Sarutobi Hiruzen often stayed up late into the night working through documents. Sometimes the paperwork dragged the ruler of the hidden village all the way until morning. Even with shadow clones, this hell didn't get any lighter — because, first, the flow of information transferred to him when they dispersed was considerable; and second, the clones, just like Hiruzen himself, absolutely despised doing it.
Nevertheless, this particular night the Third Hokage had no time for paperwork. Or rather, no time for his usual document work. The reason was that Naruto had stolen the secret scroll — and there were papers involved there too — forcing the Kage to order dozens of shinobi to comb the village in search of the boy and the scroll. Though Hiruzen had his suspicions about who might have put Naruto up to it.
But as if that weren't enough, half an hour later a powerful explosion rang out from the direction of the forest. Two five-man ANBU squads were immediately dispatched to investigate the cause, with two medical ninja attached to them. The Hokage himself also joined the group, following his subordinates at a short distance.
Already in the forest, the sensors — and Hiruzen himself — detected three chakra signatures.
Arriving at the clearing, they found a wounded Umino Iruka, a smiling Uzumaki Naruto, and an unfamiliar bald man in strange clothing.
The stranger was immediately surrounded by ANBU, while the medical ninja began examining the chunin.
Iruka tried to stand but couldn't manage it. Uzumaki started chattering about something carelessly. However, the information the boy put out could actually be considered quite valuable, and the Hokage was able to establish the most important points.
First, just as Hiruzen had suspected, it was the traitor Mizuki who had made Naruto steal the technique scroll. Second — this Mizuki had been knocked out in a single blow by the stranger. The rogue chunin was currently unconscious, dangling from a nearby tree. He, incidentally, was that third chakra signature.
Still, one question remained unanswered — was this stranger a friend or a foe?
There was nothing particularly remarkable about the bald young man at all. He seemed like an ordinary person. Except that even an ordinary person would have at least some chakra. This energy permeated the entire surrounding world. The bald stranger had none whatsoever. Moreover, if Hiruzen hadn't been seeing him with his own eyes right now, he would have taken him for a Genjutsu illusion. In the spot where the silhouette stood, without any chakra, there was the sense of empty space — an anomaly.
This was simply impossible. Well — not impossible, but only conceivable if the person standing before them was a shinobi who was a supreme master of Fūinjutsu. Or if he was using special sealing master techniques that concealed his aura entirely. For only through Fūin could one mask themselves so completely. Only one known clan had ever achieved that level of mastery — the red-haired Uzumaki. But they had effectively ceased to exist long ago. So who was this man?
What confused the Hokage most of all, however, was the young man's appearance. An absolutely ridiculous look, a blank expression on his face, not a single sign that the person before him was a shinobi. At this very moment he was standing there picking his ear.
Fixing a stern gaze on the stranger, Hiruzen asked:
"Who are you, and what village are you from?"
"Oh, old man! Hopefully you can help me. I'm Saitama. A Class B hero — Caped Baldy. I was just fighting some strange monster in the city, and now I've ended up in this forest. So I'm looking for a way out. I need to get home, to City Z. Can you point me in the right direction?"
Sarutobi raised his eyebrows in puzzlement. Everything about this Saitama threw him off. The manner of speaking, along with a strange accent; the complete disregard for being surrounded by a dozen shinobi; the ignorance of who stood before him, even though the hat clearly hinted at the status of a hidden village leader. And that was only a small part of the strangeness sending the Hokage into a stupor.
So Hiruzen couldn't tell whether the man before him was a complete idiot or a magnificent actor and spy. And that needed to be determined.
Saitama looked over the short old man in the hat, then shifted his gaze to the surroundings.
"Hey, you guys wouldn't happen to be friends of that… Hm, what's his name?" the hero thought for a moment. "Legendary Gentle Pony?.. Um… Pink Elephant?.."
The shinobi began exchanging glances. It was utterly bizarre to them — an ordinary person showing such disrespect to the Hokage. They also began to suspect that something wasn't quite right in the bald man's head. The stranger clearly didn't understand the situation he was in. Were it not for Naruto's testimony about the unknown man's actions and the confirming nods of the chunin instructor, he would have already been seized — since he could easily have been the cause of that explosion. Though, looking at his idiotic face, they understood how absurd that suggestion was.
