As a veteran shinobi who had lived through countless wars, the Third Hokage was practically a walking history book of the shinobi world. Over his long life he had encountered every kind of ninja imaginable—founders like the First Hokage, Hashirama Senju, who possessed overwhelming power yet genuinely yearned for peace from the bottom of his heart; guardians like the Second Hokage, Tobirama Senju, who wore a mask of cold rationality but would sacrifice his life for the village without a second thought; and brilliant, fiercely driven shinobi like his own three students, each burning with their own fierce obsessions.
But... a ninja who issued missions to herself? That was a first.
"So then~ the mission request is as follows: please specifically assign Konoha Genin Team 7 to travel to the Land of Waves to conduct location-scouting work. Mission rank: B. Here is the commission fee—one hundred and fifty thousand ryō. Mission duration: one week."
Having removed her forehead protector, Hinata delivered this mission briefing to Iruka at the mission assignment desk with a perfectly straight face. Iruka, looking utterly drained, pressed a hand to his forehead and sighed. "Hinata, you're a member of Team 7 yourself. You can't just issue missions to your own team."
"No~ Iruka-sensei, there's a distinction. Right now I'm not wearing Konoha's forehead protector, so my identity is that of the Fox Tales production crew's director. Please register the mission and issue the assignment~ After that, once I put the Konoha forehead protector back on, I'll be Hyuga Hinata, Konoha shinobi."
Hinata argued circles around Iruka without breaking a sweat, utterly unconcerned that he could argue her down. The mission commission system already had an option for requesting specific personnel—it simply cost a bit more and required scheduling in advance. Besides, a B-rank mission was the highest tier available for private requests. Even Konoha had to treat those with due seriousness.
"Hah... still exploiting every loophole you can find, huh? Well~ Iruka, just register the mission for her."
Adjusting the Hokage hat atop his head, the Third Hokage shook his head with a wry half-smile. Under normal circumstances, while shinobi were prohibited from leaving the village without authorization, anyone with a legitimate reason could file a request with their superiors—some ninja needed to gather rare ninjutsu materials, or locate specialized training grounds, and so on.
Of course, since it was an internal request, you were at the mercy of your superior's mood and the village's actual circumstances—hardly the definition of freedom. Add to that the fact that being a ninja wasn't exactly a high-paying profession, and essentially no one had ever done something as absurd as paying out of pocket to commission themselves for a job. Leave it to Hinata to be the first.
"But... understood, Lord Hokage."
Iruka nodded with a helpless expression and began filling out the mission paperwork per Hinata's specifications. Beside him, Naruto was pumping his fists in excitement. "That's Hinata for you! She always finds a way~!"
Honestly... I'm failing as a teacher here~
Pressing his hand to his forehead with a quiet sigh, Kakashi didn't actually dislike Hinata's approach. What she said was technically accurate—as the Fox Tales crew's director, she genuinely needed periodic location-scouting trips. And a mission like this posed virtually no danger; it was essentially a roundabout way of generating income for the village.
"Very well. Team 7, attention. Your mission is to assist Fox Tales production director Hyuga Hinata, along with actors Uchiha Sasuke and Uzumaki Naruto, in traveling to the Land of Waves for a one-week location-scouting operation. Assigned personnel: Hyuga Hinata, Uchiha Sasuke, Uzumaki Naruto. Supervising Jōnin: Hatake Kakashi. Is that correct?"
The Third looked over the completed mission paperwork, then turned to Hinata—who had already put her forehead protector back on—with a faintly amused expression. "No errors?"
"Ah~ the roster is confirmed correct. No issues. So, may we depart?"
Hinata nodded with satisfaction. She really couldn't find fault with anything. Just as she'd always believed: if money could solve it, it wasn't a problem.
"Very good~ Now then, Kakashi, I have another mission for you."
But the Third, still smiling warmly, didn't set down the mission ledger. Instead, he deftly flipped to a different page. "There happens to be a C-rank escort mission here as well, and the destination is the same Land of Waves you're heading to. Therefore, I'm ordering Team 7 under your command to accept this mission."
"Understood."
Kakashi had no reason to question an order from the Third. But the requirement made Hinata's eyes narrow. "One moment, please. Team 7 has already accepted my commission. Why assign an additional mission on top of it? Even for shinobi, there's no precedent for executing two missions simultaneously."
"Heh heh, you misunderstand. The mission you proposed requires Team 7 to 'assist' Hyuga Hinata and others with location-scouting in the Land of Waves. But this mission requires them to 'escort' a person to the Land of Waves."
The Third regarded Hinata with a kindly expression, his tone carrying the patient weight of a mentor's lesson. "So you see, the two missions don't conflict at all. They can be carried out concurrently."
There was no doubt about it—the Third's hair-splitting justification left Hinata genuinely speechless. Clearly, she wasn't the only one who knew how to exploit technicalities.
"Ah, in other words: first we complete the escort mission by delivering the client to the Land of Waves, and after that we begin the location-scouting assistance mission. Mm~ indeed, no issues there."
