Shen Yao opened his eyes to carved wood panels and silk hangings in deep blue and gold and for one completely disorienting moment felt the world fold back on itself — he sat up slowly glancing around his mind still groggy from waking up after a long time
Am I—
The wound on his waist answered the question before he finished asking it.
The pain arrived with the patient insistence of something that had been waiting for his consciousness to catch up — not sharp exactly, more like a deep steady reminder that the feeling of death he felt before was very real.
He clutched his bandaged waist and laid back down slowly
His hand found his face and covered it, as he stared at the ceiling through his fingers while the memories assembled themselves in his mind everything hitting him at once and in detail
The return from the camp. The courtyard. The prisoner's courtyard.
The arrow that had passed close enough to move the air beside his head and happened to scratch his cheek instinctively his hand lowered to his cheek he gently rubbed his cheek it had scabbed by now
"looks like it was treated" he thought his mind pulling back to his memories
The three figures in black moving with the synchronized efficiency of professionals — cutting, pressing, the weight of them pushing him back and back until his knee found the ground and his sword found the earth and he held on because he couldn't accept his death again then—
That face.
He sat up but quickly regreted that decision when he felt something tear at his waist then he sat back down this is time more careful than the first
The fragment his consciousness had been reaching for before the darkness took him — a face he knew, or had known, or should know, hovering at the edge of recognition with the infuriating quality of something that was both familiar and just out of reach. Not from the palace. Not from the army camp.
Earlier.
When, he thought. Where.
The memory wouldn't complete itself. He groaned in frustration deciding to check his study for some clues
It'll come, he told himself as he rubbed his temple resolving to the helpless feeling growing inside him. These things come when you stop chasing them.
As he was trying to clear his mind when the door opened.
The maid who entered was one of the regular morning attendants — experienced, composed, the kind of person who had been doing this long enough to have seen most things.
At first when she entered, she didn't notice anything until she glanced at the bed wanting to sneak a peek of the young master's handsome face but in her attempt, she happened to lock eyes with those deep azure, blue eyes that were peeking out from under his hand that was over his face.
Maybe because she was flustered the tray she was carrying hit the floor everything on it spilling but that didn't seem to bother her. She screamed Shen Yao on his bed was shocked by her reaction then in an almost inhumane speed she turned on her heels her footsteps were already moving before the sound of it finished — fast and urgent
"Young master is awake! The young master woke up—!"
Her voice faded down the corridor.
Shen Yao glanced at the tray on the floor. His ears still ringing a bit from the maid's scream earlier
His stomach that had been protesting since he woke up growled, he sighed "that maid ran away too fast I couldn't tell her that I was hungry" he sighed then reached to the side to grab the tea cup close by turning to the sides he hissed pouring himself some tea quickly then taking a sip" a bit warm has to have been here for a while"
After a few minutes exactly the time it took Shen Yao to finish two cups of teacups, he heard hurried footsteps heading his way and before he could fully process what was happening to him, they arrived at his door.
Dr. Li first — the familiar middle-aged physician, green robes, moving with the focused energy of someone who was exhausted from handling everyone's anxiety for the last two days. After Shen Yao fainted from blood loss after the failed assassination he was woken up again that night at first he thought they were exaggerating the situation after all they were the type who would wake him up in the middle of the night just because the young master coughed once he was still internally monologuing on how he had to have a discussion with Old Shen about it so when this happened he thought the young master needed to change his bandages but the scene in front of frightened the old man who hurried to quickly check his pulse breathing a sigh of relief when he felt that the young man was still alive. He then proceeded to treat the young master telling Old Shen and the young miss that he was fine and had no major injuries except the one on the waist but luckily the bleeding didn't last long so nothing happened and reassured them that Shen Yao was just tired and he would wake up tomorrow but the next arrived nothing happened he checked again assuring them that the next day he would wake up again but nothing again Old Shen who was too nervous to wait wrote letter requesting the emperor for the imperial physician
And that happened to be the young man standing behind face expressionless, eyes cold whom Shen Yao didn't recognize — baby-faced, scholarly, robes of imperial white. He looked, at first glance, like someone's younger brother who had wandered in from a study session. His eyes, when they landed on Shen Yao, were something else entirely. Cold. Precise as if they could reveal any secret in front of them
Imperial physician, Shen Yao listened as Dr Li told him about what had happened
Seems the emperor is going to keep an eye on me
He kept his expression neutral.
