Uta's Diary:
When I first learned that Cain had become a pirate, I honestly didn't feel much of anything.
Whether he was a pirate or not made no difference to me.
No matter what identity he took on, he was still the Cain I knew.
The Cain who pulled me out of the abyss and took my hand, leading me forward one step at a time.
Even back then, when Shanks had left me with a very real hatred for the word pirate, Cain was still the one person in my life I could never let go of.
That would never change because of which flag he chose to sail under.
Later, when I found out he had boarded Luffy's ship and become a member of the Straw Hat Pirates, I was genuinely happy for him.
But somewhere along the way, that happiness began to mix with a strange bitterness I couldn't explain.
The way they lived so freely aboard their ship, laughing together as crewmates without holding anything back, looked incredibly comfortable to me.
And somehow, it also made me deeply uncomfortable.
I envied how much time they could spend together.
Especially after I met Shanks and his crew again, and later Grandpa Rayleigh and the others.
Seeing the way they stayed with their crewmates and companions, the effortless closeness between people who had shared years of their lives together…
I was always so jealous of it.
But the more I envied bonds like theirs, the worse that bitterness inside me became.
And the worse it became, the more I couldn't stop wondering—
Would Cain someday form that same kind of bond with the Straw Hats?
Maybe it started because of everything that happened before the Summit War.
After that disaster, the Straw Hat Pirates disappeared from the sea.
And during that time, Cain stayed with me.
For so long that I almost forgot one simple fact.
Cain was still one of them.
When I remember that, I feel like an outsider.
Even if I'm Cain's girlfriend—or his fiancée—I still feel like I could never truly fit into their group.
It feels like Cain is slowly being divided up and taken away from me piece by piece.
And now that I think about it…
maybe that really is what's happening.
The adventures Cain and I shared only happened because Ace's situation dragged everyone into the Summit War.
Everyone else was caught up in that chaos and too busy with their own problems.
What I received was simply the gift of accidentally having Cain fall into my arms during a gap when the Straw Hats weren't there.
In the end, those days were nothing more than stolen time.
Something that belonged only to me.
A few pages I secretly tore out of someone else's story and carefully slipped between the pages of my own diary, hoping nobody would notice.
That feeling suffocates me.
It hurts.
I know I shouldn't think this way.
I know Luffy and the others have never meant anything like that.
And I know better than anyone that Cain doesn't belong to anybody.
But I still can't stop wanting him to belong only to me.
Maybe that's simply how selfish I am.
Fine.
Then I'll call it selfishness.
Whenever I remember those two times I adventured alongside the Straw Hats, that fear inside me becomes a little more real.
I'm scared.
I'm scared that other people will become part of the adventures Cain and I share.
Katakuri and Yamato are different.
They're people whose paths happened to cross ours along the way.
We traveled together for a while, became friends, then eventually went our separate ways.
Through all of it, Cain still stayed beside me.
Even that lazy glutton Kuzan understands boundaries. Every so often, he knows enough to disappear for a while on his own.
But crewmates are different.
They're people who can completely become part of Cain's life.
People who have every right to step into the space between Cain and me.
And that terrifies me.
I'm afraid Cain will follow Luffy and the others back out to sea and start adventuring with them again.
If that happens, then the life that belongs only to Cain and me will have other people in it again.
When Cain joined other pirate crews, I never felt this way.
So why is it only Luffy's Straw Hat Pirates that make me so anxious?
The more I think about it, the more it makes sense.
With the Big Mom Pirates, what Katakuri and the others gave me felt more like the affection of brothers and sisters.
It was warm and passionate, but we never spent that much time together.
Cain never intended to remain in Totto Land for long either.
There was no endless adventure there that could create bonds too deep to separate.
And with Big Mom being one of the Four Emperors, most problems could be solved by her own crew. Cain didn't need to pour half his attention into taking care of them.
The Beasts Pirates were even simpler.
We were never truly part of them.
Even while carrying their flag, they were still fundamentally enemies.
There was never much chance for real bonds to grow.
As for the Red Hair Pirates, I understand them better than anyone.
They see Cain and me as children.
They also understand our relationship and know exactly where the boundaries are.
That's why I've never worried about them.
Only the Straw Hats disturb me this much.
They aren't powerful enough to intimidate an entire sea like the other crews.
Trouble is always going to follow them.
And because I know Cain's personality, I know exactly what will happen if they become tangled up in the adventure the two of us are supposed to share.
Cain will inevitably have to divide most of his attention between us and them.
That's why I didn't care much when I found out he had joined those other pirate crews.
Those crews would never affect the life Cain and I shared.
