Chapter 795: Rikka's Apology, The Chuunibyou Gathering! Rikka Wants to Go to Egypt to Pull Weeds
A reunion between old friends should have been a joyous occasion.
However, the circumstances surrounding this particular gathering were nothing short of excruciatingly awkward. Throwing a supposedly deceased person into the mix was practically a guaranteed recipe for absolute chaos.
"You all catch up. I'm not going to bother explaining every little detail to you," Ren declared, waving a hand dismissively. He had zero interest in standing around playing the narrator while they slowly pieced together the mind-bending reality of their situation.
Before stepping away, Ren anchored the newly created pocket dimension in place.
"You can enter and leave this space freely now. Oh, and do me a favor—help me get W and the others settled in."
With those parting words, Ren vanished.
He didn't just leave the immediate area; he exited that world entirely, opting to make a quick trip back to his own home base before dealing with whatever came next.
The familiar surroundings of his own bedroom materialized around him. The air was quiet, save for the soft, rhythmic sound of breathing coming from his bed. A small, familiar figure was curled up under the blankets.
"Rikka?"
Hearing his voice, the girl shifted. Rikka Takanashi rubbed her eyes, blinking away the heavy haze of sleep.
"Eh? Big Brother Ren, you're back!"
The moment her sleepy brain processed his presence, she bounced up like a startled rabbit, her signature ahoge twitching to life atop her head.
"Why are you sleeping in my room?" Ren asked, a fond smile touching his lips. He reached out, gently ruffling her messy dark hair.
Rikka looked up at him with a charmingly naive expression, her large, heterochromatic eyes—one hidden beneath her eyepatch—staring back innocently.
After a brief, quiet moment, she leaned in and whispered, "I've been waiting for Big Brother Ren to come home."
"Oh? Is there something you needed to tell me?" Ren sat down on the edge of the mattress, his curiosity piqued.
His gaze briefly swept over her thin, slightly rumpled pajamas. Without a second thought, he reached forward, gripped her by the waist, and lifted her effortlessly onto his lap. He settled her facing him, wrapping his arms around her small frame.
Rikka offered no resistance. Instead, she obediently melted into his embrace, a soft flush creeping up her cheeks.
"Mm-hmm. Rikka has three things she wants to tell Big Brother Ren."
"Three things? Let's hear them." Ren's large hand began to slowly, rhythmically stroke her back, feeling the gradual warmth of her body seeping through the thin fabric of her sleepwear.
Rikka shyly buried her face against his chest, her voice dropping to a nervous murmur. "I want to apologize to Big Brother Ren..."
Ren chuckled, the sound rumbling deep in his chest. "Haha, Rikka, what on earth do you have to apologize for? You're my precious treasure. Go ahead and tell me. I promise I won't be angry."
It was a genuine promise. He hadn't even done anything yet, and frankly, his tolerance for his women was practically limitless. Even if Rikka somehow managed to accidentally blow up the entire planet, he could just snap his fingers and restore it. What could she possibly do that would actually upset him?
As far as Ren was concerned, whatever his woman wanted to do was perfectly fine. If a man possessed absolute, god-like power but still couldn't live exactly as he pleased, then what was the point of having that power in the first place?
"Big Brother Ren..."
His unapologetic doting sent a wave of sugary sweetness straight to Rikka's heart. The tension finally bled out of her shoulders, and she gathered the courage to confess her supposed crime.
"Big Brother Ren told me not to use my power indiscriminately. But... I guess yesterday, I couldn't resist. I used my power to do magic in front of my friends."
She tilted her head back, looking up at him with wide, pleading eyes. "Please punish me!"
"Your friends?"
Far from being angry, this trivial confession actually sparked Ren's interest. He was quite curious about the kind of people Rikka hung out with.
Tapping into his administrative authority, he discreetly rewound time, peering into the exact situation Rikka had faced the previous day.
When he saw the cast of characters, he almost laughed out loud.
Mori Summer, the former middle-school mastermind, Nibutani Shinka.
The wielder of the Mjolnir Hammer, Dekomori Sanae.
The Trembling Dark Fiend, Kumin Tsuyuri.
And Sophia Ring SP Saturn VII herself, Shichimiya Satone.
Goodness gracious. It was a veritable summit of chuunibyou.
The sequence of events was simple enough. Introduced by Dekomori Sanae, Rikka had joined a school club known as the Far East Magical Napping Society. There, she had crossed paths with the rest of the eccentric cast.
Later, during a highly spirited chuunibyou gathering, she had spotted Nibutani Shinka—the true author of the Dark Scripture who was desperately trying to bury her embarrassing past.
Caught up in the infectious, dramatic atmosphere, Rikka hadn't been able to suppress her urges. Drawing upon the genuine, reality-bending power Ren had gifted her, she performed a 'magic show' that left the entire room utterly paralyzed with shock.
