Chapter 30 Part 1
"Umfuumfmfuufmufufm!"
"Don't talk with your mouth full, dummy."
"Ummff! Mg! Hey—this is tasty!"
"Pfh..."
"Why you, Stu—"
"Now, now—don't fight." I say, conciliatory, setting the glasses on the table. "Today's a good day—and we're celebrating your advancement to the Third Stage of the exam! Kampai!"
"Kampaaaaaai!" Naruko merrily picked up, immediately taking possession of a glass.
"Umm." And even Sasuko, under the moment's influence, produced some semblance of "restrained enthusiasm," joining us in the symbolic gesture.
And then we all drank... soda. Hm—the drink's flavor vaguely resembled a mix of cola and cherry syrup. An interesting taste, and—not insignificantly—the product was nearly natural. At the very least, it was about three times better than that descaling fluid for teakettles they sold in my previous life.
Hm—what? Alcohol? Certainly not! I wasn't much of a fan of spirited beverages before, and in this new life with this new body—even less so. And besides... my constitution is all too sensitive when it comes to degree-containing liquids, and the reaction to their internal reception is rather ambiguous. On the other hand—like hell am I buying alcohol for girls! However "adult" by local standards they may be—no, no—not until sixteen, at minimum!
But that doesn't matter. Right now, we were celebrating the girls' victory in the exam's preliminary round! "We" being: me, Naruko-chan, and Sasuko-chan. Sakurai, meanwhile—owing to his own idiocy and carelessness—is currently enjoying an intravenous course of magnesia and regular bodily-purification procedures to remove the harmful agents. Since his life was never in danger to begin with, the iryo-nin decided not to waste expensive "lethal" drugs, limiting themselves to general procedures and letting Haruno's body handle everything on its own. He'll be suffering for about a week like this, since the chaotic mixture of several poisons provoked hypersensitivity and an allergic skin reaction to light in his system. Well... Tactful as I may be, even I have no justifications for a person who steps on his own ordnance out of carelessness. So, yes—I hardly feel sorry for Haruno. I feel sorrier for the time and materials I spent creating those poison pellets. I hope what happened serves as a lesson to him.
Ah—and Ino got off a little lighter: the side effect of the mixture manifested for him only in intestinal irritation and mild epidermal itching. Best of luck in his recovery.
But that's all peripheral. The very next day, having let the girls sleep in and rest, I pulled them over to my place for a celebratory evening. Why didn't we go somewhere? Having calculated this way and that, I realized with a chill in my soul that a celebratory dinner at a restaurant could literally annihilate my wallet: due to the guests' arrival, prices in such establishments had risen by at least 35%—and that, it seemed, wasn't yet the limit!!! And Naruko eats a lot. Haa-ah~ Girls from Earth would have collectively sold their souls to possess such a metabolism: despite a years-long diet of ramen, Naruko not only shows not a hint of excess deposits but also promises to soon grow into a well-built young maiden. Oh... no—not a very correct example, since at the phrase "young maiden," before my eyes rises the image of two completely unhinged madcaps in green spandex... A curse upon you, Lee, Gaya—you have desecrated these words in my eyes!
"Weell... this isn't bad," Sasuko pronounced with a certain degree of approval, dispatching another piece of fried fish into her mouth. These words tore me from the abyss of tragic thoughts—for which Hedgehog gets a special thanks.
Heh—"Not bad"? The more time I spend with the Uchiha heiress, the easier I find it to decipher her facial expressions. For instance, I can say with certainty that Sasuko-chan is a big fibber! Judging by how much feigned "dignity" there is in her slow gestures—she's, to some extent, restraining herself from behaving... like Naruko. She, on the other hand, isn't hindered by false modesty at all: shoveling it in with both cheeks—so much so her ears are cracking!