Old Su followed them in — steady, reliable, the particular quality of someone who had managed situation similar to this and survived. Behind him Shen Miao appeared in the doorway with Bai Yue and Bai Yin at her shoulders.
She looked at her brother.
Something in her face moved — a complex thing, several things happening at once — and then settled into the composed expression she had been practicing for years.
The imperial physician —surnamed Guo, Physician Li introduced him knowing that Shen Yao had never formally met him — he didn't waste time with pleasantries sat by his bed and worked with the efficient thoroughness of getting a solution. Pulse. Wounds. A series of questions delivered to figure out if he had any additional internal injuries
Shen Yao answered calmly
Physician Guo stood and delivered his verdict — "the young master is fine, the wounds are healing, all he needs right now is rest " at the same time he handed Physician Li a list of herbs to make him some medicine to nourish his body and release heat— with his words everyone breathed a sigh of relief then with the grace of someone who had other things to attend to and considered his involvement here complete he respectfully bowed to the members of the Shen family and left
Dr. Li, who had been watching the proceedings carefully until Physician Guo left, quickly excused himself to prepare the medicine with a speed that suggested he was also escaping something. "I can finally get some rest after this "he mumbled rushing towards the kitchen
Meanwhile back in the room the air had gone silent after the door closed.
And two sets of eyes locked onto Shen Yao with the unified energy of people who had arrived at the same emotion concern. they had a lot they wanted to say but when it came to their lips they couldn't
Old Shen. Shen Miao.
Neither of them spoke and the room quickly turned awkward.
They were angry but not with him with themselves they felt guilty.
They were somewhere in the complicated territory between the two where neither could fully commit to one because the other kept interrupting.
"They have to be blaming themselves after all if they hadn't locked me up", he thought. "I wouldn't have needed to sneak out. if I didn't need to sneak out, I wouldn't have been alone or gotten attacked. but unfortunately, in this world there were no ifs it already happened and nothing could change that "
As Shen Yao was still thinking about how to make things less awkward Shen Miao moved first.
She crossed the room fast heading towards her brother the handkerchief she'd been holding falling somewhere but she didn't notice — because she rushed over and hugged her brother tightly her face pressed into her brother's shoulder, and the sound of her sobs choked and muffled against his clothing as if venting. She was afraid really afraid this time, thinking that just like her parents she would lose her brother
She didn't make a scene of it. That wasn't her way. She cried silently — the kind of crying that is almost harder to witness than the loud kind neither was it dramatic it carried more emotion the sound enough to shatter one's heart
" Brother please don't push me away" she mumbled softly mid sob
Shen Yao went completely still.
I don't— he thought but couldn't say a word I'm not—
His hand moved anyway then slowly and carefully moved to pat her hair soothingly
Once. Twice.
The crying didn't stop. If anything, it was like permission as she cried even more holding his sleeve, the flood gates opened as whatever she had been containing found the crack and went through it. Years of it, not just tonight, not just the past month. Years of careful composure and quiet pain she had been holding onto poured out in nothing but muffled sobs
She reminds me—
A thought arrived before he could stop it.
Yanyan.
His little sister the one he lost in his previous world; she was about Shen Maio is age cheery with a sunny personality but then...
He stopped himself and pushed that thought back.
But his hand stayed lightly patting her hair soothingly
And after a while the crying slowed — she held onto Shen Yao's sleeve tightly her eyes dazed as if she was afraid, he would pull away— and she stayed where she was and he stayed where he was and neither of them said anything because there wasn't anything that needed saying yet.
Old Shen watched this for a moment.
Then he turned and walked out of the inner chamber.
Heading to the outer chamber, it was quiet — a chair, a table, a pot of tea that someone had prepared at some point and was recently refreshed the task becoming more of a habit
The tea was warm.
He sat with that for a moment his mind roaming about thinking what had happened since Shen Yao woke up
My grandson, he thought.
The weight that had been sitting in his chest since the night, they'd found the boy on the courtyard ground — the weight of a man who had watched his grandchildren turn on each other and today finally draw closer closing that gap finally settled
"Not gone but it was an improvement" he thought
He took another sip.
Outside the window the household continued its careful business while inside the inner chamber his grandson was awkwardly patting his granddaughter's hair trying to reassure her
Old Shen seated in the privacy of the outer chamber with nobody watching, sighed in relief as if a burden was finally thrown off his shoulders he smiled slightly as he drank his tea gazing at the sky not a full smile, but it was enough for a military veteran like him who had seen all kinds of scenes before
"They'll be alright ", he thought taking another sip of his tea.