Axel's Adventurers Guild, though it was now down to half a roof and a few stubborn pillars, was still as lively as ever.
"Exorcism?"
Kōichi and Kazuma both froze mid-bite with their premium marbled beef sandwiches, then turned in perfect sync to stare at Luna, who was standing before them with an elegant request form in hand.
Luna had changed into a clean uniform today. There was still that faint look of exhaustion on her face from chronic overtime, but her eyes were glinting with something very much like anticipation.
"Yes, Kōichi-san, Kazuma-san." Luna adjusted her glasses, a trace of urgency slipping into her voice. "This is a request from a very famous wealthy merchant in town. He apparently owns an extremely luxurious manor on the outskirts of the city, complete with every amenity imaginable, even an indoor hot spring and a private wine cellar. However..."
She paused, then lowered her voice as if afraid of disturbing something filthy. "The place is severely haunted. Every night, bloodcurdling screams are said to echo through the manor, and furniture reportedly flies around on its own and smashes into people. Three elite parties have already gone in to attempt exorcisms, and all of them were frightened into mental collapse. They're currently still receiving treatment at Axel Mental Hospital."
"Haunted? What's there to be scared of?" Aqua was sprawled over the table, absentmindedly drawing circles on it with her finger, but the instant she heard the word exorcism, her ears perked right up. "I am the Goddess of Water who governs purification! Mere evil spirits will be crying and begging for mercy before ascending to heaven the moment I release even a tiny bit of my holy aura!"
Kazuma shot Aqua a sidelong glance, wearing his classic dead-fish eyes. "Oh really? Then who was it last time that got chased all over the floor by a few Ghosts, bawling, 'Don't eat me, my meat tastes bad'?"
"Th-that was a tactical retreat! I was luring them into a trap!" Aqua shot back, her face turning red as she forced out the excuse.
But Kōichi had already caught the important part of Luna's explanation. "Um... Luna-san, since this is that dangerous, the reward must be pretty generous, right?"
Luna gave him a professional smile. "Besides the standard reward of 500,000 Eris, the client has also promised that if the evil spirits are completely eradicated, that manor... will be given to the party that completes the request as an additional reward."
"Given to us?! A manor?! The kind with a hot spring and a wine cellar?!"
Kōichi and Kazuma shot out of their chairs so fast it was like they'd been launched. Their eyes practically gleamed with Eris-shaped sparkles.
A luxurious manor with a hot spring!
That was the ultimate dream every adventurer longed for!
With that, they'd never have to squeeze themselves back into that stable that reeked of horse manure! Never have to listen to Aqua grinding her teeth in the middle of the night again! They could even soak in the hot spring every day, sipping red wine while watching the sunset!
"We're taking it! We accept this quest!!" Kōichi slammed his palm onto the table so hard he nearly shattered it. "Who cares about evil spirits? Who cares about curses? In front of a giant villa with a hot spring, all of that is nothing! Aqua! Stop eating and go prepare your holy water! Megumin! Polish your staff! Darkness! Put on your thickest armor! We're going to claim our new home!!"
"Ooooh! A new home! Does that mean I'll get my own room too? I'm going to paint the walls the color of Explosion Magic!"
Megumin waved her staff excitedly.
"Evil spirits? Those invisible, untouchable beings that can only torment people on a spiritual level... If I got possessed, would that mean I could experience the pleasure of losing control of my own body and being forced into all kinds of shameful acts? Ah... just imagining it makes me..." Darkness hugged herself, her face flushing an unhealthy red as her breathing grew heavier.
Only Aqua was still completely off in her own world. She blinked her big eyes. "Huh? There's really a wine cellar? Does that mean there's lots and lots of expensive sparkling wine in there? Then I'm going too! I'm going to drink every last bottle!!"
Kōichi and Kazuma exchanged a glance, both wearing the kind of wicked grin people get when they think they're about to hit the absolute peak of life.
"Let's go! Destination: the haunted manor! For our mansion! Charge!!"
…
On the outskirts of Axel, a massive estate stood quietly, surrounded by dense woods.
"Whoa..."
Standing before the wrought-iron gate, which still looked imposing even covered in rust, Kōichi and Kazuma let out awestruck noises like a pair of complete country bumpkins.