Mm—it's pleasant to watch your talents receive praise! Naruko had never hidden before that she liked my cooking—I think I'm somewhere on par with Ichiraku ramen, which is, from the blonde's viewpoint, the level of Food of the Gods. Sasuko, meanwhile—though she kept acting "cold" and "cool"—also couldn't hide her enjoyment of my cooking from me. Still, as a gracious host, I tactfully "failed to notice" the obvious signs of satisfaction. Eh—how difficult tsunderes are, after all! Pity stirred once again in my soul for whoever would have the fortune of catching this girl's interest.
"This is tasty, Koru-chan!" Naruko chirped, quickly licking her lips. "Seconds!!!"
"Yes, yes." I nod with a smile. "Eat as much as you can hold—this is your celebration, after all!"
"Glutton," Sasuko snorted.
"Hey—you're eating it too!" Naruko righteously fumed. "And don't you dare insult Koru-chan's cooking!"
"I never said it was bad, you stupid idiot," the girl muttered under her breath, irritated, her face flushing slightly. Hmm—hope this doesn't come to blows.
"Naruko—no fighting!" I gently wedged myself into the budding squabble. "Here—try the steak. Sasuko-chan—please."
"Umm! Let's try it!" she exclaimed, excited, throwing herself at the new dish. Mm—so good I'd prepared so much in advance (thank you, shadow clones!). "Itadakimas-u!"
"Hmpf." Hedgehog snorted quietly but obediently changed the subject. "So—this is your home, is it? I expected... something different."
"Mm... thank you? I think." Honestly, I don't even know how to react to that.
"It's far tidier and cleaner than you'd expect from a boy," Sasuko clarified. Ou... That was rather stereotypical.
"Hey! Stop picking on Koru-chan!" Naruko immediately rose to my defense.
Oh—it seems...
"That was a compliment!!!" The Uchiha bristled, angry.
...the situation is...
"It didn't sound like one! You're acting like a sanctimonious ass!"
...getting...
"Who're you calling sanctimonious?! Wait—ass?!... You! Empty-headed idiot!"
...out of...
"Get lost, ungrateful snob!"
Ah—too late.
Noise, clamor—in the absence of kunai, chopsticks flew through the air...
"Oh my... how spirited they are~" I murmured with sudden warmth. It seemed my spirit had attained Enlightenment. The Universe became one with me, guiding my mind into a contemplative state.
Ah—Sasuko-chan has become so open lately... She and Naruko get along so well! Yes—friendship is beautiful~
BAM!!!
Eh?
Surprised, I feel my forehead, brushing droplets of fish sauce from my eyelashes. Spicy.
"Well then..." Rising from the table, I carefully set the now-empty sauce dish upon it. Hmm...
5 minutes later
"So—what did we learn today?" I ask, my tone warm.
"Don't fight over trifles." The answer came in a blended chorus of two voices.
"And?.."
"Comrades can argue—but shouldn't quarrel," the chorus obediently continued.
"And also?.."
"Fights and destruction are bad!" The girls answered, seated before me in seiza, heads bowed, dejected. Both looked guilty—and with good reason.
Goodness—I understand that the "friendship" between these two is rather peculiar and that like poles repel, but today they'd crossed a line.
"Good—you've remembered." I smile, stroking their heads. Naruko squinted slightly and smiled shyly; Sasuko scowled harder but didn't pull away, as she usually would.
"Um, Ko—"
"BUT! Don't think it ends there," I cut off, surveying the mayhem reigning in the room. "Clean up this mess."
"But!... / She!..." They began simultaneously.
"Without. Argument." I say with stern firmness. The girls squeeze their eyes shut and shrink slightly.
"Hai." A duet again.
"Good—clever girls." I stroke the girls with a warm smile. Hmm—and why did I suddenly feel like a caretaker?..
...or, rather, a trainer?
Hmm...
After cleaning, we rested in the room with tea. Outside the window, evening was slowly falling; the common folk were finishing their business and heading home.
"What do you plan to do with the next month?" I ask, watching the window with interest. The human bustle is so entertaining from the side. Um... it seems the wind spirits have gotten rowdier than usual, and the twins have started stirring suspiciously along my spine. I think it'll rain. "Already made a training plan?"