Kakashi stroked his chin thoughtfully and nodded along. After exchanging a glance with the Third, both men wore the same smugly satisfied look of adults who'd gotten the better of a child. Clearly, this so-called C-rank escort mission had probably been scheduled for assignment anyway—they just hadn't expected Hinata to walk right into it and hand them a bonus B-rank commission fee on top.
"...Fine~ please rest assured, Lord Hokage. We will complete both missions without fail."
After several seconds of silence, Hinata broke into an elegant smile. The pale-eyed girl briskly raised her hand and snapped her fingers. "Naruto, show Lord Third your latest training results."
"Huh? Oh... that move. Got it~"
Hit by a look from Hinata that made him shudder from head to toe, Naruto got the hint and formed hand signs with both hands, gathering every ounce of his strength before bellowing:
"Take this! Grandpa Third!! Harem Technique!!"
With a bang, a cloud of smoke exploded outward. The blond dead-last who'd been standing there vanished, replaced by several curvaceous, tall, naked women with blonde twin-tails, striking various alluring poses—a shy one modestly covering her ample chest, a flirtatious one with half-lidded bedroom eyes, a delicate one with hands clasped before her heart like a maiden in distress—each pair of blue eyes as clear and pure as sapphires, brimming with boundless suggestiveness. They gazed at the Third Hokage sitting before them and cooed in unison, as if murmuring in a dream:
"Lord~ Ho~ ka~ ge~~"
Their voices rang crisp and sweet as pearls tumbling across a jade plate. And, naturally—
SPLURT!!
"This is bad~! Lord Hokage just got a nosebleed and collapsed!"
"Iruka-sensei too~!!"
Amid the panicked screaming, the entire mission assignment office devolved into chaos. Without question, as one of the shinobi world's most absurdly overpowered techniques, the Harem Technique had once again scored a cross-rank "kill" against a Kage-level shinobi.
Roughly twenty minutes later, the wrecked mission assignment office was finally put back together. Kakashi, pressing down on both Naruto's and Hinata's heads with a grimace caught somewhere between laughter and exasperation, bowed to the Third—who was still dabbing at his nose—in apology. "I'm truly sorry. This is my failure as their instructor..."
"Honestly~ to think there's such a... ahem... pointless technique. Forget it. In any case, you've gotten the missions you wanted, so prepare to depart."
With cotton stuffed up his nose and his weathered face beet-red, the Third hastily changed the subject. "I'm quite busy here, so I won't keep you."
"Mm~ do take care of your health~~"
Only then did Hinata, feeling she'd gotten her revenge, aim one last barb at the Third with a wickedly sweet smile. Kakashi, grinning helplessly, pushed her out of the assignment office by the back of her head. Fair enough—this had been a decent exchange between the Third and Hinata: the Third had deliberately piled on extra work with the dual-mission trick, and Hinata had retaliated by having Naruto bleed him with the Harem Technique. A friendly tit-for-tat.
Before long, Team 7 met the fortunate soul who still got to tag along with them despite Hinata's butterfly effect: the bridge-building expert from the Land of Waves, Tazuna.
"Seriously~ a bunch of kids? Can people like this really protect me?"
Swigging from the bottle of sake in his hand, Tazuna eyed Kakashi with open skepticism. The white-haired Jōnin leading the squad could only force an amiable smile. "Relax~ you've got a Jōnin right here. I guarantee we'll get you to the Land of Waves safe and sound."
"Ohahaha~! This time we're definitely gonna run into some tough enemies! I'll send every one of them flying!"
"Stop yapping, dead-last~"
"Shut up! Both of you!"
Meanwhile, in a stretch of forest.
Fresh blood had drawn a swarm of buzzing flies. They gathered greedily on the trails of crimson that seeped down the bark of a tree, feasting on this cruel, fresh meal.
Two figures in black cloaks were pinned to the tree. Blood trickled steadily down their bodies and along the trunk. Judging by their standard shinobi attire and the Hidden Mist Village forehead protectors on their brows, they were ninja affiliated with Kirigakure.
Below the tree lay an even more chilling sight. A grotesque symbol drawn in blood stood out clearly on the ground, and lying stiff within it was a silver-haired young man with a blade driven clean through his chest. The sheer malevolence radiating from this eerie, blood-soaked tableau was almost tangible.
"It's been thirty minutes... you're always this long-winded."
Sitting on a nearby boulder, Kakuzu studied the map in his hands with an impassive gaze. Over the past week, he and Hidan had evidently swept through the majority of the small nations on Pain's list. For various reasons, all had been eliminated as candidates. Only one remained.
"Shut it~ Kakuzu! The rituals are strict—I can't help it~!"
Sitting up from the ground like a risen corpse, Hidan yanked the blade out of his own chest with a grimace, then rose and stretched languidly. "Mmm~~ not bad. Killing really does put me in a good mood. They were a couple of nobodies, sure, but consider them a snack for Lord Jashin."
"Hmph~ if you're done, then get moving. We need to reach the Land of Waves today."
Folding the map and tucking it into his sleeve, Kakuzu's green eyes narrowed to slits.
"I have a feeling—this time, we might just run into some people worth a pretty penny."