea what to do.
"Please, Saran, baby, we'll get through this" He starts kissing my hand.
"Please let me be alone for a minute"
"Listen to me.."
"Just go, go somewhere. I need a minute"
He started tearing up like a puppy. I started feeling horrible.
After understanding my pain, he left the house. I laid down on the bed and started to cry. I couldn't think of anything, finding another job in this economy is so hard, we both dropped the universities we attended. Only if we stayed in those universities, maybe our life would've been better. This is hell. I wish I could turn back time.
I took a nap to rest my mind after this terrible headache from all that crying.
After I woke up I felt so much better. All that weight in my heart has been lifted, I figured out how to fix this problem.
I remember walking past this coffee shop that was searching for a new worker a few months ago. I hope they are still trying to find one, because my Aster could take it up. Problem solved, I'll go to the coffee shop that's not too far away from our apartment and see if this financial situation can be finally fixed.
I got up from the bed and noticed that my phone had twenty missed calls from an unknown number, that's weird.
I tried calling it back and an unheard voice answered. I'm confused.
"Are you Saranyawat?"
"Yes, who are you?"
"We are calling from the Multicare Hospital"
My heart suddenly dropped. I started hearing a ringing in my ear and almost lose consciousness.
"I believe you should come visit Atsadawut yourself, I'm sorry"
I can't believe this, I only took a nap and all of this happened already. He better be dead to be making me panic this way.
I drove to the location that was given to me. I'm scared as hell, what did he do this time? I might be angry about this incident now, but deep down my heart I'm incredibly worried. I hope it's nothing bad.
After running to the reception, the receptionist told me to go with the nurse beside me. She walked me to his ward.
"I'm incredibly sorry for what you are about to witness"
"What do you mean"
"He has head damage and we still don't know how it happened"
Head damage?!
"If I'm not mistaken, he had this injury since he turned around nineteen, ten years ago"
How could he not tell me? And why is this nurse is telling me everything so slowly, I'm getting angry. This is making me panic.
"This head damage causes him to lose consciousness from time to time, he often loses the ability to hear or see"
I cannot do this anymore, my poor baby. What do I do, this is fucked up. How could I be so selfish, when he was just trying to fight this injury. How was I so disgusting, when all that he did was suffer. I can't believe it, my heart is being torn apart. Please, he has to be okay. I can feel it.
"Because of this incident when he was young.. I-i I'm so sorry.."
She starts to stutter, I'm so lost.
"…" my blood pressure rises, I feel like my heart will soon fall out.
"He got into a car accident"
I stop in the middle of the hospital, I need to catch my breath. I am lost in my thoughts.
"He was hit by a car while crossing the road"
Hit.. by a car? I cannot focus anymore.
As we get to the ward she finally says
"He's now in a coma, I'm incredibly sorry once again" she looks like she'll soon tear up.
I start losing my balance, everything starts spinning for me. As I walk through the door I start falling, but the nurse catches me in time.
My eyesight comes back after turning blurry from all those tears in my eyes. I start crying.
I see him in the distance, he is lying in the hospital bed, I can barely say anything.
"Ter…" I walk to the bed while sobbing. This is the death of me, I lost him. I lost the only love in my life.
"Please do not worry, he's just in a coma, he might wake up soon"
Might? I absolutely lose my mind. What the fuck is this, I can't understand. What is going on? Please let this be a dream.
I watch his beautiful face, I want to hug him so bad, but I can't. All of those tears fall right onto his face, I cannot control myself.
I do not notice how fast the time goes, after some time the nurse comes in to tell me that I've been here for a few days now, while sitting on that chair near him. I can't leave, as much as I'm hurting I'll never leave. I'll never let him leave me and I'll never leave myself. I'm staying here forever.
"Excuse me, I believe it's time for you to rest" another nurse comes in
"Rest?"
