"...."
When Soyo opened her eyes, she found that she had fallen off the bed.
On the floor was a puddle of water—her tears and her sweat had pooled together into a patch of stagnant water.
Her grayish-blue eyes stared vacantly at the wall before her. Looking closely, you would find that Nagasaki Soyo's pupils had already lost their ability to focus.
Right now her mind was filled with nothing but Yoshiiro Chiose.
[Chiose...]
[Chiose.]
[Chiose!]
[Chiose!!!!!]
So much pain, so much agony...
Her body trembled without end. Curled into a ball, Soyo looked like a tiny pill bug.
Right now she had to bear not only the bitter pain of a mother who had lost her child—at the same time, Soyo also shouldered the grief of a child who had lost her mother... who had lost two mothers.
Her Chiose-mama was gone, and it was all her fault, the fault of Nagasaki Soyo.
Her precious daughter was gone too. And that, too, was her fault.
"It's all my fault, all my fault, all my fault, all my fault... aaaah... somebody, please, curse me out."
Her brain was shuddering! So much pain—she really, truly wanted to end her life.
Soyo didn't even know what she was still alive for.
Through the reflection of the light, Soyo saw her own face in the puddle on the floor.
"Ugh..."
So revolting—she vomited right then and there, but because of the spasms in her stomach, she only coughed up a little saliva.
So revolting... that face—just looking at it made her stomach churn... so terrifying...
"High and mighty... so disgusting, sigh... what do I even have left to live for, sigh."
Bearing the pain produced by the two intertwining sets of memories, Soyo wanted to rise, walk to the terrace, and fling herself off—but right now every part of her body was crying out in protest, save for her fingers, which could just barely twitch.
Her limbs were so stiff, and the floor was far colder than she could have ever imagined.
The daughter had died, and the mother had died too.
If she had only dreamed one of those dreams, it would have been bearable, but once both grand dreams had ended, that super-doubled agony tormented Soyo to the point of madness.
She had nothing left, haha, nothing left...
And what made Soyo want to cry the most was that the self in the dream had, at the very least, once possessed Chiose.
She had possessed Chiose! She had truly, genuinely possessed her!
She had once embraced her, acted spoiled with her, kissed her...
But what about in reality!
In reality...
"I... I have nothing... it's not fair... it's so unfair..."
Why was it that in reality she had never once possessed Chiose, yet she had to shoulder the memories of a self that had possessed Chiose?
It was so unfair...
Why didn't she have a Chiose-mama to keep her company back in middle school, and why had she never embraced the tiny little Chiose after she'd grown up...
So unfair! She had never had it at all! Why!
Why!
Why did they have to show her this!
She wanted to cry, but Soyo had already cried her throat hoarse during all that time spent dreaming.
She twisted and struggled on the floor like a maggot, and at last just barely managed to get up by leaning into the corner of the wall.
Pressing half her face against the wall, Nagasaki Soyo forced herself to use the cold sensation to cool down her brain.
[Want to die, want to die, want to die, want to die...]
Having possessed Chiose... after possessing Chiose twice, Nagasaki Soyo had finally come to fully understand what [love] truly was!
The thing Chiose had given her—that was what you call [love]!
That was the [home] she wanted!
As for CRYCHIC? Sakiko Togawa?
Set against these two searingly painful memories, what did those memories even amount to!
How pitiful—only the phantoms in her dreams had ever given her that dreamlike, illusory, pure love.
"Pfft, hahahaha... no! No, no!"
At least!
"At least I, Nagasaki Soyo... at least I possessed this kind of feeling in a dream..."
Come to think of it, plenty of people have never even had a dream like that...
I won!
I've already won!
Me! Boo-hoo-hoo...
Ceaselessly brainwashing herself to keep from truly giving in and becoming a flying acrobat off the ledge, Soyo found her legs still so weak that now she dropped to her knees once every few steps.
So pathetic... but when she thought about how this pathetic creature was her, the high-and-mighty bad mother and bad daughter... Soyo's heart, strangely enough, felt quite a bit better.
Her long brown hair soaked through with sweat, Soyo walked down the stairs step by step, feeling as though it took an endless amount of time.
"Little Chiose... Little Chiose..."
How she envied the self in her dreams. Why was there no Chiose in reality, why in reality was there no...
"Wait!"
Who said there was no Yoshiiro Chiose in reality?
Hadn't the two of them brushed past each other on the street that day!
There WAS a Chiose in reality!
There WAS a Chiose in reality!
After the brief ecstasy came endless sorrow.
Soyo realized that she seemed utterly... unqualified to go anywhere near Chiose.
What even was she... a worthless daughter who, in the throes of her rebellious phase, didn't even see her mother's face one last time? Or a bad mother who was irresponsible, who didn't raise her daughter, who in the end was too busy with work and left her daughter to fend for food and lodging for ages with no one to care for her?
She... who on earth even was she...
The Yoshiiro Chiose she'd run into by chance that day looked no older than she was, yet her feelings toward her were beyond all imagination.
That girl was not only her mother—at the very same time, she was her daughter, come on!
Who could understand it! Who could ever grasp the contradiction in Soyo's heart...
Nagasaki Soyo felt that if she kept thinking, she would truly go mad—especially when she thought of how Chiose, when she'd been her mother, had been so devoted and responsible, and how Chiose, when she'd been her daughter, had been so well-behaved and sensible and never any trouble...
Such a comparison made her simply pale by contrast.
"Such a failure... why am I so detestable... boo-hoo-hoo..."
Every single time, she failed to cherish the opportunity. Now Soyo understood it. The second dream had been the last chance God would grant her—it was just that she still couldn't seize hold of it.
She felt so awful, especially now that Soyo, having cried until she had no strength left, also wanted to eat something.
And so, after opening the refrigerator door, Nagasaki Soyo's pretty face—which had been holding together reasonably well—instantly turned ferocious.
"That bowl of samgyetang in the fridge... why hasn't it been thrown out!"
Samgyetang... ugh...
"Boo-hoo-hoo-hoo..."
Don't make me remember it!
Those memories—Chiose-mama taking her out to drink samgyetang, and her breaking her promise and not taking Little Chiose out for samgyetang... and her standing up her mother by not coming home to drink samgyetang, and her knocking over the samgyetang while taking Little Chiose to the hospital... in this very moment they all came bursting out.
Soyo nearly failed to swallow her breath; her heart felt about to explode, and her head was an even bigger mess of porridge...
"No... no... I..."
Soyo felt that right now she needed to go into an enclosed space to calm down—for instance, her gaze fell upon the large wardrobe not far off. It was made of wood, very sturdy.
[Mama, the only places to cry are the wardrobe and a mother's embrace!]
Chiose's voice lingered in Soyo's ears to this very day.
She bit her lip until it nearly bled, staggering as she dragged her stiff, numb body toward the wardrobe.
Right now she wanted so badly to cry her heart out... and yet there was no Chiose-mama here to give her a hug.
So, the only option left was to go into the wardrobe...
"Boo-hoo-hoo... what do I even have left to live for..."
____
________________________________________
💖 Gift for Everyone: Once we hit 50 Powerstones, I'll release +1 bonus chapter to warm your hearts.
🚀 Community Reward: If we reach 20 supporting members, we'll have a +5 chapter marathon across all stories! The romance won't stop.
👻 Come to our secret corner: Search for GirlsLove on (P). You know that's where the magic happens... 😉