"I remember!" Saitama announced excitedly, lightly smacking his fist into his open palm. "Sonic the Speed-o'-Sound. He's something like a shinobi, or something of that sort. Do you know him?"
Sarutobi pulled a pipe out from under his haori; a small flame flicked from his aged finger and lit it, and he calmly began to smoke.
"I've never heard of such a shinobi. However, I would advise you to stop playing the fool, young man, and instead come with us and answer a few questions. Otherwise — you may find yourself in trouble. This I tell you as the Third Hokage — Sarutobi Hiruzen."
Hiruzen was a well-known man. For full effect, he had decided to produce the pipe. Perhaps the stranger would be able to recognize the Hokage from that.
Something changed on Saitama's face — a shadow of concern flickered across it. Sarutobi smirked, and the bald young man said:
"Old man, are you aware that smoking is bad for your health at your age?"
The Hokage nearly choked on what he heard. This Saitama was starting to get on his nerves. An almost imperceptible signal from Sarutobi, and the dozen ninja prepared to seize the target. Some drew kunai, some preferred shuriken or senbon, and several began unhurriedly forming hand seals.
"Old man, what are you doing?! He's not an enemy!" Naruto shouted.
Saitama's reaction to all of this, however, was only slightly above zero. He simply scratched his bald head thoughtfully and said:
"I see, there's no having a conversation without a fight first, old man. You seem to be in charge here, so I'd like to propose a deal…"
"You're not in a position to be bargaining, boy," the Hokage cut him off. "Don't worry, we won't be killing you. At least not right now. But an unknown suspicious outsider on our village's territory, having slipped past the outer ANBU patrol perimeter, plus the recent explosion… All of this leaves us no choice."
One of the medical ninja grabbed Naruto to carry him away from the brewing confrontation. The child immediately began struggling and shouting at the Hokage. The second medical ninja was already retreating with Iruka on his back.
The opponent didn't look dangerous, and didn't really look like an opponent either — the man more closely resembled an unlucky idiot who had wandered onto foreign territory by accident. But orders were orders.
If the young man had surrendered right away, the medics wouldn't have needed to evacuate the wounded chunin and the child, and the ANBU wouldn't have needed to resort to a forced capture. But he himself had said there would be no talking without a fight. At least, that was how they had understood him.
The corner of Saitama's mouth twitched, and he muttered:
"Great, so before I can have a normal conversation with someone, I have to knock that someone around first…"
"Perhaps you'd like to surrender?" Hiruzen puffed on his pipe. "While there's still time."
"Will you tell me which way City Z is?" Caped Baldy replied skeptically.
"… That's on you. Capture him!" the Hokage ordered.
Three shinobi finished forming their hand seals and said in unison:
"Water Release: Strong Wave!"
Three powerful streams of water surged toward the bald hero in an attempt to knock him off his feet. The remaining shinobi were ready to restrain the downed stranger.
"Thanks for the shower, I guess. But weren't you trying to capture me?" asked a soaking wet Saitama, standing in the exact same spot.
"Eh?" all the shinobi on the clearing said in surprise.
He anchored himself to the ground with chakra, Hiruzen thought. But why can't I see him using chakra?
The next moment a variety of sharp metal objects flew at Caped Baldy — mostly shuriken and kunai, though a few senbon flickered through as well.
"Capture alive!" the Hokage reminded his subordinates.
Saitama dodged all the projectiles easily, almost lazily. His evasion technique was very strange, though. It gave the impression that he was completely accidentally ending up mere millimeters away from the weapons flying at him. Sometimes when dodging, he froze in peculiar — and occasionally downright ridiculous — poses.
What the hell, the little brat thinks he can play games with a dozen ANBU right in front of the Hokage's eyes?! You've got nerve, I'll give you that! — Hiruzen puffed furiously on his pipe, but decided not to intervene in his subordinates' fight just yet. He was curious what this strange shinobi, in his estimation, would show next.