Shortly after, realizing she had broken Ren's rule, a panicked Rikka hastily backpedaled, claiming her reality-defying performance was just a highly advanced sleight-of-hand magic trick.
Unfortunately, that astounding 'magic' only made everyone present infinitely more interested. Every single one of them begged her to teach them how to do it.
Naturally, Rikka couldn't teach them real magic.
Cornered and not knowing what else to do, she threw Ren under the bus, using him as her ultimate shield.
Her exact words had been: "Big Brother Ren taught me this magic. I am forbidden from passing it on."
Predictably, this excuse only poured gasoline on the fire, igniting everyone's burning curiosity about this mysterious, all-powerful "Big Brother Ren."
Spurred on by Nibutani Shinka's encouragement, the entire club now desperately wanted to meet him.
"Big Brother Ren, I think I've caused you trouble," Rikka mumbled, her ahoge drooping sadly.
"It is indeed a bit of trouble," Ren replied, keeping his expression perfectly serious.
Rikka lowered her head, her guilt intensifying.
But then, Ren's tone shifted entirely. "To soothe this terrible trouble, Rikka must kiss me."
Hearing the sudden change in his voice, Rikka snapped her head up. She caught the wicked, mischievous glint in his eyes and the smirk playing on his lips.
She immediately realized he was just messing with her.
Pouting, she lightly smacked his chest. "Big Brother Ren, don't tease me."
That was what her mouth said, anyway. Her body, however, was incredibly honest. She tilted her chin up, closed her eyes, and actively pressed her soft lips against his.
A few moments later, the kiss broke. Rikka was already melting against him, her entire body turning soft and pliant.
Ren was a battle-hardened veteran in these matters; a young, inexperienced girl like her couldn't endure his casual affection without turning into putty in his hands.
"Alright, Rikka, the first matter is settled," Ren murmured, his voice dropping an octave. As he spoke, his large hand slipped lower, casually kneading the soft, tender curve of her youthful peach. "What about the other two things?"
Breathing a little heavier now, Rikka honestly whispered, "My friends want to visit our house in a few days. Big Brother Ren, is that okay?"
"Of course. No problem at all. As long as they aren't bringing any men, everyone is welcome."
He really didn't mind dealing with a bunch of chuunibyou girls. If anything, chuunibyou were notoriously easy to fool. A few flashy parlor tricks and some dramatic dialogue, and they would be eating out of the palm of his hand.
"That's great!" Rikka beamed, a bright, happy smile lighting up her flushed face now that her request had been granted.
"There's just one last thing!"
Her face, now as red as a fully ripened apple, pressed tightly against Ren's cheek. She leaned in close to his ear, her voice dropping to a tiny, mosquito-like hum. "Big Brother Ren... c-can we do that very happy thing from before?"
"Oh? And here I thought Rikka was very good at enduring," Ren grinned wickedly.
He withdrew his hand, bringing his fingers up to lightly pinch her small, delicate nose. A faint, transparent slickness coated his fingertips—a clear indicator of just how 'honest' her body truly was.
Rikka shrank back, burying her face in his chest, completely mortified by the obvious evidence of her own arousal.
"Rikka, your way of asking for it isn't quite right, you know," Ren teased, his breath ghosting over her ear.
Rikka's head was spinning. She didn't think her request was wrong at all. That 'very happy thing' was something both her sister and the others thoroughly enjoyed. Why was it wrong to ask?
"You might not understand, so I'll teach you. Follow my lead," Ren instructed, his mischievous smile widening into a full-blown wolfish grin. "Say you want to go to Egypt to pull weeds."
Rikka blinked, completely bewildered.
Egypt? Pull weeds? What did gardening in a desert have to do with the happy thing?
But it was an explicit instruction from Big Brother Ren, which meant she just had to do it. She opened her mouth to repeat the bizarre phrase.
Before she could speak, Ren added, "And make sure you use a very soft, gentle, pleading voice, Rikka."
"Ugh... I'll try."
She took a deep breath, pausing to compose herself.
Looking up at him through her eyelashes, Rikka blinked her large, watery eyes and spoke in the softest, most delicate voice she could muster. "Big Brother Ren... I want to go to Egypt to pull weeds."
"Haha, no problem at all!" Ren laughed, his eyes flashing with dark amusement. "I'll take you to Egypt to pull weeds right this second."
Faced with such an adorable request, Ren had absolutely no choice but to fulfill his duties as a responsible adult.
[Translator Note: "Going to Egypt to pull weeds" (去埃及拔草 - Qù āijí bácǎo) is a vulgar Chinese internet pun. "Egypt" (Ai Ji) sounds like "Love" (Ai) and "Dick" (Ji). "Pull weeds" (Ba Cao) sounds like "Fucking" (Ba Cao). Combined, "Ai Jiba Cao" translates roughly to "Loves getting fucked by a dick." Ren is shamelessly tricking the innocent Rikka into saying it.]
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