She was going to be turned down. Of course she was.
Barging into someone's private space out of nowhere, then blurting out a whole pile of stiff, clumsy lines - Taki felt like the sky was about to cave in on her.
"Sorry. That was out of line. I'll leave you alone."
A bow, a turn on her heel - Taki refused to let herself get any more mortified than she already was.
But the girl caught the hem of her skirt in time, and with perfect generosity held up her messenger ID.
She met Taki's stunned stare, and that clear, unclouded smile of hers smoothed away every last knot of awkwardness.
"You..."
It took no time at all for Taki to add Chiose as a friend, and even less time for the first message from Noshiro Chiose to arrive.
It wasn't long. It was pared right down. And for the first time in her life, Taki felt a person's emotions come through in nothing but typed text.
[Chitose (Chiose): Hello there. I'm really curious - why weren't you even a little surprised that I'm deaf? It's so strange. You're the first person who didn't think a hearing-impaired girl playing piano was a mismatch.]
I...
Taki fought to keep the corner of her mouth from twitching.
Was she supposed to reply that she wasn't surprised because she'd already known in advance?
Besides, if Taki remembered right, Beethoven the pianist had a hearing disability too, and it never stopped him from playing the piano for a second.
The only difference was that Beethoven lost his hearing later in life than Chiose had.
[Taki: Yeah, I didn't pay attention to any of that. I just thought your music sounded good.]
Taki's face went red the moment she hit send.
She had the distinct sensation of being a con artist playing it aloof to sweet-talk a young girl.
What she hadn't expected at all was Chiose's reaction.
The white-haired girl's face flushed too - and her typing only got faster.
[Chitose: Really? You really like my music? Not because some other reason put a filter over it and you're just being kind to me?]
"Huh?"
Why are you so worked up about it? And so happy!?
Taki thought it was a little odd, but Chiose had let her guard down, and she didn't have the heart to push.
[Taki: Yes. I really do like your music.]
Her thumb hovered over the screen for a moment. Then Taki tapped out a few more letters.
[Taki: I think it was love at first sight. With your music.]
Why do people lavish care on the vulnerable and the victimized? How does that instinct take shape?
The purity in Noshiro Chiose's eyes never wavered, and Shiina Taki, sitting right in front of her, would never in her whole life understand how good Chiose's acting had just been.
At bottom, that care is a fragility-protection mechanism humanity evolved into itself.
Chiose had simply exploited that ordinary human reflex in Taki to make her empathize - while placing herself squarely in the position of the one who needed sheltering.
Which was the exact inverse of the last Simulation she'd run on Taki.
This time, Chiose had put herself on the side that needed protecting, and done it on purpose.
Looking at the small prey now tangled in the net in front of her, Chiose couldn't help one private observation:
[So easy to fool.]
Taki was still bent over her phone, typing. She was sitting right beside Chiose and could only talk to her through a messaging app - didn't that drain a little of the color out of youth?
Turning the thought over, Chiose dug a plain white Wanli-brand notepad out of her bag.
She fished out two ballpoint pens that still had ink in them and pressed one of them into Taki's hand.
"Eh? What's this for?"
Taki didn't get the chance to type the question - Chiose was already writing on the pad.
[Sorry, my eyes aren't very good either, so I can't stare at a phone for long... Could we talk by writing instead? Is that all right? Would it be too much trouble for you? It's just - you're the first person in all these years who's been willing to talk with me. And you think that highly of what I do. It really moved me.]
A long stretch of writing, but that neat, delicate handwriting might as well have been enchanted. Shiina Taki swallowed the hook whole.
[Sure, sure! I don't like fiddling with my phone much either.]
What an adorable girl, Taki thought.
A fierce protective urge rose up in her, and layered on top of the guilt she'd been carrying all along, the conviction that she had to look after this girl took root then and there.
One page, two pages, three pages. The two of them covered a lot of ground.
It was as if a door to a new world had swung open for Taki. Her hand ached from writing, but that indescribable romance of it had her thoroughly spellbound.
All Chiose had to do was play cute. Taki would fill in the rest herself.
[Do you love playing piano?] Taki wrote.
[I do. I love it more than anything.]
[But the hearing loss... that must affect it a lot.]
[It's not so bad. I'm used to it. My inner sense of music and my memory are enough to let me hold on to the pieces I've written and everything I learned performing before, so the effect is a little smaller than you'd think.]
[That's amazing. You really do love music.]
[I do. Music is my life. Thank you for thinking so well of me, Taki.]
Taki noticed that Chiose smiled the entire time - never once looking downcast, not even when her own wounds came up.
So strong...
[Then - I know this is rude, but I want to ask. Was your hearing loss something you were born with?]
Taki's hand shook as she wrote it.
She knew, really, that it was a stupid question. She asked anyway.
Shiina Taki couldn't even bring herself to imagine how devastated, how hopeless Chiose must have felt when she learned about her hearing.
A girl who loved music, unable to hear her own playing - there was nothing funny about that. It was a little too much like hell.
Chiose seemed to read the unease in her, and with the hand that wasn't holding the pen she covered Taki's trembling one.
This was what she wrote:
[Don't worry, you haven't offended me. The truth is, it was a price I paid.]
[A price?]
[Yes. When I was little I saw a girl slip and fall into the water, and she nearly drowned. I didn't stop to think - I went in after her. I wasn't much of a swimmer myself. Afterward I lost my hearing.]
"..."
So that was it after all.
Shiina Taki, you really do deserve to die.
Taki wanted to tell her right then that she was the one who'd caused it, but the words made it as far as the pen tip and stalled there.
In the end, after hesitating over it again and again, she wrote out the one question she most wanted answered.
[Do you regret it?]
Chiose answered without a single second of thought.
[Not at all. I traded nothing but my hearing for a person's whole life. I came out way ahead.]
"..."
"Actually - the person that day was me."
Taki didn't dare write it down, but it slipped out of her mouth before she knew it.
Ah, well. Chiose couldn't hear her anyway. Saying it out loud beat letting it fester inside.
When Taki went on not writing anything, it was Chiose who looked flustered. She scrambled for her pen, and her handwriting came out hurried.
[Um, did I say too much? Did I upset you? I'm so sorry. You're the first person in years who's been willing to talk with me, and I couldn't quite hold myself back.]
[Nothing like that!]
[I, Shiina Taki, am super happy!]
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