Based on what he had seen, this bald man's power level was that of an elite jonin. Probably not higher. If he were on the level of a Kage, that would be strange, since shinobi of that caliber were rare and generally world-renowned figures.
So no matter how strong he was, he certainly wouldn't be able to hold out against ten ANBU.
Meanwhile, kunai with explosive tags were brought into play. Saitama dodged the explosions with skill — though perhaps without much elegance. Suddenly one shinobi, forming hand seals in rapid succession, closed to almost point-blank range, drew in a deep breath... and exhaled a massive fireball that nearly burned the bald hero's clothing right off him.
"Hey hey, I can dry off after a shower on my own," Saitama frowned, leaping back from the fire. "But how did you do that? I want to try that too!"
Saitama was genuinely impressed by these shinobi's abilities. Three of them had been able to shoot out water streams no worse than a fire hose, and one had launched a fireball.
"Maybe I can breathe out something too? Who knows what might come out?" he asked one of the ANBU.
He stopped and tried to twist his fingers into the strange gestures he had just seen, but his fingers kept getting tangled. The only things he could manage were fig signs and other rude gestures. Everyone around him froze for a moment in shock. Watching this, they couldn't fathom how someone could take a fight against ten ANBU so completely unseriously. The bald man was plainly mocking them — because there was no way a shinobi couldn't form hand seals. Or could there?
Saitama gave up on trying to copy the unfamiliar gestures, deciding he'd manage without them. So instead he took a deep breath and simply exhaled sharply in the direction of the nearest cluster of shinobi.
Whoosh.
An incredible burst of wind erupted from his mouth, hurling three ninja dozens of meters away. They slammed into trees and went limp. Two more were nearly caught in it, but managed to escape using the Body Replacement Technique, leaving only short logs behind.
Hiruzen frowned: Wind Release: Pressure Damage — though somewhat weakened. And performed without hand seals. He's still playing around. If he crosses the line, I'll have to step in.
"Hey, stop it, dattebayo!" Naruto ran out onto the clearing, immediately followed by the medical ninja who had failed to keep hold of the loud academy graduate.
Everyone obediently stopped. Saitama was murmuring something with a blissful smile, along the lines of: "See? I can do it too…" He was thrilled, because he had never used his superhuman abilities in that particular way before.
"Enough, old man! They're just…"
"You don't understand, Naruto," the Hokage cut the boy off. "He's an outsider!.."
"So what?! I'm the Nine-Tailed Fox demon! Mizuki told me everything!"
Hiruzen nearly choked on his smoke, and the clearing fell into silence. Only the grass scorched by one of the Fire Release techniques smoldered, letting out a faint hissing sound.
"But hey, your whiskers are pretty cool! I figured out who you're cosplaying right away," Saitama said, giving a thumbs up. He was lying, of course. He had only just now noticed the characteristic marks on the boy's cheeks.
"Naruto…" ignoring the hero's words, Hiruzen looked the young Jinchuriki directly in the eyes.
He didn't know what to say to the boy. The conversation about Kurama being sealed within him was supposed to happen much later. But now the young Uzumaki had appeared at the worst possible moment.
"I'm not backing down! I'm going to help Saitama…"
He formed a hand seal and shouted:
"Shadow Clone Technique!"
The clearing filled with billowing clouds of white smoke, and when it cleared, the Hokage and the others saw hundreds of Naruto clones.
He learned Shadow Clone from the scroll? Not bad… flashed through Hiruzen's mind.
"Naruto, you—"
"Attack! There are more of us now, Saitama! Let's show them!" shouted a many-voiced chorus of identical children in orange jumpsuits, and the orange mob immediately charged at the ANBU shinobi.
Saitama winced at the exceedingly loud kid, but he couldn't just stand aside — especially when he saw that in the first few seconds of the fight, nearly a third of the clone mob had already vanished. Seven adult ANBU operatives were no laughing matter, after all.
He was already thinking of wrapping things up with these mask-wearers when he suddenly heard nearby:
"Earth Release: Underground Decapitation Technique!"
The next moment Saitama was pulled into the ground, leaving only his head above the surface.
"This… I feel like I've had déjà vu before," the bald hero muttered. "Though I have to admit, it's actually kind of cozy down here. Warm, and you feel like a bamboo sprout."
