Chapter 5: The "Boob-Trap" and the Art of the Tactical Retreat
(Sunny POV)
The auditorium felt like it was still vibrating with the echoes of Manabu Horikita's voice. The guy really knows how to kill a vibe. If his goal was to make five hundred teenagers feel like they've already failed at life, he's a natural.
Suzune was standing next to me, her face back to its default "Ice Queen" setting, but her hand was still slightly warm from where I'd been holding it. She looked like she was mentally preparing a five-year plan for the conquest of the school, whereas I was mentally preparing a list of snacks I wanted to buy with my new 100k points.
"So, Empress," I said, stretching my arms over my head until my joints popped. "Do we give the 'defects' in Class D some breathing room until tomorrow? Or are you planning on holding an emergency strategy session in the cafeteria while they're trying to enjoy their first overpriced meal?"
Suzune glanced at the sea of students. Hirata was already surrounded by a group of girls, looking like he was auditioning for a boy band, while Kushida was floating around like a social butterfly on stimulants.
"They need to be organized," Suzune said, her voice sharp and decisive. "If we leave them to their own devices, they'll spend all their points by midnight on gacha games and designer shoes. We need a way to communicate."
We beckoned Hirata and Kushida over. Hirata looked relieved to escape his fan club, and Kushida was wearing that "I'm everyone's best friend" smile that made my inner hacker itch with suspicion.
"Hirata-kun, Kushida-san," Suzune began, not wasting a second. "Collect the contact information of every student in Class D. I want a group chat established within the hour. No exceptions. Tell them it's for 'social coordination,' but we both know it's so I can yell at them collectively."
"That's a great idea, Horikita-san!" Hirata beamed. "I'll get right on it."
"Of course! I'd love to help!" Kushida added, her eyes sparkling.
Just as they were about to head off, Hirata paused. "Oh, by the way, Sunny-kun, Horikita-san... Chabashira-sensei mentioned she wanted to see both of you in the faculty room. She said it was urgent."
Suzune and I exchanged a look.
"The plot thickens," I whispered. "Is she going to expel me for my Gojo impression? Because I have a lawyer on speed dial. It's a cat named Mittens, but he's very persuasive."
"Shut up and walk, Sunny," Suzune sighed.
The faculty room was surprisingly quiet, smelling of old paper and overpriced coffee. Chabashira-sensei was sitting at her desk, looking like she'd already aged five years since the bus ride this morning.
"Sit," she commanded, gesturing to two chairs.
As we sat, she pulled out her tablet and tapped a few buttons. "First, for you, Sunny. The school's hidden evaluators noticed your conduct on the bus this morning. Offering your seat to an elderly woman—despite your... flamboyant delivery—is considered exemplary behavior for a student of this institution."
Ping.
I checked my phone. My point total had just jumped by 5,000.
"Whoa, 5k for being a Victorian gentleman?" I grinned. "I should have worn a monocle. I could have retired by graduation."
"Don't get used to it," Chabashira said, her gaze shifting to Suzune. "Horikita, I'd like to speak with you privately. Sunny, you can leave."
"Absolutely not," Suzune said, her voice like steel. "Whatever you have to say to me, you can say in front of him. He's my... well, he's my consultant. And my butler. And he's staying."
I blinked. Consultant? Butler? I'm moving up in the world.
Chabashira sighed, looking like she wanted to bang her head against the desk. She poured three cups of tea, the steam rising in the quiet room. She and Suzune started into this high-level banter about potential and the "defects" of Class D, but my brain was already checking out.
I'm a man of action, not a man of tea-sipping.
I leaned back, my eyes wandering toward the wall. And that's when I saw it. A tiny shadow flickering behind the frosted glass of the door. Someone was pressed up against the wall outside, eavesdropping with the intensity of a starving person looking at a buffet.
I recognized that silhouette. It was bubbly, it was energetic, and it was definitely Chie Hoshinomiya, the teacher of Class B.
I leaned over to Chabashira, whispering into her ear while she was mid-sentence. "Hey, Sensei. You've got a parasite on the other side of that wall. Want me to take out the trash for you?"
Chabashira stopped talking, her eyes cutting toward the door. She looked back at me, her expression guarded. "What's your price, Sunny?"
"Low, low price," I whispered back, my voice full of chaotic mischief. "If I do this, I get a favor. One favor. If I ask you to do something—and it's within your capability—you do it. No questions, no lectures, and you do it as fast as possible. Deal?"
Chabashira looked at me for a long moment. She knew I was a wildcard. But she also clearly hated Hoshinomiya's meddling.
"Fine," she muttered. "Deal. Get her away from my door."
"You got it, Boss," I grinned. I stood up, gave Suzune a quick wink—she looked like she was about to facepalm—and headed for the exit.
(Hoshinomiya POV)
I can't hear them! Why are they whispering?!
I was pressed against the wall, my ear practically fused to the wood. Sae-chan is always so secretive. She gets a "special" class with two students on the first day, and she doesn't want to share the gossip with her bestest friend in the whole world? So mean!
I was straining to hear even a single word when the door suddenly swung open.
I scrambled back, trying to look like I was just... admiring the hallway's aesthetic. My eyes lit up instantly when I saw who it was. The silver-haired boy! The one who was acting like a Victorian knight on the bus!
"Oh! Hello there!" I chirped, instantly sticking to him like a burr.
