So this is what it feels like to be a lonely old woman with no one around.
Had she really lived long enough to think something like that?
The Nagasaki apartment was empty — not a soul in it but Chiose, sitting cross-legged on the rug in front of the sofa, cradling a space heater and sipping tea.
She had keys from both of the Nagasakis. Miss Nagasaki had been generous about it, pressing one into her hand straightaway; little Nagasaki had shyly slipped her the other, pink in the face the whole time.
Mother and daughter, through and through — same patterns, same habits.
"If it weren't for me, Soyo would be living alone in this hollow place all the way until…"
Until she started high school? If Miss Nagasaki's work schedule was anything to go by, Soyo would probably be on her own clear through until she got a job of her own.
Then again — a child who'd grown up alone in a place this devoid of warmth probably wouldn't bother looking for a housemate even as an adult.
So Soyo would, in all likelihood, muddle through life on her own, one day dying in this apartment with no one to even notice she was gone.
"Miss Nagasaki Senior is terrible, and Little Nagasaki isn't much better."
Same song, different verse — they really were cut from the same cloth. The moment either of them got busy, they vanished from the home entirely.
Chiose glanced at the clock. Two in the afternoon now; she'd arrived at nine in the morning.
From morning until this very moment, not so much as a peep from Soyo. Well — girls' bands kept you that busy, apparently.
Miss Nagasaki out chasing clients. Little Nagasaki off chasing her band dreams. Everyone with a bright future ahead of them.
"Busy. All of them, busy. Busy is good."
Chiose glanced at the time without much feeling.
One fifteen. How many more one-fifteens did she have left?
She felt, somehow, that the day she went home for good was not very far off.
"Why does it actually feel a little lonely? I was the one who deliberately nudged Soyo out the door and into that band."
Only now did she notice that the tea in her cup tasted completely wrong — hardly surprising, since what she normally drank was coffee, or tea that Soyo had brewed for her.
It seemed as though, somewhere along the way, she had grown used to spending her weekends with Soyo.
Soyo couldn't be without her — and, it turned out, she couldn't quite be without Soyo either.
Over the past year or two, Chiose had genuinely been raising Soyo as her own daughter. She had genuinely poured her free time into being with her.
Even if that nurturing had never been entirely free of quiet, calculated intent.
Now Soyo had grown up enough to find companions to build something with — and here Chiose was, wanting her to come back and keep her company.
Was this what parents felt, in their old age, missing the children who had flown the nest? But she was only sixteen — twenty-six, twenty-seven — and Soyo was only fourteen, fifteen.
The gold rings in Chiose's red irises swayed with each breath. They were the mark of Yoshiiro Chiose's sins.
[Three Submissions]
Let me forget my troubles.
"Hah… same as the two victims before her, isn't it… we were born as strangers to each other."
Nagasaki Soyo — why are you so starved for love? All it takes is watching me pay a little attention to another girl and you get jealous, green with envy.
Careful not to let that jealousy blind you, now.
After all, once emotions take the wheel, very few people manage to stay clearheaded.
Yoshiiro Chiose, bored out of her mind, decided to do something with herself. She dug out paper and a pen and began to write. That was simply how it was.
Click, click.
Soyo pushed open the front door and found, to her surprise, that there was light inside the apartment.
Who was home?
Was it Chiose-mama? Or was it… Mother.
"Mama? I'm home."
In this country, the first thing you do when you walk through your front door is call out I'm home.
But neither Ichinose Soyo nor Nagasaki Soyo had ever had the chance to form that habit. No matter what time she came home, there was almost never anyone there to answer.
"Welcome back. I've set the bath to the right temperature for you — go on, have a wash."
"Mama! It really is you!"
"It really is me. How did the band go?"
Chiose poked her head around the corner, her gaze as soft as always.
"Really well! I think it won't be long before we can put on a proper performance, just like the senpais… Mama, am I better than Little Sakiko?"
The last sentence slipped out before Soyo could stop herself. By the time she realised what she'd said, it was already too late.
[Is that childish of me? Though I really do mind how Mama always praises Little Sakiko — saying things like she's such a worthwhile friend to have.]
"Of course. Our Soyo is the best."
Yoshiiro Chiose was standing no more than five metres away, yet Soyo had the sudden, strange sensation that an entire world stretched between them.
The light inside the apartment was good. For the first time, Soyo noticed that the bright, youthful mother she held in her memory had somehow become… older? Even faint traces of wrinkles had appeared, as if from nowhere.
"So — want a kiss?"
Mothers might grow old, but in Yoshiiro Chiose's eyes, Soyo would always be that little girl hunched under a lamp, working her way through her homework.
"Wh — what?!"
"A kiss~ A mother's love kiss~!"
"I'm fine, I — I'll just go take my bath."
Soyo trotted to the bathroom doorway and peeked in — sure enough, Chiose-mama had already laid out her change of clothes and a fresh towel.
As long as Chiose-mama was here, she could go on being a carefree little kid forever.
[But Mama's time is passing too. While I'm growing up, Mama is growing older.]
Hadn't she just been saying her leg was hurting lately? And she looked a little thinner, too.
Soyo felt a pang of regret at not having stayed home with Chiose today — but the moment she imagined achieving something and coming back to her mother with it, the guilt dissolved.
"Mama always taught me to walk my own path, to keep moving forward, didn't she?" Soyo closed the door and murmured to herself in the mirror.
"If I did nothing and only stayed by her side, that would disappoint her instead."
Soyo didn't care if she let anyone else down. But not her mother — and not her mama. Especially not Chiose-mama.
She, Nagasaki Soyo, absolutely had to make Yoshiiro Chiose proud! After all, she had once said it herself — that she saw her own shadow in Soyo.
Facing that impossible choice between staying with family and building something of her own, Soyo hesitated — and then chose the latter.
She knew Mama would back her with everything she had!
While she bathed, Soyo kept glancing toward the door, secretly hoping Mama would come in and wash her hair the way she used to when she was little.
But that, of course, was only a fantasy.
The hot water was lovely. Slowly, the exhaustion of the day began to ease from Soyo's body.
She stopped thinking about the band. The band was just a tool, after all — a means to prove her own worth.
Once she no longer needed them, letting them go would be fine.
For the sake of her own home, Soyo could set aside anything.
But — the moment she thought of the band, she thought of Little Sakiko.
That warm, kind-hearted girl, whose background was surprisingly similar to her own.
"Wait!"
A terrifying thought had just surfaced in Soyo's mind.
"If her situation is the same as mine… could she also be starved for love?"
She wouldn't actually try to steal Mama from her, would she? Even if the two of them did exchange their fair share of little glances.
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