They would never force their way into the little world that belonged only to the two of us.
But the moment Cain mentioned meeting Luffy again two years from now…
all of those emotions came flooding back.
I couldn't calm them down.
So because I'm selfish, I don't want Cain dividing his heart.
Because I'm selfish, I don't want Cain meeting them again.
The adventures that belong to Cain and me don't need any other characters.
(Bella is our daughter, so she's allowed!)
Not even Luffy.
And I can't even hate him.
He's my friend.
He's Cain's little brother.
Maybe Cain is right.
Maybe I really do overthink certain things.
Maybe none of this is anywhere near as complicated as I've made it inside my head.
But every time I ignore it, that darkness inside me keeps growing.
Day after day, it becomes deeper.
I know that if I told Cain everything, he would listen.
I'm certain that talking to him would make me feel better.
Maybe I'd even be able to let all of this go completely.
I've always known that.
But I don't want to tell him.
Why?
The reason is simple.
My selfishness.
Because I'm selfish, I don't want Cain to know these thoughts.
I don't want to say—
Cain, forget about Luffy. You don't need to go anywhere. Just stay with me forever.
I don't want to say something that would hurt Luffy just so I can keep Cain all to myself.
Everything comes back to my selfishness.
My own selfish love.
And yet every time I think about it, I can't stop seeing the faces of the Straw Hat Pirates.
All of Cain's crewmates.
And it makes me so frustrated.
They haven't done anything wrong.
Cain hasn't done anything wrong.
I want to smile and accept them too.
I want to stand beside Cain while he stands beside his friends.
But my selfishness won't let me.
Even though…
…
Uta lowered her pen.
The faces of the Straw Hat Pirates kept appearing in her mind against her will.
The things they had once said to her echoed over and over in her ears.
They had all been perfectly ordinary words.
Kind words.
Words filled with genuine concern.
But eventually, every one of those voices was drowned out by a single sentence Luffy had shouted countless times.
"UTA! I'M GONNA BE THE PIRATE KING!"
Enough!
What's so great about being a pirate?!
And why the hell do you have to become the Pirate King?!
If Cain had never become a pirate, he never would've boarded your ship!
He never would've cared so much about these so-called crewmates of yours!
The straw hat Shanks had given Luffy swayed back and forth in Uta's mind.
Those words repeated endlessly, grinding against her thoughts.
At last, the string holding her emotions together snapped.
"So annoying!"
"So annoying!"
"SO ANNOYING!!!"
"Urusai! Urusai! Urusai!!!"
"Uta?"
Cain's voice came from upstairs.
He hurried down from the second floor, concern immediately appearing in his eyes.
"What happened?"
Cain's house had finally been rebuilt.
It looked almost exactly the way it had before.
As expected of Kuzan.
The man could apparently reproduce an entire house one-to-one.
He really had missed his calling as a furniture maker.
The moment Uta heard Cain's voice, she immediately pulled herself together.
Her usual expression returned.
She quickly closed the diary.
"I was just writing a song."
"I wanted to try a different style."
"A song?"
Cain thought back to the three furious shouts he had just heard.
Then he remembered a certain song from his previous life.
His head tilted slightly.
A gentle smile appeared on his face.
"I think that kind of style might actually suit you."
"I'm looking forward to hearing the new song, Uta."
He paused, looking at her with concern.
"But take care of your voice too."
"If you're going to use lyrics like that with the way you were screaming them just now, I don't know whether it'll strain your throat."
"So be careful, okay?"
Uta blinked.
'He's still worrying about me.'
Her throat?
Even she hadn't thought about that.
"Mm!"
She smiled and nodded, her voice a little softer than usual.
"I'll be careful."
Cain smiled back.
Then a sudden commotion came from upstairs.
His expression changed instantly.
He spun around and rushed back up.
"Hey, Bella!"
"You can't eat that!"
"And stop freezing the blanket!"
Uta watched Cain disappear upstairs to deal with the endlessly troublesome Bella.
Warmth slowly spread through her chest.
She quietly breathed out and lowered her eyes, fingertips gently brushing across the cover of her diary.
After thinking about it for a moment, she decided that those words she had shouted earlier—
Urusai! Urusai! Urusai!
—really should become part of her new song.
Then she opened the diary again and picked up her pen.
[Uta only became this selfish because she loves Cain too much. But Uta is going to keep loving Cain selfishly anyway.]
[So please forgive Uta.]
[Forgive Uta for never telling you any of this, Cain!!!]
After writing the final exclamation mark, Uta hugged the diary tightly against her chest.
Then she buried her face in it.
And didn't lift her head for a long time.