"We'll inform you the second something happens, you need some sleep, you haven't slept for five days, it's time to rest"
"Don't tell me what to do"
"We'll drive you home, please listen to us
"No"
"It's for the better, as I said, we'll inform you the minute anything changes"
I'm weak, the nurse takes me home. As much as I try to resist, I'm not able to do anything. I'm too weak because of that loss of sleep, I'm so angry at myself. How could I leave him? He is completely alone now. This thought makes me even angrier.
I can barely walk, I cannot control myself and walk straight. The second the nurse leaves I go up to our fridge and take plenty cans of beer that we saved for special occasions. I start drinking and I cannot stop. I sit near the table in our kitchen and drink so much to the point I finally fall asleep.
After sleeping endlessly, with so many thoughts running around through my mind I wake up. But something shines right into my eyes. I don't believe in God, but am I in heaven? Is it my time to leave?
"Saran, get up now!" Mister starts screaming right into my face as I'm lying down on the table. Mister?
I raise my head and I see Mr. Phet right infront of me holding a ruler in his left hand. Why is Mr. Phet here? My old math teacher? Is he in heaven with me? Oh Mr.Phet you've lived a very long life, you were an amazing teacher. I'll never forget you. Now he's here with me, he must be surprised.
"Oh, Mr.Phet, how I've missed you" I just look into his big old face while saying these words. This is either a dream or I'm dead right up there with him.
"What are you saying, child?" he looks quite disgusted looking at my drunk face. Yeah, I'd be disgusted aswell, imagine dying because of the amount of beer you've had. This is definitely the reason I died.
"You haven't changed at all, how long has it been? 9-10 years? Right. You look awesome for your age"
"Are you drunk, you little child?"
"Sure am, can't you see it yourself?"
"That's not like you at all! Stand up"
"Stand up? Why? Go sleep yourself, old man, you must be tired, or not.." I talk with my eyes closed
"What did you just call me?"
"Aren't you like sixty now?" I still don't tend to open my eyes, I feel quite comfortable here, that sleep, or you could say that event where I died is quite peaceful. That's how I always wanted to die. I wonder what's happening In the real world right now, I hope Ter is okay.
He suddenly grabs my arm and makes me stand up. As I finally wake up I look around where I am. My head is not in it's place yet so I'm quite confused. Instead of seeing things that were supposedly to be in heaven I just see a classroom. Why?
"Shit, that hurt, Mister"
"Say that again"
"Shit, that hurt, Mister?" I repeat my words, I am so confused.
I just see people around me, I have a feeling I've seen them before, did they die too?
All of them look quite young, that's a bit odd.
Shortly after I start feeling a horrible pain on my hand. The pain was caused by the teacher's ruler, he hit my hand with it. Why would he do that?
After that annoying ruler of his I finally start regaining my consciousness. The teacher goes back to teaching. Teaching…?
I finally see a class. A class that I've been in before. A class that I've attended.. TEN YEARS AGO. What is this?!
Suddenly I feel a grip that makes me go down right back into my seat. I am lost in words, I start slapping my face to wake up. I'm not in heaven, I'm in a class. Am I in the past?
The person that pulled me down into the seat was P. My good old friend P?! Why does he look so young, why is his hair so different, why does he have pimples? I don't remember seeing pimples on his smooth beautiful skin, he - as a 28 year old, has a pretty great face. I admit, that I'm a little jealous.
"Are you okay dude?" He looks confused. Trust me you are confused as much as I am.
"As you can see, I'm not" what is going on?? "Why do you look so..off?"
"I should be asking you that.."
He looks so different. The P in my world looks more..cleaner. Suddenly I had an urge to ask him something that just came into my mind. I know it's stupid but
"Am i In a coma?"
"Well, you are right infront of me, so I guess not"
Well that didn't work.
"Wait what time is it?"
He looks right into an old watch that he has on his wrist.
"About 10am, why? You have a clock yourself"
I notice the clock on my wrist that I didn't wear before. This IS so odd.
"No, what about the year?" much dumber question comes to mind
"It's 2016, why are u acting weird?" He can't figure it out
Twenty sixteen? Did I hear that right. What in the actual hell is this. What IS going on..please, somebody care to explain? He must be joking, haha so funny now make it stop.
