"Hey! Don't go.."
Tsk—the way she'd looked just now, surely it hadn't gone and frightened Chiose, had it?
Lately, what with being swamped by work on top of her mother's grave illness, the wild swings in her moods had honestly given Soyo herself a fright.
If these emotions had ended up affecting the child...
Not caring that her hands were still damp with water, Soyo gave them a careless wipe on her clothes and chased after Chiose down the stairs.
In truth, more than looking after a child, what she really needed was a good rest—going somewhere for a vacation, say, or sleeping in bed for ten days or half a month——
The fact was, Soyo had never walked out of the shadow of her mother suddenly collapsing from illness; especially when she'd seen the other's bloodless cheeks, the grief inside her had been all the harder to suppress.
Mother had grown old too.
Had that strong, resilient mother of hers also been defeated by time?
On the first floor, Soyo could no longer see any sign of Chiose.
That child was so well-behaved—she absolutely wasn't trying to play a trick on her; it really did seem she'd been frightened by the way Soyo had looked just now.
"Little Chiose? Little Chiose! It's Mama, where are you?"
A familiar rustling sound came from a familiar place—that was the cloakroom.
"Why does this child always hide in the cupboard whenever she gets startled, honestly.."
Soyo pulled the wardrobe door open a little, and sure enough, she saw Nagasaki Chiose trembling inside the cabinet.
The corners of her eyes were faintly red, her body shivering all over—even a single sliver of light getting in was enough to frighten her.
Because the child was so very obedient, Soyo had in fact never quite remembered that she was only six years old.
"Little Chiose? Mama's expression just now didn't scare you, did it?"
She felt more and more like some wicked stepmother or an old witch—where on earth did this peculiar sense of déjà vu even come from?
"Wuu... Mama just now, so scary... your eyes, so cold..."
There was even a sob creeping into her voice? How can you cheat like this—it'll only make me feel more guilty.
Soyo didn't know how to comfort her; she only knew clearly that she couldn't just leave the other one shut up in the cupboard and ignore her.
"Mama just now.. remembered something unhappy. Can Mama hold you and bring you out? Let's not stay in the cupboard anymore, all right?"
"No!"
Unexpectedly, Soyo was refused by Chiose.
Inside the cupboard, Chiose only shrank back even further—though in truth there was no spare space left behind her at all.
"Why," when the silence stretched on, Soyo chose to be the first to speak, "do you keep hiding away in the wardrobe?"
"Grandma said, if you want to cry you have to find an enclosed space, that way nobody will laugh at you.. Mama, go away quickly, I'm going to cry."
"Pfft, you silly child."
Had Mama ever said something similar to her when she was little?
Soyo felt dazed; she even felt as though she could hear her mother holding her and soothing her.
The child in the cupboard, herself in her memories, the mother who had already drifted far away—only now did Soyo realize that the bond between the three of them ran in fact far deeper than she had imagined.
"..."
The light-flecked memories flickered ceaselessly, every moment, and Soyo seemed to return to a certain day in the past.
A little girl who waited for her parents to come home but waited in vain for anything at all had chosen to hide herself away in the cupboard.
What had her past self done in the cupboard that day?
That day, her past self had left a note in the cupboard; even though her handwriting back then was still crooked and wobbly, she'd still written, in that little cupboard so full of a sense of security, [The cupboard is the safest place].
That day she'd fallen asleep, and it was her mother who had lifted her out..
Just like...
When Soyo came back to herself, she found she had already lifted Chiose out.
When she'd woken up that day in childhood, she'd found the note gone; after that, her mother had also tried her best to rush home a little earlier every day... ah.. has it really been so many years in the blink of an eye?
Both Mother and she herself had grown old.
"Mama? Why is Mama crying too?"
"Mama is missing her own mama, you know..."
So Mother had remembered that cupboard from back then all along?
She'd even gone and told this silly little tale to Little Chiose—honestly, when she'd only ever hidden in the cupboard that one single time.
When all along she'd been so obedient, waiting at the dining table for her to come home.
"Mama, please stop crying.. did—did Chiose make Mama feel awful? Chiose won't hide in the cupboard ever again.. can Mama stop crying?"
"Chiose.."
Soyo looked into Yoshiiro Chiose's pair of complicated-feeling eyes.
What was the emotion hidden within them—was it sorrow, or was it worry?
Why would a child she had never once cared about care so much about her—could it really be simply because...
[I'm her mother?]
Ah, mother.
Only now did Soyo come to understand the weight of those two words, the worth of them.
The responsibility and the duty that a mother represented unfurled themselves completely before Soyo.
In Chiose's pupils there seemed to be a reflection, one that looked like herself, and yet was not herself.
Was that her own mother's?
Tears gathered on her chin, and at last dripped down onto Chiose's face.
The tears of mother and daughter converged together on the side of Chiose's face, and finally slid down past her ear onto the floor, stirring up a trifling, insignificant tempest.
"Mama?"
Little Chiose's voice was still so warm.
"Mm! Mm... I'm here... I..."
My mother is gradually drifting away from me now.
And as for me, Mama—I'm about to become a mother just like my mother all over again.
Mother, will you be proud of me? If I too become a mother just like you… will you be happy for me?
"Wuu——"
All the pressures and emotions that had been silent for so long erupted in this moment; Soyo didn't want to cry—she could never have imagined she'd burst into tears at a time like this, yet the worst thing in the world happened all the same.
Right in front of her daughter... she cried, utterly and completely.
How embarrassing, stop crying! Why am I still crying!?
"Wuu."
Chiose cried along together with Soyo, and seeing the moment was ripe, she didn't forget to twist the knife in Soyo a little further.
"From now on, can Chiose cry in Mama's arms?"
"I... I won't ever let you feel hurt again.."
Before the wardrobe, the Nagasaki mother and daughter wept in a tangled heap.
Their voices came in fits and starts, but their tears welled out in an unbroken, endless stream.
They cried until the sky went dark, cried until the room's temperature dropped, all the way until evening——
Soyo brushed away the teardrops on Chiose's face with the back of her hand, and at last wiped away the tears at the corners of her own eyes too.
"Little Chiose.. Mama will absolutely be good to you from now on. You.. you may be the last gift Mama's mama left to Mama.. and also one of the last two family members Mama has left in this world. Can you.. forgive Mama for all the things she did before...? Mama.. Mama, I..."
"Mm!"
That angel-like little child smiled.
The corners of her mouth lifted into just the smallest little arc, yet it was enough to light up the world.
Soyo discovered that the bolt sealing off her heart had come loose with a sudden thud.
[Barring any surprises, this is the last.. home I'll be able to find in this lifetime.]
And that's just how it was.
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