"You're a funny guy," said a shinobi who appeared across from Saitama — silver-gray hair, a cloth mask covering nearly all of his face. Only one eye was visible; the other was hidden under a headband bearing the symbol of Konohagakure. "Don't resist. Once they're done with Naruto, we'll take you to the village…"
"Kakashi-san, we could have managed without you," one of the ANBU grumbled with displeasure.
"What can I say, I can't walk past something fun," the shinobi said, showing an eye-smile, and scratched the back of his head.
"Hey, let me go, you jerk!" Naruto shouted as he was caught like a misbehaving kitten and had his arm twisted into a painful lock.
The remaining clones were dispersed without any visible effort, and the original blond was being escorted toward the Hokage.
Naruto tried to break free again but only hurt himself, nearly dislocating his own arm. Tears appeared in the boy's eyes. But these were not tears of physical pain — they were tears born from the realization of his complete helplessness. He understood how enormous the gap was between him and the adult shinobi who had restrained him without even trying. He wanted to become Hokage, but a Hokage had to be strong. And he… was weak.
"Let the kid go," came Saitama's cold voice. The young man's blank look had vanished, and the shinobi felt a herd of goosebumps racing up their spines, along with a powerful killing intent radiating from the stranger.
The red-haired ninja in the rabbit mask only tightened the hold, making the boy cry out.
Saitama frowned. The next moment the spot where he had been buried in the ground exploded into shards of rock, and the bald young man instantly appeared behind the red-haired ninja, now twisting the ANBU's arm himself. A distinct crack followed by a hoarse groan rang out, and the shinobi released the child.
The blond was free and, rubbing his arm, glared angrily at the Hokage:
"Old man, stop this!"
The clearing fell silent, broken by Hiruzen's raspy voice:
"Forgive me, Naruto. I can't…"
He then addressed the ANBU:
"Stop holding back — I've seen enough. Capture the outsider."
The Hokage formed a concentration seal and leaped onto a tree. The next moment Naruto was pulled underground, and a couple of heartbeats later an earth clone of the Third Hokage emerged from the ground along with a dirt-spitting child.
"Ugh, old man…"
The clone with Naruto landed on a nearby branch beside the Hokage, and on the clearing below, active operations commenced.
Kakashi lifted his headband, revealing the legendary Sharingan to the world, and unleashed a powerful illusion against the bald young man.
"Huh?" was all Saitama managed to say — but his grip loosened, allowing the red-haired shinobi to escape using the Body Replacement Technique. He was dumbfounded by that strange red eye and was wondering how many sleepless nights in an office it would take to achieve something like that.
The ANBU immediately hurled a volley of throwing metal at Caped Baldy, but he simply blew the incoming projectiles away with his "new wind technique," sending them back toward the attackers.
Some were lucky enough to escape with the Body Replacement Technique; others were less fortunate and sustained minor injuries. But the assault didn't stop there, and powerful Water Release streams came surging at Saitama again. Then a shinobi with silver hair leaped at the soaking wet Saitama, a technique beginning to take form in his hand.
"Get ready! Now!" Kakashi shouted. "Chidori!"
The chirping of countless birds rang out, and the Lightning Release-charged hand was intercepted by Saitama right at his stomach. A few heartbeats later the Chidori sputtered out, revealing a scorched Hawaiian shirt and a completely unharmed hero's body.
Kakashi's eyes went wide. Caped Baldy's gaze dropped to his stomach, and he clicked his tongue in annoyance:
"Hey hey, that's my favorite shirt. You're going to answer for this, red-eye."
The Copy Ninja tried to apply a Genjutsu amplified by the Sharingan, but again got nowhere. And the next moment he was on the receiving end of what seemed like a casual open-palm slap from the bald hero — one he couldn't dodge. Not even the legendary Dojutsu of the Uchiha clan helped. Saitama gave him no chance to show anything more. One slap — and Kakashi went flying unconscious toward the nearest tree, the collision with which produced a distinct crack of bones.