This IS a dream, I know it, let's just close our eyes and rub them so much that they might fall out. I start rubbing my eyes, while P can't catch up. I'll go back to my kitchen, I am sure of it.
After rubbing it a lot it starts to sting a little. You don't feel pain in your dreams.. do you? What is this nonsense.
"Dude wake up" I hear another voice infront of me. It's definitely my call to wake up from this terrible nightmare. What kind of dreams makes you go 10 years back in the past? Usually, I dream about dancing sheep or something. This is something new.
I open my eyes that finally stopped stinging and see the same things all over again. Why am I not waking up?
I see a familiar face sitting infront of me. It's another friend of mine. My cute little Dao. Oh how young he looks! There is no way he used to be in my class, he looks like a baby. This is so exciting, seeing all these people, when they were such innocent souls. Right beside him I see Mayuri. Oh how I missed seeing that young face of hers. How weird that she's 27 now. Such a grandma! I need to enjoy this a little bit before waking up.
She suddenly catches me starring at her small little dimples. Oh how I want to squish her cheeks! She could never let me do it now, so why hold back, I'll use this moment to get back at her.
I quickly squish her dimples and she hits me back right in my head. Maybe this action will help me go back to the real world.
But it didn't.
"What the hell are you doing?"
"You are so adorable" she's like a chipmunk.
"Ew" she's so little. "Are you right in the head?"
"Not anymore, you hit me just now" she rolls her eyes.
Mayuri has been one of my best friends since kindergarten. We still talk and meet from time to time, she's just like my sister.
My sister. I do have a sister. Oh my God, how did I forget? She's what, only three years old now? I really want to see her cute little cucumber face. My baby Sasi. But since this is a dream I'm definitely going back soon, no need to even try.
No way, how could I actually forget. I must meet the 19 year old Aster. I must see how he looks like, I miss him so much. I've only heard about his old university stories before dropping out, never about his highschool life. I must see it with my own eyes, I hope that all of these car accidents, comma things are just dreams and I'll soon go back. I can't take this pain anymore.
I stand up and as I'm about to leave the classroom to see my soon to be husband, I get shouted at.
"Where do you think you're going"
"To the bathroom" I make up a lie on spot.
"Class just started, go back to your seat"
"But I can't hold it in" I start acting like I'm about to pee myself.
"Don't care, pee on the chair, do whatever you want, just go back to your seat, now" it looks like he's going to put a spell on me with those crazy eyes. I go back to my seat and sigh
"Why are you so weird today" Weird how P?
"No I'm not"
"Yes you are" Dao says as he turns back to us
"Dao go do your damn work" the teacher notices our conversation. I completely forgot Dao still worse his braces when he was seventeen. He looks so silly.
I've met Dao when it was our first day of highschool, since I was a quiet kid he talked to me first..
I forgot, I was a hell of a quiet kid back then, that's why they think I'm weird. How am I so stupid? I'd think I'm weird too for suddenly speaking rubbish like that when I've barely said a word my whole life. That's a huge switch up. But that's totally fine, I'll just go back to where I belong and everything will soon end.
As soon as the class ended, all of them looked right into my eyes
"Care to explain?" Mayuri
"Explain what"
"Why are you like this?"
"Well, I've decided being this quiet is the end of me. I'll talk much more from now on!" I just start saying nonsense.
"Yeah okay, buddy" P and his bad boy piercings turn to me. He used to be such a cool guy, but now he's so.. basic and boring. I love him, but that marriage made him lose all his coolness, he had such a great style, but now he's all clean and healthy.. I mean that's what marriage does to you, I agree that Ezio put him back into his place and made him more respectful and responsible, but seeing him again, looking like this, is so nostalgic.
Ezio the hero of our friendship. I wonder how he looks like in 2016. Wait. He is Aster's friend, that means there is a chance I'll get to meet him. I just need to end school as soon as possible.