I didn't give him space to breathe. I leaned in close, wrapping my arm around his and—quite intentionally—letting my chest press against his arm. It's a classic move. Men are so simple; a little bit of physical contact and their brains turn into mush.
"You're Sunny-kun, right? I'm Chie Hoshinomiya! I'm Sae-chan's absolute best friend! We're like this!" I held up two crossed fingers. "What were you three talking about in there? Come on, you can tell me! I'm a very good listener."
I gave him my most dazzling, friendly smile. I wasn't going to let him go until I found out what Sae-chan was up to. Knowledge is power, and this boy looked like he was overflowing with it—or at least, overflowing with something.
(Sunny POV)
Wow. Okay. This is... high-pressure.
I am currently being subjected to what I can only describe as a "Full-Contact Interrogation." Hoshinomiya-sensei is basically a human octopus, and she is making it very difficult to focus on anything other than the fact that I am currently being used as a human stress ball.
Am I enjoying this? I mean, I'm a healthy fifteen-year-old guy with the memories of a twenty-five-year-old. I'm not made of stone. It's a "seamless" attack, I'll give her that.
"So, Sunny-kun," she cooed, her voice like honey. "Are you going to be a good boy and tell me what Sae-chan's secret plan is? She's so serious all the time, she needs a friend like me to keep her grounded. What did she tell you?"
She started walking me down the hallway, her grip on my arm never wavering.
"Oh, you want the tea?" I said, leaning into the playfulness. "Well, Hoshinomiya-sensei, I'm going this way, and since you're going this way too, I guess we're travel buddies now. But I have to warn you... the truth is pretty heavy. Are you sure your heart can handle it?"
"Oh, try me!" she giggled, squeezing my arm even tighter. "I'm very brave!"
"Okay, here's the scoop," I said, my voice dropping into a serious, conspiratorial whisper. "Chabashira-sensei is actually a high-ranking member of an underground society dedicated to the preservation of rare moss. We were discussing the nitrogen levels in the school's flower beds. It's a crisis, Sensei. If the moss doesn't get enough shade, the entire economic structure of the Class D points system will collapse into a singularity of fluff."
Hoshinomiya stopped walking. She looked at me, her eyes blinking rapidly. "Moss? Nitrogen? Sunny-kun, are you... are you making fun of me?"
"Me? Never!" I said, my face a mask of pure, innocent sincerity. "I'm also working on a theory that the school's cafeteria is actually a front for a secret crypto-mining operation powered by the students' collective boredom. Every time a student yawns, a Bitcoin is born. It's revolutionary stuff."
(Hoshinomiya POV)
Is he a genius or is he actually just broken?
I stared at him. He looked so earnest. He even tilted his head to the side, looking exactly like a confused kitten trying to understand why I wasn't grasping his "moss theory."
None of this made any sense. Nitrogen? Singularity of fluff? He was talking in circles, combining words into a composition that sounded like it should be important but actually just made my brain hurt.
He's a fool. He has to be. He's just a simple-minded, goofy boy who's been spending too much time on the internet. He's cute, sure, but there's clearly nothing going on behind those blue eyes except for memes and static.
"Sunny-kun," I said, putting on my "concerned teacher" face and leaning in even closer, determined to squeeze the real information out of him. "You don't have to hide it from me. I know Sae-chan told you something important about the S-System. Just a little hint? For your favorite teacher?"
(Sunny POV)
I saw it. The "Predator Mode" in her eyes. She was going all out now. If I didn't get out of here soon, she was going to start asking for my social security number and my favorite color.
I scanned the hallway, looking for an exit strategy. And then, like a gift from the gods of comedy, I saw him.
Walking alone, looking like he was trying to merge with the wallpaper, was the one, the only, Kiyotaka Ayanokōji.
Bingo.
I used a burst of energy to break free from Hoshinomiya's "boob-attack" grip. Before she could react, I lunged forward and threw my arm around Ayanokōji's shoulders.
"MY FRIEND!" I bellowed, nearly knocking the poor guy over. "MY BEST FRIEND! MY LONG-LOST BROTHER FROM ANOTHER MOTHER!"
Ayanokōji froze. He looked at me with his usual dead-eyed stare, but I could see the faint flicker of "Why me?" in his pupils.
"Kiyotaka!" I cried, turning him around to face a very confused Hoshinomiya. "I was just telling Sensei about you! Meet Hoshinomiya-sensei, the teacher of Class B! She's been so good to me, truly a saint of the faculty! She's looking for some... uh... deep intellectual stimulation. And who better than the man who looks like he's contemplating the heat death of the universe?"
I shoved Ayanokōji toward her.
"You two introduce each other! Share your dreams! Discuss the moss! I have to go buy Suzune's groceries before she turns me into a footstool! BYE!"
I didn't wait for a reply. I turned on my heel and sprinted down the hallway at a speed that would have made an Olympic athlete weep.
"SUNNY-KUN! WAIT!" I heard Hoshinomiya yell behind me.
But I was already gone. I rounded the corner, ducking into the nearest stairwell, laughing so hard I could barely breathe.
Sorry, Ayanokōji. You're the protagonist, buddy. Dealing with beautiful, manipulative teachers is part of the job description. I've got groceries to buy and a girlfriend to please.
Chaos 1, Faculty 0.