Yet the former ANBU captain had bought his allies the time they needed to prepare their technique. While he distracted the bald young man, six ninja surrounding Saitama finished forming their seals and shouted in unison:
"One-Sided Isolation Barrier Technique!"
From each of them, a web of symbols spread across the ground, converging toward the center. Caped Baldy was curious to see what his opponents would show next, so he didn't dodge. When the technique was complete, a circle inscribed with various symbols had formed on the ground, and above Saitama a violet dome of barrier jutsu materialized. This barrier prevented the person inside from getting out, while allowing incoming jutsu and objects to pass through. A very unpleasant technique even for someone on the level of a Kage.
The red-haired ANBU in the rabbit mask did his best to reset his arm, while the others maintained their opposing seals.
"Phew, that wasn't so hard, was it?" said the red-haired one, pulling a slip of paper with an unknown Fūin seal from his pouch.
"Shut up, Usagi. Just hurry and throw the sleeping gas seal," another ANBU said quickly.
Saitama scratched his head in puzzlement: These guys have prepared something. Looks like they want to put me to sleep…
Still, Caped Baldy decided to drop the games and get a little more serious.
"Kid, I liked your technique," Saitama said to Naruto, "but I can show you something too. Watch this…"
"Hurry up and throw it, Usagi!" one of those holding the barrier urged the red-haired one.
Usagi didn't need to be told twice — well, it was already twice — so he attached the Fūin seal to a kunai and hurled the resulting projectile straight into the barrier. The moment the piece of metal was inside, he formed a concentration seal, and a cloud of dark gray gas formed around Saitama.
The Class B hero immediately pinched his nose shut and prepared to demonstrate his serious move.
"Serious Sideways Jumps," Saitama said in a nasal voice.
The barrier popped like a soap bubble, and seven shinobi were scattered by the shockwave dozens of meters away from the bald epicenter. All of them lay like broken dolls, with numerous injuries, unable to continue fighting — but alive.
The blurred silhouette of the bald young man seemed to split into a row of illusory doubles standing side by side. But the Hokage's experienced eye caught that this was no technique whatsoever. The young man was simply moving so fast that he created afterimages, and the shockwave from his movements was what had thrown the ANBU operatives.
Good lord! Where did this man come from? He shattered a barrier that could have held even a Kage for a time with complete ease… What am I to do with him? I can't enter the fight because of the wounded shinobi and Naruto. On the other hand, there's no particular aggression from this Saitama. Everything he's done has been either defending himself or trying to protect Naruto… By the Sage of Six Paths! I'm too old for this…
Meanwhile, Saitama ended his "technique" and came to a stop. In the spots where he had jumped, a trench half a meter deep and five meters wide had formed. He hopped out of the man-made — or rather, foot-made — ditch and walked with confident strides toward Hiruzen.
"Old man, your people could use some help," Saitama began evenly, looking over the wounded shinobi. "Not that I hold it against you. I did end up on your territory, after all. And I suppose you had every right to come at a stranger. But I'm not going to let myself be caught."
Hiruzen glanced at the nearby medical ninja and gave a signal to warn the other medical ninja: tonight they would be working overtime. The medic nodded and disappeared into the trees.
The Hokage exhaled a ring of smoke and was about to ask something, but didn't get the chance.
"That was so cool, dattebayo. Saitama-san, take me as your student! I'll become just as strong as you and become Hokage. And also… everyone will respect me, because I'll be strong and awesome. And also…"
The verbal torrent from the blond boy continued, and Saitama's eye began to twitch. Then the corner of his mouth joined in, and finally the hero simply couldn't take it anymore:
"Would you just shut up, kid! I'm not taking you as a student. Genos is enough for me. Besides, I'm just passing through here. I'll ask the old man for directions and go home…"
"Yes, Naruto. Saitama-kun is right. He won't be here long. As for the directions…" Hiruzen took a long drag and, exhaling several smoke rings, addressed the bald hero. "Come to my office — we'll talk. There is no city by that name anywhere on this continent. I don't know where your home is, but I'll do everything in my power to find out and send you back as soon as possible."
"Oh… thank you, old man!" the young man said gratefully, scratching his bald head.
I hope I don't come to regret this decision… the Third Hokage thought bitterly.