Professor McGonagall stepped forward a few paces, a roll of parchment in her hand.
"When I call your name, you will put on the hat, sit on the stool, and wait to be sorted," she said. "Hannah Abbott!"
A rosy-cheeked little girl with two golden braids stumbled out of line, put on the hat, and had it fall so low it covered her eyes. She sat down. There was a brief pause.
"Hufflepuff!" the hat shouted.
The table on the right burst into applause and cheers, welcoming Hannah to their ranks.
"Look at that girl's expression. That hat must smell awful."
Sorimus turned sideways and said it to Hermione behind him.
"Before I put that thing on, I'm definitely giving it a Scourgify. So Hermione, you'd better be behind me in line. That way you won't have to suffer through it."
Hermione wanted very badly to tell him to shut up.
"Susan Bones!"
As little Miss Bones passed by Sorimus, she shot him a miserable look.
"Hufflepuff!"
Before the applause had even begun, Susan snatched the Sorting Hat off her head and ran toward the Hufflepuff table without so much as a backward glance.
"She's really pitiful."
"Shut up!"
"Terry Boot!"
"Oh, no."
When poor Mr. Boot put on the Sorting Hat, Sorimus could clearly see his cheeks twitching violently.
"Ravenclaw!"
Boot tore the hat off at once, ran a hand over his hair, then... lifted that same hand to his nose and sniffed it. A very strange expression appeared on his face.
"Justin Finch-Fletchley!"
No one went up.
"Justin Finch-Fletchley! Please come here!"
Professor McGonagall swept her gaze over the waiting first-years.
A figure slowly shuffled out of the line, moving almost one tiny step at a time, and stopped in front of Professor McGonagall. He said something to her nervously. She hesitated, then shook her head. Mr. Finch-Fletchley closed his eyes, took a deep breath of resignation, and then...
"Hufflepuff!"
"I'd bet Justin just asked Professor McGonagall to wash the hat for him, but she refused."
Sorimus made sure everyone nearby could hear him.
"Maybe if more of you ask, Professor McGonagall will agree. Hermione, if you end up before me, you absolutely must ask her to wash it. Think of it as preserving your appetite for the welcoming feast."
"Mandy Brocklehurst!"
A little witch walked past Sorimus, trembling all over.
"Good luck, Miss Brocklehurst," Sorimus said with a smile as she passed.
The unsorted children watched with great hope as Miss Brocklehurst went up and said something to Professor McGonagall. First came a look of surprise, then a frown, and at last Professor McGonagall pointed to the stool, clearly telling her to sit down.
With a pout, the girl was forced to put on the Sorting Hat.
"Ravenclaw!"
"This is completely useless. They're never going to wash it," one child in front of Sorimus complained.
"No, if enough people say it, the professor will seriously consider it. Unless you want to attend the welcoming feast with a thousand years of hair grease, dust, and grime on your head, you'd better do your best to persuade her to clean that hat."
Sorimus continued stirring up the children's emotions.
"Lavender Brown!"
"Come on, Miss Brown, maybe Professor McGonagall will agree this time," one little wizard called out, cheering on their latest hope.
One request could be ignored. Two could be ignored. But when the third student demanded that the Sorting Hat be washed before they would wear it, Professor McGonagall finally had to take it seriously. Washing the Sorting Hat in the middle of the Sorting Ceremony was, well... not exactly something that had ever happened before.
And Miss Brown seemed to be taking rather too long.
So in the end...
"Gryffindor!"
Professor McGonagall directly plonked the Sorting Hat onto Lavender Brown's head. Miss Brown walked toward the Gryffindor table patting frantically at the places where the hat had touched her hair, her face full of defeat.
"Draco Malfoy!"
Their young dragon swaggered up to Professor McGonagall and pointed at the Sorting Hat while saying something to her.
"Heh, this is going to work."
Sorimus grinned.
"Looks like I won't have to do it myself."
"How do you know? Three people already asked, and Professor McGonagall didn't agree."
"This pampered guy's father is a school governor. The professors will take his opinion seriously. Just watch."
And sure enough, Professor McGonagall strode quickly to Dumbledore's table and spoke to him in a low voice.
At once, students from all four Houses began whispering among themselves. They had never seen the Sorting Ceremony interrupted before.
After speaking with Headmaster Dumbledore, Professor McGonagall returned to the Sorting Hat expressionlessly and then... drew her wand.
"Wooooah!"
"Brilliant!"
"We're saved!"
The unsorted first-years erupted in cheers at the sight of the freshly cleaned Sorting Hat. The older students around them stared in utter astonishment. Never in their lives had they imagined something like this would happen during the Sorting Ceremony. The newly sorted first-years at the four House tables were already repeating Sorimus's earlier words to the older boys and girls beside them. And those older students seemed to be realizing, all at once, just how filthy the hat placed on their heads years ago had really been.
"Hermione Granger!"
"Good luck, Hermione."
Sorimus offered his blessing.
"Gryffindor!"
Hermione got the House she had wanted all along, the one she believed to be the best.
"Sorimus Selwyn!"
Smiling, Sorimus stepped forward and sat down on the stool.
"Aha! It's you!"
The Sorting Hat's voice rang out inside his mind.
"Oh? You know me?"
"All the 'good deeds' you were doing down there, I learned every one of them from the minds of those little witches and wizards."
"So?"
"So I ought to thank you. It's been a very long time since I was this clean."
"Slytherin, thank you."
Sorimus stated the House he wanted.
"Of course. Slytherin does suit you better. In that case..."
"Slytherin!"
the Sorting Hat announced loudly.
Sorimus took off the hat, bowed to Professor McGonagall, who was looking at him rather strangely, and then walked toward the Slytherin table, where applause was already waiting for him.
"Welcome, first-year!"
The Slytherin prefect and Head Boy stood to shake Sorimus's hand and motioned for him to sit beside Draco. Sorimus noticed that on Draco's other side sat a ghost covered head to toe in blood. If he had guessed correctly, that had to be the Bloody Baron.
"How does it feel, being the center of attention, Draco?"
"If that rotten hat hadn't been so disgusting, I wouldn't have let you use me as your spear," Draco muttered, glancing sideways at him.
Sorimus smiled.
"I want to discuss something with you during dinner," Sorimus said quietly to Draco.
Draco gave him a look. "Troublesome?"
Sorimus glanced at Neville, who was blushing scarlet as he returned the Sorting Hat to Professor McGonagall to a wave of laughter, and smiled.
"No. Not troublesome at all. You're the one coming out ahead."
"Harry Potter!"
Now the main event had arrived.
"Which House do you think Potter will go to?" Draco asked.
"Do we really have to guess? Gryffindor, obviously."
Under the table, Sorimus casually crossed one leg over the other.
"Hmph. If you ask me, Potter is only fit to sit with trash like those pure-blood disgraces."
Draco had clearly not forgotten what had happened on the train.