"Mm. Akashi said she'd handle my practice." Sasuko answered in a detached tone, leaning her back against my bed. After the shock labor of eliminating the mayhem she'd caused, she was quieter than usual, but she wasn't shutting herself off like before. Apparently, "aggressive communication" with Naruko helps her in some way. A strange effect, honestly—but I can't deny the obvious results. Most likely, Naruko is important to Sasuko—even more than the Uchiha admits to herself. Opposites, and at the same time like twins—they influence each other. Again—they're possible incarnations of Indra and Asura, who were blood kin... Ha.
"Buuu! That sucks!" Naruko exclaimed, offended, sprawled directly across my sleeping place. "Not only did Bakashi refuse to teach me—she even tried to fob that Ebisu-crone off on me!"
"Ohoo~" It's astonishing the girls managed to bustle about finding teachers on the very first day after the second stage. "Well—that's logical: Hatake Akashi is the only jonin in Konoha who possesses the Sharingan. Even if it's just one—transplanted. I think she can show Sasuko-chan a few interesting tricks."
And I pray to the gods that Sasuko doesn't catch Akashi's shortcomings during her training.
"But I got stuck with that nasty crone!" The blonde puffed her cheeks, striking the pillow with her fists in excess of emotion. "She's weaker than me! And her lessons are stupid! I already know how to walk on water! And I can't memorize that stupid chakra theory—it's boring!"
Amm... Wait-wait! Wasn't it during his lessons with Ebisu that Naruto was supposed to meet his godfather—Jiraiya?! And if that event happened today... where's the local Jiraiya???
"Pfh... If she's even weaker than you..." The Uchiha drew out, smirking.
"Ah—just shut up, Hedgehog," the blonde answered, upset, barely reacting to the barb. It seemed she was seriously troubled by her situation. "Mmmmmh!"
"Now, now—don't be so upset, Naru-chan. You still have time to find yourself a mentor." I calmed her. "Konoha is full of jonin—and there are plenty of simply strong shinobi..."
"But they're all idiots!" Naruko complained. "They could never catch me when I pulled pranks!"
"That... has a certain measure of sense," I mutter under my breath. If you look at the subject from that angle, the fair question arises about the competence of a heap of adult shinobi who can't catch one mischievous girl. But again—where did Jiraiya disappear to?!
Ah—it's definitely going to rain, and a fairly strong one at that! My twins, having received an approving nod, had already slipped outside and joined the spirits' massive game. If the water spirits are this stirred up, we should expect, at minimum, several hours of good downpour.
"Mmooou! Damn it—why do I... Oh!"
"Oh?"
"Heh-heh!.. I've got it!" Laughing triumphantly, the girl sat bolt upright with a jerk and turned her shining eyes on me. "Koru-chan—train me!!!"
"Ph?"
"Huh?"
"Well... I mean... you helped me a lot before... so... uhh..." Naruko began mumbling, flustered, as if embarrassed by her own impulse. "So... um... help me... a little more?.."
Astonishing. Naruko—self-confident Naruko—asking for help: though a rare event, it's not exactly unprecedented. But such shyness was entirely uncharacteristic of her. Though one couldn't say it didn't suit her: on the contrary—against the backdrop of Naruko's usual behavior, it looked very cute, and even exotic.
Hmm—you'd have to have no heart to refuse those tremulous eyes. I don't know how the situation with finding a teacher for Naruko will play out—but I think I could look after her for some time.
"Well—what am I to do with you?.. I think we'll figure something out in this situation," I say with a smile.
"Yatta!" Joyful, Naruko falls onto her back on the bed, fully satisfied with my words.
"Pheh..." The Uchiha gave her standard commentary—refraining, however, from her usual barbs. Instead, she cast a brief, studying glance at me, then returned to contemplating the window. For a fleeting instant, it seemed to me the girl's face bore some strange expression—but that was probably just a play of shadow and light.
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