No! The truth is, I'm not mentally ready yet! At least give me two more seconds to breathe properly!
All that talk about being full of resolve—that's just the me of the previous second tricking the me of the next second!
The moment one foot stepped through the door of the hospital room, Soyo still felt uneasy.
She felt she had wronged her mother, and wronged Chiose too. She'd come to realize that so many of the decisions she'd made had, to one degree or another, hurt the very people she should have cared about.
Gulp.
Her throat ached, dry to the point of smoking. From the moment she'd woken until now, Soyo hadn't had the chance to drink a single sip of water, and on top of that, she'd been far too tense while waiting on news of her mother's condition to even swallow her own saliva...
Soyo could clearly feel countless Sakiko Togawas crawling around in her throat.
The light inside the room was harsher than outside, but it still fell within a gentle range.
Clutching Chiose's little hand, Soyo had no choice but to bend her back so the other could lead her along more easily. One more step forward, and Soyo saw her mother——
A frail body, gaunt cheeks, hair already gone gray—oh, Mother, why is the gaze you fix upon me as gentle as it has always been?
Ms. Nagasaki—the true Ms. Nagasaki, the first of her name—leaned back against two soft, plump pillows, half-sitting upon the hospital bed.
How was she supposed to speak at a time like this?
Mother was watching her, and her daughter was watching her too; in that one instant, the gazes of the whole world seemed to gather upon poor Nagasaki Soyo.
Her daughter's lips were trembling. Soyo read the other's soundless words—Chiose was saying:
[Say something, my proud Mama.]
Say something, say—
"Little Soyo! It seems you and Little Chiose are getting along wonderfully. You have no idea how lavish the hospital meals are—what a pity I can't eat a single bite of them, sigh, sigh... The nurse says I still haven't fully recovered."
"Y-yes, that's right, Mama... I... I..."
A choked sob.
Stilted.
Clumsy tongue, hurry up and move!
Inside the room, Mother smiled kindly—it was just that the smile looked so very fragile; her palm was warm, her daughter's temperature had always seared the heart.
Outside the window there were no bird calls, only the scattered, fragmented noise of the sun lazily spreading its sunlight.
At last, Nagasaki Soyo drew a deep breath:
"Mama, I missed you. I'm sorry... I let you down..." Pulled by Chiose to the side of Ms. Nagasaki's bed, Soyo sat down almost on instinct, lowering her head, not daring to meet her mother's eyes.
Her mother made her proud, and her daughter made her proud as well—it was only herself———
She was so very disappointed in herself.
"Pfft, what nonsense is this?"
Mother's slightly trembling little hand drew Soyo's body into an embrace, and that trembling seemed contagious—the instant it touched Soyo, she gave a violent shiver too.
"Little Soyo has always been Mama's proudest daughter... You've worked so hard these years, toiling alone over such a huge company, facing such crushing pressure every single day—it really hasn't been easy..."
"It's a pity Mama has grown old and can't help you anymore. Mama won't make Soyo feel like a burden, will she?"
It was for all the world like a little girl who had done something wrong apologizing to her own mother—Ms. Nagasaki now seemed more like the daughter.
Her reaction was actually one of being at a loss? She was actually feeling guilty for no longer being able to protect her daughter?
She looked just like a child who had made a mistake.
"You haven't at all... It's me—I've been too willful. Sometimes I really do feel like I've been far too high and mighty."
"Mama is not high and mighty at all! Mama is the best Mama!"
Climbing up Soyo's leg and onto her body, Chiose burrowed into Soyo's arms, tilting up her head to help Nagasaki Soyo wipe away the tears at the corners of her eyes.
[Honestly, such a big grown human, and you still need your Mama Chiose to wipe your tears for you? Little Soyo, what a silly fool.]
"Uu..."
The tears did not stop falling just because they were wiped away. Wrapped in the tenderness of the last two family members she had in the world, the heart of fifteen-year-old Nagasaki Soyo finally began to beat once more.
The sound of her heartbeat was so loud it startled Soyo's very soul.
Those past [homes] that had crumbled—she could not hold onto them.
She had done nothing wrong, but it had happened all the same.
As time passed, as time slowly trickled by, Soyo had at last gained the initiative to protect her own home.
This time, even if it took every last ounce of her strength, she would not let her family be hurt, would not let her [home] crumble.
This time, this time, this time...
[God, I beg you, please—let me have, just once in this life, a stable home that can last a whole lifetime... I truly, truly envy those who have actually carried out a lifelong vow...]
Chiose grasped Ms. Nagasaki's hand.
At the same time, she took Soyo's hand too.
She stacked the two of their hands together, and the one pressed in the middle was her own hand.
Aged, tender-young, and still well-maintained—the three hands passed their warmth to one another. This was the expansion of their hearts' feelings, and the ripples stirred up by the interweaving of their affection.
"Grandma! Mama! Don't cry, either of you! Hehe, the weather outside is so nice today! Grandma, you don't know—yesterday Mama took me to the seaside, and we even bought..."
Within the hospital room, the voice of a little girl narrating her story drifted out.
Chiose's smile and words colored the very air, and Nagasaki Soyo would never again be able to forget the atmosphere of this moment for the rest of her life.
On a cloudless afternoon, with her mother and her daughter surrounding her, everyone was so happy.
And that Soyo could feel happy for the sake of their happiness made her feel that joy multiplied many times over.
Her tears never once stopped.
What band? What Sakiko? What unbearable past? To hell with all of it—they're nothing but unimportant ghosts of bygone days... You can no longer sway my emotions! Never again!
What I, Nagasaki Soyo, want is the thing right before my eyes.
That's how it is.
...
"Why can't Grandma be discharged yet? Chiose wants to go to France with Grandma and Mama!"
"Still thinking about France, are you? All right—once Grandma is well again, Mama will pick a time when she isn't busy and take you all abroad together."
"! Really?!"
"It's true. Mama would never lie to Little Chiose."
"Then I'm going to get ready as soon as I get home today! I saw on TV that you have to bring lots of luggage, right? Mama! Do we even have that many suitcases at home?!"
"Ah... Little Chiose, don't be in such a rush. Your grandma won't be discharged until next month—but if Little Chiose wants to, Mama can take you to buy suitcases today!"
In truth, they wouldn't really need that many suitcases at all... but if buying a few suitcases was all it took to satisfy a child's fantasy, then what was the harm in it?
"Yay! I love Mama the most!"
Mama loves Little Chiose the most, too.
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