This manor looked as though it existed for the sole purpose of fulfilling every adventurer's fantasy.
The main building was a three-story Western-style mansion. Its white walls were somewhat weathered, but under the sunlight they still gave off a kind of classical elegance.
The huge floor-to-ceiling windows reflected the color of the sky, as if telling of the glory it once had.
Even more tempting, there really was an open-air hot spring on one side of the estate.
It was currently clogged with fallen leaves and moss, but just imagining it cleaned up, soaking in the bath while drinking chilled milk, was enough to make a string of happiness-flavored drool form at the corner of Kōichi's mouth.
"Kōichi, look over there! That huge glass building! It's a greenhouse!" Kazuma pointed toward the other side of the estate, his voice trembling with excitement. "We could fill it with all kinds of rare herbs, or... ahem, grow the sort of plants that really lift your mood! This is practically heaven!"
Aqua had long since run out of patience. Like a child discovering a new continent, she cheered and charged toward the main gate. "The wine cellar! Where's the wine cellar?! This Goddess can smell it! That's the scent of aged vintage! Offerings meant for a Goddess!"
"Hey! You idiot Goddess! Don't go running around! What if you step on a trap or get possessed by an evil spirit?!" Kazuma said that, but his feet were moving faster than anyone else's. Clearly, he was terrified Aqua would ruin all the good alcohol.
Kōichi followed close behind, pushed open the heavy doors, and stepped into the legendary haunted mansion.
The grand hall was filled with the stale smell of old dust, but you could still tell how luxurious it had once been.
A massive crystal chandelier still hung stubbornly from the ceiling, even though it was covered in a layer of grime.
Several oil paintings that looked obviously valuable hung on the walls. They were a little faded, but they would still fetch tens of thousands of Eris on the black market without a problem.
Most importantly, the place was huge. Huge enough to ride a bicycle indoors.
"So this is... where we're going to live?" Megumin ran a hand over the beautifully carved marble pillar in the center of the hall, her eyes shining with longing. "A space this wide... if I fired off an Explosion in the living room, the echo would be amazing, wouldn't it?"
"Forbidden! Absolutely forbidden! If you dare cast Explosion in here, I'll throw you into that moss-covered hot spring and let the frogs eat you!" Kōichi immediately poured cold water over Megumin's fantasy, then turned to look at Darkness.
The Crusader was standing by the staircase, stroking the slightly wobbly banister with a blissful expression as she muttered to herself, "This creepy, oppressive atmosphere... this sense of danger, like an invisible hand could push me down the stairs at any moment... ah, if a Ghost pinned me against the wall and ran icy fingers across my skin... I can't take it! I'm ready to embrace that spiritual humiliation that transcends the flesh!!"
Kōichi and Kazuma exchanged a look and sighed helplessly.
"Looks like the biggest problem here isn't the evil spirits, it's these three teammates who could either tear the house down at any moment or turn the whole place into an adult film set."
Kōichi muttered.
Just then, a strange sound suddenly came from the second floor.
Thunk. Thunk. Thunk.
Heavy footsteps, like someone walking across wooden floorboards in iron boots.
Then an eerie voice echoed through the empty hall.
"Get... out... this is... my domain..."
Aqua instantly darted behind Kōichi, clutching his clothes and trembling all over. "Waaahhh! There really is a ghost! Kōichi, hurry and cut it down with your Holy Sword! This Goddess... this Goddess is going to go buff you all! I'll wait for you outside!"
Kazuma, however, broke into an extremely sinister grin. He drew the short sword at his waist, even though it was really just for decoration, and his eyes gleamed with greed. "Hmph. A mere evil spirit dares get in the way of my path to mansion life? Kōichi, since it had the guts to show itself, let's teach it what righteous fury in defense of real estate looks like! Get up there! Drag out whatever bastard is pretending to be a ghost and give it a nice bath in holy water!"
Kōichi stared toward the shadow on the second floor. He was a little creeped out too, but the moment he thought of the hot spring and the wine cellar, his courage instantly shot through the roof.
"That's right! For the house! For a life where we never have to smell horse manure again! Charge!!"